Should we let Naomi quit band?  

I guess the question would be, "is it going to affect her grade?" If she's not happy with it, she's not gonna try, if she's not gonna try she's not gonna get good grades. Here, atleast when I was in school, and atleast for Chorus class, we could write an essay instead of participating in the concert. You could ask the teacher if that is an available choice, if so maybe ask Naomi "which would you rather do, go to the concert or write the paper?" Isn't it too late in the year for her to bail? Here it's April and schools get out in May.

I think unless it's getting in the way of other things, you should make her see it through. My mom was the type who let me quit everything. Sometimes I quit because it was too hard for her to get me to and from lessons or meetings, and sometimes I quit just because I didn't like it.. but it set me up to believe I never had to stick with anything, for any reason. I've never in my life held a job for more than 6 months because whenever something happened that I didn't like, I'd just quit and never come back. Soon it became difficult to get hired because employers would see my work history and realize I was not reliable.

Letting her quit at the end of the school year would be her only option if it were up to me. She is too late into the school year to drop it now. They have made it into the last quarter now and most school systems will not even consider allowing the drop. I completely understand hating the band as I was forced to play the flute in middle school. But I buckled down, did my best and got through the year. She will be ok. Don't push the practice anymore than you have to because all it will do is make her hate it even worse. You may want to send a message to the band director just so he/she understands Naomi's feelings toward the band and so that there are no surprises when it comes to the concert.

hi dawnald I know she has lost her enthuiasm but still to quit
now might be teaching her that any time she doesnt quite like
something she can just bail out. I feel that since it is
not that long to the end of the school year she should wait and
quit then. Its so easy to learn to bail out of things at the first
little problem and sometimes you will regret it in later years.
Of course if its making her really miserable your idea of quittingat the end of the year sounds more like a winner to me.

I agree with the others. I usually advocate letting the child decide whether s/he wants to do something like that, but since it's so close to the end of the year, I'd talk to her and help her realize that it's only a few weeks. Kids don't "see" time the same way we do, so it may seem like a long time to her until the end of the school year. It's... what? four or five weeks. Help her count down if you have to, but show her that finishing what she started will make her better able to make the right decision later on.

Hi sweetie. I would say yes, let her quit. From what i understand she will begin to hate it later on and we do want to avoid that. Rather let her try her hand or talent on something else. TATA.

Hi dawn,


I agree with you, end of the year is not that long and she should hang on for a little bit longer, sometimes if you give in to what kids want now, they will never learn, tell her to be patient, its only a few months to go and as for "R" he is always seems to be saying the opposite of what you say, looks like he is trying to get the kids on his side, well, thats how I see it, maybe I am wrong.


Tamara

I think it is important that she go ahead and finish the school year. As you said, this is an obligation, others count on her to be there. It also would be a mess academically for credits. Do not know if they do that in her age where you live. My biggest objection right here and now, though, is if you go talk to the teacher, and let her quit, or even do not let her quit, you will have taught her that it is acceptable to play you against R and it will set up an ongoing pattern. My parents were not good to each other, BUT the never undermined each other when it came to parenting, and I am forever greatful about that. I learned well enough have to play both sides in their dealing with my sister and I.

I agree with you - let her quit at the end of the school year. That's what you already told her and I think it's a good idea that this plan is followed through. In the end, she'll feel that she at least accomplished completing band - that she gave it her all and the important thing was she tried. And hey, maybe that last concert will end up being a good experience for her. She can then hang up those xylophones with no regrets . . . no what ifs down the road because she gave it a fair shot. A couple months left? Ah - so close to the end of the year as everyone has said . . . I'd have her stick with it. Now, about talking to the teacher. Maybe it'd be a good idea to talk to the teacher about her motivation, and maybe the teacher might have suggestions about it or can do something to help Naomi. I really do think R should back you up on this one.

Hi there Dawnald,

Hmm. Good question. When I was a kid, I was one that had to try out for everything and join up to everything. My mother got a little frustrated with me when I would drop out things early but she did not stop me. My father supported me in my choices. Many times, I just decided that it wasn't for me. Still, It was good that I tried it out or I'd not have known. I think if I knew ahead that I could not walk away if I felt like it that many things, I'd probably not have even tried. Also there were many things that I did stick out and learned so much from them. Even the ones that I didn't complete, I took some learning with me from the experience. I was the same with my own kids. I encouraged them and supported them in all things and I did encourage them to give their all. When my daughter got upset at her coach and wanted to quit basketball for example, I agreed that she could but first I wanted her to go to her coach and tell him why she wanted to quit. She was good and I knew that her reasons for quitting were not because she didn't like it. Thankfully, the coach convinced her to stay. I would tell Naomi that she can quit but she should go to the instructor and tell her on her own.