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First awful thing my daughter has said! email this discussion to a friend?

swilbur85 (15)2 months ago

I have a beautiful daughter that is almost three. She is learning new words every day. Two days ago I asked her to clean up her toys and she came up to me and said,"Momma Stupid". Okay, this just broke my heart. I didn't even know she knew that word. After telling this story to friends, they told me they've heard worse. I would like to know if this is common, and if so, what have your children said to you that made you feel awful?

 
 
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Raven7317 (313) response was accepted on 10/30/2009.
denotes best response.
tags:  parenting, mom, daughter, kids
 
1. myLot reputation of 86/100. Ravenladyj (18010)   ranked 537 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

Well not only is she learning her being seperate from others BUT she is finding her voice and will mimic and repeat what she sees and hears..She has obviously heard the word somewhere...Unfortunatley you shut her away from it all...BUT you cna control it by talking to her and letting her know its unacceptable


swilbur85 (15)  2 months ago

Yes, that's what we've done is tell her it's not nice to say. Thanks for the advice!

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2. myLot reputation of 96/100. bing28 (1920)   ranked 3,023 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

Sometimes children hear words that they just said it as expression or they're not aware of it's meaning. We feel awful but all we can do is correct them.


swilbur85 (15)  2 months ago

Yes, thank bing, I guess that is all we can do is correct them.

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3. myLot reputation of 95/100. jndlponti (416)   ranked 8,343 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

I have never tried any yet since my daughter is still one year old. Kids at this stage will mimic evrything they saw or heard. That is why probably your daughter hear it somewhere and tought that was good or that was okay to say that word.
You could make her understand what is not good with that word so she would understand it better.

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4. myLot reputation of 95/100. Raven7317 (313)   ranked 94 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

Good morning. Yes, this is very common, little ones only repeat what they hear and will talk to you in the same manner they hear... I have a 4 YO son and he will say anything he hears... in the exact manner that he hears it... If he says something that I don't want him to say, I give him an alternative word to use. My son also used the word "stupid" and even though it could have been worse, it's still not an excuse to use hurtful words.

The common rule is, if you know what a word MEANS, and you use it properly/nicely, you can use it. (Unless it's a cuss word!) So we teach him the appropriate word, what it means, and how to use it. That's the only way he doesn't get in trouble.

We tell him, "We don't say stupid, we say silly" "We don't say Jesus, we say Geez" "We don't say suck, we say stink" (Just a few examples)

We also teach the importance of speaking nicely, even if we're upset, angry, or in a bad mood. This rule is "You can tell us anything, just as long as you do it nicely" No yelling, screaming, whining, pouting, cursing, etc...

So far, it seems to be working and he'll even correct us if we slip and use the words we tell him not to. Now he's recognizing the concept of 'Adult talk' and 'child talk' and for now, he's respecting that!


swilbur85 (15)  2 months ago

Wow, fantastic advice! I didn't want to make it into too big of a deal, seeing as small children feel like, if something gets them attention, they'll do it over and over again. So, I didn't quite know how to approach it. Thanks so much for the advice!


myLot reputation of 95/100. Raven7317 (313)   ranked 94 out of 14,944 in parenting  2 months ago

Good morning, thank you for BR! You're right not to make a big deal over it... It cracks me up when I see moms respond with "Oh no! What did you just say? That's Bad! Don't say that!! -- it just guaruntees that the child is going to say it over and over just to get mommy to react again! LOL And then there's the times your little one says something so out of this world that you laugh! You just can't help it! LOL
It takes some time and some internal reminders, but it's worth it in the long run... I'm sure you'll do great! Have a great Halloween!


swilbur85 (15)  2 months ago

:) Hey no problem! I really did take your advice and told my husband to just tell her to say "Silly" instead. He approves of that, as well!:) And, yes, I learned the hard way about when I make a big deal out of something, she seems to do it more! hehe And, yes, she has said some things that I can't help but laugh. Anyways, thanks again, and have a GREAT day!

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5. myLot reputation of 95/100. weasel81 (1248)   ranked 8,062 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

you don't want to hear what my son has said to me then, it would really upset you. i know the direct cause of it as well, it's coming from his father. whose very self centered and doesn't like it if things are not revolving round him. the other thing i now have a problem with is my son will say something i'm giving him for tea is going to make him sick, so i make him go with out. so he might eat what he's given.

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6. myLot reputation of 94/100. dreamjapan (340)   ranked 1,096 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

Kids will repeat everything they hear!
I live in Japan and never use to cuss (after I lived with my MIL for a year that changed!!). One day my 6 year old son came home from school and said the f word. I was so shocked that he learnt an English cuss word at a Japanese school where nobody speaks English. Turned out that one father was going through a bad divorce and thought it would be fun to teach his kid this word so his exwife would get into trouble (I know weird thinking, but this is the countryside of Japan). Anyway after I got the full story and told the father exactly what he teaching his son I spoke to my own kids. I told them that some words are not good to use because they become like knives to other peoples hearts. Younger kids like your daughter don't really know what they are saying, reacting is the worse thing to do. If she says it again just tell her in a calm way that it isn't nice to say things like that. Being consitent on these things is important. I have let being called stupid slip by (my kids are older 17 down to 7) but in both lanuages the bad cuss words are a big no.
By the way my own Dad would never have swearing in his house. Last time I visited my Dad was when my Mom passed away. I'm a grown woman, with my own kids and a business that I run but when a cuss word slipped out in my hearing he still told me off for it!!!
Good luck with your little one!!!


swilbur85 (15)  2 months ago

Wow, what a story! I can't believe that! Yes, we don't cuss around her, I know she'll hear it one day, but kids need to keep their innocence as long as possible:) Thanks for the support dreamjapan!


myLot reputation of 92/100. mommyboo (3404)   ranked 173 out of 14,944 in parenting  2 months ago

I was probably 15 or even 16 before I heard my dad ever cuss. We were camping, and I woke up kind of early - we had one of those large tents with a divider in it, and it was four of us kids in the back section and our parents in the front. I THINK my sisters and brother were asleep still but I wasn't. I didn't get up or do anything, I was just lying there when suddenly I heard my dad say 'sh*t'. I thought I was dreaming and then I figured maybe I'd better pretend to be sleeping so if he looked in the back he wouldn't know I heard lol.

Of course my imagination was going, wondering what caused the outburst, because I couldn't tell if my mom was still in the tent or not either. It makes me chuckle thinking about it now. My kids have heard me cuss before, I don't hide it completely or pretend I don't do it. It's not part of my daily repertoire of words though, there is usually a REASON. I'd say it generally finds its way into things like texts and instant messages more than speaking, so I am good with that until my daughter starts reading double consonant sounds easily lol. (sh, ck, etc)

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7. myLot reputation of 78/100. abhi_bangal (956)   ranked 5,045 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

Let me tell you the first things first. THIS IS VERY VERY COMMON. Ok now? Feel relaxed. The second thing - I completely agree with your friends. And even I have heard more than just being addressed as "Stupid." As just said, this is very very commond and not to get worried at all. You only have a worry of getting or feeling awkard or insulted etc. But as kids grow up, then only they understand what is right and what is wrong and when to say things. You need not worry on such matters but try to make her say sense when she is in a happier or good mood. And by the way your daughter is only 3 years old. And she has just learnt the words as you said, but she hasn't learnt the meanings, right? So, give her time and time will be alright for you. Believe me. God Bless both of you and your family.


swilbur85 (15)  2 months ago

Thanks so much abhi for the reply! That is exactly it, I did feel awkward and insulted. This is all making me feel much better about the situation, and I know how to handle this sort of thing now. Thanks and God bless to you too!

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8. myLot reputation of 90/100. sudiptacallingu (7253)   ranked 97 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

Yes, this is common or rather your daughters been late in picking up the choicest words LOL. First awful words my son uttered was when he could just stand and kick…you know babies have this typical habit of standing at one place and just throwing their arms and legs about at nothing in particular…well one day we were just going about our daily chores and a toy was lying at his feet and he was trying to kick it like a football and not succeeding so he was saying something in great irritation…actually it was the tone of his voice that drew our attention and when we asked him what was he saying…he repeated the words (which when translated from my native tongue Bengali would mean Oh damn it) and we all burst out laughing…he was around just over a year then…so its OK if your daughter calls you stupid…just make sure you don’t repeat the words in front of her and very soon she’ll forget.


swilbur85 (15)  2 months ago

heheh That is funny! Thanks for the advice sudiptacallingu!

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9. myLot reputation of 92/100. mommyboo (3404)   ranked 173 out of 14,944 in parenting   2 months ago

'I don't like you mommy'? LOL! For her benefit though, she knows how to use it appropriately, meaning she said that because I told her no about something, she wasn't just going around randomly saying 'I don't like you mommy'.

Apparently by the age of 5, most kids have a working vocabulary of 2500-6000 words and a lot of them are learned by exposure via public, other people, etc. Many toddlers of course don't know the MEANINGS so they may have no idea they are using a word that could be 'bad' or something that isn't appropriate for a 3 year old to say. I do think it's common for kids to easily pick up words, and to learn HOW to use them as well. When you have older kids around, it's even easier for things you may not want a toddler to say to filter into their vocabulary. My older daughter was 14 when the little one was born, and so when she was almost three and we heard her say 'whatever mommy', we knew where THAT came from. I don't think she knew what she was saying though, she was just repeating something she had heard with the same inflection her sister had used!


swilbur85 (15)  2 months ago

Awww I know, my friend said "wait until you hear that she hates you", now THAT will break my heart! I do think that she picked that word up from another kid in daycare. He has recently been kicked out for bad behavior.

Love the "whatever mommy".. that's hilarious!

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