Thinking About That Story of The Woman Stuck on The Toilet For Two Years
By pyewacket
@pyewacket (43903)
United States
March 13, 2008 11:34pm CST
All right I had started that article about that woman who had to be pried from a toilet seat for two years and she had literally had gotten stuck on it, and it was only recently that the boyfriend decided to get help for her...after two years! Here's that discussion
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1434225.aspx
Okay rattling in my mind is the WHY of it. What was wrong with the both of them..what was wrong with the boyfriend since he didn't get help sooner.
When I heard the story I kind of laughed at it as it was so bizarre...but I'm here still trying to figure this one out...Both were obviously suffering from some kind of emotional problems...I may have an angle on the woman though--could it have been a real extreme case of panic disorder with agoraphobia?
I'm an overcomer of panic disorder/agoraphobia myself, but of course not this extreme...geez, thank God! But I have heard of really extreme cases. I once did read about a young boy who was so agoraphobic it wasn't just a simple case that he couldn't leave his home, he couldn't leave his bedroom...at all, without panic attacks..everything had to be brought into him..his parents had to bring him in his food, they had to have some sort of "potty" for him to go...sort of a modern day Chamber Pot to be emptied out
In fact I just did a search...one thing I found, was that the Beach Boys' song "In My Room" written by Brian Wilson was describing his bout of Agoraphobia..The small passage says
.."This is written from the perspective of a teenager who feels safe and comfortable in his bedroom. Brian Wilson was rumored to suffer from severe Agoraphobia, and refused to leave his bedroom for a significant amount of time. He wrote this song to give people and idea of how he felt..."
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=3756
Okay so many people may suffer from panic disorder/agoraphobia and can't leave their homes at all...I know I've been there, but never holed myself up in my bedroom, let alone stay glued/stuck (literally) on a toilet...I mean if she was agoraphobic couldn't she have picked a better place to be stuck in/on??
Don't have a handle on what her boyfriend's problem was, that he didn't try to get help for her sooner
Okay I don't want this as a full type confessional here, but this is particularly aimed at you folks who may have had or still have panic attack/disorder and/or agoraphobia...How bad were...are you? Were you ever at one time completely housebound? Or were/are you able to "function" and go say grocery shopping and things like that...but not much more? Do you tell people your problem, or don't as you don't want people thinking you're looney tunes...There was a time I never told anyone about my problem...I don't mind telling people now, as panic disorder whether mild or extreme seems to hit a lot of people
11 people like this
20 responses
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
14 Mar 08
My client, back when she was my roommate, started having some agoraphobia. I finally got her to go to the doctor for it.
Well, on Election day I tried to get her to go out and just as we were ready to leave, she froze up. I told her that I was leaving at 3:30 and that she'd better be ready to go before that if, she really wanted to also go over and see the kitten at my house. She never had to get out of the car, they brought the stuff out to her to vote and I brought the kitten out to see her. I was going to try to also vote, but just as we drove by they were letting school out! I just kept on going!
5 people like this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
14 Mar 08
oh, we finally got there, and she finally got help the first time because I told her that she had to.
She voted from the car, it was getting her OUT to the car that was the issue. She doesn't walk well, and so getting out of the car was an issue since I couldn't easily get her in or out of the car more than once. We are talking about going for a short drive to see wild flowers later this month, we'll see if she has an issue with that too. If so, I'm going to tell her she needs to talk to her dr about it.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
I just recommended this to someone else...Lucinda Bassett's program "Attacking Anxiety"
http://www.stresscenter.com
It's a fifteen tape program (also have CDs now) and maybe could help her...I have to kind of agree with sid556 that you're enabling her...Believe me when I say I KNOW how hard it is for a phobic person to get over their fears...one has to take it in small increments...baby steps...keep doing the same thing over and over and over again...one feels really dumb about it...but after awhile by challenging oneself to go out and do things it will be second nature--she really can't spend the rest of her life having everyone hand things to her like that, then she'll never get over it.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
14 Mar 08
You were both guilty of enabling her. If she could not bring herself to get out of the car then oh well, she didn't get to vote and oh well, she did not get to see the kitten. Not being cold here. I suffered anxiety my whole life. It was the people that did not help me that actually helped me the most in the end.
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
14 Mar 08
You are not the only one that can't figure out why her boyfriend didn't get her help sooner. It just doesn't make any sense to me as why he did not. I mean, if she was stuck in the bathroom, that obviously means something isn't right and someone should come and help her.
However, I did have a bout of agoraphobia where I had trouble leaving the house. At one point, I was terrified of going outside. I literally had to be forced to get dressed to go somewhere. Otherwise I'd never leave. I was terrified to go anywhere too because that meant riding in a car and that was also terrifying for me. Eventually, I got help. I got to a doctor, I got therapy, I was put on meds and now I can leave the house even if a small bout of it pops up again. Sometimes it does but it's nothing like it used to be before and I can actually get up the courage to leave.
4 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Have you ever heard of Lucinda Bassett's program "Attacking Anxiety?" I got it years ago and it has helped tremendously....One of my therapists who I saw years and years ago, and Bassett don't really advocate med use...one of the bitter pills in a way that I learned from the program is how often "WE" are the ones triggering the panic attacks cause we're expecting them by means of anticipatory anxiety---there's a whole relaxation tape and breathing exercises one can do to calm oneself---if you're interested her website is
http://www.stresscenter.com
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
14 Mar 08
That is a really interesting thought!!
I believe you're on something there :)
Hopefully they'll be an update or something telling us.
That would suck to have it that bad. I mean having it would be bad enough - but shew...
And I agree - the toilet??? Why the toilet? Oh man!? I just thought of this - did she not bathe for 2 years?
WOW I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
14 Mar 08
I was wondering if she also had a fear of having a toileting accident. So felt compulsive about staying on the toilet to prevent the chance of having that problem. I am sure there is an official scientific name for it, as well.
2 people like this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
15 Mar 08
That is another thing to think about!!
When I had my stomach bacterial infection it was causing me to have to go all the time and on a whim too so I can see that reasoning!
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
GardenGerty...yes there is one possibility....many phobics have IBS...irritable bowel syndrome where they are literally pooing all the time...all triggered by the anxiety at times--thank GOD I never had that problem...but that woman might have been obsessed with the idea that she would have to "go" all the time...think???
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (51819)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
14 Mar 08
This has really gotten to you, hasn't it?
Maybe the boyfriend wanted to get help for her but she (maybe, I'm speculating here) whenever he mentioned it she would go into hysterics? And being a typical male, he took the easy way of pacifying her by not doing anything? I don't know. What I'm wondering about is, where did he do his "business" for those two years? Was there another bathroom in the place? And what about the woman's friends/family? Didn't anyone there wonder why everytime they called she was "in the bathroom"?
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Good point...yeah, just where did he go to the bathroom unless he went outdoors and did his business there...I'm gathering she probably didn't have family or too many friends either to be concerned about her
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
14 Mar 08
I wasn't going to touch this story with a ten foot pole, pyewacket, but I had a feeling that you would.
Yes, I have suffered from panic attacks and agoraphobia for quite a few years, and there was a point when I was literally housebound. Luckily, I recognized what the problem was and sought help. Through counseling and therapy, I was able to resume a semi-normal life. I still to this day however get flashbacks and have to force myself to step out of my door. I agree with you about the boyfriend. What was his problem? It wasn't as though he couldn't clearly see the extent of this woman's problem. I really believe he needs some type of help also.
Yes, I have suffered from panic attacks and agoraphobia for quite a few years, and there was a point when I was literally housebound. Luckily, I recognized what the problem was and sought help. Through counseling and therapy, I was able to resume a semi-normal life. I still to this day however get flashbacks and have to force myself to step out of my door. I agree with you about the boyfriend. What was his problem? It wasn't as though he couldn't clearly see the extent of this woman's problem. I really believe he needs some type of help also.3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Yes the boyfriend definitely needs help there too. You were lucky you recognized the problem though...when I first came down with the symptoms of it hadn't a clue what the heck was wrong with me...I still have a ways to go before I'm booking flights to Europe...
1 person likes this
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
14 Mar 08
I read this story and I have to say its the most unbelievable thing I have ever read, surely it cannot be true. Can it? I mean it said her legs had wasted away and her skin had grown around the toilet seat! 2 years what on earth? I am just flabbergasted and totally lost for words on that one! Anyway I know a lot of people suffer from panic or anxiety disorders and I think it must be really awful to suffer with it, a lot of people do not understand and think they are playing on things and that they cannot possibly be that bad, but from things I have read and things I have seen I think this is a lot more serious than some people realise. It can literally destroy peoples lives. Now I dont think that I suffer from anything like this, but there is one time I remember, I was going through some really hellish times and I was under immense stress and pressure and one day something happened that got me so angry and upset that I started to go dizzy and I could not breathe, and the more I tried to breathe I could not and I was gasping and going dizzy and it was getting worse, my son started to panic a bit and this seemed to calm me and I managed to get a hold of myself but it was a horrible horrible experience, I dont know what it was but I dont ever want it to happen again.
3 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Certainly sounds like you were having a full blown panic attack that time--stress or "hellish" times can often trigger panic attacks..hope you don't go through it again either....and yes, you're right, people who don't have the problem can't understand what it's like to go through it
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Mar 08
Tell me about it I got so panicked over a crowded grocerystore and fruits and veggies being trampled on that i started to hyperventilate and could not breath so my dear husband just calmly led me over to the tables and chairs area , got us some cokes and sandwiches and just talkedd me through it then I felt so embarrassed tohave panicked over something like that. For awhile I thought I was going to faint. of course i did get some counseling but mine was very mild.
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
15 Mar 08
I would call for help after 24 hours. I think that both are mentally sick or retarded. Normal people wouldn't act like this.
Even when you have panic disorder, you don't stay on the bathroom seat for 2 years.
Boyfriend is not telling the true.
There is something else in this story. Something is missing.
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
15 Mar 08
He may forced her to stay in the bathroom to begin with...we don't know....for sure she need intensive therapy now...
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
14 Mar 08
well I am still laughing about it and thats wrong I just cant picture a person doing that and that the other person didnt get help.
I guess I had a slight attack of this yeras ago where I wouldnt go out of the house for months sent the kids to the store for what we needed and then I thought to myself I aint staying in here no more I love the out doors to much and love to walk So I forced myself out and found some one to talk too.
some consulers and they helped Never had it again thank s for that.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Glad to see you were determined to get over your anxiety Lakota..it's not fun being stuck in the house when you yearn to be outdoors--so can't imagine the deal with this woman unless a very extreme case of anxiety--hope she gets help now
@emeraldisle (13138)
• United States
15 Mar 08
Well I suffer from agoraphobia and have for years. For a long time I had it at least under control where I could function better although I was still limited in things I did. I avoided massive crowds for example. However as my physical condition deteriorated (I suffer from physical limitations) and I had to struggle to get through things with that it was harder to control the fear of dealing with crowds. When it hurts to push a cart down an aisle and do shopping you force yourself to concentrate on getting through that and then if it's crowded well it's just too much of an over load. I can only battle so many things at once. Now my agoraphobia is not as manageable. I pretty much stay at home or if I do go out it's usually to non-crowded areas or I go at off times to avoid crowds. I hope to eventually get better at it but at this point I just try to get through one thing at a time. I've never been completely housebound however there have been times where basically I haven't left the house for weeks and don't think any thing of it.
@emeraldisle (13138)
• United States
16 Mar 08
OH I wish I could be like that. There are times I really would like to get out of the house but the thought of dealing with the crowds keeps me here. A friend mentioned going to a festival next week and even though I would probably like the festival I know how crowded it gets and told her I couldn't. I would hate right now to spend the gas and the money (that I really don't have) to go to it only to last maybe five minutes before having to turn around and leave. I think you are doing great with it and I hope it keeps up that way.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
16 Mar 08
I've been having a lot of problems with joint pain in my ankles which has kind of set me back about going out everyday and for distances in walking...but no I'm the opposite, I can't STAND being home for more than a day or so...it's like I HAVE to get out and be with people...It's almost like I'm the opposite of agoraphobia...maybe that's good???
2 people like this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Mar 08
I think that is great Pyewacket its good that you want to be around people now and I wish I could be a bit more outgoing myself but I am hampered with a bad foot and a bad arm due to a shoulder joint replacement so its a bit harder to get around physically now. When I look back at the mess I was in in my early twenties with those panic attacks I am so glad i am okay now.
1 person likes this
@whiteheather39 (24403)
• United States
15 Mar 08
Sheriff Bryan Whipple, the second officer who arrived at the mobile home in Ness City where Pam Babcock was sitting on the toilet, asked prosecutors to charge Kory McFarren with mistreatment of a dependent adult.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/14/wtoilet114.xml
I hope they follow up with the charges as I think the boyfriend must have had some ulterior reasons for leaving the poor woman in such a predicament.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
16 Mar 08
Thanks for that article...read it. Still can't understand it...a lot of people come from abusive backgrounds yet they don't resort to sitting on a toilet for two years, and definitely is something wrong that the boyfriend wasn't maybe either more forceful in coaxing her out of the bathroom or at least get help sooner
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
15 Mar 08
I was at one time totally housebound - came up with every exhuse under the sun not to leave and succeeded at doing that for nearly a year. I do admit I still 'suffer' - if I can stay in I will, I'm fine in the house and yard but beyond that it really is still an effort for me and I'm very happy when I return home. I really wish I could be more outgoing but as long as I'm home I'm fine with myself. One of the big reasons I dream of making my living online or from home some way.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
16 Mar 08
Yes I was completely housebound at one time too. And yes, we phobics are great at making excuses not to go out. I'm the opposite though in one regard...first I'm no longer housebound..thank God!! And now it's almost the opposite..yes, occasionally I will stay home, but maybe for a day or so, and then I go stir crazy, like cabin fever, I HAVE to get out....maybe a good sign???? My thing that has been hindering me now though, and has nothing to do with my phobia is the pain I've been having in my ankles and feet--since I don't have a car my method of transportation is my feet, so a real downer..and I've always been a walker..some people jog, I walk
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Mar 08
I found that in facing my fear as my therapist advised I finally conquered the biggest part of my panic attacks but I am always a bit nervy in places like grocery stores when they are really packed with shoppers so i tend to go at times when they are not so busy but I can now come and go without those awful fears and finding myself almost unable to breathe. I do not think I will ever be really outgoing but I can come and go now like most ordinary people.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
mmmm...maybe you haven't heard anyone you know mention it cause most of us phobics don't talk about it..I know I didn't for years and hid my own problem to appear "normal"
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
15 Mar 08
That is one bizarre story Pye and for the life of me, I can't imagine it happening but according to these two, it did. I'm wondering a couple of things myself and that is, what were they thinking? and where did the guy go to the bathroom at? He had to use it a few times a day too and she was on it for 2 years! So where did he go? In a bucket and dumped it somewhere? lol ewwww!! lol
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
16 Mar 08
Eww is right...he probably did use a bucket or something when he had to go...yuk!
1 person likes this
@Antithesis (110)
• United States
15 Mar 08
Ah, I heard about this story as well. The woman apparently had a fear of leaving the bathroom due to some abuse she suffered as a child. Like you, I laughed at first, but then it kind of disturbed me. It must have really been a horrible feeling to be that scared and helpless. I'm sure she wouldn't have put herself in that position if something hadn't been going on emotionally.
Also like you, I wondered about the boyfriend. What made him stick around for so long and NOT help her? It's really strange.
I've never suffered from a devastating panic attack, but I have to say...public speaking does give make me uneasy, lol.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
15 Mar 08
Actually public speaking is a major fear of most people so you're not alone there
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18260)
•
14 Mar 08
im just astounded. It has to be why oh why did he not call for help long ago? just no excuses as far as i can see
blessed be
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
15 Mar 08
Well he must be a tad wacko himself
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30953)
• United States
14 Mar 08
I am selective mute which is a form of anxiety. It is pretty intense. My parents never catered to it. I had to somehow get thru my days and sometimes that was pretty darn tough. I did it tho. I think by no one allowing me to give in to it then I was forced to find a way to deal with it. I may have wanted to stay holed up but that was never an option. My goal was always to get beyond it. By doing things beyond my comfort zone, I gradually overcame the affliction. My daughter has the same thing...it is hereditary. I never had her medicated but did always gently encourage her to step out of her box and also to accept herself for who she was. We are both very quiet people by nature. She is 23 now and doing well. I think this woman here must have had people...boyfriend...enabling her. Someone brought her food and drink. 2 years? eww. she must have smelled bad. that is just a sad story.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
I still am dealing with my "problem"---what's been discouraging is now it's not so much I can't get out due to panic attacks as I haven't had them in years, but I've developed severe ankle and foot pain which makes it hard to walk any distances without pain...but I do still go out, but it's like I've gone backward somehow cause of this pain--yes I believe it is hereditary too as I think my mother had anxiety issues as well (among other things)
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Mar 08
Pyewacket I had a mild case of agoraphobia when I was first married and would get panic attacks in this huge grocery warehouse. It would be filled with thousands of people buying the discounted veggies and fruit and they would get so rowdythat they often knocked produce down on the floor. I would all of a suddenfeelthat all these people were going to squish me and I would start to hyperventilate and my husband would lead me over to some tables and chairs. then he would get each of us a coke and a sandwich. After awhile I could breathe again and I was so embarrassed to think I had panicked like that. I think the fact that he stayed so calm and talked so reassuringly helped me to overcome this and I also sought some counseling which helped me to overcome the panic attacks. i have not had one in many years so mine was really mild. I think there are a whole lot of people who have had this same thing some even worse than mine. I was lucky. as for those poor two people I do think they both need a lot of conseling I do not think they should necessarily punish the guy until they find out if he is mentally impaired some way.
@idaantipolo (472)
• Philippines
14 Mar 08
I had this once when I was in the middle of emotional stress. My parents were far away from home working and they were like 2 years abroad. I'm the eldest among the kids, so the most of the responsibilities were left on my shoulder to carry. It was the worst months of my life when I didn't want to leave my bedroom and whenever I getup from bed I really get so sick that it make me throw up. I didn't like to the lights either, so when the sun light gets inside my room I just close my eyes and cover myself with blanket.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Yes I often think when extreme responsibilities that are overwhelming are given to a person it can trigger anxiety problems as in your case.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
14 Mar 08
Well don't you think the boyfriend should have gotten help for the woman??
@wickedangel (1636)
• Dominican Republic
14 Mar 08
I have never had a panic attack (thank goodness) but I know someone who has and although not badly it is still awful to witness. I just can't imagine what it would be like.
I remember when I was younger staying in my room a lot and not wanting to come out, feeling that the world was against me and that I was safe there, just reading my books, playing my music. In one sense it is so easier now for agoraphobics, you can do so much online... plus people actually recognise this fear. But 2 years on a toilet?!?!?!?!? Good grief, that guy could NOT have been her B/F - he certainly wasn't her Friend to have left her in that state without getting some help. Eeeeek!!
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
15 Mar 08
I think the whole panic disorder and agoraphobia thing is a lot more understood nowadays then it was years and years ago when I first had my symptoms...as for that woman's boyfriend there must have been something wrong with him that he didn't get help sooner
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