I can't help it!
By Gary Marsh
@garymarsh6 (23978)
United Kingdom
September 23, 2019 7:24am CST
When we were growing up and were much younger meal times were very formal indeed and we were expected to use the appropriate cutlery it was intended for. Now I am much older I have not lost this habit and find it really difficult not to eat this way.
On Saturday we met with some friends who we have not seen for quite a while. We went to a lovely restaurant that had a Michelin star. The food there is so good and I loved it when we used to go there regularly. We have not been for over a year and the owners have passed on the restaurant to their children who now run it.
My biggest disappointment was that with that they have in my opinion dumbed down the standards that we strive for. It may not be an issue for most of you but for me I just do not like it and will probably not go back there again and that is the way the tables were set with only half the utensils meaning I had to ask for certain things in order to eat the meal.
One thing I do not approve of is eating a meal with just a fork. I know my daughter picked up this habit when she was at university in America but when we eat at home I do not like to see that and I think they do this quite regularly in their own home. However we set the table with all the appropriate cutlery for each course. I think my daughter had had words with the grand children and warned them that they had to use their cutlery properly at Grandads house.
I think it is good that children are shown all the different cutlery so that if in future they go for a meal with multiple settings they know exactly how to eat and do not feel intimidated by it. I know some people freak out at the thought of attending a formal dinner incase they make a faux pas and use the wrong glass or piece of cutlery. It is probably not so bad with the wine and water as the water should pour it into the appropriate glasses.
I don't like some of these modern restaurants where there is no waiter service to take your order and avoid going to these places although my family go to some of these places without me!
It might seem very strange to some people but to me I just can't help it and feel right out of my comfort zone!
As for eating with multiple sets of cutlery the tip is to use the pieces of cutlery from the outside to inside and you should have no problem! I hope the diagram helps if you do not know! For a more formal dinner there would be several more pieces to add to this diagram!
30 people like this
27 responses
@Marilynda1225 (91044)
• United States
23 Sep 19
I also grew up with a properly set table but as the years have gone by I'm sorry to say my basic utensils have come down to a knife, fork and spoon (and soup spoon). The diagram is interesting and I wonder how much of it I remember. My grandmother was a stickler for ettiquette and manners.
8 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
OH my word I forgot my grandmother boy she was a task master! Lord. Hahaha you have just reminded me about her!
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (502235)
• Italy
23 Sep 19
I am pretty maniac about how the table must be dressed and how to use forks, knives and spoons. Even if we are most of the time only the two of us, my table is always dressed with everything we need to use. I cannot stand to eat using only a fork, or to cut the fish with a normal knife and not a fish knife. Blame my parents, they sent me to a snobbish school.
4 people like this
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
24 Sep 19
i didn't know there was a fish knife
2 people like this
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
24 Sep 19
@LadyDuck even an oyster fork? wow!
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (502235)
• Italy
24 Sep 19
@hereandthere Yes, there is a fish knife and an "oyster fork" a "cake fork" and an "ice cream spoon".
2 people like this
@rebelann (117211)
• El Paso, Texas
23 Sep 19
I don't know anyone who would know about all those utensils, mom would have but she was born in 1916 and in those days when eating at fine restaurants you'd see a properly set table. I've never been to such a restaurant nor did mom ever set a table like that for our evening meals.
4 people like this
@rebelann (117211)
• El Paso, Texas
23 Sep 19
I don't know anyone who knows that much about dining Etiquette @garymarsh6 I'm sure those born to old money and status still do but I have never met those kinds of people.
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
I guess it was a family thing because I know others from school did not eat like that.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
23 Sep 19
My mother was a stickler for these rules but my husband did not grow up with this knowledge. I have to admit that these days I never set a formal table and 99% of the time we don't even eat at the table. But I do know how!!
4 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
24 Sep 19
Once learnt never forgotten. I guess its like riding a bike!
2 people like this
@thelme55 (79311)
• Germany
23 Sep 19
I still have seen this cutlery setting in some restaurants here in Germany and I am glad I know this setting so I will not commit a faux pas. I learned this when living in Germany. I grew up eating with only spoon and fork if not using my hands.
4 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
OH trust me depending on what my wife is eating the too would eat with their hands. Can you picture me with my meal on a banana leaf but still insisting on a knife and fork! 
3 people like this
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
24 Sep 19
you know, thelma, ii was never good at it eating with my hands. i either end up hungry or full of gas from swallowing air. so as long as i have at least a spoon, even if it's served on a banana leaf, i'm okay.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (79311)
• Germany
23 Sep 19
@garymarsh6 That would be a funny sight, seeing you eating your meal with banana leaf as your plate and using cutlery.
1 person likes this
@topffer (42155)
• France
23 Sep 19
I guess it is a consequence of multiculturalism : every culture places a bit differently its cutlery, and your English formal setting is not the same than the French setting (Not caring about the glasses at the wrong place for me, but I feel uncomfortable with these forks with their tines up in your culture) ; the protocol is not the same too (how can you eat asparagus with your fingers or serve cheese after dessert ? You barbarians ), and the service different. So many good restaurants (it is not given to all restaurants to have 1 Michelin star) have adopted a simple "international" presentation to make strangers more comfortable, with only 1 fork, and will bring other cutlery if needed or if you ask for it.
), and the service different. So many good restaurants (it is not given to all restaurants to have 1 Michelin star) have adopted a simple "international" presentation to make strangers more comfortable, with only 1 fork, and will bring other cutlery if needed or if you ask for it.2 people like this
@topffer (42155)
• France
23 Sep 19
@garymarsh6 Your peasants are men of taste, at least when it comes to cheese. I have seen monster table settings like this one in England. I would never put more than 3 pieces of cutlery on each side of a plate, it would be completely wrong in France. And I do not see any fork for my snails
.
. I have seen monster table settings like this one in England. I would never put more than 3 pieces of cutlery on each side of a plate, it would be completely wrong in France. And I do not see any fork for my snails.2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
Hahaha I wondered if you would see this! I never eat Asparagus with fingers....... EVER! It is for peasants who eat cheese before dessert! 
I guess it is just habit!
I guess it is just habit!2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
@topffer Did you know we actually produce more varieties of cheese than France! That surprised me! We are British we have no need to eat snails! Pass me a lobster any day of the week!
Pass me a lobster any day of the week!2 people like this
@velvet53 (24417)
• Palisade, Colorado
25 Sep 19
@garymarsh6 I agree but there are so many families that cannot afford to serve all the foods that goes with the cutlery.
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
24 Sep 19
It is good for the kids to know how to eat with the correct cutlery!
1 person likes this
@louievill (28846)
• Philippines
23 Sep 19
It's nice that you have not lost the habit, these were taught in school during my mother's generation but not anymore unless you study something that's related to food and cooking, my opinion is that fast food chains has got something to do with it not being popular. The pace of life is also much faster now than in the good old days so I think that's another factor.
4 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
I very rarely ever go to a fast food restaurant mainly because I do not like that kind of food although some restaurants in the far east are fast like Noodles etc but Mcdonalds got forbid are quite horrible to me!
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (56227)
• Canada
23 Sep 19
I could see it being a bit of a let-down if you were used to going to this restaurant and the next generation changed things so drastically.
Although not everyone nor every place that we eat sets the table like in your photo example, we should know what is what and when its used. We always ate at our big dining room table off of my good china and drank from my best crystal and used all of the silverware while we raised our son. It was only done once a week but it doesn't have to be done on a daily basis to appreciate and learn it.
4 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
Absolutely! It is nice that you have shown him how to manage so that he is not made a fool if her were suddenly presented with that situation!
2 people like this
@Fleura (34954)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
I'm with you, largely - I believe it is important to know what to do in that sort of situation, even if you don't do it at home. My parents taught me and I have taught my children so just in case they attend some formal event they will feel comfortable. I confess I do eat some things at home with just a fork - like cottage pie for example. My father never did though - he used to make me laugh by always using a knife and fork for everything, even mashed potato!
And yes you wouldn't expect to have to ask for extra utensils at such a high falutin' place!
3 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
@Fleura OH yes the food was lovely albeit something very different. I do not usually do dessert but prefer a coffee but when I saw they did a pear Tart tatin oh my goodness it was so so worth it. It had star anise implanted in it which really enhanced the flavour. I was in heaven!
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
Well now you have mentioned your father I think I must be a bit like him. For example everyone laughs at me because I have to use a knife and fork to eat Kentucky although I can't recall the last time we had something like that. I can not deal with it in any other way! You are right I did not think we would have to ask for extra cutlery. I have to say though the food was spectacular.
2 people like this
@Fleura (34954)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
@garymarsh6 At least the food was worth the trip then. Better that way around than a fancy table but a disappointing meal I guess.
2 people like this
@Fleura (34954)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
I have to add that I didn't realise the difference in table manners between the UK and USA. I was probably considered rude because I didn't know for quite some time that it is considered etiquette to cut up food with knife and fork, then swap the fork into the right hand to eat and keep the left hand in your lap!
2 people like this
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
24 Sep 19
i always thought the uk way was easier
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
Funny the grand children slip but then realise they have. It makes me smile so they at least know how they should eat.
1 person likes this
@Fleura (34954)
• United Kingdom
24 Sep 19
@hereandthere Just different - and in unexpected ways!
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
Oh I wished for those days! That's why I think I preferred to eat at school and not having to sit and wait for everyone to finish each blooming course!
2 people like this
@WorDazza (15826)
• Manchester, England
24 Sep 19
@garymarsh6 Although school meals were often a minefield in themselves. I lost count of the number of unidentifiable foodstuffs I consumed as a child.
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
24 Sep 19
Yes I guess so but as the years pass it seems that it is becoming rarer these days!
1 person likes this
@just4him (323168)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
25 Sep 19
@garymarsh6 Everything, including common courtesy, is rare these days.
@allknowing (153544)
• India
24 Sep 19
I too have "dumbed down" my standards. The dinner sets are languishing in the show case. I did that for many years but not any more. We use the least amount of cutlery and crockery. Most it is buffet style.
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
24 Sep 19
Hmm much better when there are only a few of you but for a large family the washing up seems to go on for half the night!
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
23 Sep 19
I would have never thought this would be an issue. 
I am in America though so things are different here.
I am in America though so things are different here.2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 19
Oh trust me here it is quite an issue! I think Americans are far more laid back about it!
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (97957)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Sep 19
I was also taught the proper cutlery to use and the right way to eat when I was little. Today being all alone my eating habits consist of a fork in the right hand and my left on the keyboard and hopefully the food lands in my mouth. Such is life, While my mom and I lived in NYC all those many years ago we loved to go to restaurants SIGH
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
24 Sep 19
I like proper restaurants not these chain things that seem to pop up all over the place.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (381906)
• Rockingham, Australia
24 Sep 19
If we're having guests we always set the dinner table with the appropriate cutlery. I have to admit, for meat dishes that don't require any cutting, I just use a fork. I think it is good for children to at least know how to set a table properly and which cutlery to use for which course.
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
24 Sep 19
It is good that they know and can conduct themselves appropriately!
@garymarsh6 (23978)
• United Kingdom
24 Sep 19
I know and it seems so hard for me to break! My grandmother had hawk eyes if we ever dared do anything not appropriate we used to know about it in no uncertain terms!
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (203396)
• Nashville, Tennessee
25 Sep 19
@garymarsh6 You have good habits. Many have no rules.
