Should I have to pay for this gift or not?

@Pigglies (9339)
United States
December 10, 2006 10:44pm CST
I've been searching for a long time for a nice gift for my brother. He wouldn't write a list. And when I asked him for ideas under $50, he would not give me ideas because he told me that limit was ridiculous because he wanted a Wii or some other gaming system and what kind of cheap person was I not to give that to him? Well, he finally comes up with a list of all sorts of expensive things. I figured I'd just find something similar. He must have known I wouldn't spend over $50 on him, so he told my mom that I am a cheapskate, and gave her the list. So she went shopping, bought something from her, and something from me. And then she told me that I'll just pay her for it since I wouldn't go shopping for him. I think that's ridiculous! You don't order what exact present you want. I was thinking before I'd just get him a gift card for $50. I don't have extra money growing on trees. Should I have to pay for this gift or not? I didn't ask her to shop for me.
8 people like this
130 responses
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I wouldn't pay her in full for the gift. I would explain to your Mom that the reason you didn't take his list is because you really cannot afford what he wants you to get him. Thank her for getting the gift but tell her you cannot pay her for the gift in full. It is up to her if she will take your money and put your name on the gift or just let you do her own thing. I think what they both did is rude an inconsiderate. I think if my mom and borther did that to me I wouldn't get either of them a gift.
2 people like this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
My mom told me if I only pay for it in part, she's just going to say that I "pitched in" on the gift. That sounds like to me that I only gave like $10 towards it, not $50. I would have rather given him a gift card, then he'd know I got it and he'd still use it, unlike other presents I've gotten him before where he just throws them away or gives them away quickly. But I probably will end up just paying for part of it.
@sedel1027 (17855)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Then don't pay any of it and let her deal with the loss. She can get him 2 gift instead of one and you don't come off looking cheap. You should get him the $50 gift card like he asked. I can't believe your brother put high collar items on his list. Every year my Mom asks for lists from every one and we put items range from $5 to $100 on our lists. People shouldn't be forced to buy anyone a high dollar item for Christmas.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
My whole family is like that, they put very expensive items on their lists. I often just put necessities on there. And then maybe a few things I don't really expect to get. And actually, I'd prefer people picked out nice things for me instead of following the list.
1 person likes this
@soldenski (2504)
• United States
11 Dec 06
SMile - fake smile
No, tell your mother that you were going to buy him something for 50.00, if she want's the 50.00, give it to her and say the gift was from you and your mother. If not, get him a gift card for 20.00, let him call you a cheapskate. Another thing why would your mother tell you he called you a cheapskate, so you will feel bad and buy him something expensive? Make it a 15.00 gift card.
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I like your idea. Maybe he shouldn't get such a nice gift card if he's going to be a jerk. I could get him a $5 gift card if I wanted to be really mean. It's not like he's going to buy me anything. He's got the "I don't have a job" excuse. Even though he doesn't have to spend money on anything, so he has over $1,000 saved up.
• United States
11 Dec 06
Let your mother know that you are an adult now and very capable of buying a christmas gift for your brother, since you did not ask her to buy one for you. Give your brother a christmas card with a big hug and tell him you love him and you decided that you wanted to give the gift of love this year. Do the same thing every year until he stops being so selfish.
• United States
11 Dec 06
I would not pay for anything for a teenager that is that selfish and spoiled. That boy needs to get his head out of his butt and be grateful he has what he has! If he was my kid - his lazy butt would have a JOB and could buy his own stuff! As for your mother- she needs a wake up call too- I think she forgot the true meaning of giving gifts. I hope you do what you feel is right and not give into the bullying!
• United States
11 Dec 06
Hell no you shouldn't pay for it!!! Tell your mom too bad shes out for an extra gift!! your brother and your mother are being jerks. If i were you i would take the money your were planning on spending on the both of them together and donate it to a charity and then give them a christmas card and tell them the true meaning of christmas and tell them what wonderful people they are to have "donated" their christmas gifts from you to someone less fortunate. I can not believe their are people like that in the world, no offence to you but they need to learn a lesson!!!
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I like that idea. Then they'd just really hate me though. The wildlife rehab center I volunteer at desperately needs donations and memberships are only $25... so that is really tempting!
@mansha (6301)
• India
11 Dec 06
I think tell your mother what has happened and tell her why you think he should not get anything for christmas may be you will give him something to make up for it later when he gets good grades or something and donate the amount of present to charity.I think you should tell your mom everything and she will agree to it.
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
She won't agree to that. She's the one who followed what he told her to do. She buys him whatever he wants and thinks it's wrong of me to try to pick something out that he didn't ask for. This year I was going to give him something he could actually use, a gift card which could have gone towards an item of his choice.
@daggi1712 (158)
• Germany
14 Dec 06
i would give the brother....a very big parcel, containing a little smaller parcel with a littler smaller parcel...and so on. every parcel with nice paper. in the last and smallest parcel...he would find a little note.. you are my brother and i love you. and this love you could not compare with any money. have a nice christmas!! perhaps it would be a little awful warning to him.
1 person likes this
@LovingIt (5398)
• United States
1 Jan 07
I love that idea!!!
• United States
11 Dec 06
In my estimation your brother has some real issues. Selfishness being the greatest among them. I am not sure why your mother took it upon herself to purchase an expensive gift for him in your name, I think the clue is in the statement that you would not shop for him...she may have had the issue presented in such a manner that you become the one with the problem in her eyes. I think you should discuss this with your mother explaining your side of this issue and calmly tell her to return the gift she purchased in your name. If she refuses, you can offer the $50.00 you could afford to spend and she can credit herself along with you for the more expensive item. It isn't up to anyone else to decide what your budget will handle when it comes to gift buying, it's up to you and you alone.
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I am always the one with the problem in her eyes. And my brother is always right. If I talk to her, it's going to become, "Well, you have a job and should saved so you could afford Christmas without putting it all on your credit card!"
1 person likes this
@pagli84 (1850)
• Netherlands
11 Dec 06
no, i dont think you should pay for the gift. she has no right to go buy a present in your name and then force you to pay for it. and it sounds like your brother is pretty selfish to expect everyone to buy him expensive presents when they can't afford it. how old is he? the $50 gift card is a good idea, but, honestly, maybe you shouldn't even buy him a present to teach him a lesson. but i know that its not the spirit of christmas or whatever to do that...
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
He's 17. I do feel like buying him nothing now. My girlfriend told me I should tell them the whole thing just makes me sick and now I don't even feel like having Christmas. Which is honestly how I feel about them. I would like to just go spend the Christmas with my girlfriend instead.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Dec 06
I would'nt paay for the gift. You didd not ask her to buy it for you. I would get him a Christmas card and put a $5.00 lottery ticket in it and writte something like "you wanted a game system when I asked you to give me a list for under $50.00 and you just made a list with expensive stuff, so here you go with $5.00 in lottery tickets, you could of got a $50.00 gift card, butt since you want the game system you can take your chances scratching to get enough money or no money."
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Would it be illegal to buy a 17 year old a lottery ticket? If not, maybe I could get him one!
@mtdewgurl74 (18120)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I don't want to sound mean or nothing but it sounds as if your brother is a spoiled brat! And doesn't care about anything but himself and for your mother to take that into her own hands and buy him something over the amount you requested was rude. I would have a talk to her and tell her not to throw receipts away because when you don't pay for the item she bought that was over $50 she is going to need it and don't let them push you into paying for it by letting you feel guilty because you are no responsible for their actions only your own and since she didn't get your opinion first then If I was you all I would pay is the $50 and tell them the rest is there own to deal with. When one of the people in my family want something that cost more than we usually pay we usually gather together and all will pay on the one gift for the person. They might not get as much but get what they want. Next time don't ask what he wants just get him a Gift card and that will be that andd less problems and gripping. But you shouldn't be made to pay for their asumptions. Tell your brother your aren't a cheap person becuase My limit for my brother is $10 or less sometimes. it all depends on what we have saved and have to spend. And the holidays shouldn't be who can spend the most on what and whom but love and rememberence. Good luck to you becuase you sound like you might have a stubborn family. Good lucka nd best wishes.
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
He is a spoiled brat, that's not mean, it's the truth. ;) I haven't even really saved. I am spending money I don't have on my credit card. I actually don't even know what this present is yet that I'm supposed to pay for. Maybe it's some violent video game I don't even think he needs. I kind of want to know what it is before I even chip in $50.
1 person likes this
@wildguy2 (1349)
• Canada
11 Dec 06
That's one thing I find about Kids and Christmas these days, is that they seem to think that when they do up a list that it is like a menu and that they should be able to have everything on it. My 2 step daughters are the same we ask them to do us a list of what they would like to have for Christmas, well...you should have seen that thing...Donald Trump would go through the roof...the youngest daughter had XBOX 360, and Wii and she wanted both, not to mention the rest of the stuff on it...the Xbox and Wii alone would have been close to 1000.00 The oldest daughter, She wanted a nintendo ds, and not to mention fifty other things...we sat down and priced the both lists the total....you ready for this.....$6000.00.....we were just BLOWN away, and these 2 know what the value of these things are...they know we don't have a lot of money...but they still think they are getting all this stuff...between the 2 of them we managed to get some of the things and it cost us about 800.00 for the 2 girls...I just hope that on Christmas morning they are not upset and happy with what they got...
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Wow! For $800 they better be happy! I would have been overjoyed. My brother asked for the Wii and the Nintendo DS. He already has the Xbox 360 (and the playstation 2, 1, the original xbox, the game cube, and probably even more things I'm unaware of!). If you totaled everything on my list, it would be under $300. And I'm only really hoping for one thing. I'd really like one of those vellux blankets. It's been cold here lately.
• United States
11 Dec 06
If I were in this situation, I wouldn't pay for the gift. I wouldn't even take it from my Mother. I'd just give her a funny look, and tell her that she bought it, she could give it to him. If she's your mother, she should understand that you don't have that sort of money to spend on your brother. Christmas isn't a time for demanding what you want, and forcing others to give it to you. That's just down right silly. A gift is supposed to be something from the heart, to show your family, friends, whoever. How much they mean to you. When they go out of their way to try and rope you into something they know you can't do. That's not the reason for the season at all. I couldn't not give my brother something... But that's just me. I really love my kid brother a lot, but I wouldn't let him tell me what I was, or was not going to do. I'd give him the gift card as you were planning, and tell your mother that if she doesn't want to give him whatever it is that she bought from you. That she can just return it to the store, because your gift was already covered.
1 person likes this
@Pigglies (9339)
• United States
11 Dec 06
You would think my own mom would understand, but she doesn't. Instead she tells me that I make a lot of money (I don't). And if I don't, I should take a second "seasonal" job. I want to enjoy my holiday season! I'm not taking a seasonal job just to be able to buy ingrateful people nicer gifts. I only spent about $70-$80 on my very appreciative girlfriend who I love more than anyone in the entire world. And I know she won't be unappreciate even if she doesn't like the gifts.
@BittyBiddy (2904)
• Ireland
2 Jan 07
Pigglies, I had a similar problem just before Christmas that I posted about here. I certainly do not think that you should pay for this present. It really annoys me that Christmas has gotten to be a "Demand a present" season. I wouldn't have bought him anything, and actually for next year we're putting out the word that we're not buying presents, we're giving money to a local charity instead. Some people are so selfish demanding big expensive presents while there are other people who can't afford the turkey on the table on Christmas day. Makes me sick.
• Philippines
11 Dec 06
no, You dont have to pay for the gift, and they have a lot of nerve doing that to you in the first place. They're totally ruining the season by doing what they did. I know you love your mom and brother but they should learn that a gift is supposed to be something out of the goodness of your heart, and this doesnt qualify the category. Just disregard the gift they had bought for themselves. You're not the one who even decided to buy it, so technically its not your gift, well not unless you own up to it. If you still think they deserve a gift, then give them one. :)
1 person likes this
@the_vicar (1478)
• United States
11 Dec 06
No offense intended but your brother sounds like a self centered spoiled brat to me. I think you ar ebeing very generous and are thinking of him by just wanting to give him a gift. He should be gracious and considered your circumstances and be thankful his sibling thought enough of him to get him something at all. I would go with the gift card and let him pay th edifference if he has such expensive taste.
1 person likes this
@sunrisekn (1468)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I wouldn't pay for it. My brother would have gotten the gift card with 50.00 and he could have added his own money if he wanted something more than that. Your mom is wrong to assume that you would GLADLY pay for something in which you didn't pick out. What happened to it's the thought the counts? I have one of those ungrateful brothers too, he either takes what I give or he gets NOTHING!!! We have one paycheck coming in and it's my son's first Christmas so all of them better feel lucky to get something this year!! LOL Tell you mom thanks but no thanks, get him the gift card and just be done with it. It seems like he's not going to happy with anything you get, so let him pick something out himself with the gift card.
@emarie (5454)
• United States
11 Dec 06
first off, he's a spoild brat calling you cheap for not getting him something $300 or more. I wouldn't pay, the gift wasn't from you, if your mother wants to say its from you fine...i think your brother deserves a card...and maybe something to teach him how to give...thats the whole point of the holidays, is to give to others, not to get everything you want. your mother is a fool for spioling him and she's going to raise a very rude adult that probably no one would like. what you should do is maybe buy a small gift and give it to toys for tots in the name of your brother, write him a note in the card and tell him, the money you were going to use on his gift you had bought 'several' gifts for children who didn't get ANYTHING for christmas. and tell your mom, that you're not going to pay her one cent. thats not the point of the holidays. with $50, you could buy 5 or more new toys for needy children.
1 person likes this
@imadriscoll (2230)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I think that both your mother and your brother are being very rude. I would not pay for the gift at all and if your mother decides that she wants your brother to have the gift then she can pay for it herself and not expect anything in return. I would not buy your brother anything at all! If he is not mature and respectful enough to be thankful for the gift that you buy him, why bother? If anyone called me a cheapskate and was that rude to me I would show his spoiled little butt what it's like to get nothing at all! It sounds like your mother has been giving into him a lot and she's probably the reason that he's like this. If you pay your mother anything at all (and I wouldn't) I would just give her the $50 for the gift or let her return it herself.
1 person likes this
@MakDomMom (1474)
• United States
11 Dec 06
Should not pay for that. What your mom should have done was talk to you and ask you if you wanted her to pick something up and you could just pay her back. To assume that you will pay her for it is riduculous! As far as your brother goes, it sounds like he is a little spoiled brat!! He shouldn't think you are cheap for spending no more than $50. Everyone has a budget that they have to live within. Not everyone can afford to by everything. It's the thought not the price tag people!
1 person likes this
@Ambur25 (1007)
• United States
11 Dec 06
I would do the gift card. If you gave him a gift card for $50, and tell him he can put it towards whatever "Expensive" gift he wants. He shouldn't be so materialistic. Many many people can't even afford $50 for their brother. Me for example, $20 is my limit for my brother. Granted he's only 11 years old. But, I just can't afford to buy what "I" want him to have. Let alone what he would like to have.
@banta78 (4335)
• India
11 Dec 06
I don't think your mother and especially your brother is reasonable enough. Infact he isn't being reasonable at all. And your mom wasn't being kind too. I think your mom shouldn't have got her involved at all but i think she loves your bro too much blindly. i think you should go ahead and do whatever you feel like with money you were supposed to buy a gift with. Giving it to a charity is excellent idea and it shows how nice human being are who is being treated unfairly. Besides it will teach your brother and mom a lesson too for the future.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Dec 06
i think id be telling your mother that you never said anyting about not getting him a gift you just cannot afford to go all out and spoil his a**
1 person likes this