being a parent
children
children
kids
raising kids
raising kids to be balanced adults
those hairy teen years
I never fought much with my kids..
@flowerchilde (12529)
United States
May 23, 2008 8:10am CST
I know everyone has their own way of raising kids! I'm not trying to start a raging debate or anything..
Just doing a little thinking out loud!
- I was one of those people everyone says not to be.. I wanted to be my kid's friend. And I was! I disagree with the 'experts' you have to be a good friend on some level! Isn't that why grandparents get along so well with their grand kids? Cause they finally lightened up enough to enjoy the kids? I mean why miss it the first time around? I'm not saying we shouldn't have guidelines, and guidance.. lots and lots of guidance. But you know what? If you're not 'the enemy', they'll even listen to ya! (When it counts, and their choices get to be reaLLy important.) I grew up in that generation where everything was life or death.. every little thing was so serious.. My daughter threw her clothes all over her bedroom.. so what? They had rules of course, but it wasn't like they were in the military or something.. if they did a job around the house they got paid a little bit for it, why not? Isn't that where money comes from? And I was never into stiff punishments! It isn't always easy being a kid.. they carry some stuff on their little shoulders already.. and it's worse as they get older.. school can be rather (if not very) dog eat dog!! Home should be a nice place! A place where they can relax, and yes, even be their self.
- It did get a little hairy a couple of times though, son at age 14 started getting some less than desirable friends.. wanted to become a big gang member.. But he went through this in little town usa, while I was there to intervene and yes, this time fight, and the lectures were longer than usual! .. rather than his dabbling in it later in one of the big cities or even larger towns.. And now he's into camping and fishing, and his friends are local farm boys/men I should say (he's now 27 and a good worker, though he didn't start out that way when still in his teens, but no I didn't nag him about it, he just had less money!. I wasn't about to have a son that was unable to get up and go to work unless mummy woke him up!).. I'm not saying my kids' lives are perfect, not by a long shot. But my parents were so strict I'm lucky I didn't get killed in one way or another when I finally got out into the world, cause I didn't have a clue about anything. Three of us kids moved far away and the other two are very dependent upon mom and dad, not easily able to make decisions and be independent even in their late 40's.
- What kind of parent are/were you? Or, what about your parents? Were they the gestapo or were they good and balanced parents?
Just doing a little thinking out loud!
- I was one of those people everyone says not to be.. I wanted to be my kid's friend. And I was! I disagree with the 'experts' you have to be a good friend on some level! Isn't that why grandparents get along so well with their grand kids? Cause they finally lightened up enough to enjoy the kids? I mean why miss it the first time around? I'm not saying we shouldn't have guidelines, and guidance.. lots and lots of guidance. But you know what? If you're not 'the enemy', they'll even listen to ya! (When it counts, and their choices get to be reaLLy important.) I grew up in that generation where everything was life or death.. every little thing was so serious.. My daughter threw her clothes all over her bedroom.. so what? They had rules of course, but it wasn't like they were in the military or something.. if they did a job around the house they got paid a little bit for it, why not? Isn't that where money comes from? And I was never into stiff punishments! It isn't always easy being a kid.. they carry some stuff on their little shoulders already.. and it's worse as they get older.. school can be rather (if not very) dog eat dog!! Home should be a nice place! A place where they can relax, and yes, even be their self.
- It did get a little hairy a couple of times though, son at age 14 started getting some less than desirable friends.. wanted to become a big gang member.. But he went through this in little town usa, while I was there to intervene and yes, this time fight, and the lectures were longer than usual! .. rather than his dabbling in it later in one of the big cities or even larger towns.. And now he's into camping and fishing, and his friends are local farm boys/men I should say (he's now 27 and a good worker, though he didn't start out that way when still in his teens, but no I didn't nag him about it, he just had less money!. I wasn't about to have a son that was unable to get up and go to work unless mummy woke him up!).. I'm not saying my kids' lives are perfect, not by a long shot. But my parents were so strict I'm lucky I didn't get killed in one way or another when I finally got out into the world, cause I didn't have a clue about anything. Three of us kids moved far away and the other two are very dependent upon mom and dad, not easily able to make decisions and be independent even in their late 40's.
- What kind of parent are/were you? Or, what about your parents? Were they the gestapo or were they good and balanced parents?
2 people like this
8 responses
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
23 May 08
I remeber dad giving me a good spanking for something I did. but then other than that I was left pretty much to my own oh I had chores to do to get my spending money but that was no big deal I didnt get rewarded for a good report card like some kids do know . I was always a freind to my kids they had no problem that they couldnt come to me with and stil do today . But to our life was different we moved so much that they didnt get into any big group of kids they had friends but the friends always came to our house or I would really have toknow the parents to let them go to someone elses house.
and yup they had chores too.
3 people like this
@Jakesnake1978 (1380)
• United States
27 May 08
That is always great to learn certain stuff the hard way. Right? Well, if you take off without any knowledge at all. Hey, guess what? You would get grounded. Right? Because your parents would wonder where you are and all that jazz. What if you never returned at all? I would feel bad for you. I used to get all that great stuff to learn from. If you work within home you would get something great. Right?
1 person likes this
@john3l6 (187)
• United States
24 May 08
My mom was loving and strict. There weren't many times I got whipped but I do remember some good old fashion butt beatings. But they always seemed to be balanced with the time she spent with us playing games and just talking and sharing time. I knew she loved me. My father would verbally discipline us he wasn't allowed to hit us because he would hit so hard that he left bruises. He worked weird and long hours so the balance of love wasn't there either.
I haven't achieved the perfect balance of discipline and loving attention. I did my best. I did do the spanking thing which now I regret especially when I see my daughter discipline the grand kids with a smack. I wish we could see ourselves when we act this way ... maybe there wouldn't be such a thing as spankings.
Its hard to find the right discipline for each child. What works with one could have devastating effects on another. I am a child of the 50's and corporal punishment was the correct way to discipline back then.
2 people like this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
27 May 08
..sometimes it seems like my daughter whips her daughter with her words.. and she can seem to go on for a long time, and at such a time, I almost think it would be more merciful to give her a swat on the butt!
@slickcut (8140)
• United States
23 May 08
Well my kids were brought up with guidelines...They got whippings when needed ,talked to and punished when needed...They were always able to talk to me about things,however they were to do it with respect,no back talking..I was their mother and i did set some rules and they had chores...One thing their rooms were to be kept decent,i mean not perfect but they hung their cloths up...They came home,changed their cloths,did their homework and then they could go play...the boys took out the trash...I had 5 children and no dishwasher back then.i would fix a nice meal and two of the children would do the dishes,one washed,on dried,the next night the other two did the dishes,my youngest was the baby,so they all catered to her..I did all the washing and house cleaning and they kelp their rooms.I changed the sheets and stuff but they grew up to be pretty good kids.They have jobs and do well...They would get an allowance,and they could spend it however they chose..I think that we were fairly strick but not military....
2 people like this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
23 May 08
my parents were strict but not gestapo as I always knew
why they were strict but I raised my children in a
much more lenient way and my son has turned out
to be a fine,independent hard working man with good
morals and a sense of responsiblilty. I disciplined
without whipping or beating but with consistency and
I listened to him and I respected him for his being
my son. I think its so important to respect your kids.
2 people like this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
29 May 08
So true! Parents should consider a bit, what kind of relationship they want to have with their kids when they are grown.. If we disrespect them as children, they just may disrespect us when they are adults..
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
23 May 08
My parents were gestapo and I rebelled. I wasn't close to them until recently and have made several mistakes in my adult life because I felt alienated from my parents and had no one else to turn to since I was the oldest child. I raised my kids in a style similar to yours. To this day I am close with all four of them, ranging in age from 30 to 17, and they will tell you that I am a great mom and that they could always talk to me and count on me. They will also tell you that, to this day, they are all afraid of me. lol.. Not in a mean, abusive way but they know that if they do something terribly wrong or act in such a way that I finally do lose my temper, watch out, because they are going to get an earful and I can go on and on and on.
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
23 May 08
..that's a talent mothers need to have! I also like to be queen of the "slide in the to the point scathing remark" when I can. Not really!
But I am real good at getting the perfect point in there if it's needed!
But I am real good at getting the perfect point in there if it's needed!1 person likes this
@armandojapitana (391)
• Philippines
24 May 08
I'm a new father of a 8th month daugther. I like the thought of never fought with my daughter, but if it is necessary you can not help it. But as a child I'd like to be her best friend that she can count on so that as she grew, she can open up anything under the sun.
@mansha (6298)
• India
29 May 08
I think you are right. I am very easy with my kids accept when it comes to doing there homework and exam prepration. I tell them do whatever you feel like but study for just two hour in a day and thats enough for me. While my hubby has een raised in a very strict and conservatie environment so mostly its tension in air when its time for him to come home. We all watch out for what mood he is in? I wish he could relax around kids too but he is very reserved and I feel misses out on the fun time I share with my kids.
@Jakesnake1978 (1380)
• United States
27 May 08
Yeah, parents should never have any problems with their kids at all. If kids start to fight with their parents, it becomes an issue that I never want to see at all. And parents have to deal with that. Parents oughtta teach children great stuff. Yeah, kids need lots and lots of guidance before moving on with their daily lives. Right? If kids fight with their parents, there will be certain consequences. And parents need to calmly speak to them about those important things. I know there are disagreements among families. If a child disappears mysteriously without the parents' knowledge, chances are that he/she will never return at all. And parents have to report that. Right?
