Some Grief is like Having a Painful Dental Procedure
By Diana B.
@BloggerDi (3121)
United States
October 3, 2020 9:03pm CST
A couple of months ago, I shared that my husband suddenly died of a heart attack on July 5th. This is an update about how I've been doing. (A few of you have asked- thank you!)
I fell apart in the first couple of days after his death.
I was surprised at how well I was coping for awhile after that. Other people were too. But I knew that the impact of grief and trauma would hit me eventually. I've always been a "delayed reaction person" in times of crisis.
I compare it to getting a shot of Novocaine when having major dental work. You get completely (or mostly) numb so you can get through the pain and stress of the dental procedure. You stay numb for awhile, then the sensation slowly wears off over time. But you'd better have pain medicine ready! You must be prepared for the wound to hurt for awhile until it's healed. That area of your mouth will never actually be the same, but you adjust with time.
There is really no adequate pain medicine for this. I spent some time feeling very low, crying a lot, not eating well, etc.
I think now I'm somewhere between the two extremes of feeling numb and being completely depressed. I'm okay much of the time. Thankfully, I'm enjoying life overall, able to laugh, etc. I stay quite busy too. However, I'm easily triggered to tears. So many things remind me of him and our many years together.
At the three month point, I guess this is normal? I don't know, I've never lost a spouse before.
Photo is my children and me on Sept, 5, 2020. We've been supporting each other the best we can.
19 people like this
17 responses
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
4 Oct 20
oh, hon my deepest 'pologies 'n condolences. with my goin' awol here fer some months i fear i'd not heard 'f yer heartbreakin' news.
i'm glad y'ave those young'uns 'n no doubt friends to help y'all heal the best ya can. not certain there's a 'normal' 's all deal with painful loss'n their own time. yer 'llowed to've meltdowns, but'cher 'lso 'llowed to find joy'n life. he'd want nothin' less fer ya. stayin' busy seems to keep one from dwellin'. cherish those memories. if'n possible, find ya a support group. sometimes 'tis helpful to speak with others who've traveled similar journeys.
sendin' healin' hugs fer yer heart ~ 
7 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
4 Oct 20
Thank you for your kind, wise words @crazyhorseladycx. I accept those heart hugs gratefully, too!
4 people like this
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
4 Oct 20
@BloggerDi yer welcome, hon. such's most sincere.
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (169505)
• United States
4 Oct 20
Sometimes you will feel normal, then it will hit you. It gets better over the years. It gets better as you add new things or people to your life, but it will sneak up on you anyway. He was a major part of your life. Your dental analogy is quite accurate. Big hugs to you. I am not sure if it is easier when you have time to prepare, like with an illness or if it is easier when it is a total shock, like for you. Who am I kidding, though, it is never easier and that comparison is like the proverbial apples and oranges.
5 people like this
@LadyDuck (502653)
• Italy
4 Oct 20
I am so sorry for your husband, my deepest condolences. I think you are right about being "like numbed" for awhile, but when the effect of Novocaine is over you feel the pain. I have not lost my husband, I lost my father when he was still young of a sudden heart attack. I know how hard it is and I am glad that your children are supporting you.
5 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
Thanks very much @LadyDuck. I lost my mother to a heart attack when she was 58 and I was 35. My kids are 30 and 33, my husband was 60. Much of my grief is for my children,
I'm sorry you also lost a parent who was way too young.
2 people like this
@marguicha (230350)
• Chile
4 Oct 20
For me grief has changed over the years but so have I. I would say that I´m a survivor. I have learned to live alone but the other me is always reminding me that I had a fuller life.
4 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
Thank you for sharing from your own experience of losing your husband @marguicha.
2 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
I appreciate your kind comments @msdivkar.
2 people like this
@GreatMartin (23670)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
4 Oct 20
Grief lasts a long time--the first year is the hardest--it is good you have your kids to share time with each other. It is never over but it does get getter.
5 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words @GreatMartin.
2 people like this
@arunima25 (93194)
• Bangalore, India
4 Oct 20
I am glad that you have your beautiful children there and you are supporting each other. It's not easy to overcome such a grief and you are doing your best. Let the tears flow. I know from my personal experience that tears and time are two big healer.
I am sure your husband is watching you all from up there and must be proud of you all for living life fully.. The way he would have liked you and your children to be. Take care
5 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
Your kind words are comforting @arunima25. Thank you!
3 people like this
@AmbiePam (120988)
• United States
5 Oct 20
My dad went through a few months of being "okay", but then it really hit him. He couldn't stand to be by himself for a long while because all he could think about was what he was missing. She was 55, and I think all he saw at the time was the years without her.
Even though he remarried he still can't talk about her for very long without tearing up.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
3 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
I've wondered what kind of emotional rollercoaster is ahead of me.
I'm so sorry for the loss your mother at a young age. My condolences to you and your father.
Thank you for sharing part of your family's experience @AmbiePam.
2 people like this
@hereandthere (45628)
• Philippines
4 Oct 20
i'm glad you're supporting each other. sometimes the effect is the opposite.
4 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
That is so true @hereandthere. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
@jstorey Thank you for sharing your understanding words.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (44560)
• United States
4 Oct 20
I'm so sorry, this is the first I've heard. I'm so glad you have your children to help you through this. I pray that God will give you strength and peace of heart.
3 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
I so appreciate your prayers and encouraging words @1creekgirl.
2 people like this
@DeborahDiane (40849)
• Laguna Woods, California
5 Oct 20
I am so sorry to hear about your pain. It must be terrible. I know that you will always carry your husband with you in your heart. I hope that eventually it will not hurt so much. Sending love and blessings your way.
3 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
I appreciate your compassionate comments so much @DeborahDiane.
2 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
Thanks very much @JudyEv. I feel so grateful that my children and their families live near me.
1 person likes this
@Michellekidwell (29953)
• Sonora, California
5 Oct 20
Glad you have your children to help you through...
3 people like this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
6 Oct 20
Thanks @Michellekidwell. They are a huge blessing.
2 people like this
@Michellekidwell (29953)
• Sonora, California
7 Oct 20
@BloggerDi You have my prayers, I’m sorry for your loss....
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (8301)
• United Kingdom
7 Oct 20
Grief lasts forever, but you learn to live with it. It's good you have your children to support each other. Sending you lots of love. x
2 people like this
@cmoneyspinner (9218)
• Austin, Texas
9 Oct 20
I lost my husband last year in December. It was a heart attack. It wasn't sudden and we knew it was coming. I still wasn't prepared. My reaction/response seems to be physical. Before my husband passed away I maintained a certain energy level. That's because I didn't know when he might need me to help him.
Now he is gone, I don't have a reason to be in constant “alert mode”. I find that I get tired a lot more. I don't have energy and I often don't have any initiative or motivation. There are many widows in the church and I see them keep going. So I try to follow their example. I wake up and face each day.
1 person likes this
@BloggerDi (3121)
• United States
10 Oct 20
Thank you for sharing your story of loss @cmoneyspinner. I'm so sorry.
It's been less than a year for you, and after time of stressful caregiving. I wouldn't expect you to have any energy, initiative or motivation at this point. Please be gentle with yourself and hopefully your motivation will return after more recovery time.
@KristenH (33591)
• Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio
10 Oct 20
@BloggerDi My pleasure Diana. I'm here for you.
1 person likes this
