Second Childhood

When I was 16, my Grandparents were in their mid 80's and lived with us on the farm. My Grandfather had been a farmer all his life and was suffering from Atherosclerosis. His mind was quite mixed up but he was able to do such things as dress himself, eat meals with the family, and carry on a conversation about his life as a farmer. One of the things he sometimes did, was to get up from the breakfast table and announce that he was going home. When he was a boy he had lived some miles from our place, and he often talked about his life there. Grandpa had a strong mind and once made up, there was no changing it. My mother would signal to me to keep a watch on Grandpa as he walked down the road towards his childhood home. I'd wait until he turned the bend in the road, and then take Dad's car and drive along until I came to Grandpa walking steadfastly down the road. I'd pull up beside him, reach across the seat and throw open the car door. "Hi Grandpa! I'd say, " How would you like a ride?" Grandpa would slide in beside me, and we'd proceed slowly along. Then I'd say, What a Great crop of wheat that is!" and Grandpa would agree. AS we turned the corner towards home, he would mention that it was time all the spring crops were planted. As we pulled into our drive, I would agree with him, and that was it for another busy morning.

My grandmother is suffering from dementia and she lives in a nursing home. I have always had a very close relationship to her, and it has been hard to see her illness get worse. In the beginning I didn't want to see it, and I was lying to myself, pretending that her problems were less serious than they actually were. She used to live in an apartment by herself, but she couldn't stay there, because she just left sometimes and she couldn't find her way back to the apartment. One day she almost burned down the kitchen, and we were all very worried about her and her safety, so we had to find a nursing home for her. I love her very, very much and I very happy that she still remembers who I am.

i was at a nursing home yesterday and noticed how many older women had dolls and stuffies with them! my father in law has been diagnosed with altzheimers as well and i am noticing this to be true. sometimes he acts like a 7 year old.

One of my grandmothers...she had what they called hardening of the arteries....she lived in the past and thought when we went to see her that we had come by horse and buggy.....It was sad to never know the woman she really was....the only memories I have of her are her being in an institution....and laying in a room that was dark. That was so many years ago....I know her life had been very sad and complicated....she lost 6 children in less then a week to what they called War Fever.....two are buried in the same coffin...sometime...something snapped. I feel for you having to lose your brother this way...

This is a difficult time in anyone's life and Hubby and I have dealt with it several times with our parents. The main thing to remember is that kindness and good will on your part is on some level felt no matter how much dementia he faces. Blessing to you and your family.

It's hard for the care giver because then know what the person could once do and watching them slip away is so hard to understand. You want to make it all better. You want them all better. And you don't lose them all at once (like a car crash), or get to enjoy a bit of time to deal with it and say what needs to be said (like when a loved one has cancer), by the time you know there is an issue... they are already leaving so you don't know if they really know you loved (love) them. It's a slow, heart wrenching loss. A hard road for sure.

I watched my grandfather start to go this way, but he didn't live too long into it. He was 89 at the time, so one coudln't say he didn't live a nice long life, but it was still sad to see him change the way he did. I am married to an older man, and I'm wondering what I am going to experience in another 25 years...