The emotional pain is driving me to distraction!!
By bonnie
@bunnybon7 (50970)
Holiday, Florida
March 1, 2012 7:29pm CST
I may not be on here a lot for a while. Im still in shock. My adopted mother, (actually my aunt) moms sister who has always been there for me and is the best person ive ever known has inoperable lung cancer. 
they have taken her off of her meds for her heart. and she said she would rather go like that. this woman has always been there for me and now I guess she will be waiting for me there with my John. I really thought this year would be better, but it seems it might be worse without her in it. I should be glad its not one of my kids, i guess. My eyes are sore from crying now. I keep feeling like I should do something. I feel so helpless. you know? She is 76 yrs. so I should feel shes had a fairly long life. she says shes ready and I really dont want her to suffer, but Im just so selfish. and I know thats what it is. dont you agree? its selfish of me to want her here when she can be at peace. 
they have taken her off of her meds for her heart. and she said she would rather go like that. this woman has always been there for me and now I guess she will be waiting for me there with my John. I really thought this year would be better, but it seems it might be worse without her in it. I should be glad its not one of my kids, i guess. My eyes are sore from crying now. I keep feeling like I should do something. I feel so helpless. you know? She is 76 yrs. so I should feel shes had a fairly long life. she says shes ready and I really dont want her to suffer, but Im just so selfish. and I know thats what it is. dont you agree? its selfish of me to want her here when she can be at peace. 7 people like this
17 responses
@celticeagle (189833)
• Boise, Idaho
2 Mar 12
I am so sorry to hear this news. 76 is a pretty good age. We are all suffer when it comes to losing those we love. But she will be in a better place. She is going to go regardless and I hope you can learn to cope with it.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (189833)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Mar 12
I have some great memories of loved ones gone too.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
4 Mar 12
im getting more used to the idea and thinking i will see her before long also where we go and my late hubby John to. it just brings back so many memories of loved ones gone. 
2 people like this
@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
2 Mar 12
We are all selfish in love. It is never easy to give up or let go of someone who is close to our heart. It may be a good decision to go in peace rather than in suffering. But it is sad to know that, maybe, just maybe, by going for treatment, there is a chance of recovery. But that is a painful process and it may not be effective. It is a hard decision to make. I am not sure whether I am capable of making that decision if I were in such a situation. Just be with your mother more while she is still around. Make her happy. Talk to her. Hug her.
Just be with your mother more while she is still around. Make her happy. Talk to her. Hug her.@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
4 Mar 12
yes. but i think shes made this decision because she was with my mom, her late husband, her brother, and her son 2 yrs ago that all suffered with cancer and she knows what a terrible way to go suffering. 1 person likes this
@mentalward (14690)
• United States
2 Mar 12
I understand and can relate, bonny. I lost my mother to the same thing. When her cancer was diagnosed, it had already spread to her brain so there was nothing that could have been done at that point. All I could do was see to it that she was as comfortable as possible in her last days. That's what you need to do, too. Doing all you can now will help you have closure when the time comes so you can begin to look forward to the time you'll see her again.
I know it hurts but I think we're all a bit selfish when it comes to losing our loved ones. When they go, they leave a huge hole in our heart that feels so very empty at first but eventually fills up with wonderful memories of our time with them. This will happen to you, too. I guarantee it.
Take as much time as you need but remember that your myLot family here is a terrific source of strength when we need it.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
4 Mar 12
yes ive noticed that. when i first heard, i thought id likely be to upset to do discussions and such online, but i find its such an addiction with me that im still comeing back and im still talking/discussing with people here and other places online. and it is a great comfort. 1 person likes this
@Shellyann36 (11383)
• United States
2 Mar 12
So sorry to hear about your mother/aunt. It is a hard thing to deal with knowing that someone so close to you is going to be leaving you. I know it is hard but she needs your support now just like she has supported you in the past. God Bless you both.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Mar 12
go see her and spend some time with her if you can.,you will feel better afterwards that you did.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
6 Mar 12
you are so right and iam trying so hard to be strong about it. 
im trying not to think on it to much and enjoy that shes here now.1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
3 Mar 12
Your not selfish...it's never easy to let go of someone that we love. Especially not someone that you have been so close to your whole life. I am so sorry to hear your hurting and I wish there was something that I could say or do to ease your pain. When I lost my grandmother, it was easier for me to remember how much pain she was in while she was here and they she would be at peace. It didn't make me feel better about not having her with me though..I don't think anything makes that feel better.
I am thinking of you.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Mar 12
hiagain just thinking how it seems like cancer will wipe
out those special people in our lives, kind,sweet loving
people but you seldom see the mean, unkind selfish people
in your lives get swept away by cancer or hear disease.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
7 Mar 12
yes when i remember how awful it was for John, i know i have to hope she goes quickly with a heart attack. 
thanks girl. ive been talking with her on the phone. its hard to believe shes still working a few hours 2 days a week. 
but thats her. she is worried about her boss getting a replacement when shes gone! always thinking of others
thanks girl. ive been talking with her on the phone. its hard to believe shes still working a few hours 2 days a week. but thats her. she is worried about her boss getting a replacement when shes gone! always thinking of others1 person likes this
@toniganzon (77156)
• Philippines
2 Mar 12
Hi! It's normal tone selfish in this situation. You love her you need her she's important to you. There's no way I can convince ou to let her go just like that and that's not why I'm responding to this disicussion. I lost my parents when I was 13 and I blamed God for awhile for that but I know God has forgiven me and nderstood why I felt that way. We all become selfish with the people we love. But intime we will learn to accept and move on.
As of the moment you still have time to be wither, make her smile and just enjoy the time left for you. If it'sa consolation, I would say at least you still have time which I didn't because mine went sudden.
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
4 Mar 12
so sorry dear. ive been keeping in touch on the phone. she lives thousands of miles away and i cant make that trip. i really thought this year would be better but now im not so sure. 1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (64169)
• United States
3 Mar 12
It is NORMAL to feel that way. Nobody wants a loved one to leave them, especially not permanently!
Sure its selfish, but a certain amount of selfishness is also normal.
Know that this is what she wants, and be there for her and with her as much as you can be.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
7 Mar 12
ive been keeping in touch. its been hard for me to finish answering this discussion to it seems. thanks girl2 people like this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
2 Mar 12
Please, dearheart...it is O.K., to be selfish, this precious lady helped to make this a better world for you! Grief is so hard to understand..and it is one emotion we cannot control. Don't beat yourself up for being selfish (which I don't think it is)..you are just torn, right now!
I pray the Lord gives you strength...for you and her!
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
4 Mar 12
thank you. i believe God has helped me and i am in hopes she doesnt suffer as so many others in our family has. its almost like we are getting used to the cancer thing. its gotten almost all my family and extended family. 
@ersmommy1 (12587)
• United States
3 Mar 12
You LOVE her! Yes it's the selfishness of not wanting to lose a person you LOVE! WE ALL HAVE THAT. So please do not beat yourself up over it. That is so normal and human. I am so sorry. I went through something similar with my grandmother. It is hard. Cry when you have to. But try and remember good things, happy times, and share those with her if you can. All you can do is let her know how much you care, and that she effected your life in the most positive way.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
7 Mar 12
ive been doing that over the phone. just cant go back to Ohio just yet. but im keeping in touch and trying to help.1 person likes this
@allknowing (153530)
• India
2 Mar 12
Every single one of us gets into a situation like this and we are supposed to know that at some point in our life it will raise its ugly head. Situations where one can do nothing but watch one fade away in front of our eyes is most devastating but face we must. I don't think your aunt will want you to ruin yourself by going hysterical and so for her sake I think it is best that you take things calmly and pray for her and yourself.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
6 Mar 12
yes you are right. when i first talked to her on the phone, it was all i could do not to cry, but i managed. shes the type of person to that is upbeat with everything. shes so strong. 
@neelia_lyn (2003)
• Philippines
2 Mar 12
So sorry about your adopted mother. It is really painful to let go of a love one who have loved and cared for you. But you don't want her to suffer longer and at the same time you just don't want her to go. You need to be strong for both of you. I'm sure she is a strong and courageous woman to have gone through an ordeal like that.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
6 Mar 12
she sure is and her biggest concerns are others that will suffer for her lose
@adnileb (5287)
• Philippines
2 Mar 12
Don't be sad. Just remember all the good things it may bring your life. It may be difficult without her by your side but she is feeling good now because all her pain was taken away. Everybody should have a strong heart and mind to keep up with everything that might happen in our lives. Wish you are a little good now.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
6 Mar 12
thanks dear. i have calmed down a bit from talking with her on the phone1 person likes this
@deodavid (4147)
• Philippines
2 Mar 12
hi there bunnybon,
I think you should try to really be in a quite place and just be by yourself get perspective and see things in different views, look at if in the way that is agaisnt yours and analyze why would that other person think differently than you do and see the benefits of that for that person. Will it outweigh yours or is yours more suited for you and for the other person.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
6 Mar 12
yes i realise its selfish to want her to stay, but im feeling more open to it all now.1 person likes this
@no_ming (137)
• Philippines
5 Mar 12
Hello Bunny!
You have to let her what she wants. Just tell everything you want to tell her so you can accept the situation that she wanted to happen. You may not hear her voice again but she is always in your heart, the memories that you had been shared together..
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
12 Mar 12
It's only natural to feel like that. I didn't want my dad to be gone...I still cry and don't want him to be gone and it's been nearly 8 weeks now.
We all have our own experience of these things. There is no right or wrong, we just go through the motions feeling things in a huge way. Our emotions are running hot.
You will be at peace soon too, you will be able to accept things more easily - it just takes time my friend.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
12 Mar 12
so sorry mstickle. it seems for some of us it takes way to much time. my hubby has been gone 10 yrs now and im still greiving some thing terrible. i sure hope you feel better soon.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
2 Mar 12
dear bunnybon you are not selfish at all. We all need someone who encourages us and cares about us and I am sooo sorry to hear your aunt is that sick.
Have gone through a similar situation and could also only see my heart mom only once before she was too weak to fight cancer a second time around. And I also longed so much to spend more time with her as the clock of her life here on earth ticked off.
You are in my thoughts and its normal you are in shock and wont want to let her go.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
6 Mar 12
its taken a while for me to think about it and after talking with her last night, i feel better about it. its her i want to feel better, but she does seem quite upbeat about it all. the only thing shes worried about is her grandson staying off the drink and other peoples well being. thats how she is. its the kind of beautiful person shes always been.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
10 Mar 12
dear bunnybon thanks bunches for the BR. Your Aunt sounds very much like my heart Mom Anne who always cared about others and put herself last.......
@manaleli101 (146)
• South Africa
12 Mar 12
It is normal to want your loved one to be around even if they wont do anything for youu,maybe all they could do is just smile or touch you or offer advice..But it is much more daunting to watch them go through pain and watch them fade away everday.
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Mar 12
yes iam afraid to see that. and she dont want it either. its why she thinks perhaps she will just go with a heart attack if she dont take her meds. 