Do you consider your partner's past relationships a big deal?
By rosé
@mnglsp (3614)
Philippines
April 7, 2022 10:00am CST
There is a guy who is courting me.
For the past 16 months of getting to know him, I had a lot of questions about entering into a relationship.
And one of those questions is do I need to consider my partner's past relationships a big deal? because I noticed to him that he is making a big deal about my past relationships.
I asked my mom about this and she told me that it is important for both of us, to be honest with each other and our past really matters because it can help us know more about how to handle each other someday but we must not make our pasts a big deal.
She also gave me a piece of advice if a guy really loves me, whatever happened in the past will remain in the past, and if a guy really loves me he will accept my flaws and will never insult me because of what happened before knew him.
I realized how important it is to be open to my mom.
What are your insights about this?
Do you consider your partner's past relationships a big deal?
11 people like this
12 responses
@DaddyEvil (137145)
• United States
7 Apr 22
Your mom is right. It's important to get to know each other very well before considering getting married. I hope everything turns out well for you and your future hubby.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137145)
• United States
7 Apr 22
@mnglsp Please remember, people don't change. No matter how much he tells you he'll change or how much you believe you can help him change, it's not going to happen.
I've been married twice. Both of my ex-wives thought they could change something about me they didn't like and then blamed me for not "being willing to change" for them. If they hadn't been so sure they could change me into someone I'm not, we might still be married.
1 person likes this
@mnglsp (3614)
• Philippines
8 Apr 22
@DaddyEvil If he will not change, maybe at least tell me honestly if he really loves me. I believe that if he really loves me somehow he will do his part and I'll do mine maybe, in that case, we'll meet somewhere. Hahaha.
I am not asking him to change himself totally, but don't make it hard for me. If he doesn't like me anymore because of my past, then leave. If he still likes me, I can make adjustments as long as he is doing his part.
That is what being in a relationship is like, right? Give and Take.
1 person likes this
@mnglsp (3614)
• Philippines
7 Apr 22
I don't really think that he'll be my future hubby because right now I am having a second thoughts if I want to be his girlfriend because of his attitude.
But I don't know. I hope that he'll realize these things and somehow change his attitude. I am starting to like him but because of what he did, I am starting to have second thoughts.
1 person likes this
@mnglsp (3614)
• Philippines
8 Apr 22
I told him everything. Because honestly, I believe that we really know each others pasts relationships so that we will know how we will handle each other in case we will have a problem in the future, but the sad thing is he is getting mad over the things that have happened in the pasts and he is now telling a lot of bad things about me.
1 person likes this
@frenki (1693)
• Serbia
9 Apr 22
@mnglsp Then I would say he is not the right person. Like you said we can learn things about each other knowing our past, but we also learn things and change trough life. But holding someone's past against them is not good. You trusted him to tell him your past, but looks like he betrayed your trust.
1 person likes this
@kanuck1 (4394)
•
7 Apr 22
I think you are wise to discuss this situation with your mom. I do think that our past has impacted who we are. If we are a good and decent person, that means a lot. We learn from our past and the past of others and use it to make a better version of ourselves. If we have done that than the other person should focus on that! If they can't, then we are better off without them.
1 person likes this
@mnglsp (3614)
• Philippines
7 Apr 22
I met guys who are not honest, that is why I learned to discuss things about these with my mom, to prevent things that have happened before...
Yes. Maybe I should start accepting the fact that I am better off without this guy. He is living in the past, so he must look for a girlfriend there too. Hahaha
1 person likes this
@averygirl72 (37716)
• Philippines
8 Apr 22
My aunt's husband now seem to do not care about my aunt's past relationship and that she had a son with her former relationship. I think she accepted my aunt even if she had made mistakes in her life
1 person likes this
@averygirl72 (37716)
• Philippines
9 Apr 22
@mnglsp I know deep inside they may resent it but they choose to forgive and don't focus on the past
1 person likes this
@arunima25 (85277)
• Bangalore, India
7 Apr 22
I would say that we should discuss it with honesty to each other. My partner's past should not bother me if he is totally into relationship with loyalty and dedication. We all have a past. But definitely I would feel hurt and cheated if he hides something from his past and that I come to know from someone else.
1 person likes this
@arunima25 (85277)
• Bangalore, India
9 Apr 22
@mnglsp Honesty is important in a relationship. No one is perfect but as long as people are honest and willing to improve and make relationship work, it is all fine.
1 person likes this
@mnglsp (3614)
• Philippines
7 Apr 22
Yes. She is. And I am so lucky to have her. I never thought that she'll give me a piece of advice like this. And for me, it is really important, to be honest with each other once we enter into a relationship, but making it a big deal will never make a change in our pasts. It can make us wiser now, but why make it a big deal, right?
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (79722)
• United States
7 Apr 22
Your mom has given you the best advice. She is absolutely right
1 person likes this
@ihasaquestion (8274)
•
7 Apr 22
For me, the past is not important. I mean if we keep on pressing for information about his or her past, if they were to omit certain details, we wouldn't even know.
If I were to be involved with someone, if he feels comfortable, he would tell me without being asked. I wouldn't press for answers if he's not willing to. So, the answer is no. I don't consider it a big deal.
1 person likes this
@ihasaquestion (8274)
•
7 Apr 22
@mnglsp I know, right. I feel that sometimes some and not all are more impertinent to judge when wanting to know about the past.
1 person likes this
