I know that I have made the right decision, but why do I feel so bad about it?
By cream97
@cream97 (29085)
United States
July 20, 2010 5:29pm CST
A woman from my daughter's school called me this afternoon. She wanted to ask me if I would like to let my youngest daughter come to the Head Start Program when school starts in August of this year. Well, I did not know what to say. I could not decide upon what I wanted to do. I told her that my daughter was not completely potty trained and that she could not really talk quite yet. My daughter is a very active child. But still, the woman insisted that the teachers will help potty train her and that she can receive Speech Therapy Services for her to talk more if she needed it. My oldest daughter was already selected last week. During this same time I, asked about my youngest daughter and they told me that she did not got into the school. To my assumption, she was placed back onto the waiting list again. So, today, I am faced to make a decision and it had to be fast! I decided to not let her go this year. She will be going next year. Another reason that I have decided to let her stay home is because, she has an irregular sleeping pattern. She will be up between the hours of 12 am to 5 am in the mornings. And then after that she will go back to sleep. We have rotated her bed schedule quite a few times to get her back on track, but by the next couple of weeks, she will be right back where she started from. I don't think that the teachers will be too happy to see her sleeping for the entire class period. With her getting into school is not mandatory at the age of three. So, she is okay. The woman told me that, she will have a better chance of getting in more better next year anyway. It was only one slot left for her to be in a class in August. I told my husband about it and he told me not to worry and that, she will get in next year. I know that, but I still feel bad about my decision. I wanted her to go because her oldest sister will be going to this same school. I wanted my three year old to get the chance to be around the children and to learn many things that she needs to learn. I know that I did the right thing by not accepting her slot into Head Start, but I still feel bad. I feel like I am depriving my child from having an education and the ability to interact with others kids her age. But that is not my intention. I just did not let her go because of the three reasons that I have mentioned in this discussion. Potty training, not talking and her irregular sleeping pattern. Why do I feel so bad? I love my daughter and I want nothing but the best for her!
3 people like this
17 responses
@spalladino (17891)
• United States
21 Jul 10
At three years of age the best thing for your daughter is to be with you, cream, where the world revolves around her and not 20 or 30 other kids. As you said, she's still working on potty training and her language skills...she has an irregular sleep pattern. All of these things can be better addressed by a loving mother. So, don't feel guilty. You're doing the right thing. Three is very young.
2 people like this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
21 Jul 10
Cream, the first thing that bothered me was you were rushed to make this decision. since she is only three, a decision like that should take time to consider her personality and skills..Yes teachers are trained to handle children that are not completely potty trained, but in my experience, it is better you wait..In fact out of all my children, only 2 went to preschool at age 4. Ironically it was the other two who did not go to school until kindergarten that had-have the better grades. I feel a child should stay at home as long as possible. And you can do what I did with my youngest, teach her yourself..It's easy to teach simple colors,shapes and even the alphabet. My son went to school already knowing all this and his didn't go to school until he was 5..
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29085)
• United States
21 Jul 10
Hi, carmelanirel. I feel the same way too. She is only three years old. So she has enough of time until she turns 5 years old. She will be going to school, right on time. My oldest son and daughter will be starting school late because of their Birthday's which is in September and December. I know many parents will allow their child to go to school when they are a baby. They even offer Early Head Start for children as early as 6 months... None of my kids went to this program at all. I chose for them to stay at home with me then. I want to teach my youngest daughter some things before she starts Head Start. Letting her stay at home this year, will make a big difference for her next year..
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
21 Jul 10
Yes, I believe it will make a difference too. 
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
19 Aug 10
Hi there Cream
Don't feel bad you made the right choice there specially if little ones sleeping pattern is so of track, she will be to tired to attend and it would not do her any good
As far as I am concerned she should not go till she is ready as in Potty training and all that to
You did right so do not feel bad
@bounce58 (17380)
• Canada
22 Jul 10
I think you made the right decision in postponing your daughter's adventure to early education. And I guess the feeling you're getting right now is just your natural desire to give your children the best opportunities out there. In some unconscious level, you may think that by passing this opportunity up, you may have passed up on a opportunity for your girl.
Don't worry about it, in the end, I'm sure you'll fully realize that you indded make the right decision.
@pastigger (612)
• United States
22 Jul 10
I agree with you. She needs to be older. All children develop at different rates and you know her best. I wish you luck with the sleeping. I have been very luck with that and am very thankful. I am not sure what I would do. I would talk to her doctor next time you go make sure there isn't a medical reason. But I am still a night person. I stay up till about 11 pm even when I have to be up at 6am. My daughter is a night and morning person. I keep telling her she has to pick one! And learn to sleep past 7am on the weekends. My daughter is also three. I actually have a home day care and in my area preschool has to be paid for. I have already decided that she is not going to preschool becasue she already knows so much already she would be borred. She is one smart little cookie and most she has just shown us she knows. I do have flash cards but they are for fun and she will ask to do them. She has been talking a lot since about 2 or 2 1/2. Full sentences and long stories. But that is just her she is just a talker, non stop, all day, everyday! But I have a little boy that is a month younger than her and he barly talks at all. And another little girl about 6 months behind her and she dosen't talk alot either but then we have our other boy he is 2 and talks non stop and I am starting to understand more of it now. So every child is different, and I would say you made the right choice. She has got many year of school ahead of her and missing an extra year of head start won't hurt her at all. I am sure she will feel more ready to go next year. She might like that her sister is gone for part of the day and she gets you all to herself. I think that will help her more right now then being in school. Don't feel guitly or try not to I think it is just part of being a mom if you didn't feel guilty you wouldn't try as hard.
1 person likes this
@rjkmrr (172)
• India
23 Jul 10
As of saying goes" every corns has got two size", every things has got both advantage and dis advantage but we need to look front and back, which side has got more advantage and that decision need to be take even though we feels bad for the moment.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7431)
• United States
21 Jul 10
At the time you felt you were doing the thing by your child.
If you want her to have others to play with and to learn things then why not take her a few days a week to a day care center that has activities for the children? That will give her the chance to play with others and for you to not feel that she is missing out.
Or if you have a friend with a child about the same age then arrange some play dates for your child and theirs. You and the other mother can also teach the children things together. It will also prepare her some for next year when she does go to head start.
1 person likes this
@free_man (7330)
• United States
21 Jul 10
Hi Cream. We all as parents feel bad about one thing or another that we choose for our children. Don't feel bad I think you did the right you know your child best and only you can make the decision for her. She is your responsibility and she will learn better when she is older. Only you can tell what she will be like in this situation. God gave you the child and HE expects you to do what you think is right by her. God bless you and yours my friend!
@p3ks626 (6538)
• Philippines
21 Jul 10
If you think that that is the best thing for your daughter then you should not have anything guilty feelings about it. Other people will say something about it too but you are the mother and you know what's best for her so no need to feel bad. Let others think what they want to think, you are only thinking about your daughter's sake.
1 person likes this
@noodlesmommy (212)
• United States
21 Jul 10
Seeing as she is only 3 years old, I wouldn't worry about it. You know what is best for your children and to me, it sounds like you made the right decision. Here in my town, head start doesn't start until age 4. I don't think they would ever let a 3 year old in, although I am not 100% sure. I plan to homeschool my son as well as any future kids we may have so we won't have this worry, although if it were me in your shoes, I would. In fact, I would probably worry more because I am so paranoid in my decision making for my son because I am afraid I will make a wrong choice. You're a good mom. No worries.
1 person likes this
@mauricel (113)
• Philippines
21 Jul 10
You made the right decision by not letting your 3 years old child to go to school yet. Sometimes when children at her age go to school early and not fully prepared to be with lot of people they tend to be shy.
Although teachers can assist them we aren't guaranteed that she/he will get the full attention. For now the best thing for you to do for the next months until the next school year is to prepare her. You can start by asking if she want to go to school next school year? If the answer is yes, motivate her by telling her that she should be sleeping at this time so she can wake up in the morning so she wont be late for school. Re-orient her with her potty train. Give her some activities a like to those in schools so she won't be surprise if the teacher told her to do things during classes. And lastly talk to her like a little adult, repeat every word to her at least three times even if she is not responding, so she will be familiar to the sound.
My son is only two but he can talked and express what he want whenever he say something I say it again to him and he will repeat what I said.
Hope this may help you. Have a blessed day.
@denise36 (128)
• United States
21 Jul 10
While I think that socialized interaction between children, especially in a school setting is important, it's not all that important at 3 years old. Waiting another year should be no problem at all. Don't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure she would much rather spend this year with you. :)
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (189838)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jul 10
Did you tell this lady about your child's odd sleeping habit? The sooner she is able to start Head Start the quicker she will be on track for school. I have been fortunate in that my kids never needed to go to Pre-school or Head Start. Someone always called and tests were done early on that told them they scored high in all areas and didn't need the added help to ready them for school. But I always teach my kids their name, address, phone number and by the time they are ready for school they know how to write this plus count to 20 and know alot of their colors. I think it is a parent's responsibility to teach their children the basics and ready them for school. This includes talking to them about what school will be like, what to expect, what is expected of them and etc. I don't know how old your children are but is this something you plan on doing?
@snowqueen200802 (1463)
• United States
21 Jul 10
My dear cream97, you made the right decision, because you are give your child the chance to grown a little bit more. By next year, she will be ready to go. It's not good to push a child.
I have to make that kind of decision with my youngest daughter was ready for Head Start and I held her back a year, because she was just not ready and I new it deep down insdie of me.
12 years later, she graduated from hight when she was 19, but now she is going to collage working on her Master degree. 
I am proud of her and I am also proud of me for making the right decision long ago. I was worry for a very long time but everything worked out. Just like it will work out for you and your family.
Take care
Snow
I am proud of her and I am also proud of me for making the right decision long ago. I was worry for a very long time but everything worked out. Just like it will work out for you and your family.
Take care
Snow1 person likes this
