where does the love & caring go when ur children get grown?

Possibly but in a different way. My youngest son is in the U.K. and doing quite well. My eldest sister has called on him to assist her over the past ten years and gets quite annoyed when he doesn't jump high when she calls. She does have health problems and he so helps her in house cleaning and the garden and collecting her groceries etc as she does need help. This sister has no children and has always interfered in my life and my children but they just accept her for who she is and do not get upset. However, she is wealthy and now has changed her will to imclude this son of mine as a beneficiary and none of my other children are included. I know this as a nephew of mine is her executor and told my sister what she is doing and of course, this sister told me. My son knows this too and according to my sister every time she calls he is over there very fast. Now when I talk to him I feel that he is a little distant to me and this bothers me but I will have some long talks with him when he comes at Christmas. I sincerely hope that he is not losing his integrity because of money being left to him. He needs to be brought down to earth and get a strong reminder of our family values. Help her yes, she is family but don't wait on her hand and foot. She is very rich and travels the world first class and can pay for someone to clean her house. it does not have to be my son. she has just come back from 4 weeks in China! First class all the way. Every good luck to her and I want her to enjoy her life but don't use the promise of money to change my son from our values. Is he weak? Probably , I'm sorry to say. I haven't explained this too well because of lack of time. It is the love of money that corrupts people. Blessings

I guess I will have to say that I can relate to your situation now as a son to her mother...We might have a different story to tell but the act of ignoring is the same ....in my part we ignore our mother for the reason that her attitude is beyond controlling and changing. She is a perfectionist type of person and dont know how to listen on others opinion but her alone. My sisters give up all hope of renewing the family already but I am still here for my mother even if this is noot the best decision I have made but still she is my mom ... I still give her time to change and see things in the right perspective so that somehow one of this day this family will be intact again.... I too dont want to go into to much details about it but for my situation ignoring her is the best solution that I could come up for now rather loss my respect to her... I still love her thats why I dont give up on her yet my lady and respected her even though I am not her best even though she find me the black ship of the family ... I still dont give up all hope that one of this days she will learn to understand where she went wrong and where her attitude will lead her.... and in your case I cant say more but dont fell that way just let time pass and you will see everything will be ok my lady all hopes for you that one day you will rekindle that old relationship with your son....wishing you all the best.

Life with grown up children has a different cut altogether. That I realize it most recently when my eldest son is blaming me for the lack of love that I have showered him when he was a kid and bringing out all past issues of how 'brutal' I treated him. I am so upset by this accusation as I thought I have never neglected my role as a mother and guided him to what he is now. A successful professional. The generation gap might have brought about all this changes but the words he said to me is hard to swallow. Too many questions is racing my mind now whether I have failed in my parenting. My second son is respectful and he is closer to me than my eldest son. Maybe it is something we need to learn about the world through different eyes. I don't expect them to give me glowing thanks (or any recognition) for the sacrifice I made to bring them up, it is my duty but saying words that is breaking my heart is the least I expect from my grown up son. I may be ready to be placed in the old folks home when am old and helpless if my son's attitude doesn't change. Time to think whether to cancel the Will?

I raised three by myself....and luckily I don't have this problem...we are a tight knit group! LOL...in fact so tight that when my son found someone to marry I had to have a talk with my daughters about not being so critical of their brothers choice as I don't think they thought she was good enough....so it's a tough circle to break into...They all talk about who is going to take care of me when I can't take care of myself.....actually kind of fight over who gets custody of me! LOL

Hi antique, I have 3 children who are grown and I'm actually very close to them. I have all girls tho and I have to say that girls are very difficult during teen years...you pretty much become the enemy and then they get closer later on. Boys are different I think. I have two brothers and they were always more distant from my mom. I was never real close to her either but that's the type of person she was. Still...I was always the one to have her over for dinner...run her errands etc. My younger brother got close to her toward the end of her life but when he was younger...he just couldn't be bothered. He was more into his own stuff...guy stuff. Not knowing your sons....hard to say. Your mom sounds as if she played favorites and that could have something to do with it. If it were my kids...I'd just come right out and talk to them. don't blame yourself.

My parents and I had several falling outs but not once have I been cool towards them even after a fallen out. I can say this though, my mom and I didn't talk for a week after one falling out but that was her own doing, not mine. I didn't deserve the argument in which SHE caused and she wouldn't let it go either but kept making it worse by following me into my bedroom bathroom when I was trying get away from her. Now my grandmother and I were close, up until the end of her life when she became impossible to care for and very very mean towards everybody. My grandparents didn't have a will because they didn't believe in having one which is another story in itself so I know what you mean by another story but everything was divided up equally between the three siblings as it should have been done. With your situation, it's a wee bit different so I can't honestly tell you what your son is feeling. Was he close to you before your mom passed? Act differently now than he did? Then again, it could be that he's feeling guilty or remorse. It's really hard to say for none of us can read his mind. You'll have to ask him to come over alone so you two can talk and then try to get everything out in the open without any fussing at all and figure out what went wrong and try to get past it. It'll not only help your son but help you a great deal too! Maybe he wonders if you still love him even after all your mom put you through? You have to find that out, if you want to know.

You are not alone anti it seems to be a common complaint these days,My oldest son spends more time with his waste of space father who never did a thing for him.then me and yes it does hurt sometimes,remembering all those times I went without because the kids needed something or wanted what the others had,so mum went without,no problem.My daughter really appreciates me ,she has her own family but does take the time to see me or ring me up.She is doing a birthday party for me at her house this sunday.Which I am looking forward to .Take heart in the other son.