Meet the best man.  |
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| We have some strange ways here in Greece and one of them involves suddenly forming relationships which once made are life lasting and taken with the utmost seriousness. So I now have a new Koubaros, which loosley translated means 'best man'. Which now makes me his 'Koubara'. From now on we will no longer address each other by name but by title. The long and the short of it is that if I ever choose to marry, my new Koubaros will 'marry me'. That is not to say we will marry each other but he would now stand at my side in the place of honour and be the most important person there, though no one else need be there. Most Greeks have a koubaros. I did agree to it though as one is not allowed to marry ones koubaros so at least I don't have to keep turning my friend down on a weekly basis. Phew. How to reject and keep friends at the same time, Greek style. I may as well reveal that the new Koubaros is the lobster fisherman, destined to be the new avatar. So any strange things like this in your culture, or sudden relationships which mean a lot in a traditional sense, or anything else you want to chat about? | | | | | |
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1. ShepherdSpy (4261)
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3 years ago
| | That is a very interesting relationship to be entering into,which I wasn't previously aware of in Greek Culture,or indeed in any other!..As You know,the UK tradition is to choose Your "Best Man" with their consent when planning the Wedding..Which brings with it all the responsibilities and etiquette expected of a Best Man..So How does the opportunity to become a Koubaros/a present itself? Can they be a relation,or a best Friend that you decide to "Promote"? If a Guy here has a best friend,the chances are He will be offered "The Job"..But it's the Male to Female dynamic that's interesting to Me..A Woman can have a Guy that close Who doesn't plan on being the one putting the ring on Her finger! Who proposes the Idea? Does the Chief Bridesmaid or Matron of Honour role exist,if the Koubaros has the Bride's role of Honour? I don't know how widespread the concept I've heard of is,but I've Heard of Girls having a close Guy Friend who have made a pact together,that if neither of them have married by the time they're 40,they'll marry one another! Again,how seriously that's been taken,I've never yet experienced the result..I've no big circle of friends,and most weddings I've been invited to have been family related over the Years..I've seen neighbours become as close as relatives,but there's no formalities involved..Having worked in Germany,there is a tradition there for Adults who befriend one another to continue using the formal form of "You" when addressing one another (Sie),then at a later stage decide to make the transition to use the Informal,Intimate form, (Du),although Young people tend to use Du amongst themselves.. | | | | | | |
thea09 (5382)
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3 years ago
| | Hi ShepherdSpy, maybe I didn't explain this very well but it is indeed a valid Greek relationship which once made one is stuck with. It really isn't anything to do with a wedding, though one day in the future that could be a part of it. And it's definitely a case of someone picking you rather than you picking them. I'll give you an example. I have a 50 year old friend who has never married and never will. He has a best friend who he grew up with and is close to still. The friends wife then decided that she would be the Koubara to my friend and now never calls him by name but Kouraros. He in turn is stuck with this and calls her koubara. The friend and husband has nothing to do with it all but their daughter is also called koubara by the friend. Now if one day my friend ever did get married then his friends wife would stand up beside him, so although it will never happen the relationship is there. For life. And everyone recognises the relationship and may speak of my friends friends wife as the koubara of my friend. There isn't a formality involved in the way of the godparent thing but it nonethe less is a recognised relationship and no doubt I will now be instructed to attend family dinners. | | | |
ShepherdSpy (4261)
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3 years ago
| | Possibly it was the "Best Man" idea that may have wrong footed Me..So He's best MAN in Your life without any wedding related commitments until that occasion arises,at which time the Best Man's Job still needs to be allocated? | | | |
thea09 (5382)
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3 years ago
| | I said loosley translated as because there is no equivalent English word to describe it, but it would really mean the person you can always rely on to help you out. He would also be the main witness at any wedding. | | | |
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2. Shames (3388)
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3 years ago
| | Hi Thea..That is indeed a very unique tradition you have there.Even in India we had somewhat similar culture when marriage was fixed as soon as the kids were born.And when they become matured they would start to stay together and other formalities would be completed.Lukily we no longer have that practice... | | | | | | |
thea09 (5382)
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3 years ago
| | Hi Shames, we've never had the cultural practice which you describe about marriage, but up to the second world war young girls covered their hair and weren't allowed to mix with men except family members. So if a man saw a girl tending the land he would have to approach her father to meet her. I think the practice of being promised from birth though is only in the families interest and not in that of the couple involved. | | | |
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thea09 (5382)
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3 years ago
| | Hi Kitty, I don't think I explained all this very well and should have highlighted the words that a koubaros roughly translates as a best man, as there is no English word to describe it. He would be the main witness at any wedding. But our customs are indeed fun Kitty and they when I'm included in them then it proves to me that I'm fully integrated into Greek life, rather than sitting on the sidelines with a bunch of ex pats. | | | |
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5. ZephyrSun (3727)
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3 years ago
| | So is he sorta like your best friend, or how exactly did he become your "best man"? | | | | | | |
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ANTIQUELADY (16514)
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3 years ago
| | I couldn't keep up w/all i'd have to do to follow all these customs u have, I don't believe he is the only character around if u get my drift, lol. | | | |
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8. jillhill (17704)
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3 years ago
| | For the most part we just wing it here.....meet someone.......have a relationship and if it works out you can commit by either living together or getting married....or break if off and try to stay friends if you can....no sense getting rid of someone who might down the road look different. | | | | | | |
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dawnald (24272)
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3 years ago
| | Here, I saved you one! | | | |
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10. nyhollyjean (2254)
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3 years ago
| | My! I've never heard of this tradition--although I know they do have some different ways of doing things there! You can just go up to someone and say I want to be your Koubara, or he can say he wants to be your Koubaros and there's nothing either one of you can do about it? What if you don't want that person to be your Koubaros? I take it that this is different that having a best friend who happens to be male? This is one of the reasons why I like international social sites--I can learn so much and not even leave my house. :-) | | | | | | |
thea09 (5382)
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3 years ago
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nyhollyjean (2254)
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3 years ago
| | Well, it sounds like a beneficial relationship for both of you. And it's a good way to get him to stay quiet...you are a smart lady, but I've known that for awhile now. :-) | | | |
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