I Want to Cry
@just4him (226703)
Green Bay, Wisconsin
October 22, 2020 5:09pm CST
I'm not strong. I'm tired of being alone in this uphill battle to get my knee working well and taking care of all my needs. I wish I had help. I wish I had a significant other who cared enough to be here with me during this time. Even family members who had time to help.
I'm inside two weeks now until the next surgery, so I can't go out and mingle or go anywhere except for medical appointments or the store for food.
My granddaughter's second birthday party is this Saturday. I was invited and I can't go. I ordered her birthday present from Amazon and had it delivered there.
Yes, I'm thankful for the help my son has given me during this time. However, he works and he needs to sleep. He can't be here with me. He picks me up, takes me to my appointments, and brings me home. I'll ask him to take out the garbage tomorrow.
Yes, I'm thankful. I know I'll have my knee to 120 degrees tomorrow. How do I know? I'm working that knee every chance I get.
Next week is my last week before surgery. I have four appointments next week. The last will send me home to stay behind closed doors until Monday morning. The COVID test.
I'm lonely. I want someone here with me. Okay, now you know. I'm not strong. I'll be glad when this is all over and I can be with people again. My sister will be here for one week when I get out of rehab. One week out of the many lonely weeks until I get the all-clear message from the doctor that everything is good and I can go back to church and the pool.
People aren't meant to be in isolation. People are social creatures. We need each other. We need to laugh and have fun with each other. Today, I don't feel like I can do this anymore. I know I will because I need to. I'm not strong. I'm lonely and I'm vulnerable. I told you I'm weak. I'm not looking for pity and please don't give me any. I'm letting you know I'm crying. Not because I'm in pain, I'm not. Well my back is, but that will heal in time. I need someone who cares.
Thanks for reading. Don't pity me. Just see me for who I am. There are better days coming and tomorrow might be one of them. Not today. The image belongs to me.
33 people like this
36 responses
@sharon6345 (255823)
• United States
22 Oct
The good thing is you're on your way to moving and shaking on your own again. I don't fear finding out if I need an operation because I have someone available to help around the clock. letting them help is another story. I am glad to read that your acceptance of your feelings. I don't want to grow old alone so truly I understand. I don't know what pity is so I could not give it to you if I tried. I am just glad your home safe and trust that in time you will regain your life back.
To be honest you make me want my operation because when that struggle is over I will be back on that treadmill.
4 people like this
@sharon6345 (255823)
• United States
22 Oct
@just4him Thank you for having my back.
3 people like this
@just4him (226703)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
22 Oct
@sharon6345 You're welcome. You'll do well once you have your surgery. I don't know what it's for.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (7303)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
22 Oct
I wish I knew what I could say to help you. I can't imagine how you're feeling. I have my husband and I have my cats. So I am not really alone. It's okay that you're having a bad day. It's okay if you want to cry. You're doing something good, though. Finding a medim to express yourself. That's the best thing you can do.
And, don't tell yourself you're not strong, you're stronger than you realize.
3 people like this
@kaylachan (7303)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
22 Oct
@just4him Believe me, I understand. You're human and it's natural not to feel very strong. Being able to express yourself and admit how you're feeling, is one of the strongest things you can do. You have to take things one day at a time.
3 people like this
@just4him (226703)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
22 Oct
@kaylachan That's what I'm doing. One day at a time.
3 people like this
@crazyhorseladycx (38004)
• United States
23 Oct
ya know i'd come stay with ya if'n such 'twas possible, hon. now i wish i'd called ya earlier...bad'n me. i'm 'lways here though, ya can call anytime. i've purty broad shoulders.
oh, that 'twas not pity. 'twas knowin' 's i've felt that 'loneness myself. not bein' able to get out to do the thingies i loved nearly broke me. months that turned 'nto years 'f such. i'd nobody to speak with. the hubs jest demeaned me fer my condition.
2 people like this
@crazyhorseladycx (38004)
• United States
23 Oct
@just4him no worries, hon. nor pressure to call, jest want'cha to know i'm 'lways here if'n ya jest need to visit. can't fix yer troubles, but can sure listen.
that's brilliant he's able to do such! will sure save lots 'f funds.
1 person likes this
@just4him (226703)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
23 Oct
@crazyhorseladycx Yes, it will. He's only asking $20. I can handle that.
1 person likes this
@marlina (112825)
• Canada
22 Oct
I am so sorry that you feel so lonely right now. It is understandable with the limitations that you have right now, you are used to go out all the time and mix with people.
But I know that you are strong (even if you don't think so right now)
I always admire you for being always so thankful and thoughtful of other people.
My sister always tells me that crying is like a "safety valve), it helps, it is not a shame to cry,
Wishing you all my best, remember tomorrow will come and you might feel totally different,
2 people like this
@moonandstars (46394)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
25 Oct
This was 3 days ago so, I deeply hope you're better. I am lonely too and weak this week but, I'll follow your words and trust that better days are coming. 
1 person likes this
@moonandstars (46394)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
27 Oct
@just4him thank you. i'm better since yesterday. that's why i like mondays. it's everything new, fresh and from the start. i agree with you.
1 person likes this
@just4him (226703)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
28 Oct
@moonandstars I'm glad you're doing better.
1 person likes this
@porwest (33862)
• United States
22 Oct
Hang in there. You are not weak at all. But I understand your situation 100%. This whole Covid panic has made a lot of people miserable, and who knows when we see the end of it. That being said, you ARE in a vulnerable group, so taking extra precaution is just common sense.
There MUST be a way to socially gather SOMEHOW that can still mitigate some of the risk, and I hope you find it.
At the end of the day ALL OF US will get through this. You are not weak. As I said. You are strong. But even the strong have moments of weakness which they must do their very best to overcome.
You CAN and you WILL.
1 person likes this
@porwest (33862)
• United States
23 Oct
@just4him Even letting it out sometimes is healthy. Just so long as it eventually feels better. It is good, too, that at least you have a place to "vent" and "emote," and of course we are all here for you even if we cannot be there in person.
Hang in there. Like I said, you ARE strong. Breaking down a bit does not make you weak. It makes you human.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (69865)
• United States
29 Oct
I know you said not to pity you but i feel so bad because this isnt the normal post from you, so i can see how much you're emotionally hurting. I wish i could help. Really. Im glad you're half way through this so you can go out and do things again.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (69865)
• United States
29 Oct
@just4him huge hugs your way. So glad you're feeling better.
1 person likes this
@just4him (226703)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
29 Oct
@Courtlynn Thank you. Yes, I am.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (43030)
• United States
24 Oct
I wish we lived in the same place. I’d come over and keep you company and help you out. I hope that you are in better spirits today.
I hope that you are in better spirits today.1 person likes this
@sweetshayens (347)
•
24 Oct
Yes you will be able to walk even run one day :-) keep spirit and get well soon. Btw, nice views there :-)
1 person likes this
@just4him (226703)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Oct
Yes, I will. I'm doing what's best so I can be pain-free from the arthritis I've had for so many years. My second surgery is a week away and in a few weeks, I'll be moving well again.
That's my favorite park. It's the Bay of Green Bay.
Welcome to myLot
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (24665)
•
23 Oct
I'm sorry things have been tough for you lately. Life is full of ups and downs and you will overcome. Having any kind of health issue can be very draining on one's psyche. Being in pain adds to the hardship. And locking people down is not the best solution to stop this virus and just causes more harm by making people depressed than good.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (35195)
• Marion, Ohio
23 Oct
We are here for you. I know its not the same as someone who could give you a physical hug or hold your hand. You are right. Even the most anti-social of us do better with someone to lean on when needed. Just keep looking at how close you are. You are in the home stretch. I can give these hugs
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (35195)
• Marion, Ohio
24 Oct
@just4him Then you will be able to relax and just work on learning to walk am\nd maybe even run on your new knees 
Heres a few more
Heres a few more 1 person likes this
@just4him (226703)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Oct
@wolfgirl569 Thank you. It will be a while before I'm running. Thanks for the hugs.
1 person likes this
@just4him (226703)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
23 Oct
If phones lasted longer than they do, that would have been good. They die so fast and mine was ready for the charger when I posted this. I considered calling someone. It will be a while before I get the all-clear. My next surgery is in two weeks. Thank you.
1 person likes this
@jvicentevalera (14260)
• Santiago, Chile
22 Oct
I can't pity you Valerie. I just see a person expressing their emotions. You are allowed to feel this way. Let it all out and don't hold it in. In fact cry as much as you can, because that's the way you can let it go. I see that you have been going through a lot lately. It will all be alright. I don't know if saying "be patient" works out for you, but God's timing is perfect. For now forget about your loneliness and turn around and be 100% focused on recovering your your knee, later on I am pretty sure that right one will show up.
1 person likes this
@jvicentevalera (14260)
• Santiago, Chile
23 Oct
@just4him that's wonderful news. Today I'll pray God for you so if all goes well at the surgery day.
1 person likes this
@Dena91 (9156)
• United States
22 Oct
I believe we all reach this point at one time or another in our lives. For me being away from Mike for 5 months for most of the day to help with his dad was very hard on me. Now he goes 5 nights to stay with his mom because she refuses to sleep alone at night by herself. Part of me wants her to find other people to help her. I feel as if she isn't happy unless we are under her thumb so to speak. I truly do understand where you are at. Hugs and prayers.
1 person likes this
@Dena91 (9156)
• United States
23 Oct
@just4him Actually she has her daughter, who does stay 2 nights a week. She has another son but he lives across the county. She has a grand children who want to act like they will be there until asked.
She needs to get other people to help her. It is unfair that it all falls onto our shoulders.
And I know God will help us in our situations.
1 person likes this
