It is Kind of Creepy
@GardenGerty (169474)
United States
August 22, 2016 7:05am CST
I am being stalked and so are you through me. It makes me feel creepy.
Earlier this year a lady contacted me by e mail. She was my first husband's unacknowledged older sister. The brothers never knew about her.
You may or may not know that my first husband died nineteen years ago.
My current husband said to meet with her once and offer her kindness as she never knew her dad, and her mom was not kind, according to her memories.
We had a six hour lunch with her and she writes me long, inquisitive e mails.
I am beginning to draw some boundaries, but it is hard to be mean to her. I do feel that she is too focused on the past when she has many things in her present and future that most people do not.
Anyway, her newest e mail tells me she has perused my friend list on facebook extensively.She did not say so, it is just the things she asks.
She noted that one of my friends, actually one of you guys, has the same last name as one of her step dads. Could you be connected? I really do not think so.It is a married name. I do not know much about your husband. You live a long ways away from the state of Kansas. Frankly, I am not going to ask, although she has given me his name, his wife's name etc.
I will not ask her to join myLot, although I think you guys might do more for her mental health than years of counselling have. Selfish of me, I know.
So if you think you are being stalked, you may be.
23 people like this
24 responses
@davidalicea100 (3495)
• Merced, California
22 Aug 16
I stalk everybody on mylot sorry im bored
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
Oh, but you do not try to put yourself into other people's life by means of Facebook
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
myLot is kind of public and we put our lives out here for most everyone. My friends on Facebook are not asking for people to try to become family.
1 person likes this
@davidalicea100 (3495)
• Merced, California
25 Aug 16
@GardenGerty mylot is awesome i dont use facebook anymore
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
At first I thought I was over reacting. I do look at the friends of my friends on FaceBook. I just do not try to pry and find out things about them.
3 people like this
@skysnap (20152)
•
22 Aug 16
@GardenGerty yeah we have to let them go and live their life.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
@skysnap I am glad to be getting some input here. I was feeling mean for not wanting to just share all of my life with her.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
22 Aug 16
It might be time to break that connection, after-all she is not related to you. I had a similar case on ancestry and I have totally disconnected I don't need drama in my life and it gets overwhelming. Her name isn't Margaret is it? lol
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
Nope, she is not Margaret. I have a friend on several sites who had a crazy type person even sending her presents.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
24 Aug 16
@GardenGerty She just sends lots, and lots of emails, all the time. Just way too much from a stranger.
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
She has formed a good relationship with some of the others in the family. I happen to live the closest to her, though. I did try to give her some of my perspective this last time.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
22 Aug 16
she sounds lonely,, it's ok to respond to what you are comfortable with, and then when not say, "sorry dont know." and "I really couldnt say."
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
I went so far as to tell her that I was not going to go looking through pictures to scan and send her right now as it does not work for me. I did not like her trying to pick up a connection to someone due to a last name, though. It makes me feel like my friends are vulnerable.
1 person likes this
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
25 Aug 16
@GardenGerty gotta trust those weird feelings. At most, if she wanted a pic of (it was her brother right), at some point you could send her that only, just him, crop out anyone else in it.
@Happy2BeMe (99353)
• Canada
22 Aug 16
She has many issues from her past and it sounds like she is trying to find some peace with it but she is going about it all the wrong way. She would do much better if she went to counselling, they could help her deal with her base and help her heal so that she could appreciate the life she has today. She needs to learn to live the past in the past where it belongs.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
She has been going to counseling for years. You and I both know that this is inappropriate, and I told her that last time I sent her a message. I know that everyone has wounds and is hurting, but she thinks her problems are worse. I feel sorry for her. My first husband would have loved to have had her for a sister.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
@Happy2BeMe She is very focused on the fact that we used to shop in her town and my husband's trucking dispatch was there and that she may have actually seen us around town in the past.
1 person likes this
@Happy2BeMe (99353)
• Canada
22 Aug 16
@GardenGerty It is sad. I am sorry that counselling isn't giving her the help she needs. It is too bad that she didn't get a chance to meet her brother before he passes. That probably would have been a good help to her.
2 people like this
@toniganzon (77156)
• Philippines
22 Aug 16
She does need some help. I don't blame her though as she has a terrible past. It's like she's searching for something that would complete her.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
Her background is unhappy, but really I know others in the same shoes. She has gone for counseling for years evidently. She has a good husband, good benefits, three terrific kids and is headed to Europe for a vacation. This is a little obsessive.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
@toniganzon I just have to have my boundaries as sometimes her obsessing makes me sad, makes me miss my first husband, and that is not kind to my current husband.
@toniganzon (77156)
• Philippines
23 Aug 16
@GardenGerty It is. And that's who she is.
2 people like this
@davidalicea100 (3495)
• Merced, California
10 Sep 16
im stalking you right now as we speak in hiding from you
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
11 Sep 16
Are you over there behind that big blue spruce tree. I took several photos from this vantage point in this park. I love how the view gets framed.
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
22 Aug 16
I think I would cut the ties with her...that's creepy.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
So I am not over reacting? I sometimes think that I am paranoid.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
@AbbyGreenhill She is losing her eyesight. I have told her how in a way she is upsetting me, so she says she will stop.It is like she is a giant sponge wanting to soak up everything around her.
@AbbyGreenhill (45490)
• United States
22 Aug 16
@GardenGerty I would certainly not volunteer any more info to her and just keep it casual and she'll get tired and go away. If not, then unfriend her - by 'accident'.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16568)
• Ireland
22 Aug 16
erm.. goodness, she needs to let go of the past..
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
In my last e mail to her I said "do not let the past you did not have rob you of the present that you do have". She believes that no one else has the kind of pain that she has.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16568)
• Ireland
22 Aug 16
@GardenGerty she is probably right, but looking back will not help. I guess she kinda needs to figure out what's the outcome she expect from digging up the past.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
@Drosophila I told her what her digging is doing to me, as I am no longer connected to the family, except through my children and they do not really feel like being that connected to the family either.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
@sallypup I had some of that in my own family. There is what I remember, what my older sister says happened, what my mom accused, and what my dad said. Whew!
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
I am not surprised that this person exists and in fact I am more surprised that there are not others.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (69176)
• Centralia, Washington
24 Aug 16
@GardenGerty The appearance of altered facts sure had my head spinning for a bit. I thought I knew what was happening in my childhood and later but maybe stuff was going on behind the scenes that I didn't know about.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
24 Aug 16
@JudyEv Yes, she feels like an emotional orphan she says. She believes that she is the only person who has ever been left out this way. Not so. My older sister in many ways has the same feelings. I hope she treasures what she has because her life is quite good in many ways.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
Yes!! and she is down to having met all the "cousins" from the next generation except my son. She was trying to go through his wife and he finally said she needs to contact him herself, directly. She says she never received his e mail address.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (382107)
• Rockingham, Australia
22 Aug 16
@GardenGerty She sounds like she feels very left out - not now but in the early days when her brothers were much younger.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
8 Sep 16
I try to be careful but I do put stuff out there. I do not like semi strangers looking for people on my friend list.
1 person likes this
@RubyHawk (99367)
• Atlanta, Georgia
9 Sep 16
@GardenGerty I wouldn't either, but I suppose it happens.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Aug 16
thats going too far what she asked of you I had a stalker when I was 22 and he almost killed me.I gave in to his request to have dinner with him he handed me a wedding ring and proposed and when I told him again for the fiftieth time I was not in love with him he tried to choke me and two big husky waiters pulled him off me and called the police.,
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
26 Aug 16
This is not physically dangerous. She just disturbs my peace of mind. I do feel sorry for her, but somehow do not feel like it is my job to give her a "happily ever after" experience. I like to choose my friends.
@CinnamonGrl (7086)
• Santa Fe, New Mexico
22 Aug 16
I have weird friend requests all the time. I don't accept them, so she can't get to me. I'm sorry she is so troubled she is obsessed.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
I do not know if she will request friends from my list or not. I am not going to explain to her that fully half of the people I am connected to I have never met in person but know them from here or other similar sites. Yes, I am sorry for her, and wish she could get her mind focused on what she HAS not what she missed.
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (91086)
• United States
22 Aug 16
Isn't there a way to set your friends on fb to a privacy setting? It seems kind of weird that she's stalking your fb friends but I guess she's not doing it to be a stalker but trying to find a connection to her past? I think you drawing boundaries is the right thing to do
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
I probably could do that. Perhaps I should. This is not the only stalker of my friends. I probably will post another discussion on the topic.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
5 Sep 16
I think she is fixated on meeting my son cause he is the only one who has not made a point to meet her. He will eventually. This is one of those people who believes they have had a worse life than anyone. As she prepares to go to Europe for a second time. What about the homeless and hungry and orphans all around.? Drama queen, I know a few.
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
Her answer would be that she does not have the tools or relationships in her past to have a good reference. Some people have such a hard time understanding that what is past, is past. They become rude and intrusive really.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22923)
• India
22 Aug 16
Thats sad.....will she go for conselling ?
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (169474)
• United States
22 Aug 16
She has been going for counseling for years.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22923)
• India
22 Aug 16
@GardenGerty i thought she had left off,
1 person likes this
