Roomie:&quot;I feel like slapping your face.&quot; Me; &quot; you hit me you will be sorry&quot;.

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi stephcjh yes I was hurt and confused and finally I went downstairs' and she came over to me. she admitted she had forgotten she gave me a bad time last time I tried to get her to go with me. so she sort of semi apologized. she does have Alzheimer

disease so I have to try to figure out when she is herself and when she is not. its not always easy but mostly she had a sweet kind nature.

1 person likes this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi sweetmommy not really as we all watch her and she has never shown any signs of really wanting to hurt anyone. She was just hurt and angry . I am intelligent enough to be very careful andchanging roommates here is not all that easy. lol

1 person likes this

sweetmommy

@sweetmommy (11)

• Qatar

12 May 11

You will be in danger if she has Alzheimer disease better get a new roomie :)

3 people like this

ANTIQUELADY

@ANTIQUELADY (36440)

• United States

12 May 11

Good morning Hatley, how tacky your roomie acted. I'm sure she does have problems but they are not your problems so don't u feel bad. If u are like me u have a full time job just taking care of yourself.

3 people like this

roomie

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi antiquelady as a diabetic yes its pretty much a f ull time job just controlling my blood sugar so dont need a lot of added stress. we came to an agreement I will tell her when they are playing bingo and she then must be on her own t o go play or not play, and not to blame me if she decides not to play.If she would sleep at night and not in the daytime we both would be better off.

1 person likes this

daeckardt

@daeckardt (6237)

• United States

16 May 11

I find it surprising that people still say that. I have heard parents say it to their kids, but not usually between adults. Of course, some people just say things when they are upset. Since she was crying, it sounds like she wasn't thinking very clearly and I doubt that the "feeling" of wanting to slap you would have gone any further than the expression of frustration. I think it is inappropriate to even threaten such a thing, but if this is an older woman (and I assume it is since you are in an assisted living facility), then I think it was nothing more than an expression of frustration. I think I would feel insulted if someone actually did that to me, but I wouldn't worry about just a threat of such an action.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

18 May 11

hi daeckardt yes I have to see her side always as its the oddest diesease in that she has days when she seems like the old Kathy. this morning they made a particular effort to ask her to join them playing bingo and she wwent and she acted like she really enjoyed it too.Now shes back sleeping again. I cannot understand anyone wanting to sleep all day then fidget and keep me awake all night. just onc e if she wou ld sleep all night I would be a happy camper for sure.

3 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

17 May 11

hi daeckardt yes it really surp rised me. I think it shocked me as I have always felt this repu lsion from the time my own fahter slapped me f or something my much younger sister had done. It was not fair and he knew he was unfair, but the trutgh is when he found out that he had parented a retarded baby he was furious at the world and at me. I was a gifted child which seemed to make him angry and not proud. we.ll any way I loathed the idea of anyone slapping me. once I cooled off I realized she was hurt and she in her own way did apologize to me. she said she did not remember telling me to leave her alone, she did not want to play bingo. Yes she is 80 and in the midst of having Alzheimer disease. So I am not really afraid anymore.

3 people like this

daeckardt

@daeckardt (6237)

• United States

17 May 11

I can understand the reason you feel that way. I'm glad you could see where she was coming from at the time. Alzheimer disease is really sad to deal with and anything you can do to make things easier for your roomie is good for both of you. If you tell her bingo is going on and she says she is not interested, them just leave it alone at that, but you should probably tell her about it if she is in her right mind. Good luck!

2 people like this

Always smiling

@allknowing (130066)

• India

12 May 11

Too much is made of reactions when one is upset. This room mate of yours must have forgotten all about her telling you not to wake her up. If you know this room mate inside out then you should judge her. These spontaneous reactions are not to be taken into account as being the ultimate.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi allknowing yes indeed and once I got over being shocked and angry she did come to me a nd admit she had just forgotten how she had treated me last week. the thing is in alzhemier sometimes they go into remission and am reallthemselves so its all most confusing. we compromised bvut I say this nobody slaps my face ever again. I will hit anyone who does that and I mean I mean it too.She is rightnow more like herself but even doctors and nurses are confused by the ups and downs of Alzheimer disease. I know all this but I am a human being and humans do have emoltions and do get upset even knowing the other person is becoming senile in that they go through stages of being normal too.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

allknowing I am now fully aware that theres an awful lot I do not know about Azheimer disease so am reallybeing very careful and monitoring her moods for any changes. as I will tell Kristine if she does get aggressive in reality.

1 person likes this

Always smiling

@allknowing (130066)

• India

12 May 11

You are justified to react the way you did for as long as you realise the 'whats' and 'whys'of the situation.

2 people like this

rebel_woman06

@SIMPLYD (90722)

• Philippines

12 May 11

That girl is just oversensitive and saying that line is way over board. It was just a bingo! duh? How can she make a big problem out of that and put the blame on you? If i were you, i would really be so angry, and walk out on her!

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi simplyd you have to bear in mind she does have Alzheimer disease and sometimes she is herself and at other times it well really confusing. we finally had a talk and she admitted she had forgotten she yelled at me to leave her alone last week when I suggested she join me to play bingo. I was furious but after our talk I calmed down. but if she ghesgt really agressive then I will ask them to move her as I will be dammed if i am going to move this time.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi simplyd lost my comment copy paste we are roommates in a retriement center and if she gets worse I will ask that she be moved as I am not moving again. She knows me and shes just in the first stages so I am not that worried. the staff keeps an eye on p eople like her and outside of our settol she has been very sweet to me.

2 people like this

rebel_woman06

@SIMPLYD (90722)

• Philippines

12 May 11

She has an Alzheimer's disease? Well, if she really has that, then i suggest you move out of that house or transfer to another room. It's hard to be dealing with a person who at times doesn't even know you or couldn't even remember what you have agreed upon the previous days. You never know what will happen next time, she forgets she's your roommate.

2 people like this

YoghurtGal

@flapiz (22402)

• United Kingdom

12 May 11

My advice to you: Get a New Roomie!Gosh she's over the top. I mean she missed a game. Is it really that big of a deal? She can always join next time. I agree with you slapping someone's face is a very grave insult. Specially if even your own parents haven't done it to you. What right does she have?

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

we are in a retirement center and changing roommates is not at all easy here.we have little say so as the three who own this center are the powers to be reckoned with. if she ever touches me then I will see Kristien and ask to have new roommate. but she has never ever done that and she is more her self again.

1 person likes this

YoghurtGal

@flapiz (22402)

• United Kingdom

12 May 11

Indeed. Her roomie is kinda scary and rude. No one has the rights to say that to someone.

2 people like this

sweetmommy

@sweetmommy (11)

• Qatar

12 May 11

I agree with Flapiz. You should get a new roomie. It is hard to have a roomie who have that kind of attitude. It's really insulting to hear that word from someone who don't have the rights to say that.

2 people like this

@GardenGerty (157546)

• United States

12 May 11

I feel like a slap in the face is almost never appropriate, especially in this circumstance. If she slaps you, you make sure it is noted. I think she needs to be woken by the activity person if anyone does it. She also should be told at breakfast and then left to get herself there.

2 people like this

violence in a care home

Heather Echola

@GardenGerty (157546)

• United States

12 May 11

That is right. You need to feel safe in your own room.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi yes really I will report her if she ever acts out any violence. my son would be upset if I were to have anything happen to me that could be prevented.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi gardengerty I was so shocked as shes always been sweet and kind tol me and i felt she is in the midst of Alzehemier again .that outburst confused me and hurt me. I told her she bawled me out last week for going to the trouble of getting her to hear me and tell her we were playing bingo., she finally admitted she had given me a bad time. so we sort of compromised on the whold thing. if it happens again I will report the whole thing.

3 people like this

MsTickle

@MsTickle (25180)

• Australia

16 May 11

People either say it or they do it. Not both. I don't think she would actually do that to you Hatley but the fact is she wanted to. I don't think she meant it as an insult. I think she meant it as a punishment. You did not do what she asked you to do and so she missed out on some fun. I sort of feel sorry for her but she is a constant pain in the pants and so I don't feel totally sorry for her...I feel more sorry for you cos you have to put up with her shenanigans. Hugs Patsie dear...

2 people like this

no intent

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

17 May 11

hi mstickle it really hurts when I think about how bright she was when I was first moved to her room. she knew zillion of facts about historical events. I checked on the net and she was perfect in her memory. now she has lost so much and it makes her so unhappy not to remember from one day to the next. I really should have woke her and taken my lumps if she

was angered at being woke up. we have so few programs here now. I have my computer and she reads and listens to music but she is always complaining of being bored.. hugs from hatley

2 people like this

cynthiann

@cynthiann (18602)

• Jamaica

11 May 11

I had my face slapped many times as a child and it was always awful. It is the ultimate insult to anyone. Very humiliating. I'm glad that you stood up to her Hatley

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi cynthiann thanks for the lovely compliment .yes we , my son and i learned to become survivors. yes I must keep strong and keep hoping. I was just talking via email with Nelda my best friend and her son is also out of work and getting so discouraged as he has put in so many applications for jobs in the editing part of the film industry and still has not got a firm yes you are hired or no sorry you are not.He and his mom spent quite a sum of money getting him through editing and cutting film school. He worked for several years and was hoping to get moved up when instead the boss laid him off so he could hire his wet behind the ears 20 yr. old nephew. the nephew had no job experience at all. Nepotism and thats so unfair.

1 person likes this

cynthiann

@cynthiann (18602)

• Jamaica

11 May 11

You have lived through so many hardships and survived. You are here as an inspiration to so many people and you are well respected by all and loved. keep strong

1 person likes this

JenInTN

@JenInTN (27514)

• United States

11 May 11

No..your not alone...being slapped in the face is a big deal. That's a shame that she acted like that..confusing for you too....you are in trouble if you do and in trouble if you don't. I don't think I would worry about reminding her anymore unless she apologizes to you. I might not even feel inclined to do so then.

2 people like this

when someone behaves out of context with their nor

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi JenInTn I am thinking along the same lines as you as she did not have the nerve to tell her sister who was visiting Kathy today what'she said to me yesterday. I went downstairs before dinner to cool off from my anger and she came over to me and when I told her just last week she had been rude to me when I called her to get up and go play bingo. she then admitted she had forgotten that so we decided I would tell her and it was up to her whether she went down or not.She was not to give me a bad time either.

1 person likes this

Sue21

@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)

• Pamplona, Spain

12 May 11

Hiya Hatley, You go and play Bingo you need to be away from that Room as much as you can. Tensions run very high when you have such close company all the time. Tempers can flare and how and you did well to stand your ground as well. Is this the Lady who is losing her Memory? I would be out of there a lot to give her space and myself as well. That´s very easy for me to say I know but that is what I would do. Enjoy your Bingo I love playing it as well just for fun you go and have fun Hatley. Hope you are much better now too.xxx

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi loving angelsinstead of21 yes I did have to get away and it made me feel like a new person even if it dig upset here. all is well now and she seems to have made her peace with me. she ;I think say she had really made me angry and thus decided to compromise with em.

1 person likes this

yspmyl

@yspmyl (3435)

• Malaysia

12 May 11

Hi Hatley, I feel pity and sorry for you because you have a really bad and sensitive roomate, it will be really hard to stay with people like her in the same room. Sometime, this type of people should not treat them too good and I support your act that you yelled at her that if she hit you and she will be sorry. I think she now know that you cannot be bully by her and you will definitely fight back. I hope that she will learn the lesson and behave herself in the future.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi yspmyl we had always gotten along so much nice than other p eople here that it shocked me and angered me with her remark. but since sheadmitted that she for got how upset she was with me last week cause i made her get u p and she refused to go play bingo.I told her i will tell you when they are playing bingo but its up to you to go or not go.

1 person likes this

figurativeme

@figurativeme (1089)

• Philippines

12 May 11

I know how you feel, Hatley. I had this experience once where a senior threatened to do the same to me and pointed her finger to my face and had her face inches from mine. And I thought, try touching me and you will see. And that was a promise not a threat from me. I think it was inapropriate for her and at her age at that to say that even in anger. One would expect maturity. Though perhaps she said it more out of frustration for missing a bingo game and just empty words. Still, if she really wanted to she could have done something not to miss the game. I hope this was resolved as it could be really uncomfortable, to say the least, to have unresolved dynamics with a roommate.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi figurativeme yes it was resolved. I fled downstairs confused and very angry trying to tell myself it must be the Alzheimer disease talking as she had never been angrywith me and to say that really hurt. anything else she could have said would not have been so angering to me me. Slapping my face is to me the ultimate in humiliation and once was enough my dad slapped me for doing something wrong that my younger sister not me had done. I never forgave him for that. He I am sure did know better but he never punished her as she was mentally retarded and thus could do no wrong.spoiled rotten as a kid, as a teen, as an adult she was always looking for love and sadly turned to prositution a nd when she did this and accused my husband who was so faithful of cheating I chose my husband and family over her.lm could not do otherwise as I married for better or worse, in sickness and in health.

1 person likes this

ajk111

@ajk111 (2495)

•

11 May 11

i guess you need to play bingo based around your rommies waking hours lol! sometimes you just can't win. wake them and they go nuts or leave them and it's tantrum time. what age is she? 12? don't know what to say Hatley other than good luck, you're going to need it!

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

11 May 11

hi ajk nope she acted like 12 but shes over 80 and has alzenheimer diesease while I am 84 and am still clear minded thank G od for that. Yes Good luck is what I need. if she ever shows that type of agression again I am going to have to talk to Kristine our medical go to person.When I reminded her that last week she bawled me out for waking her asking her to go play bingo. so she half way sort of apologiZed.

1 person likes this

ajk111

@ajk111 (2495)

•

11 May 11

84 is a fine age. you must have some amazing stories. my mother is 82 and tells me tales of WW11 and the bombing of the clyde and being evacuateed to Ireland. it is a pleasure to have become your friend Hatley, long may we converse.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi ajk yes its all right and I love living in this era with so many new technological advances. yes I lived through the second world war also. I am glad you are another new friend, new blood here keeps us f rom getting all stuffy. lol loll loll

1 person likes this

zed_k4

@zed_k4 (17589)

• Singapore

30 May 11

I think a joke is a joke is a joke ...but physical abuse in the form of a joke is truly no joke. I'm with you on this one and I think she should know her limits. What if you've said "I feel like kicking your head", I think she will put on a sad face. Sometimes friends or people tend to say things to others without realizing the impact they have put...but when they themselves are being delivered the exact same line , they will be furious like no other. Just steer away from her for awhile before things get back to normal...

1 person likes this

zed_k4

@zed_k4 (17589)

• Singapore

5 Jun 11

It's good you are with such a good character .. I think if she wants to continue playing she won't say those things again.

1 person likes this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

5 Jun 11

hi zed I think you are right and she has been much better lately. Having them make a special effort to let her know when they are playing bingo has helped her considerably.

1 person likes this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

31 May 11

hi zed in a way what she sad was so ridiculous as I am much bigger than she is and a bit stronger too. she did cool off and told me she did not remember having told me to leave her alone she did not want to play bingo. I told her that the game was on e very thursday and friday afternoon so if she would watch the days she could go when ever she wanted to. she had sort of apologized.

2 people like this

TheRealDawn

@dawnald (85136)

• Shingle Springs, California

11 May 11

Maybe not the ultimate insult. To me, I think the ultimate insult is being falsely accused of something.

1 person likes this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

11 May 11

hi dawn and cynthiann. yes I am afraid its escalating some but she never talked aggressively befpre. I doubt very much if she would ever hurt me as she was just upset yesterday. In a way she did apologize as she agreed her memory seems shot now and she did not remember telling me she did not want to be woke up to play bingo. I have read on the wedmd that Alzheimer disease confuses people as the person with it has remission periods when they seem their old selves then suddenly cannot remember their address or the name of near and dear people. I was slapped just once and never forgot it as I was again blamed for something my younger sister ded. I soon moved out as that to me was enough.hi dawn seems R has a convenient forgettery to coin a word. lol

2 people like this

TheRealDawn

@dawnald (85136)

• Shingle Springs, California

11 May 11

R slapped me once, way back in 1986. I brought it up years later, and he didn't even remember. Shortly thereafter he suddenly remembered it and had thought up a reasonable explanation.

2 people like this

cynthiann

@cynthiann (18602)

• Jamaica

11 May 11

That hasn't happened to me but it would feel awful. However, as a child, my face was slapped many times. There would be the imprint if the person's hands and fingers on my face so it was plain to anyone who saw me what had happened. This lady, as I begin to think about it, sounds lie she may be suffering from the beginnings of dementia

. Oh, the siege is over. Barricades removed when the son turned up. workmen finished for the day but have to return tomorrow and the Son is leaving as he has work in town. Cannot stay. I am locked in my office

2 people like this

cream97

@cream97 (29087)

• United States

11 May 11

Hi. Hatley. She reaped what she has sown. Obviously!

If she could not wake up the last time and she did not want to be bothered. Then what does she expect for you to do the very next time then? No one is going to bother her if she does not want to be bothered. You took a hint and you went by it. So she can't get upset that she missed playing Bingo. Slapping you in the face was weigh uncalled for. I am glad that you stood up to her. Who does this woman think that she is? I am glad that you did not back down from her! If she wanted to stay sleep, then that is what she did. You were just leaving her be, and she can't get mad at you for that. If she wants to blame anyone here, she surely needs to blame her own self.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

11 May 11

hi cream no she did not slap me she just said she felt like slappimg me and that really hurt to think she felt that wayh. I snapped "YOu hit me you will be sorry." Right at that moment if she really had I might have hit her back. I went downstairs to cool off my tmeper before dinner and she came over and said she did not remember last week so she agreed she would not bawl me ou t if I told her next time when we were playing bingo. she really overreacted and ai told her so but gently as she does have Alzheimer disease. I can never tell when she does remember things and when she does not. its sort of up and down with her

1 person likes this

mommyboo

@mommyboo (13174)

• United States

11 May 11

What a childish thing to say! I do not think I've ever told someone 'I feel like slapping your face' lol! I can tell you though that I do understand the spot she put you in because there have been times when I wished my husband woke me up instead of letting me fall asleep when we're watching something - yet again occasionally if he HAS poked me to keep me awake, I've gotten mad lol. I've never told him I feel like slapping him because he let me sleep though ROTFL!

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

12 May 11

hi mommyboo yes she blew this allout of proportion but she finally admitted she had forgot she bawled me out for waking her to play bingo so I promised to remind her on the days we have bingo. she seemed to be trying to apologize to me in her own way. her Alzheimer

disease seems worst again. I felt hurt and confused as I finally told her she had been sort of nasty to me last time. I will take her agreement as an apology just so she never says that to me again.

1 person likes this

jb78000

@jb78000 (15139)

•

11 May 11

it is weird because it is right on the line between a verbal insult and a physical attack without actually being either. anyway it is pretty insulting but i think there are probably worse, more hurtful things you could say or do to somebody than slap them in the face. your roommate is out of line btw - talk about an overreaction.

2 people like this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

11 May 11

hi jb as she is usually such a mild mannered person I was totally shocked and the only time I was ever slapped I was probably 13 and did not do what I was accuse of and again punished for my younger sister's misdeeds. I admit I really did not want to hassle with Kathy over whether or not she would go down to bingo. So I didn't. I just went down but I apologized and was shocked at her reaction. she completely forgot I did wake her the week before and after yelling five times kathy they are playing bingo she sat up and said '" Leave me aone I don't want to go downstairs. just go."

so I could not win either way. lol.

2 people like this

sophiecheer

@sophiecheer (931)

• Philippines

11 May 11

It is not..by far the ultimate insult is when people pretend that they don't see you when all the while you are standing in front of them.It makes me wanna scream,"what did I ever do to deserve this kind of treatment?!" Seriously, we wanted some form of acknowledgement from other people.When they make it known that you're presence is not needed, it means they are "that" angry with you.

1 person likes this

friends

friendship

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

11 May 11

hi sophiecheer oh yes thats even worse. I had a parent my dad who was exactley like that. When he was displeased with me he would act like i did not exist. yes I would stand in front of him and he would pretend he did not see me. that is indeed the ultimate insult. I have never acted like that with either of my children. What a sad thing for a person to bear whether its a parent, relative or so c alled friend. it makes me feel'chilled to think of that kind of treatment. you know sophie come to think of I did ask my dad "What have I done to deserve this from you?" and I will be damned he just walked out of the room. At least my exchange with Kathy was more the normal anger producing thing and we did iron it out afterwards. sophie I hope whoever did this to you gets their own back tenfold as thats the most chilling experience of all.

1 person likes this

@Hatley (163781)

• Garden Grove, California

1 Jun 11

hi sophiecheer its hard when someone is really anggry and close minded too. You did the best you could and it was time to give up and move on as like the saying you cannot whip a d ead horse and expect it to runl same with a finished relation ship too. its done and notheing will change that.Hope he is not one for grudges as you did nothiong wrong. jo

1 person likes this

sophiecheer

@sophiecheer (931)

• Philippines

13 May 11

Don't worry Hatley, I am so over that feeling already. I admit it bothered me for quite some time but I don't think it would matter now. There is no point of trying to fix the relationship if the other party is closed minded and would refuse to accept an explanation. I don't know but it just seems like its no longer worth it. So basically, we've parted. I know in my heart of hearts that I did my best in trying to reconcile. I have had no guilt feelings whatsoever and right now I am happy. The other party? I don't know. I just hope that he will get past his hatred and learn to move on without heavy feelings towards me or anybody.

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