The Fine Line of StepMotherhood............

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For the past few weeks, I've been in the dubious position of mothering my stepson. He was living in British Columbia, broke up with his girl friend, decided he didn't like his college courses, gave up his apartment and began the long trek east back to Ontario where he had been living for the past 3our years. He was driving and stopped here in Saskat for a breather and to visit with his Dad. Dad however was/is working down south in the oilfields, so it was up to me and my dog to entertain, feed, clean up after, shop for, counsel etc., this twenty year old mountain of a young man. I swear though, that without a GPS system, this kid could get lost in a cul de sac! LOL His lousy sense of direction had us exploring parts of Regina and Moose Jaw I'd never seen before. Adventures in driving have always been a hobby of mine, so that wasn't so bad. Kinda fun actually to turn off the GPS and follow the nose of the truck wherever it led us. LOL For the most part we had a good time together, though there were moments when I just wanted to scream at the dirty socks, jocks and towels all over my guest room and bathroom. I won't even go into the state of my kitchen! Constantly feeding a 6.3 foot, 210 lb mass of male appetite was a challenge I don't want to repeat any time soon! I have two grown sons of my own, and grew up in a male dominated society, so I am no stranger to the vicissitudes of the male ego. With my sons, I have no problem speaking my mind and working through with them, whatever problems they are having. I'm their Mom. It's my job. But with a stepson, whose own mother's bluntness borders on abuse, I had to tread more carefully. Six years ago when this young man came into my life, he was a mess. Convinced he was asthmatic, mentally deficient, unable to comprehend/read properly and a total loser. So much for bio mother love eh? I spent the next three years building his self esteem, working with him and his school work and when he entered high school, encouraged him to go out for the football team and attended every practice and game he took part in. By the time he left school, he graduated at the top of his class and continued to play football for pro farm teams. For the past year he's been in B.C. attending college and unable to play football, though he's convinced he's still buff looking in T-Shirts that are two sizes too small. lol His hard won self confidence led him into the world of male/female relationships on a deeply personal level, complete with expectations over and above the reality of a 20 year old girl friend. Her failures dominated his every waking moment and the texts and emails flew back and forth like lightening. He would tell me about them and ask what I thought, and that is when things got sticky. I had to be very very careful to answer him honestly without seeming critical or overly negative. We spent a number of nights talking until the wee hours of the morning as I tried to convince him of the realities of young relationships without coming across too old fashioned in my views yet not so hip I condoned completely either his behaviour or hers. A very fine line indeed. Like all young people, he paid lip service to understanding what I said, but I could not be sure that he was really learning anything or that our talks had been productive for him. I did however, take comfort in the fact that he continued to talk to me...... He often mentioned something his mother had said or done, and it was all I could do to find non-commital words to futher the conversation without breaking out in statements like 'Your mother is an idiot and never should have had children!' The day before he left to continue his trip east, we were in Regina buying some last minutes things he needed and scoping out Xmas gifts for his father. He got into a conversation with a rather sexy little number working in the store, who just happened to be from Ontario. I was not part of their convo, though from my position in the store I could hear what was being said. I was not really paying attention to them, until I heard the word stepmother and all my sense went on alert. Turns out he was telling his new 'conquest' that, yeah, I was not his Mom, but his stepmother and one of the coolest people he knew! Turns out he thinks I'm a pretty smart Mom and easy to talk to and had given him some really good advice! Well whodathunkit eh.............lol So in spite of the fact that I have to repaint a number of my walls and various others things to repair the wear and tear he visited on my house, his time with me was more than either of us expected and in his mind, being his stepmom is a good and valuable thing. What a Christmas gift! In this era of blended families, I'm sure many of you have stories like this. Please share your experiences with the state of stephood............