I'm the mother! Do what I say!

I think the grandfather needs to mind his own business. It is not as if anyone were harming the boys. They are learning to use the bathroom. Pull-ups only hinder that because it feels like they have a diaper on. At this point, they are just used to going in the diaper without thinking about it. It sounds as if he was doing well without underwear. This is what we did with my boys as well. It worked better than anything else. They were trained in no time using this method.
It must have been awful and confusing for your little boy to be caught in the middle.

I do not know how you restrain yourself from smashing FIL's face in! Except for the fact that you'd go to jail and he'd get his way and raise your kids.
I think the grandparents can lend guidance and assistance when it is asked for. Otherwise, they need to butt out. They had their chance to raise their own children. These are not his children, they are yours. Yours should be the ultimate authority and word. These are your children and they should be toilet trained in the way that you choose.
Grandparents and other in-laws can give opinions and advice, but you are under no obligation to take it.
My FIL helped ruin my stepson. I didn't have any authority or voice as "just the stepmother". Now I am stuck paying for it with a 21 year old moocher sponging off of me. But that is a whole other topic.

I don't know how you do it. I would be cussing some people out for sure! You must bite your tongue alot!

Why did he think he needed a darn diaper on anyway? You were doing FINE showing how to be potty trained-- and throwing a diaper on him, surely isn't going to make him learn faster!

I think they need to mind their business.
And I'm a firm believe that YOU should have more of a say over your children, unless of course you are abusing them in some way. But OMG you are doing the right things!
I'm sorry you have to go through this all of the time.

Gosh! This is just sad. My grandfather lives with us and he minds his own business. Not that he doesn't know what should be done during situations, he does gives pieces of advice every now and then but of course all of which are warranted. My mom or my dad or us, asked for it. He never butt in other people's conversation even if he knows a lot about the topic. He's that polite.

Anyways, I always respect my Grandpa. I'm sure my grandparents know enough parenting that's why they were able to raise people like my Mom who's beautiful in and out. But they should also know their limits. They had their chance on parenting, now is the chance for their children to learn it.

I mean, grandparents may have ideas or things to say or suggest about things like that but their ideas may be obsolete and may not work nowadays. Parents know what's best for their children, your Dad should have realized that. He shouldn't keep on defying all your knowledge as a Mom since it is not doing anything harm to the children, in fact, it is for a good cause. Grandparents do have the tendency to make things easier to their grandchildren and tend to spoil them more. That shouldn't be the case. You're the Mom, make your Dad acknowledge that fact.

But it would really be bad for the children to see their grandparents walking out of their lives because of the fighting. So I suggest you talk to your Dad and make him understand. Let him know that you're open to ideas, his ideas and will certainly consider doing things his way after seeing if its really what's best for the children. But also, he must learn to respect your right as a Mother. He raised you to become a good person for God's sake! He should learn to trust your judgment. But well, if he prefers to do it his way all the time, I think it's high time to keep his hands off your children.

If you tell your child to do something, no one else should come along, not even the grandparents, and tell your child to do something else. This only confuses the child, and he don't know who to listen to.

Firstly let me say that even being a parent myself and having had the same issues with my MIL for 10yrs, I am with you on this and neutrally. 5yrs is way to big for potty training, he should have learned it at least 2 or 3 years back and I think even grandparents will agree on this.
Now as to parents/grandparents conflict…I have it everyday. For the past 10yrs it was my MIL who (to be fair to her and acknowledge my debt to her) brought up my son while I worked at office and this was since he was only 2 months old. So you can very well understand that I have not been able to bring up my son the way I wanted. Some issues were OK, most were not. Things came to such that midway through, we stopped talking to each other directly and the moment I stepped home from office, she would cut herself off from her grandson.
Now I live separately but the story is the same. Now my son stays with my mom during the day and its more difficult now as the my mom’s regular response is ‘after taking care of you all these years, do I need to learn from you how to look after a child’

Do you think that parents and grandparents can sucessfully raise children together?

- Hhmm I think it would depend on the parents, grandparents, how they get along and whether or not the communication and respect is there....

Who should have more say over things...the grandparents with more experience or the actual parents who have different ideas that may be better or may not be.

- The parents of course..though the opinions of the grandparents could of course be taken into consideration the bottomline is IMO the parents have final say and it should be respected...

Do you think parents have the right keep their children away from grandparents if there are constant battles and undermining?

- damn skippy I do!! Especially when it comes to the grandparents over-riding the parents rules, wishes and methods....that can become a SERIOUS issue later on and cause more damage than many ppl care to admit

Hi foxy,

That is totally hard for you...I appreciate your training for your boy since at 3, I am sure when it will be a consistent training, he will live to used it..
ALway and very common that in-laws or grandparents will always ruin it..LOL! I heard lots of friend complaining about it and it will really confuse the child..

If I am in the situation, I will talk to my in-laws my purpose and I want them to support me..I will let them understand about it and I need to train my child before it's too late as well as I need them to respect my word since I am the mother..I will tell them I am open to any suggestions as long as when I am implementing any strategy for my kids, they don't need to do the other way around!

you have GOT to get away form these people! Before they can screw your kids up any more then they already have. YOU are the mother, bottom line. Anybody who can't respect that has no business being near your children.

I'm surprised it hasn't gotten to the stage where you just want to turn around and punch their lights out (sorry to say). Meddling Grandparents aargh I don't know how you do it and still stay sane in that house. I really feel for you and your kids.

You and your hubby have the only say in how you raise your kids. Of course the Grandparents can offer advice when asked for it, other than that, they ought to sit back and let you take charge and be their parent.

Living with the inlaws has gotten worse for all of you, and the only way it will get better is when you leave and find your own home (and I know that isn't easy for you to do right now).

I didn't get along with my FIL when we moved in with him at his parents house in Samoa. We got along fine at the beginning, but not long after we clashed. He started dictating what we should do with our son and it got to the stage where I just about had enough. We moved out and got our own place, but I NEVER stopped our son from seeing him. Just because we have differences, I wasn't going to stop him from seeing his only Grandson. Our relationship got better after that and its fine to this day.