I'm turning Filipino! I really think so!

@TheHorse (203698)
Walnut Creek, California
July 14, 2021 2:36pm CST
My Filipino stereo geek buddy just stopped by. We spent an hour or so discussing stereo gear, family matters, and other things. I offered him some snack. He refused. I offered him some coffee. He refused. I offered him some tea. He refused. I offered him some water. He refused. Finally, I just brought him a small snack of sharp cheddar cheese and Frosted Mini-Wheats. He accepted them and gobbled them up. Then I brought him some warm and very light green tea. He accepted it and drank most of it. He quipped that I am finally becoming a good Filipino. I told him that in some cultures (I learned this from an Iranian college student of mine), a guest has to refuse two or three times before they accept an offer of food or drink. But he refused me four times! Whenever I am at his house he offers me food or drink. I usually refuse only once before accepting his offer. Am I an American boor? What is the tradition in your culture? Does a guest have to refuse once or twice before accepting the snacks and drink you offer them? To my Filipino friends: am I becoming a good Filipino? Do you bring at least a little snack and drink for a guest, even after several refusals?
23 people like this
23 responses
@xander6464 (40696)
• Wapello, Iowa
14 Jul 21
I learned everything I know about etiquette from my friend Kramer. He just walks into the kitchen and helps himself to anything he wants.
6 people like this
@much2say (53664)
• Los Angeles, California
14 Jul 21
5 people like this
@xander6464 (40696)
• Wapello, Iowa
15 Jul 21
@TheHorse He really is the best.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 Jul 21
Yep. He's a good role model for social etiquette.
5 people like this
15 Jul 21
Filo always have that trait.. It's being polite toward the owner of the house.. In my observation as a Filo.. They understand that not every household can put food on their table as often as can, But when a visitor came, they always asked if they wanted some snacks ( I don't know why, but we really always asked that.), In accordance with this, the visitor also tends to really refuse so that the food that will be served for them, will be served for the next meal of the family... But Filipino are really hospitable.. Weather they really have something to offer or not, They will always welcome you with an open arm.
5 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (45331)
• India
23 Jul 21
@Hanbinandaeyo So in a way, many Filipinos are similar in treating guests like Indians!
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
19 Jul 21
That's my impression. It's also funny to me that my friend often shows up unannounced. That's not usually the case with grown-ups in America. At least in my experience.
2 people like this
21 Jul 21
@TheHorse I think he wants to surprise you.. That is why he didn't tell you that he'll be showing up un announced.. I also do tat to my friends.. Haha. Sometimes we show up on their workplace
3 people like this
@vandana7 (98520)
• India
15 Jul 21
I like Filipinos. They have happy outlook towards life despite the natural calamities. Americans...grrrr...nothing can repair Americans.
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (45331)
• India
22 Jul 21
@vandana7 But well I have some soft corner somewhere for America. I earned some good USDs there in the year 2010 !! And well visiting NY city was a bonus !
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (45331)
• India
23 Jul 21
@vandana7 May be many are. But some could be wise as well. Many of the good global civil rights and other movements and concepts came from US. So well we need to consider both sides of the coin.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
23 Jul 21
My 75-year-old Filipino friend is incredibly frugal. Is that a Filipino trait? I don't know.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53664)
• Los Angeles, California
14 Jul 21
It's kinda funny because we used to frequent our Filipino friends' houses . . . I didn't realize this cultural refusal thing til now. It's just my nature to not be so quick to accept such offers (not sure why, I don't think it's really a Japanese thing). I do know about the Iranian thing though. Interestingly, I do know a few Filipinos that do not like the taste or smell of coffee or tea .
3 people like this
@much2say (53664)
• Los Angeles, California
14 Jul 21
@DaddyEvil When anyone comes over, I make a spread on the table - even if it's just snack stuff. They can help themselves then or later - I let them know it's there for them anytime. And then I might offer some other stuff - like drinks - that are not all at the table. My mom hated it when people looked in the fridge - invasion of privacy kind of thing. So if anyone wanted anything, she would get it for them - and I guess I do the same . When Hubby gets ice from their freezer, I kinda cringe because I know what my mom is thinking . . . but I know Hubby would see it as being helpful so she doesn't have to get up just to serve him silly ice.
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137251)
• United States
14 Jul 21
The first time a friend comes to my house, I will offer and serve them whatever they want... After that, I tell them to make themselves at home here. It isn't my fault if they leave either thirsty or hungry. I've made it clear they are welcome to have what they feel like having. (Most of them head to the fridge to see what is made and just needs poured or heated up. *shrug* If I minded, I wouldn't have made the offer.)
4 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 Jul 21
Maybe I should try Scotch more often. "I do know a few Filipinos that do not like the taste or smell of coffee or tea."
3 people like this
@FourWalls (61316)
• United States
14 Jul 21
I’m a good southerner. I never refuse food. And I see what you did there…..
Here is Lyrics :I've got your picture of me and youYou wrote "I love you" I wrote "me too"I sit there staring and there's nothing else to doOh it's in colorY...
5 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 Jul 21
Yep. I thought you might.
4 people like this
@xFiacre (12536)
• Ireland
14 Jul 21
@TheHorse Here we do likewise. We say no when we mean yes and the host is suppose to go on pressing cups of tea on the guest until they relent. I can't be bothered with all that dancing about - I've got two flat feet.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 Jul 21
I've got two left feet. But I'm too old to be afraid to dance.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (56238)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
14 Jul 21
If someone refuses I don't push the issue. I never want to push someone, because I don't know their background. I let them the offer is still on the table, though so they can ask. But if someone offers something I typically accept the first time.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 Jul 21
Maybe, I can learn to combine the two. "No no, no need. Thank you! Actually, some hot tea DOES sound good!" That way we can "get down to business."
1 person likes this
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
15 Jul 21
I didn't know of that tradition. We don't refuse what they serve to us because it will hurt their feelings
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
15 Jul 21
So they don't ask? They just serve?
1 person likes this
@averygirl72 (37544)
• Philippines
16 Jul 21
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
16 Jul 21
@averygirl72 That makes sense. I'll ask my friend, who is "older," if traditions have changed.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137251)
• United States
14 Jul 21
The poor guy! What was in the "green tea"? Are you sure you didn't bring him the tea first so he had the munchies after that?
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137251)
• United States
15 Jul 21
@TheHorse That's interesting... If my stomach is hurting, I don't eat or drink away from my house, just in case...
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
15 Jul 21
@DaddyEvil In case Putin is involved?
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
14 Jul 21
I am sure. It was really light tea. He had been complining about his stomach hurting from some antibiotics her was taking.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (72494)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
15 Jul 21
I am of two cultures one of them being Latvian, In Latvia when a person comes to visit the Latvian goes all out, The table gets set with food and drink and the guests can help themselves, There is never a question of asking or offering everything is put there before them,
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
15 Jul 21
That sounds like a common sense way of doing things.
1 person likes this
@cacay1 (83270)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
29 Jul 21
@TheHorse ,You are right, that is one Philippine culture, hospitable, unless nothing to offer , but at home when we have a visitor and it's dining time, we just give a plate and spoon to have the visitor join us in dining. Yes, there is refusal but the inviting force makes the visitor not to anymore refuse and laughter follows.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
29 Jul 21
I am glad to hear that the tradition continues. Thank you.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
30 Jul 21
@cacay1 I wonder if it's true in India as well. @Vandana7?
2 people like this
@cacay1 (83270)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
29 Jul 21
@TheHorse , yes it continues, it's part of our culture here.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (323672)
• Rockingham, Australia
15 Jul 21
We always offer tea and/or coffee and put out a snack as well. I didn't know about refusing once or twice first. If Filipinos said no to us, that would probably be it although we'd say 'are you sure'.
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (45331)
• India
22 Jul 21
@JudyEv Invite me to your House and also show me the way to your Kitchen Pantry!! You would not think of inviting me again!!
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (45331)
• India
27 Jul 21
@JudyEv So when are you inviting me? My Rented Superman flying gear is ready for action!!
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
15 Jul 21
Heh.Just (eventually) hand it to them and maybe they'd accept.
1 person likes this
@franxav (13583)
• India
14 Jul 21
There is no fixed number but I believe twice is good enough.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (153180)
• United States
15 Jul 21
I usually refuse but only because I don't want anything. I never heard of refusing snacks as a cultural thing.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
15 Jul 21
I think the "rules" are out there. They interest me. We Americans tend to be boorish and forthright.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
16 Jul 21
@LindaOHio I'm learning to walk and talk like John Wayne!
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (153180)
• United States
16 Jul 21
@TheHorse We are rotten, aren't we?!! :-)
2 people like this
@ptrikha_2 (45331)
• India
17 Jul 21
Invite me to your place and offer me something Good. I am not gonna refuse even once !! Well, this art of refusing once/twice/N times is something I am totally unfamiliar with!!
1 person likes this
@ptrikha_2 (45331)
• India
21 Jul 21
@TheHorse Yes there are always things to learn from different places. I can see you using a new name : LouStuhl
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
19 Jul 21
I am still learning.
1 person likes this
@id_peace (14010)
• Singapore
15 Jul 21
Oh no, most of the time I accepted immediately but that was because I was a kid back then. Yes I had met with many Filipinos during my childhood days.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
19 Jul 21
Did they generally offer food and drink to kids as well?
@wolfgirl569 (93527)
• Marion, Ohio
15 Jul 21
Around here if you refuse you will do without or have to get up and get it yourself. Once I have offered I am done.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (93527)
• Marion, Ohio
16 Jul 21
@TheHorse Nope just not going to cater to someone.
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
15 Jul 21
Heh. As a certain German friend might say, you Americans are so boorish.
1 person likes this
@DocAndersen (54413)
• United States
15 Jul 21
i learned the similar rule during my many overseas projects. That you refuse 2-3 times. Funny how different cultures have different views on that!
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
15 Jul 21
But there's sort of a "trend" in the same direction.
1 person likes this
@DocAndersen (54413)
• United States
15 Jul 21
@TheHorse i would agree trend fits. now in the US, people sometimes get offended if you refuse once!
@florelway (23097)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
27 Jul 21
Times have changed. We don't refuse anymore lol but yes we so insist on giving something. It's part of Filipino hospitality. Glad you get along well with a Filipino, we're cool and fun to be with.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
28 Jul 21
Ill have to tell him that times have changed. But I like what he has taught me.
1 person likes this
@florelway (23097)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
28 Jul 21
@TheHorse some Filipino traits are cool.
• India
25 Jul 21
Haha yeah we need to refuse at first but I'm not good with refusing 4 times
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (203698)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jul 21
I may refuse once.
1 person likes this
• India
26 Jul 21
@TheHorse haha OK