My Life with Depression

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Yeah, I am really doing a lot of thinking about my depression lately. I have had it for as long as I can recall. I have tried to find an anti-depressant that really helped me for many years. One that actually lifted my mood, and gave me back some energy and positive feelings. It seems that the older I get the less effective any of them are for me. That in itself is depressing. I found myself missing a lot of work(school too--that far back) and just feeling so lackluster that it was hard to raise kids and be responsible in a job setting. I didn't want to cope and just wanted to go lay down. I sought counseling both for myself and for my family because I was cranky and not able to cope. At one point I got a DUI because I was abusing alcohol. I tried several different anti-depressants, none of which helped. Life and all its obligations were just too much. I have been in the hospital a couple of times because I just could not cope. All this went on through the 70s,80s,90s, and early 2000s. Then in the mid-2000s, I learned of another way to find a medication that might actually help. It was by taking a DNA test and using that information to find the right type of anti-depressant for me. I did that and tried several of the anti-depressants that the test defined. The same thing occurred. None of them helped. I felt no change in my mood. So, about three years ago I discussed this with my doctor. If we are unable to find an anti-depressant that really helps lift my mood---what then? My doctor looked me right in the eye and told me the only other option would be a lobotomy or ECT(Electroconvulsive Therapy). Oh, yeah! That's something to look forward to.