If you are irritated by someone, is it because of YOUR hangups?

When I was in my teens, I recognized this truth. The truth was, in itself, irritating! I mean, I don't have any hangups? What me? There was a girl about my age who I was friends with, but I had nagging issues with her. I thought about it, and thought, "she is responding to this or that the way I do!" I guess we hate looking at our own faults in the mirror. We can physically cover flaws with makeup or clothes, but those personality quirks, are evident in other people and we can't help but face them. That's why having kids is such a revelation. They teach us so much about who we are and what we're made of. Sometimes, it is irritating. Other times, it is a comfort. On rare, wonderful occasions, we actually find a jewel in that mirror! Great topic, owl.

Yes, I think that in many cases, we are irritated by others because we are seeing ourselves mirrored. However, there are some people - we all have at least one in our circle of acquaintances - who seem to annoy everyone! Is that because we naturally gravitate to people who are similar to ourselves, with all the attendant imperfections? Or are there just some people that nobody likes? I have to say that, usually with this type of person, I take an instinctive dislike to them withour really knowing why. This is most unusual in me, because I always try to find something to like in everyone. I'm just a nobody, but I don't really mind, because everyone knows nobody's perfect!

I know it's traits I don't like in myself that annoy me most in my girls. Some of the time I dislike people because they are a reflection of my own worst quality, other times it's dishonesty and back biting that makes me dislike them. Sorry, too lazy to do the experiment, lazy people annoy me too.

I think that is true of some people but not all. I know a few people who complain about others doing what they would do. I try not to be so hypocritical. I am irritated by stupid people, liars and useless people. I'm not any of those things!

As a wife and parent I can tell you that they are on to something with that statement. Hubby and 9 year old irritate the heck out of each other... because they are so much a like. We, those watching them, can see where the trouble lay but they can't. BUT I also see that sometimes folks we can't stand are our opposites. Self check thought: I'm uptight, so I don't like how laid back they are. or I like to use big words so their simplistic out look bugs me. Now the question (and I may have hit on what you meant) is do I not like those opposites for the same reason I don't like those just like me? Self check question: Is it my wish that I could be that laid back even while I'm looking down on this other person? I'm the laid back simple kind of person but I know there are times I wish I was smarter, fancier, and all that. But knowing it means I can deal with it and move on. It's those who don't see their own faults that I feel for... they are doomed to be unhappy on some level.

The one thing that irritates the crap out of me is someone who assumes how I feel, or what I am going to say! I also hate those who believe they know EVERYTHING! Well, I don't hate them, I just stay away from people like that. And I don't like those who expect me to listen to them, yet, cut it short when I'm about to say something. "Are these my bad habits", I asked myself. NO! When when we are talking about a subject, I always ask "And how do you feel about that?" I never assume what someone is thinking or feeling. Do I pretend to know everything? No, but I don't hesitate to speak up when someone states something wrong, and I know better. Do I listen to everyone who comes to me with something...I have been told that I am a very good listener. I enjoy hearing other's talk, and hear how they feel. I can be more compassionate, and sensitive that way.

I'm not sure I agree with this. I'm uncomfortable with, irritated by and dislike people who mostly I feel intimidated by. Certainly that I feel like this irritates me no end but I am not assertive. So while deep down I envy theses people who can abuse people and be very overbearing I have no wish to emulate their obnoxiousness. However i would love to be able to stand up for myself and tell these people where to get off. I actually cower before them which is very humiliating but that's me...not them.

that's totally true. a cheater always hates other cheater.

That is extremely true. Everything we do is governed by our own prejudices, problems, attitudes etc. No matter how much we tell ourselves that we are following a code of practice etc it is us that is angry with ourselves. I have noticed it in myself especially. As I get sicker I get so angry with everything. I know that I am grumpy from bad sleep etc but I cannot stop myself from being angry initially because it all went wrong. I am still smart enough to work it through and know that it is me I am really angry with. I am angry because I cannot do things the way I once could, that I cannot work any more, that all sorts of things go wrong because I am sick etc. I worry that one day I will forget that I am to blame for all this. With my memory so faulty that is a real risk. I hope it does not happen.

I think it could be either one, depending on what it is. If somebody cuts me off in traffic then yells at me like it's my fault, it probably has nothing to do with my deficiencies. But there are things, definitely. At any rate, it's an interesting exercise.

You may be right sometimes. However, I don't see how it could be a deficiency on my part because I can't stand Jerry Springer. He brings people on his show who have done or are doing despicable things. Then, he pits them against one another. Why do you even turn him on, you might ask? I don't; my husband does. Our house is small, and I can't get away from the sound of the program.

I realized a lot after reading this and yes, I have noticed that in me. The personalities or behaviors of some people that are hate are actually the things that I am frustrated about. Like a colleague before who was slowly gaining self-esteem by dressing better, improving on looks, fashion sense and make up. I probably felt left out because those are exactly my frustrations. I do praise her but somewhere deep in me I feel envious and annoyed that other people have picked themselves up that easily. And I also noticed that there are attitudes of people before that irritated me, making me swear that I will never be like them and yet at present I am slowly trying out the things they have tried. This discussion is also a good eye-opener for everyone.

yes, i believe that it is because of yourself thats why your irritated with someone. All your feeling is all about you, anger, guilt, happiness, whether it is negative or positive, its all about you. You are the one who is creating that emotions, its not other people.

I only get irritated with mean and sarcastic people, coz those were the words I won't even say to hurt someone. I also get irritated during my period, and its something like a syndrome and it can't be helped specially when we, women feel cramps... that's really painful during that week, I hate to hear too many questions or else I'll get annoyed. The way I handle it, I zipped my mouth and just stay silent until the pain fades... When irritation sparks off from your own deficiencies or bad points, I guess the best word for that is jealousy! This kind of attitude comes from people with very low self-esteem. They can't find happiness from their own lives so they pick on someone else's life. They are not convinced that good things can happen to others when all the bad things stay with them.

My erstwhile husband believed that... probably still does, who knows? He was also a good example of the theory in action.