Suicide Can Destroy Families

@fishtiger58 (30716)
Momence, Illinois
November 20, 2017 8:30am CST
As some of you may have noticed I have not been here for a week or so. It's been a trying week and thankfully it turned out better than it started. My nephew who is my heart has been married for almost 8 years and has 3 beautiful daughters who are also my heart. Years ago before he got married he was dating a girl and was not horribly happy. He was getting ready to break it off when she told him she was pregnant. He manned up and married her thinking he was doing the right thing and was privately hoping things would get better. He tells me almost everything and I tried to talk him out of marrying her. He could still be a good daddy and be in his child's life. But he wouldn't listen to me nor to his mom, my sister. We both tried to talk him out of it, as we both knew he wasn't happy. For almost 8 years he tried so very hard, working 2 jobs to make ends meet and buying a house for his family. He has been working those 2 jobs for over a year now and has had 2 days off in that time. He and his wife have also had 2 more children since they married. His wife also has a daughter who very soon will be 16 from a previous relationship and my nephew treats her like the rest of his kids and she calls him daddy. He loves her with all his heart. She has been in all our lives since she was 4 and we all love her very much. He has such a good heart. He used to be a volunteer fireman and has saved many lives in that role. He went to New Orleans for 2 weeks after Hurricane Katrina and did an awful job there. Body recovery. The memory of that has haunted him for years. He also saved 57 people trapped by Katrina and I have always told him to think about those he saved. When his wife's mother lost her husband to cancer she couldn't afford her house any longer and my nephew and his wife took her in and she lives there still. That was about 4 years ago. My nephew loves his mother in law and she helps in the household and watches the kids so my nephew and his wife can both work full time. As I said he has a kind heart. 3 weeks ago he told his wife he wanted a divorce. A week ago she took an overdose of prescription medication she had. Very shortly after doing that she told him what she had done and he rushed her to the hospital. My nephew thinks she took 45 pills. The hospital said she took a lethal dose but thankfully he got her there in time and they saved her life. She was in ICU for 2 days and is now in a regular room but she is in lock down. No one can see her until I believe today or tomorrow. They let my nephew and his mother in law see her once since that day. I could tell you all many stories of the selfish things my nephew's wife has done over the years, and how my nephew would bottle those things up inside and tell his wife it was ok, or how angry me and his mom would be when we heard the stories when my nephew couldn't hold them in any more. Or how worried we would get for his mental health. But he is a strong guy and those stories really serve no purpose.We all have treated his wife and her mother the same as we treat the rest of the family because they are family, and his wife and mother have no one else. They are the last of their family. We think she is getting out of the hospital this coming Wednesday but at this point we aren't sure. We will know more today or tomorrow. My nephew told me he talked to her on the phone and she is embarrassed by her actions, and wants him to apologize to the entire family. We are all just very thankful she is alive. He told her the marriage is over and it seems she has finally accepted that. We are all hoping that his wife will never ever consider this horrible decision she made again. Death is so final, you can't say ooops I made a mistake, or I didn't mean it because next time it could very well be final. There is no going back. The kids of course were only told that mommy had a bad reaction to her medications, they don't need to know the true details. So we shall see how things go once she is released from the hospital. I talked with her mom a few times and she is concerned about the holidays and how that will all work out. We have all already said we want the whole family together this year and for many years to come. We all want things to be as normal as possible for the kids sake. Of course her mom doesn't want to lose her only daughter but at the same time she is upset with her because she feels like she didn't consider what her death would do to the kids. While the whole family wants her to live our biggest concern is those kids. Except for the 16 year old the others are 7, 5 and 4. I'm hoping as the whole family is that my nephew's wife will come to terms with the ending of her marriage and moves on. It's the end of her marriage it doesn't have to be the end of her life. That's what we are all hoping for.
23 people like this
17 responses
• Ponce De Leon, Florida
20 Nov
Lying to the kids doesn't solve anything.
5 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
20 Nov
And we don't usually do that but this is news they don't need to know at this point in their lives.
1 person likes this
• Ponce De Leon, Florida
20 Nov
@fishtiger58 it depends on how old they are.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
20 Nov
@thislittlepennyearns 16,7, 5, and 4, to young.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (50703)
• United Kingdom
20 Nov
What an irresponsible and selfish thing to do. I suppose she was trying to punish your nephew, and he sounds like such a lovely man. I hope they can work something out so that the children don't suffer.
5 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
I am not happy with her at the moment but feel sorrow for her as well. She has to learn that divorce is not the end of the world and no one is worth dying for. It's a terrible situation especially for the girls, and as this time of the year.
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (122058)
• Switzerland
21 Nov
She did not want really to kill herself, else she would have not told him what she did. She is a selfish woman and wanted to "give him a lesson". I am sue she hoped he would have revised his decision to divorce. She will not do this again, as she has not obtained now what she wanted.
4 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
Your thoughts were my very first thoughts as well, it backfired on her, my nephew is more determined that ever. I have my doubts she will be calm and reasonable about this divorce. She says one thing and does another. I am so very worried about the kids.
4 people like this
@LadyDuck (122058)
• Switzerland
27 Nov
@fishtiger58 The kids surely are a problem, but your nephew should not stay with this woman, she is dangerous.
4 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
@LadyDuck I so agree with you there. Her kids are always last in her eyes, She told the kids yesterday that daddy doesn't love them, thankfully they don't believe her. She keeps up this mess and my nephew who has moved out but owns the house, she doesn't he bought it a year before they hooked up, will kick her out. She has no idea how close to the edge she has pushed him.
4 people like this
@Corbin5 (81725)
• United States
20 Nov
I also hope that the marriage ends so that both your nephew and she can make their lives apart be lives that are worthwhile and free of so much drama. Hopefully, she will come to the conclusion that the marriage should be no more.
4 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
When I have talked to her and my sister has talked to her she seems reasonable. But then I hear other things that make me wonder. I hope it goes swiftly the divorce I mean it's been so stressful, and I'm uncertain what she will do next.
3 people like this
@Marty1 (26783)
• Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
28 Nov
I am so sorry, I have a famous radio/tv pen pal i write too daily who saved my life by asking to talk to my caregivers and the night before he talked to my case manager, Susan, i almost took an overdose of melatonin but luckily my penpal told her how worried he was about me, and i ended up spending 12 days i the psych unit which made me realize how wrong it is to do that. I know have my kitty cat I cannot and will not even consider leaving him. The little guy depends on me! He gets to do what he wants with me thins he would never be allowed to do in somebody else's house like jump on the kitchen table and dining room table etc... i adore the kitty cat!
3 people like this
@Marty1 (26783)
• Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
28 Nov
@fishtiger58 I so agree with you on that, but then i was not thinking right. Before that hospital stay, i had been 17 years without being in that type of hospital, so i must have been bad to end up in it again after so long. I am glad I have my kitty too as he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me!
3 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
28 Nov
@Marty1 Awesome and I hope you two are together for a very very long time.
2 people like this
@Marty1 (26783)
• Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
28 Nov
@fishtiger58 I sm hoping that too as he has a long life ahead of him as he is just seven months old today
2 people like this
@JudyEv (101136)
• Bunbury, Australia
21 Nov
Hopefully she has accepted the inevitable now. It is good that you all wish the best for the children regardless of the actions of the adults, I do hope things turn out for the best for you all.
3 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
28 Nov
@JudyEv That is so very true, I may have to say that to her. Now she is talking like everything will be fine, but to my nephew she is mean and vindictive. It's a horrible situation.
2 people like this
@carebear29 (26156)
• Wausau, Wisconsin
20 Nov
amen to this.
3 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
Thanks
2 people like this
@Shellyann36 (8599)
• United States
20 Nov
That is such horrible news. I hope that the wife can get her act together and realize that the end of their marriage does not have to be the end of her life. She has 4 children to look after! Prayers for everyone.
3 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
Thanks I hope she gets her act together too, but the more I learn the more doubtful I become. It's such a mess and so stressful.
1 person likes this
@JESSY3236 (5045)
• United States
28 Nov
She needs help. Divorce is not the end of things.
2 people like this
@averygirl72 (14059)
• Philippines
28 Nov
I feel sorry for your nephew. It seems he's not happy with his marriage. He got into serious trouble too. I wish they can all move on
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
28 Nov
It's so stressful for all of us. I hope they can come to a reasonable arrangement.
1 person likes this
• Eugene, Oregon
21 Nov
This woman needs counseling it seems to me. What she did was selfish beyond belief, but she has some big problems.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
Yup she has big problems, she is very self centered, her kids always seem to come last. She has to have counselling for the next 3 weeks five days a week. I hope it helps but I have huge doubts.
3 people like this
@andriaperry (33146)
• Anniston, Alabama
21 Nov
What a story! I feel so sorry for your nephew.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
I do too, he has taken so much from his wife so much I would have told her off years ago. It's a mess and so stressful for the entire family, but apparently she doesn't much care.
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (10733)
• Malaysia
21 Nov
yup, lies are horrible
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
Indeed they are, and usually come back to bite.
@DianneN (59528)
• United States
27 Nov
What a sad and desperate thing for her to do. Hopefully, this was just a cry for sympathy. She will have to come to grips with the divorce and think not of herself, but of her children.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
28 Nov
It was a cry for sympathy, I think she did it hoping he would change his mind, but it had the opposite effect. I am afraid she won't ever put those kids first, it's always been about her and always will be. Her mom is a wonderful woman and asked me the other day what she did wrong. I don't think she did anything wrong, you raise your kids and hope you did a good job, but ultimately they are their own person making their own decisions. My nephew's wife is a mess and only thinks about herself and the whole family knows it.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (23239)
• Canada
21 Nov
I'm so sorry for the problems that you've been facing. Hopefully she can see someone who can help her comprehend the meaning of the finality of what she attempted and how she can move on. I'll keep them in my thoughts and prayers, as I feel that that is what would be best here. And you too, I'll say one for you-its the caregiver and the one who loves so much that stands to be hurt.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
This situation has stressed out the whole family. She says one thing and does another. She is very self centered and the kids come last which ticks me off. I have my doubts she will be reasonable with the divorce and already is doing bad things. Like telling the kids daddy doesn't love them.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (20332)
• Canada
20 Nov
This family needs some serious help and support. I hope they get it.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
I do too I am so stressed it's not funny.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (34288)
• United States
20 Nov
I hope she gets the support she needs. People who attempt frequently do it again. I am glad she didn't succeed though. Maybe let her and your nephew know you will do anything you can to help. She doesn't need judgment right now.
1 person likes this
@fishtiger58 (30716)
• Momence, Illinois
27 Nov
No she doesn't need judgement right now. I keep my judgement to myself. She says one thing and does another. I have my doubts she is going to be reasonable about this divorce like she says she will, it always has to be her way. She told the kids the other day that daddy doesn't love them so very very untrue. I could go over there and clobber her.