Shadows of first marriage sneaks into second marriage at times. / myLot

Raurkela, India

June 27, 2022 8:15am CST

Though I haven't experienced this in my life and wish to remain a widow with my husband's memories and my sons loving concern and attention, I have seen husbands and wives suffer from the effects of their first after entering marriage for the second time. When the husband misses his first wife his second wife tries it difficult to digest it. However this is but natural, for it's not possible to forget someone close to you as soon as she leaves the world. Similarly after the remarriage of a woman for the second time she can't forget her past love life and takes time to accept the intimate relationship with another man as fast as her husband wants to. This may not been happening in the western world as most couples court each other before marriage but in India remarriage are often arranged. Very few settle for a second marriage after courting each other. How many of you have had such an experience after remarrying.

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9 responses

rebelann1949

@rebelann (111164)

• El Paso, Texas

27 Jun 22

I have never married but I know one couple with a few issues like those you mentioned. He is a widower and is now married for the third time and is always mentioning things about his deceased wife while she is now married for the second time, she divorced her first husband and is still friends with her first husband and will visit with him from time to time. I do not know if this is hurting their marriage but sometimes I can see there are issues between them.

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Anindita Sengupta

@aninditasen (15732)

• Raurkela, India

28 Jun 22

That's where the trouble starts.Leave alone meeting the ex even if one remembers his or her deceased spouse, there are issues in the on going relationship or married life.

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Anindita Sengupta

@aninditasen (15732)

• Raurkela, India

28 Jun 22

@Laurakemunto This positive attitude will make any relation heathy.

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Laura

@Laurakemunto (12862)

• Kenya

28 Jun 22

It's good if you let go but if you keep seeing each other, the attachment continues to grow

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Laura

@Laurakemunto (12862)

• Kenya

27 Jun 22

I think this is subjective as everyone has a different way of coping with the situation and also it depends with the break up, the healing process that you have undergone and how the new relationship is sailing the two of you

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Anindita Sengupta

@aninditasen (15732)

• Raurkela, India

28 Jun 22

That's so very true but invariably I find people thinking about the good qualities of their ex-partner after they have left or gone from this world.

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Laura

@Laurakemunto (12862)

• Kenya

28 Jun 22

@aninditasen yes but when you engage yourself in constructive activities and surround yourself with positive people, you gonna make it

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Sanjeev

@sjvg1976 (41131)

• Delhi, India

28 Jun 22

@Laurakemunto but this doesn't occur when you don't get the same affection you got from your ex. I agree things are varied when you get separated by divorce.

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Yanzalong

@yanzalong (18984)

• Indonesia

27 Jun 22

I don't know. I only have one wife. She has been with me for over 25 years. My daughters are grown up now and have steady jobs.

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Anindita Sengupta

@aninditasen (15732)

• Raurkela, India

28 Jun 22

I too had only one husband for 34years but I have seen couples suffering from past relationship memories.

Laura

@Laurakemunto (12862)

• Kenya

28 Jun 22

That's good to hear

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@DaddyEvil (137145)

• United States

27 Jun 22

I can confirm that things that happened in the first marriage can cause problems in the second marriage. I divorced my first wife and later, the problems in the first marriage brought about problems in my second marriage, causing a second divorce. (Even though we spend time courting the second wife, that doesn't mean the feelings for the ex-wife won't interfere in the second marriage.) I'd really rather not get married again.

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@DaddyEvil (137145)

• United States

28 Jun 22

@aninditasen Returning to a failed relationship never seems to work, either. Usually the spouse that was divorced can't forget they weren't "good enough" the first time so end up getting the divorce after they got remarried.

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@DaddyEvil (137145)

• United States

28 Jun 22

@Laurakemunto Anything is possible, I guess... My second wife and I talked about the reasons I got divorced from my first wife but she kept reminding me of things I told her I didn't like... saying she'd never do those things... If she hadn't kept talking about those things, the marriage might have worked.

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Laura

@Laurakemunto (12862)

• Kenya

28 Jun 22

But what if you try not to bring past issues and also discuss at length with your current partner about important issues in your past I think it will work cause nothing is impossible for a willing heart . So long as there's understanding and of course no two people can be the same and also avoid comparing people. I know I don't cook well like your first wife but I can iron better than her why don't you appreciate that ? It's just an example though

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