How do you tell your sister-in-law that she spells your name wrong?

United States
January 2, 2007 5:44pm CST
I have known my brother's wife for about 10 years. Throughout that time we have become friends. However it appears to be difficult to spell my name correctly. It is on packages, cards, cakes, etc. What am I supposed to do? Why isn't my brother telling her that she spells my name wrong? I even send her emails where my signature is my real name. How could someone not notice this for years? It may seem silly but it really annoys me. I just don't know how to politely say to her that she spells it wrong since so much time has passed. Any suggestions??
12 people like this
82 responses
@Darkwing (21588)
2 Jan 07
What the heck... just out and tell her. She's been making the mistake despite your little gestures to help her spell it correctly. Tell her that you feel it's time now, after ten years of friendship, to get your name right. Send her little reminders around times you think she might be writing you a card or making a cake. Nice gestures from her, but if it's annoying you that she spells your name wrong, it must take out a little of the joy of receiving them. If you don't want to tell her outright, ask your brother if he can put things right? He surely won't take offence? Laugh a little about it, but get your point over. This is obviously making you unhappy.
• United States
3 Jan 07
I am afraid to tell her just because I would have thought she would have picked up on it by now. However, I am still giving her the benefit of the doubt. I will talk to my brother about it and see if he can say something to her gently without me sitting right there. I just find it to be disrespectful towards my upbringing and she realizes I am adopted. She knows how to say my name but just can't spell it. I guess I should just accept it.
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21588)
3 Jan 07
Even if you're adopted, that's no reason you can't say something to her. Is there some underlying fear here, which you haven't mentioned? Doesn't really matter if you don't wish to say, but asking your brother to have a gentle word would be a good first step. Good luck. I hope you resolve this problem without too much animosity.
2 people like this
• India
3 Jan 07
good discussion just tell her that she spells the name wrong whats the big deal with it
1 person likes this
@cheenlly (3483)
• Philippines
3 Jan 07
Just a thought! why not try her ask a favor like You dont have vacant time you ask her to send a package to a certain friend inbehalf of you and tell her that point that she should put your name and spell it correctly. I think that situation is the perfect way of telling her about it. Since in doing such transaction like sending package need an exact or right spelling of your name to be able to reach the recepient. For example the statemant is " Sis please dont forget to spell my name correctly on the package, thats very important...then with a little laugh" so maybe she will have the hint then about what you mean. what do you think?
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
I would have never thought that way. Really excellent answer and I appreciate it. I think I would still feel nervous about it because I hate to make people feel silly for something that they most likely don't intentionally do. However laughter does seem to be a common thought in this thread which I have plenty of. Thanks.
• United States
3 Jan 07
It could be a mental block which doesn't allow her to spell your name correctly or it could be that she just can't remember how so she just does the best she can. I think just telling her that while you appreciate everything she has given you that spelling your name correctly would mean a lot to you. Some people it doesn't bother, some people it does...tell her. She may be embarressed but in the end she may be grateful for the correction.
2 people like this
@Jahnya (142)
• United States
3 Jan 07
My daughter's name is not easy to spell. She usually doesn't pay attention if it's spelled wrong. I suggest you talk to her. It really is only a big deal because you have waited so long to tell her. I am sure she isn't trying to hurt your feelings. I'd talk to her and then just let it go. If she spells it wrong after that just laugh and tell her she got close.
@4ftfingers (1313)
3 Jan 07
She may be the type of person that isn't really concerned with how to spell names, including her own, I have a friend called John, he really doesnt care how you spell it. But the only thing i can think of is to write her an email or something, and in it include a conversation (thats humour or strange etc)between yourself and another person, and make many refferences to your own name. i know this might seem blatently obvious you're dropping a hint (when does anybody say their own name that much), but hopefully if she does realise this she might be too embarassed to bring you up on it. when someone sees something written many many times, it usually sticks in their mind
2 people like this
@Asylum (48157)
• Manchester, England
3 Jan 07
This is something that I consider very important. It does not bother me a great deal of someone spells my name wrong, but I am very careful not to spell other people's names wrong in case it offends. I have asked countless people over the years how they spell their name, just to be confident in getting it right in the future. As for telling your sister in law, the easy way is simply to tell her how you spell your name. I cannot see any reason for her to be upset or offended by that.
2 people like this
@classy56 (2883)
• United States
3 Jan 07
just tell her,thats what my granddaughter did to me.i always spell her name wrong,her name is nioca an i always spell it nioka.your sister in law shouldnt get mad over something like this..commen mistake.
@xphile777 (428)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I have lived 47 years on this planet, and in most of that time almost no one has spelled either of my names (first or last) correctly. And they're not hard names, either. I mean, how difficult is it to remember "Tesa" with one "s"? Apparently for 90 percent of the population, it's impossble. But I'm not bitter. :P For the first 20 years of my life, it bothered me a lot, especially when I was in grade and high school and would get report cards with my names misspelled. I always knew when my name was about to be called during roll call in class because the teacher would pause and look at the list in his/her hand like she was seeing Greek. I'd usually pipe up and call out my name before he/she butchered pronouncing it and then say "Here." So I do sympathize with your frustration about this, and I understand. I really do. However, over the years, I've realized there are a lot more important things to worry about than people misspelling my names. (At times, it can even be humorous). So I've learned to live with my bitterness at the inability for humans to toss out that extra "s" that haunts my existence. :P Maybe you should tell your brother about your frustration and have him observe his wife the next time she writes a letter or email to you. He could then point out nonchalantly that she's misspelled your name. That way, she learns the correct spelling from someone she's the closest to and her feelings are spared any embarrassment that could arise from you telling her. Otherwise, I suggest just getting over it. I have - and I've had the majority of Earth's population misspelling my name -- friends, relatives(!), schools, businesses, employers(!), governments, not just one sister-in-law. Or wear a name badge every time you go over to her house. :P
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Just tell her. Everyone spells my name wrong. My aunt spells it wrong still. I told her that she has known me my whole life and she should know how to spell it!
2 people like this
@pendragon (3352)
• United States
3 Jan 07
I have various and sundry relatives, cousins ,aunts,etc that no matter how many times corrected have the most outlandish ways of spelling my name, I don't think it works,lol.
2 people like this
@Meljep (1668)
• United States
3 Jan 07
The next time you are together bring up the discussion of unusual names. Make the comment that your name often gets misspelled. This may make her wonder if she spells it correctly and she may make more of an effort.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Very true, it probably would come to her mind if I said something about my own name. I am getting such great discussions and ideas. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@lulylove (1561)
• Brazil
3 Jan 07
I think that it is an excellent idea, but believe that nothing it is better that to say it directly, therefore people exist who do not obtain to understand an indirect message. Therefore best it is to be more direct possible. Thus it will know the error and believes that it will try to make right in the next one.
@lucalucky (1840)
• Italy
3 Jan 07
I lost my post here, I wrote few minutes ago but never appear on the page. By the way I write again. First of all let me say that I reatd you + because is a funny post (but I understand the problem). I have only a question. Your sister-in-law is making always the same mistake about your name or she change the mistake and the spelling so your name (wrong) is also every time different?
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 07
She has continuously spelled it wrong leaving the same letter out every time. It has always been the same spelling.
@lucalucky (1840)
• Italy
3 Jan 07
Good post (I rated +) and a big problem. Big not because you have to say to your sister-in-law that she is making a mistake spelling your name but because you have to do that after ten years. I ahve a question about that. She makes always the same mistake or she change? It is always the same wrong name or the name is changing during the years?
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 07
She has always spelled it incorrectly since I have known her. It is the exact same way in whatever form she send me something.
@hamza123 (984)
• Pakistan
3 Jan 07
i would just give her a gift on which there will be present a card.i will write my name on it in the way from....in this way she will come to know the exact spellings.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jan 07
I have given gifts with cards for years now, even emails back and forth and yet it still remains wrong. Thanks for the suggestion though.
• United States
3 Jan 07
Since you guys are not only related but friends as well don't hesitate and tell her how to correctly spell your name. If you have an unusual first name or an unusual spelling of your first name then that's where the mis-spelling problem could be happening. I believe over the years your sister-in-law should have caught this but evidently didn't. Since your name is mis-spelled on packages and cards it is your sister-in-law doing the writing-maybe your brother doesn't even notice. I can't figure out the mis-spelling on the cake if you guys all get together to celebrate your birthday. Good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
I always figured he would tell her if he saw it. And maybe it is just the fact that does all the gift giving and cards and even cake. I know it isn't easy to spell my name but I always have made an effort to let people know. She is part of the family and I consider her a good friend. It is kind of wierd because her daughter who isn't even 4 says my name all the time when I am around and even spells it out to me to show she remembers me. Cute kid.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
I'd probably just spell her name wrong a few times and call her by the wrong name until she got a clue. It really is careless of her.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Jan 07
Your sister-in-law may just be overlooking the spelling as that's perhaps how she pronounces your name. Tell her the correct spelling of your name politely in a light mood. Don't be so serious or angry. Do it as if you are joking with each other; you said you became friends and 10 years being your sister-in-law is really quite a number of years that you become familiar with each other already and you should not be concealing your feelings for that may become worse as time goes by.
@onesiobhan (1330)
• Canada
3 Jan 07
Maybe she's dyslexic. Point it out to her, but don't make a big deal out of it. "By the way, my name is spelled..." I have a hard name to spell as well. I'm pretty much used to people spelling it wrong, and only give them a hard time if they bug me about spelling *their* name incorrectly.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
Hun, Just tell her, I really cant think of anything negative she can say back to you. I know where you are coming from name real name is Brandy and there are a million different ways it can be spelt (well not a million but i know you all know what i mean) and everyone always spells my name wrong, i used to get upset, but i ended up getting over it, cause it wasnt just one person, it was everyone...Teachers, friends, non immediate family...The only ones who knew how to spell it right was my parents and immediate family
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 07
I would just tell her. People have done that to me all my life. My name is Kristin and everybody always spells it Kristen.
1 person likes this