Adult Children Making Wrong Choices

United States
April 2, 2007 10:18am CST
You raise them with beliefs and morals. You hope they know right from wrong. You get them through bouts of the flu, colds, and chicken pox. You immunize them against dreaded disease. You give them proper nutrition to help them grow into healthy adults. Later you find that they are poisoning themselves. You quesion them. They lie. You plead with them. They lie. You cry. You panic. You dread hearing the phone ring. You worry. They lie. You pray.
18 people like this
49 responses
• Singapore
2 Apr 07
Hello my friend, I hope you are not speaking of people close to you... if so, I am sorry to hear that. :/ Children grow up... yes, when they grow up, they have their own lives to lead. They do not like to be controlled. If you feel you have already given them a good foundation in your teachings, then so be it. Other than being there for them already, and being always ready to offer advice and nudges, there is pretty much nothing else you can do. :/
• United States
2 Apr 07
Unfortunately it is someone close to me. You never think it will happen to your family.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
2 Apr 07
I am very sorry to hear this. :/
• United States
2 Apr 07
Children are bound to make bad choices, just look at what wrong things we did as children. We learned from our mistakes, so naturally they must do the same. However in this day and age it is more dangerous for our little ones to make the wrong choices, you look around the corner and there's problems everywhere. In life its our job to make sure that our children succeed in life and make something of themselves. You have to realize sometimes its they're job to do it, they make it they're responsiblity. One thing is important though you have to stand beside them, you have to be there for them no matter what happens. A true loving parent will forgive a child for whatever they have done, and let them cry on they're shoulder when everything comes crashing down. It this lesson that are children must learn in life, to stand beside your family throughout life when they are in trouble. To remember that you have a family they love you, and they are willing to fight for you. When your child is going through bad troubles or bad choices, the most valuable tool you have is to let them know you are there if they need you. Its what we have to do as parents, stand by our children and help them through the rough times. No matter how hard it is for us as parents, we have to stomach our fears and hope that they find the light.
@nicolec (2674)
• United States
2 Apr 07
Will you take the opinion of 'the adult child' side. I am an adult child with no children of my own. Have I made bad choices in my life. Yes. Will I make another one, probably so. But that's life. And they are my choices. I always know when my mother doesn't approve of something I do because she stays silent. She'll talk about anything and everything except that. For example I might date a guy she doesn't approve of. She won't ask me how is it going. She just ignores it until I call her out on it. But if I do something she does approve of, then she's all over it. And this drives me crazy. You know why? Because they are MY choices. And as a parent you may not like them, but sometimes you need to cut the umbilical cord. Now with all that said. Didn't you make mistakes as an adult child? Don't you think at times you gave your parents grey hair and made them worry and cry? Why is it we, as the child, get so much disdain from our parents when they most likely made mistakes also. No one in this world is perfect and we all make mistakes. Be it financial, relationships or career wise. But we become better people for it. And having our parents hold this big gloom and doom additude over our heads does not make it any better.
@syndibee (799)
• United States
15 Apr 07
it sounds to me like your mom is trying to let you make your mistakes and live your life. you say she drives you crazy because she stays out of your bad choices but is all over your good ones...how is she supposed to react??? she's supposed to let you make your choices, she stays out of the way when you are making obvious mistakes and is there when you come back around.. now it's your turn to look at the parents point from what you yourself said, what would you have your own mom do in the situation with you and her? you get mad if she meddles, you get mad if she stays silent? what gives??? as for cutting the umbilical cord..that always happens at birth, a parent will always love their child as their child no matter how old they get...children need to realize that their mothers love is not the mothers attempt to stay "attached" to that child. sooo if you don't want disdain from your parent i suggest you don't show disdain for that parent.
• United States
2 Apr 07
Oh elusive, I know! It is so hard watching your kids grow up and make bad choices. I have a grown son who I have cried a million tears over. It's just terrible. I try to focus on my little ones but my older son knows I am there for him. You're in my prayers, sweetie!
2 people like this
• United States
2 Apr 07
I spent many hours crying yesterday. It doesn't help that I have PMS!
1 person likes this
2 Apr 07
My Mum said to me that grey hair is heredetary, you get it from your kids. This is so true. My son has given me more grey hairs in the last few years than anything else. All you can do is be there for them to try and catch them when they fall.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Apr 07
My fear is that he may fall too hard and nothing I do will help him to get up again.
1 person likes this
@syndibee (799)
• United States
2 Apr 07
i remember my mom always saying, we get harder as we get older. sure you have to completely nurture the young infant and the nurturing turns more into guidance as they get older, but when you are the nurturing parent the child relies on you and believes in you. as they grow older they start questioning the wisdom of their parents feeling it is our desire to stiffle their own experiences. they don't realize we speak from our own life experiences and are trying to teach them without them having to go through the same pain of experience themselves. they must experience their own losses and sorrows to teach them because hearing the truth doesn't necessarily mean they hear the truth. i remember screaming at my mom telling her to let me make my own mistakes, i was cruel to her and at the time i felt it was her being cruel to me. i've been fortunate thus far with my older children now 18 and 20. they have made some pretty sound decissions and haven't closed me out. though i know the difficulty i caused my own mother. being a parent truely is the most difficult job you will ever accomplish. as adult children all you can do is let them know your standpoint and continue praying and let them know that you are there when they are ready to accept you as their parent and not as their crutch.
• United States
5 Apr 07
Couldn't agree more. You can only do so much, then have to cut the strings and let them fly. It's only natural to hit some wind tunnels and tumble downward but with strength that you've instilled upon them they will hopefully always find a way back up to soar in the sky as you hope they will!
1 person likes this
• Canada
4 Apr 07
I believe the reason for this is that when they become a teenager they are so much more willing to believe that there frined know more then we do and that we just don't remember what it was like to be their and covince themselves that we just don't understand what they are going through . They feel they know more then we do and that we are just being unreasonable . The most we can hope for is that we can continue to teach them right and to somehow get through to them that we only want what is best for them in life and that we have no reason to lie to them ever .
1 person likes this
@cardizon (223)
• Philippines
4 Apr 07
one thing. we never owned our children. we are just instruments. we have the right to cry if we think we have failed them or ourselves. so when things get out of hand that we get so frustrated, we ask "why". but they have their own quests to pursue. we are just here to be with them NO MATTER WHAT until the last drop.
@AskAlly (3628)
• Canada
4 Apr 07
I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm biting right through my tongue. Still I guess this is what being a parent is all about. I do not tolerate lying though and my boys know that. I have been fairly lucky with all 5 so far. Not too much to complain about, but the worry is still always there. Just remember, YOU did a good job raising them. What they have taken to heart has been put there by you. They know right from wrong, because you taught it to them. I they choose to ignore wisdom it is of thier own free will.
1 person likes this
@katyzzz (2902)
• Australia
4 Apr 07
I'm so sorry, this is an unfortunate fact of life, many parents are faced with these types of issues.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (24716)
• Australia
4 Apr 07
Keep praying. I can hear your desperation as I've been there as well. There is nothing you can do. You have decisions to make. Do you accept them and what they are doing or do you draw lines. ...make boundaries for yourself? You must never tolerate their choices and they have to know that. You must continue to show the way.
@crazynurse (7511)
• United States
3 Apr 07
Elusive, I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. No mother deserves this but alas, as you so eloquently stated, we do all that a good parent is supposed to and raise them with strong moral conviction. Later, what they choose to do is beyond our control. I too will pray for you and your loved one as that is all that I can do.
1 person likes this
@pengqing (218)
• China
3 Apr 07
Everybody needs o lot of help,either helped or been helped,we are in the process of growth!
1 person likes this
@lafavorito (2971)
• Philippines
3 Apr 07
It's a parent's job to be worried and panic about their kids. Although my son is only a toddler I often worry about his safety whenever I leave him at home with his caregiver and my mother-in-law. After we perform all our obligation as a parent, all we can do is pray and hope for the best.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Apr 07
if only you and the good were the only influences in your children's lives. but that isn't so, the negative is always louder and far more strident than the soft, quiet voice of reason.
• India
3 Apr 07
only time knows what they will do. we are there to hold them so that they didnt fall too hard.
1 person likes this
@unisis (1674)
• Indonesia
3 Apr 07
I know, It is hard watching your kids grow up and make bad choices,I have grown son who I have cried a million tears over. It is just terrible. I try to focus on my little ones but my older son knows I am there for him,children grow up, when they grow up, they have their own lives to lead. They do not like to be controlled. If you feel you have already given them a good foundation in your teachings, then so be it,other than being there for them already, and being always ready to offer advice and nudges.
• United States
3 Apr 07
You try to do the best you can like you said but, in the end that's all you can do is pray. Once they become adult children, you can no longer keep them under your thumb, so you let them go and pray that somehow, somewhere they, learn to make the right decisions before it's too late. Unfortunatly sometimes they have to learn the hard way!
1 person likes this
• India
3 Apr 07
Dude we all make wrong choices in our life time. But we must let it lie and say we r not perfect so we are bound to make mistakes but we must try to learn from our mistakes so it wont happen again.
1 person likes this