And the more serious side of the meat trash situation....
By TheRealDawn
@dawnald (85137)
Shingle Springs, California
December 24, 2009 11:11am CST
So I was talking to R about his mom's meat trash last night and about how I was joking about it on myLot and he says to me, "don't you know she doesn't have trash service?"
Well heck no I didn't know that. Because she lives on a private road, she would have to pay $60 a month and she can't afford that. So she leaves her meat scraps in the freezer and collects her trash for a couple of months and then hauls it off to the dump where they charge her maybe $20 - $40.
So we got talking more. Well I knew his mom was on a very limited income since his dad passed away. I knew he was slipping her $40 - $50 pretty much every time he's up there. I didn't know she was living without homeowner's insurance much less trash service. Yikes...
That's awfully scary. And it's not really a case of not preparing for retirement. They had 401k accounts. But the stocks didn't perform well and so she gets very little out of them. Partly it's my father-in-law's fault. He had a love of high return stocks, ie risky. But partly it's just the lousy economy.
I suppose you could argue she's living beyond her means. A 2 acre property takes some money (and labor from her sons) to maintain it. Maybe it's time to sell it for a nice profit and go find a nice small place. But it was their dream house and she loves it and isn't ready to give it up.
I wonder if we couldn't afford to cover the price of a minimal fire insurance policy for her. The idea that she doesn't have it makes me really uncomfortable.
How many of you have elderly parents in similar circumstances?
3 people like this
9 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
25 Dec 09
I think it ridiculous when anybody lives above their means no matter what age they are. Of course she needs to downsize & i think she is being selfish not to. She needs to think of her children & the burden she is putting on them. I try to take care of everything that needs done here if i can't i hire someone to do it. IDO NOT want to ever be a burden to my sons.
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Dec 09
My sister and brother-in-law had the same situation with his mother, except that she lived 3 hours away and didn't drive. But it took quite a few years before she was willing to sell the last home she shared with her husband and so on. At least my mother-in-law does a lot of the work. But I do think she would be better off if she sold and bought something smaller and closer to us or one of the other children. But how do you ask somebody to give up their dream home?
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
27 Dec 09
Maybe she'll make the decision herself & it would be better for everyone if she would. I'm sure it will eventually be more than she can take care of.
1 person likes this
@uath13 (8192)
• United States
24 Dec 09
Actually moving her into town would likely cost far more. Homes in the country tend to cost far less than ones closer to town. Moving would probably just add to her financial problems. She needs a dog, a real dog, not one of those pampered lap rats. Extra food is then easily disposed of & gives her some companionship.
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
1 Jan 10
That is not good at all Dawn why do they make it so hard for older People to live
She is not living beyond her means at all, at the end of the Day they worked hard to what she has so why should she give it up
I get so angry when no allowances are made for the elderly
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 Jan 10
It wasn't beyond their means when my father-in-law was alive, that is for sure. But she doesn't get as much social security with him gone, plus their investments have gone down quite a bit.
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
26 Dec 09
when i returned from arizona,i found the house was not only cluttered they had no fire insurance.needless to say my brother and i (he was living there the whole time)
had a few choice and loud words.
first thing i did (besides throwing out said clutter) was to restore it.
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Dec 09
Richard and his brothers were up this summer going through my father-in-law's clutter in the garage. The man was a pack rat. Thousands of pounds of junk later (that they took to the dump)....
@thea09 (18305)
• Greece
26 Dec 09
It sounds like its time for her to downsize, its not just the costs of maintaining it but she'll just struggle to look after a place that size as she gets older. It would be much easier for her to live less frugally and not have money worries which there's no need for if she's living in a place with capital to be released.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Dec 09
I think she realizes that she's going to have to eventually, but she's just not ready yet.
@marguicha (230351)
• Chile
14 Jun 10
Hi dawn,
This old post you made came up today, I don´t know how. I understand a lot of what you tell about your mother in law: it is happening to me too in a certain measure. I have a big house. I should move on, but it´s a house my husband made for us. As we were not in the best economy at that time (it was after he got sick) I made the blueprints and had a friend architect sign them to make them legal. I don´t want to move.
My economy would be a lot better if I sold this house and bought or rented amuch smaller one. But the place is full of memories and it´s not as easy as getting a UHaul or equivalent.
We seniors have learned to live well. We have worked and toiled for it. And suddenly it is very hard. Meds and pills take up part of our shrinking income. There are always health issues that are not covered by insurance and even though we don´t need up to date clothes and appliances, we get colder and need more heating.
I am not young but I still have a mother. I have to take her to the dentist and some supermarket lists and my brother is in charge of the doctors. Besides, I have to deal with her. Because we get more impatient and irritating each day. So sometimes I want to drown my mom as much as my loving daughters want to drown me. That´s the cycle of life, I suppose
Take care and have fun with your own monsters while they are little
Take care and have fun with your own monsters while they are little1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
14 Jun 10
The first discussion was funnier...
yeah she's having it tough. Wouldn't be as bad if my FIL were still here, but still, things are tighter than they had ever expected. It's sad...
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
24 Dec 09
Learn now from our elderly parents for we will walk down their paths one day. I think we have to put up with their idiosyncrasies as it is the natural behavior of elderly people. I am fortunate as I don't face any problem with my mum. Though she is in her 70s she is still strong mentally and is not much of a problem to us. She is financially well off and do not depend on her children for her needs instead we come to her for aid in desperate situation. 
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Dec 09
Sometimes we laugh at her idiosyncrasies, but mostly we understand them.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Dec 09
hi dawn I do feel sorry for your mom in law as so many older people just do not have enough to really cover all the things'
most of us take forgranted. This lousy economy is not helping
us older people either. I am 83 and am here in this retirement center which takes most of my social security check and SSI checks for rent and food, and leaves me with a whopping, not, big money a whole one hundred twenty five dollars a month for my personal needs. course I do have medicare and Secure HOrizons healh insurance,,which is a very good one for me.My only gripe is that we get no cost of living increase on our social security and SSI checks this coming year, that does stink.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Dec 09
I know and my mother-in-law's medical insurance is going up this year too! Harsh...
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Dec 09
Yeah, I'm pretty sure she would. Actually my sister-in-law was suggesting we all send her $50 every month (surprise, we already are lol). If everybody could pitch in, maybe it could go toward that instead.
