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Only child or more than one sibling? email this discussion to a friend?

mac6304 (31)   ranked 3,356 out of 6,521 in mother3 weeks ago

If you are an only child (like me and my son) you have run up against this issue. There is always some well meaning person (usually a family member) that just has to tell you how bad it is for your child to be an only child.

Now I am not trying to start a fight. I love being an only child and so does my son. Neither one of us has been allowed to be anything but a polite, unspoiled child. And I have no problem with anyone choosing to have none, one, or several children as long as you can afford to care for them.

My point is, why do other people think it is there god given right to tell you how wrong you are, no matter what you choose? Comments can be very hurtful to other people, especially when they may not have a choice about how many children they would like to have. Some people would love to have one or more children and are not able to but consider that to be personal and private information that is not neccessary to share with everyone else.

Others, like me decide to wait on more and then realived that at my age, I didn't want to risk the complications that could come. But should I have to explain that to everyone who finds out that my son is a only child?

 
 
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tags:  mother, child, only child, rearing, decides
 
1. myLot reputation of 99/100. dorannmwin (1681)   ranked 28 out of 6,521 in mother   3 weeks ago

I don't think there is a issue in being an only child or being one of many children or any other option out there. As adults it is for us to decide what is best for our family and the comments from other people shouldn't matter to us. For example, I have two children, one boy and one girl. When my son was six weeks old I made the decision to have a tubal ligation because I didn't think that we would be able to fairly provide for more than two children. When I revealed this fact to a friend of mine, she wasn't very happy about it but she didn't give me a lecture about it either.
We are able to fulfill all of our children's needs and then some. And our children are happy so we are happy.


mac6304 (31)   ranked 3,356 out of 6,521 in mother  3 weeks ago

Glad to hear that I am not the only one who thinks that these decisions are ours to make and that others need to not worry so much about it. As long as my family is happy and taken care of, why should anyone else care?

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2. myLot reputation of 93/100. purplealabaster (711)   ranked 3,468 out of 6,521 in mother   3 weeks ago

I do not understand why people insist on telling you how many children to have or how to raise them, either. It is definitely your decision, and you should not have to justify it to anyone. I think that as long as you and your husband agree and are happy with your decision, then the other people should just butt out. As long as you are able to provide for your children not only financially but also emotionally, then you should be allowed to have as many or as few children as you want and are physically able to have.

Adoption is another issue. Even though I have and am still physically able to bear children, I have always wanted to adopt. My husband likes the idea, too, but right now we are not financially able to provide for any more children than the ones we already have. When we can, though, we are seriously considering adoption. Some people feel the need to voice their opinion on this subject and act like if we adopt the child will not really be ours. We do not feel that way at all. A child that we adopt would be just as much our own as any that share our DNA. As far as we are concerned, if they do not want to accept an adopted child as our own, then they do not belong in our lives, especially if they would favor one child over another.


mac6304 (31)   ranked 3,356 out of 6,521 in mother  2 weeks ago

We have also discussed adoption in the future if we can afford it. It is amazing to me that my mother in law has voiced her opinion on this (not that we asked). She is adamant that a adopted child would not be her "real" grandchild and would treat them differently. I do not understand how anyone could feel that way and have told her so. If she is going to tell me what to do then she is going to hear my opinion of her attitude whether she likes it or not.


myLot reputation of 93/100. purplealabaster (711)   ranked 3,468 out of 6,521 in mother  2 weeks ago

It is very sad that some people feel that way. Certain members of my husband's family have expressed similar feelings, and we have told them point blank that any child that we adopt would be just as much ours as any that we conceive. We have not pushed the issue at this point, because we do not have the money for any more children right now, but we will definitely revisit this once we are in a better financial situation. We have no problem with not associating with anybody that will treat a child in that manner, especially one that we have accepted as our own and made a member of our family.

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3. myLot reputation of 99/100. much2say (606)   ranked 139 out of 6,521 in mother   3 weeks ago

Oh gosh, I went through this last year. Last year we were going through "trying" for our second child . . . it wasn't happening as soon as we wanted it to and it was getting to be heartbreaking. We probably created our own stress about it, but it sure didn't help with other people butting in with their comments about how we NEEDED to have a sibling for our first born (who was 3 at the time) and now. Who ever said we didn't want a second - and how insensitive of these people to make such a comment when they had no idea what was going on with our situation?!

It was bad whether it came from family or strangers. I had aunts telling me how their sons or daughters already had 3 kids . . . or how they themselves had all their kids by age so and so. Why did I need to hear that? And I didn't understand how strangers could just give such advice when they didn't even know me. How dare people make assumptions just because I had only one child.

Going through all that, I am much more sensitive to my friends who are having problems conceiving or cannot have any children at all. We are truly, truly fortunate that we have our daughter, and that our second is on the way now.


mac6304 (31)   ranked 3,356 out of 6,521 in mother  2 weeks ago

Exactly my point. We didn't have any problems but I couldn't imagine making comments like that to someone else because I might hurt their feelings. We don't know everyones situation and it is not our business. But why risk hurting someone even more when they may already be going through something difficult and stressful. I don't think that is being a true friend or family memeber.

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4. aaguelo (54)   3 weeks ago

I believe that there is nothing wrong if a married couple decides to have one child. It's not on the business of other people. I think people should be more considerate and understanding especially these times that everything must be in the budget.
Raising a child is costly. I mean... it's really a choice.


mac6304 (31)   ranked 3,356 out of 6,521 in mother  2 weeks ago

I think it is more selfish to have children that you can't take care of than to choose to not have any at all. That child didn't ask to be brought into this world to just be neglected or mistreated. I would rather someone be more responsible than that.

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5. Brown_Fox_815 (83)   ranked 4,712 out of 6,521 in mother   3 weeks ago

I'm a single mom to a 6-year old boy. If I get married someday, I'd love to have more kids. My son is fine with playing by himself, but he does love being around his little cousin.:) I think it's rude for people to tell kids that they've 'got it bad'. At least that child has all the attention focused on them...that's pretty cool.


mac6304 (31)   ranked 3,356 out of 6,521 in mother  2 weeks ago

That is how my son feels. He has plenty of interaction with other kids and loves playing by himself also.

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