Ladies I have a question about doors

I open doors when I am with family or alone. I'm dating this man now and I let him open the first door of an establishment but if there's a second? I open that. Even if he wanted me to wait and let him open it, I wouldn't.

@ScribbledAdNauseum I even do this with strangers. It just feels like turn about is fair play.

@GardenGerty Oh I open the door for strangers as well, or keep it open. There was once that I let the door shut while a woman was coming and opened it right back up. The door was getting heavy (I as actually holding two doors, one for the inside and one to go to the outside) but I knew how rude I seemed and opened the door up anyway. She was using a cane and I know how heavy those doors can be. She was thankful that I opened the door back for her, which was all the reward I needed.

I'm not saying it isn't polite, I do that for others as well. When I am in a relationship, well I guess I have to get used to guys doing that again. I do draw the line at the car door being opened, I think that's just silly.

@Courtlynn ah sorry that I misunderstood. I've been sort of.. out of it the past few days. I've gotten used to the guy I am seeing doing this for me, opening doors...

@ScribbledAdNauseum wasn't saying you were.. just saying that I think it is. unfortunately, not all guys will hold the doors open, for anyone, nevermind girlfriend.. but I hope if you get into a relationship again, the guy does for you.

He is one of the true gentleman. You know, I didn't think about the car door thing but I think you are right. Now they seem to make the car doors lighter but the angle of them is more sharp. I find that sometimes I want the door to open wider than it will. I would feel self conscious about someone helping me up from a chair (or even the floor if I fall) mainly because I know that I am heavier than I seem. I don't even let friends help me up from a low sitting place.

@porwest I guess it's not something you ever consciously think about.

I will hold a door open for awhile, but if it's going to inconvenience the other people in my party? I am less likely to do so. I think after a year or so into a relationship, holding the doors open can sort of go to the wayside... An occasional opening of the door would be nice, but it wouldn't be expected or necessary. I can see the appeal of men always doing it, but I think once your in a relationship you start getting comfortable in certain roles, including the relaxation of things like opening the doors or letting the lady order first.

@ScribbledAdNauseum Becoming relaxed in a relationship is definitely our situation. I may still do it on special occasions though. It just depends.

I guess it's something I quickly got used to. I am not even sure that my ex husband ever opened the door for me. I certainly can't think of any other past boyfriends that did it. This guy I am seeing now though, he does it.

@CarolDM It definitely is that. I am hoping mothers and fathers will continue to teach their children this , but with everyone having their phone stuck in their face now...

@ScribbledAdNauseum I just think it is a sign of respect.

It can definitely be very sweet. It makes a girl feel special.

@Nevena83 I like a little romance but not in the same ways as most women, I think. Romance to me is a home cooked meal and the gift of a good book.

@ScribbledAdNauseum Yes, surely a woman feels special, but there are women who do not like romance.

Oh, I didn't mean to infer that it was all bad. I do hold doors open for other people. I was referring more to when in a relationship.

@ScribbledAdNauseum I know you didn't infer that it was bad. It's just that there are people who say 'old-fashioned' like it's a bad thing. I think it's nice for people to open doors and be polite generally. In a relationship, I certainly appreciate such things. My partner, albeit very much a gentleman, is disabled, though, so sometimes I have to hold the door for him!

@pumpkinjam I wonder if that has caused him some embarrassment and anxiety, even as he's appreciative for your assistance? I do think that people should be more old fashioned. I do like going on dates that are more of an adventure, not like going to a theater or to a billiard hall, or even dancing. I like being able to experience nature, experience history etc. Maybe that's not quite old fashioned, but I think it is in comparison to dates I see others of my age group and younger, talk about.

I am dating a man now and he does open my doors, the only door I won't let him open is the car door when I am getting out. I think it's silly for him to come around to open it. I agree with you, if a man is going to do this he needs to do it throughout the relationship, not just at the beginning.

@ScribbledAdNauseum Oh my gosh, it drives me bonkers when someone does not bother to say thank you when I open a door!!! I do think it's the way a person is raised . . . I think "manners" is something that has gone out the door in recent generations. You are dating such a gentleman ! I am impressed with what he said! I knew one guy friend who was above and beyond that way . . . I told him to stop going around the car just to open my door (I was thinking there was no sense since I can do it just fine myself - not a big deal - I can save him the time and energy - and besides we were just friends), but he said he felt bad/guilty if he did not do it - that it wasn't within him to not do it. On the flip side, he did tell me that he would get disappointed if a woman just expected him to do it - as if his gentlemanly ways were taken for granted - and I get that too. I guess I hold the door open if I see anyone around me - no matter who they are. I kinda get disappointed when someone walks to a door and simply walks in without looking back. Blab away - I don't mind. I'm glad we can have these chats !

I will, and have, said "You're Welcome" when I've opened the door for someone and they didn't say thank you. I find that it's mostly men that do this, and sometimes it's the older men. The man I am seeing now is older than me and he told me before our first date that he was raised to be a gentleman. He's been that way on every date so far. When we were at the blueridge parkway I put my hand on his shoulder to help myself up onto a sort of ledge. It wasn't that far offf the ground. Not far enough for me to have to jump, but I did sort of "one foot first, the other foot next it" back down. He immediately said "I'm sorry, that was rude of me. I should have helped you down." I told him that it was alright, that I wasn't bothered. He told me I should have stayed up there and he would have fast realized he needed to come help me. I didn't say anything after that, but I was impressed with his manners. I am blabbing again! Sorry! I haven't come across situations where I've held the door for the generations younger than me.

@much2say I can see where it would be disappointing to your friend if a woman just always expected it. Like if she stood outside the door in an expectant manner, or especially if she didn't bother saying thank you or atleast smiling at him. I may not always look back to see if someone is coming, but usually I can tell if someone is behind me. I am sure there's been a few times when I've apologized for not holding the door because I didn't realize someone was behind me. Even if it isn't expected (the holding of the door) I think it's still polite / respectful to apologize for not holding it, lest they think you did it on purpose. Yes, this guy I am dating seems to be a keeper so far. He told me he was tired and didn't want to drive home from Roanoke (a couple of hours drive to my house + an extra hour to his) but he did anyway. He said he didn't want me to feel trapped. He said this after he had already gotten home. I told him that he should have said something, that I wouldn't make him drive home if he wasn't feeling it, and that I could trust him to keep his distance and respect my boundaries.

@ScribbledAdNauseum Quite likely (lol)

So you would take offense if a door was not opened for you?

I like that he says he isn't old enough to have an excuse NOT to open your door.

@LadyDuck It's funny you should say that. My grandmother has been deceased a few years, but it's been many many many years since I've seen my grandfather come around to get my grandmother's door, if I ever saw him do it at all.

@ScribbledAdNauseum Even old gentlemen always get out first to open the door of their spouse, only those with handicaps do not, I understand what he wants to say.

I am sure their intentions are always good, but if we all have a certain sense of independence and don't want that to be shattered by good intending people.

@ScribbledAdNauseum I know- it's a hard call.

I am referring to when out on a date with a husand or boyfriend/

@nela13 Does he still do this?

@ScribbledAdNauseum my husband had never opened the car's door for me but he always open and hold the other doors.

I don't feel awkward when people open the door for me in general, not unless it's an older person. However, a date doing it? I had to learn to not feel so awkward.

@ScribbledAdNauseum I actually answered yours both ways but kind of didn't explain my comment enough. (Getting tired and my writing reflects that) The first part of my comment about I would be fine if others opened the door for me meant boyfriends I have dated. I honestly can't recall if one every did that for me but I would be okay with it if they did that. I just wouldn't expect them to or anything. I was so used to taking care of my kids all the time that I used to open the door for my boyfriend and start to put his seat belt on. He would laugh and tell me he could do it. I didn't realize what I was doing until he laughed and said that. Took me a few times of driving with him in my vehicles to learn to stop reflex.

@shaggin Oh, my writing definitely gets like that too when I am tired. I leave thoughts uncompleted and have to explain myself later or not at all, depending on if they bothered to ask for clarification. That's kind of cute, though, that you were so used to doing it for your kids it became an instinct hard to break with your boyfriend. Atleast he was good natured about it.

Everyone here seems to be answering the question without thinking of the perspective of being in a relationship, which is really what I meant.. However, I'm enjoying everyones viewpoints all the same. I open the door for people all the time. Man, woman, child.

@ScribbledAdNauseum yes, i should have been considering being honor

@psanasangma It's okay the way you react though, especially when you are not used to it.

So you are used to being by yourself, and it feels weird when someone random opens the door for you?

Oh I wouldn't let them pull in and push out my chair, that'd be too much for me.

@ScribbledAdNauseum You have to do what you have to do but I find it very charming.

It's something I've had to get used to. I guess I've been independent for too long.

@ScribbledAdNauseum Yes, I guess so.. you just have to get used to it..

Well that's sort of sweet of him, isn't it? I feel like sometimes I need that because my mind is somewhere else and I'm not paying attention. My friends know that if we are walking somewhere they need to keep an eye on me, i get too much invested in my thoughts and surroundings and forget to look where I am going.

Yes, it's definitely polite.