Do your friends ever frustrate you?

@TheHorse (201568)
Walnut Creek, California
March 4, 2019 10:35am CST
On Saturday, I went down to a music friend's house to "jam." He's one of the East Bay's best mandolin players, but he has a difficult personality, and has wound up kind of isolated from the bluegrass community. He served me homemade tacos, we drank beer, he smoked a lot of pot, and we played music. So far so good. But he also talked incessantly and never listened to a single word I said. A non-stop talker is OK with me, as I can go into "active listening" mode and be silent. But when I DO talk, I like to be heard. Anything I said would be interrupted, followed by a monologue about a distanty related experience from his own life. I survived by focusing on the music. He really is a good player. That all happened right before I returned home to learn that the schizophrenic lady down stairs was burning things and writing threatening messages on our neighbors' doors. I suppose that why I had a beer with breakfast Sunday (the next) morning. Anyway, do you have friends who frustrate you at times?
21 people like this
20 responses
@BelleStarr (61051)
• United States
4 Mar 19
Not so much friends as family, at least with friends you can choose to see them or not, family is not so easy to avoid.
5 people like this
@BelleStarr (61051)
• United States
5 Mar 19
@TheHorse So true, I guess I'm lucky to be talentless lol
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
4 Mar 19
True. But when you're in bands with them, and such like, it's hard to avoid them.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (116877)
• Anniston, Alabama
4 Mar 19
Yes. Some of Tony`s family is like this without the pot. Its like they are trying to impress or be one better than you... I don`t know that is how I take those people, in a way like they do not feel like they are good enough and they are trying hard to prove it. Friends, take all their flaws or walk away. That lady needs to be reported to the police, she is off meds and dangerous, a vandal and all you have to tell them is you fear for your life, and the children around and they will come get her, take her in for evaluation. So you may get 5-7 days of peace.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (156299)
• United States
5 Mar 19
@TheHorse So she must hurt herself or others before she gets some observation and help? Laws are strange where you are.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
Sigh. We have already called the Sheriff many times. They say their hands are tied. So does the landlord. It's frustrating.
2 people like this
@andriaperry (116877)
• Anniston, Alabama
5 Mar 19
@TheHorse well, in a way they are right. I know the landlord can`t do anything much, but he can give her a warning because she is disturbing the other tenants, after three complaints he can evict. You can ask him to contract her "emergency contact" number listed on the lease. Contact the mental health center, tell them how she is off meds, out of control and you fear for your life and the children near by, you have to tell them about her violet outburst, beating on the doors, etc.. They will hook you to the state/county mental health attorney, he will write up a pick up and evaluation order and send it to the sheriff departments mental health officer. There are laws to protect you and the lady, just gotta look for them.
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
5 Mar 19
yes there is, and we are no longer friends now... i just can't trust her anymore after she gossip about me.
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17332)
• Philippines
6 Mar 19
@TheHorse not only sad but you will feel really disappointed, frustrated and betrayed too...
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
I'd be sad if friends gossiped about me!
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (451103)
• Switzerland
4 Mar 19
No, I do not have many friends, but those I have are very good friends, I would say better than family.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
A few good friends is a good thing.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (451103)
• Switzerland
5 Mar 19
@TheHorse This is what I think. I know that they are there for me if I call them.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
@LadyDuck Yep. Having a few good friends rather than a bunch of superficial ones is a sign of good mental health, according to humanistic psychologists like Carl Rogers. Woo hoo!
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (128841)
• Israel
5 Mar 19
@TheHorse I know how you feel. I feel like I talk to a lot of brick walls and people do not listen to me.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
Funny that I find myself singing "Stone Wall" (an American song, I think) after talking with such people.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (128841)
• Israel
6 Mar 19
@TheHorse That is really really good and you have the voice too.
@WiseGhots (14607)
4 Mar 19
Sometimes that happens, but nothing so serious.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
4 Mar 19
What is your "nemesis" when it comes to friends. For me it's poor listening skills. Overly controlling people also get on my nerves.
3 people like this
@WiseGhots (14607)
4 Mar 19
@TheHorse poor listening skills is a very good example.
2 people like this
@Fleura (28602)
• United Kingdom
4 Mar 19
@TheHorse For me someone who puts their friends down, gossips about them behind their back, or anything like that would soon be an ex friend.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Mar 19
yea,most of them days like that i'd rather stay home and work on the house.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
Yeppers, I enjoy my alone time.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53275)
• Los Angeles, California
4 Mar 19
I have had many years of going into "active listening" and had to call it quits. I don't have that kind of time or patience anymore. I do have friends that still frustrate me this way . . . but I keep them around because of other redeeming qualities - but it still does drive me nuts.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53275)
• Los Angeles, California
5 Mar 19
@TheHorse One person I think of actually has a good soul . . . always tries to be helpful, is the one to get everyone together, just generally generous in many ways . . . but she is rather scatterbrained and is not self aware at times.
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
What are some of those redeeming qualities?
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (91627)
• Marion, Ohio
4 Mar 19
Not too often thankfully. Have they done anything with the downstairs lady yet.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (91627)
• Marion, Ohio
4 Mar 19
@TheHorse Hope they do something soon.
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
4 Mar 19
No. We're all still in limbo.
@Fleura (28602)
• United Kingdom
4 Mar 19
Yes, I have a friend with two teenage daughters. Both she and the daughters suffer from depression, and when one of the girls is depressed, she lets them stay off school and they mostly just stay in bed texting. I know she (the mum) knows more about the experience of depression than I do, but now there is so much evidence that being out in the fresh air, exercise, and the natural world help to ease depression that I'm sure lying in a darkened room musing about how bad your life is is not the best thing to do! I just wish I could force them to get out and DO something active and fun! But all I can do is listen sympathetically when she tells me how much school the girls are missing.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
Yep, she's "playing the victim" and setting the stage for more of the same.
1 person likes this
@Plethos (13618)
• United States
4 Mar 19
yup, and hes a musician also. life long friend also, since we were in single digits , 8 or 9 years old. since we've known each other for so long, we are blunt with one another and no feelings or egos get hurt.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
It's easier to be that blunt with people you've known for a long time.
1 person likes this
@Plethos (13618)
• United States
6 Mar 19
@TheHorse - it sure is.
@Shiva49 (26108)
• Singapore
5 Mar 19
I had one who was quite nice to be with but also a pain at times. He was curious to know the personal matters of others and very intrusive. It got an extent I had to keep away from him - siva
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
Good boundaries are important. I have certain friends with whom I discuss intimate matters. With others, I do not.
1 person likes this
@janethwayne (5194)
• Philippines
5 Mar 19
Friends are mixed with good kind and not so what you will have to do is don't take them seriously if they are not good and just mess you around.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
I'll just keep my distance and see such people "now and then."
1 person likes this
@Janet357 (75681)
5 Mar 19
Some of my friends do, they promise things they cannot fulfill.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (201568)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Mar 19
What kids of things do they promise?
1 person likes this
@Janet357 (75681)
5 Mar 19
@TheHorse well they will persistently invite me to their houses even if i dont like or they give me opportunities without me asking for them only to change their minds at a latter time. Infuriating isnt it?
@pumpkinjam (8419)
• United Kingdom
5 Mar 19
I don't have many people I would truly call friends but I do understand the frustration you had with your friend. My 'best friend' is similar - except that she doesn't really do anything interesting like play an instrument or share any hobbies with me! I admit that I can be talkative at times but that friend of mine, like yours, will talk incessantly and it is totally obvious that she does not listen to a word anyone else is saying. She has even been known to ask someone a question and answer it for them (even if she has no idea what the answer is)! I find other friends frustrating in different ways. I don't spend much time with any friends but I find some can be quite tiring.
@GardenGerty (156299)
• United States
5 Mar 19
Yes, I have someone that I had thought of as a friend. She moved closer here, and I was in her town, she had me visit. I think it all seemed like it was talk about her. I think she is more of an acquaintance. She can stay on Facebook and be happy there bragging about everything she does.
@vandana7 (98157)
• India
8 Mar 19
You should thank me... I am not frustrating you from so far...if we were living in same country...you would jump from your balcony.
• Midland, Michigan
4 Mar 19
I can see why the first guy is isolated from his music community, it's say pals but it doesn't sound like he has any or many of those. Before you get totally frustrated work his behaviour and with spending time with him you may want to try to get him to understand why he doesn't have many friends. Although I do wonder whether he even cares about that. Does he at least play his mandolin while he's talking, if so then you may just need to listen to the music and not try to interact when he's talking. That may be hard to do with your background but better than getting frustrated. Is this common with the schizo lady? Maybe she ran out of her meds.
@DocAndersen (54417)
• United States
5 Mar 19
First, I heard your point (listen!). It can be hard sometimes being around people that are talented but difficult. It takes a good person to stay engaged with a person like that.
• Blue Island, Illinois
7 Mar 19
I'm like you. I can't stand it when Im actively listening to someone and when I go to talk their not listening or they want to start a task when I gave them my undivided division. My friends frustrate the hell out of me at time which is why Im present when I feel like it.