Do I really deserve this silent treatment from my dad?
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
Perth, Australia
January 24, 2023 6:38am CST
I love my family. I've said this many times. But some of them have treated me in a way that's not justified or even valid as I didn't do anything wrong. I often sit back and wonder why does this happen to me. Is it because I'm quiet? Easy to walk over? An easy target? Whatever this is, it's affecting my mental health. I could give you all so many examples but it's an extremely long list. So I will just explain what happened last night.
Just a heads up, this is a little bit about animals being hurt. The cat mentioned is fine though! But just a heads up anyway in case you're sensitive to the topic like me!
Years ago I asked my dad if could please stop talking to me about things he reads on the news to do with animals being hurt. Even if the outcome is good I don't want to listen about animals being abused or abandoned etc as it makes me really sad. Over the years, he has never stopped.
"I read a box of puppies was left at the side of the road" or "I just read a sad story of a horse being beaten" or "This story has a good ending but....blah blah" so I ask again nicely that I don't want to hear it anymore. I know this stuff happens but I don't want to hear it. It rattles my day knowing how animals can get treated and I hate how I can't do anything about it.
Last night, my dad comes sits next to me on the lounge and says he wants to show me a video. Without any warning except for the usual "This has a good outcome don't worry" he faces his laptop towards me and hits Play. It was a cat tied to it's leash and it jumped off a roof and it was accidentally hanging itself. Two people did run to it's rescue but how many times must I explain this. I'm happy there were people there but now that image of that poor cat being strangled is stuck in my head and then having intrusive thoughts of what could have happened if no one was there.
I looked away and he was like "It's ok the two people saved it!"
I said "yeah yeah I know I just don't want to watch."
Then he starts yelling and throws his laptop on the ground (didn't break, wasn't that hard) "I wouldn't f*cking show you something if the outcome was bad...."
He goes off into his room and I THINK he called me a "Paranoid f*ck."
It is the next night and I am getting the silent treatment. I've had this silent treatment many times when I know I didn't deserve it. When I was little it used to make me sad. As an adult, I still get sad but for myself that I'm being treated this way and I get very angry.
This is emotional abuse no? And immature? Shouldn't the anger be the other way around?
I love my dad. I love my brother. But if I was in a position to live by myself, I'd do it. This isn't good for me mentally. This isn't classed as normal behaviour.
24 people like this
26 responses
@moffittjc (118442)
• Gainesville, Florida
25 Jan 23
It's downright immature and irresponsible. And I guess that can be considered a form of emotional abuse if it's constant and constant. If it just happens every now and then without any real pattern, then it could be argued against being emotional abuse. But either way, he's not respecting your wishes, considering he knows you don't like it. I'm sorry you have to go through this at home. If I had the money to fly you over here to live with me, then I'd have you on the first flight out of Australia.
7 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@moffittjc You are sweet Jeff. 
I'm not in any danger and this isn't an every day thing. But when it happens, it's very dramatic and drawn out. And I don't understand why he is like this and can have reactions the way he does. There is stuff he has done and said (more when I was a child) that I will never forget. This behaviour doesn't much how he is normally is the best way I can explain.
Thank you so much for reading and answering.
I'm not in any danger and this isn't an every day thing. But when it happens, it's very dramatic and drawn out. And I don't understand why he is like this and can have reactions the way he does. There is stuff he has done and said (more when I was a child) that I will never forget. This behaviour doesn't much how he is normally is the best way I can explain.
Thank you so much for reading and answering. 4 people like this
@florelway (23134)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
27 Jan 23
Your dad knows beforehand how you feel about those yet. he still do it. Something is wrong with him. Is he a saddist? He feels good looking someone is suffering. It's emotional battering. I sympathize with you if you can only get out of that house and live on your own... What's your mother's reaction?.
2 people like this
@florelway (23134)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
27 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 Do you have a sister? It's important to have someone whom you can personally talk and share your sentiments.
2 people like this
@just4him (306239)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 Don't expect an apology. Men rarely give them.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@just4him That actually made me chuckle. Thank you Valerie.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@just4him Thank you very much for reading and your input. I appreciate it.
We are talking now but I never got an apology. I am almost certain he feels bad about it but a verbal apology would be nice.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (86754)
• United States
25 Jan 23
I understand you Dani. I think you would be better away from that behavior.
I am sorry it happens to you..you surely do not deserve that.
3 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (86754)
• United States
30 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 I also understand that.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@RebeccasFarm Thank you kindly.
He is a great dad otherwise I can promise you that. I just don't like these moments. I don't understand it and don't like how I get treated. 
He is a great dad otherwise I can promise you that. I just don't like these moments. I don't understand it and don't like how I get treated. 2 people like this
@LadyDuck (458091)
• Switzerland
24 Jan 23
I am sorry Danielle and I understand your sentiments even too well.
I cannot read stories of abused animals and if I see a video I am sick for days and I cannot sleep because the video sticks in my mind.
Your father should understand, he is the one immature, not you.
4 people like this
@LadyDuck (458091)
• Switzerland
28 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 - I do not believe that your father is the kind of man to apologize.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@LadyDuck It's weird. It's a hit and a miss is the best way I can explain. He can do it but I could count more times him not saying sorry than actually saying sorry.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@LadyDuck I am exactly like you so I get where you are coming from.
I believe he feels bad about this and we are talking now but I would still appreciate an apology. I don't believe I'm going to get one. Thank you for reading and your answer Anna.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@JudyEv I don't get it. He is a great dad in every other aspect! Like he really is. It's just this for whatever reason and I've never understood it. It's quite childish! Thank you for reading Judy.
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17262)
• Mombasa, Kenya
24 Jan 23
I bet you don't deserve it. I am so sorry for learning that all this awful is happening unto you. Even if you a quiet that should not be the issue at all. I wonder why they don't respect you.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@Treborika I don't get it either. It happens quite a bit with some people I know in the family and friends. So it's why nowadays I seem to be more hostile towards people because I'm getting tired of being kind only to be hurt. I cannot control the correct balance at the moment.
Thank you for reading and for your comment!
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@Treborika Leave other things? What do you mean sorry? 
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17262)
• Mombasa, Kenya
27 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 I feel you so much. Otherwise you just leave other things
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157551)
• United States
25 Jan 23
I do not like those types of things either. They make me cringe.I am sorry he treats you that way.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@GardenGerty Me too. It just becomes an image that's hard to shake out of my head so I understand.
Thank you kindly Heather.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53959)
• Los Angeles, California
28 Jan 23
I'm so sorry you having to go through this, Dani . My dad used to get furiously mad, and then he'd give us all the silent treatment for a week (including stomping and slamming doors - now that I think of it, that was pretty immature). I hated it. Looking back, I think my dad didn't know how to deal with his anger - he didn't know how to talk things out - but still that's no excuse. We had to wait til he decided things were ok again 
.
. My dad used to get furiously mad, and then he'd give us all the silent treatment for a week (including stomping and slamming doors - now that I think of it, that was pretty immature). I hated it. Looking back, I think my dad didn't know how to deal with his anger - he didn't know how to talk things out - but still that's no excuse. We had to wait til he decided things were ok again .1 person likes this
@much2say (53959)
• Los Angeles, California
29 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13
Yup yup yup. My dad did all that too. The thing is my dad did get openly mad first (oh, he was the brutally honest type), but after that we got the silent treatment which meant he wasn't going to let go of the issue. The sighs and occasional growls - the heavy handedness - oh g yes. If he got mad when we were out, he'd drive the car erratically . . . down right dangerously actually 
.
My dad is gone now, and in a weird way I can fondly say "that's the way he was" 
. But it took a while for me to grow out of that stress. I eventually moved out and had my own life so he didn't show that side to me anymore, but I am pretty sure my mom had to deal with it.
I definitely understand, Dani. Write to me anytime .
Yup yup yup. My dad did all that too. The thing is my dad did get openly mad first (oh, he was the brutally honest type), but after that we got the silent treatment which meant he wasn't going to let go of the issue. The sighs and occasional growls - the heavy handedness - oh g yes. If he got mad when we were out, he'd drive the car erratically . . . down right dangerously actually .
My dad is gone now, and in a weird way I can fondly say "that's the way he was" . But it took a while for me to grow out of that stress. I eventually moved out and had my own life so he didn't show that side to me anymore, but I am pretty sure my mom had to deal with it.
I definitely understand, Dani. Write to me anytime .1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
5 Feb 23
@much2say oh goodness. We really do have such an important thing in common here! I'm so so sorry to be reading this. The driving thing made me shiver and actually angry to be honest. My dad didn't do this, but he was there. Long story short, mum and dad were arguing. And my mum slammed the brakes out of anger. I was about 11 or 12 years old. I was sitting in the back seat and you know how sometimes the seat belt can lock? It locked as the car stopped and it dug into my neck. I wasn't cut or strangled but it really hurt with the force. But I just sat there in silence and never said anything. It's not a big deal really but so much was going on between them that I felt forgotten and it makes me sad that in that moment I couldn't tell them I was hurt. Sorry, random story. Just popped in my head.
I'm sorry about the passing of your dad. I am sorry, I hope this talk isn't making you upset or stressed out. I truly admire you for being able to get away from it when you could.
Thank you for sharing this with me and for being supportive.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@much2say Oh my goodness yes! That is what my Dad does to! Slamming doors and being overly heavy handed. And I HAAAATE these stupid annoying sighs that he does that only seem to occur when I'm in the same room. I have good hearing so I don't hear them when he is in his room. Only seems to happen when he walks near me / past me. It's all for show and it p*sses me off! If you're going to be mad, then be mad but make it valid and genuine! *inhales and exhales slowly*
I am so sorry you had to experience all that. I can say I understand. I know there are others out there but you're literally the first person I felt connected to in that way or I mean shared something so similar regarding this behaviour. I'm not happy it happened to you but I'm happy to finally find someone who understands!
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (129470)
• Israel
24 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13
That is very sad that he will not respect you when you tell him you do not want to hear those stories even if it may turn on fine in the end. To give you silent treatment is very immature. You are right it is not normal behavior. What if you walked out of the room when he wants to talk about those stories or show you videos? How would he react? Too bad you cannot afford to live on your own but you cannot so is there a way you can deal with it when it bothers you?
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@Hannihar Thank you for understanding me.
If I just walked out of the room, I already know I would get in trouble for that too. I don't know what it is about me that when I finally have a voice and stand up for myself, even if it's still done kindly to some people, I still get in trouble for it. I don't understand.
The best I can ever do is just wait and ride it out until he stops being immature. A big man child.
If I just walked out of the room, I already know I would get in trouble for that too. I don't know what it is about me that when I finally have a voice and stand up for myself, even if it's still done kindly to some people, I still get in trouble for it. I don't understand.
The best I can ever do is just wait and ride it out until he stops being immature. A big man child.1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@Hannihar That is ok Hanni. I was just explaining and venting. Thank you for reading.
My Dad is actually a nice man and a great Dad. He just has this behaviour sometimes that is unfair and sometimes very invalid and I don't understand why he can get like that. But yeah, if I could have my own place, I'd be a lot happier I'm sure. Hang in there Hanni and same to your little Sophie!
My Dad is actually a nice man and a great Dad. He just has this behaviour sometimes that is unfair and sometimes very invalid and I don't understand why he can get like that. But yeah, if I could have my own place, I'd be a lot happier I'm sure. Hang in there Hanni and same to your little Sophie! 1 person likes this
@Hannihar (129470)
• Israel
29 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13
I am the last person to answer that question. I have no answer either. I have my own demons that will not leave us alone. Sophie is harassed because she is mine. He sounds like he does not care and by the way, he treats you he does not have feelings to understand how you must feel when he acts that way. Too bad you cannot afford to move out and get away from him and take your cat with you.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@CarolDM Thank you for that Carol. I hope so too. I love my dad very very much and he is a good dad don't get me wrong. But for whatever reason, he can be such a baby and dish out this type of emotional abuse over weird things. I don't understand it to be honest.
I hope so too. I love my dad very very much and he is a good dad don't get me wrong. But for whatever reason, he can be such a baby and dish out this type of emotional abuse over weird things. I don't understand it to be honest.1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@CarolDM I have wondered that myself. Like maybe something before I was born. I'm not sure.
Thank you again.
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (203454)
• Nashville, Tennessee
27 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 You are very welcome. It is hard to figure out. Maybe something happened along the way you are not aware of. Either way, I am sorry for you.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28512)
•
25 Jan 23
This is not acceptable behavior, why is he doing this? Does he just like to see you be uncomfortable and sad and upset? Can you leave? I couldn't live like that. I've spent years rescueing pets. I couldn't handle that, either. I'm so sorry he is doing that, but he needs some help. It's just not healthy to be around him.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@MarieCoyle It's a very tricky thing for me to understand. My dad is a great dad. He does so much for me and he is emotional and caring. But for some reason, there are certain times he can be impatient or become immature over such small things. I've known this since I was a child and I have a feeling he has been this way before I was born. And the way he can handle things is just over the top. He has done some things that are hard to talk about. Wasn't really towards me, it was towards my brothers and once my mum. But I won't speak about that. But sometimes I am scared of him with his reactions. Yet at the same time I am starting to become very hostile and impatient with this attitude he dishes out from time to time.
Thank you for reading and your caring comment. It's hard for me to explain him. Harder for me to understand him too because by nature he is a lovely man. But something in him makes him act like this. I don't like it.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@MarieCoyle I read every word of yours. For some reason I just don't have an answer. I mean, besides what I'm literally typing now. I'm just letting your words sink in and thinking about it. I just don't have a reply. 
I just thank you for sharing that with me. I just know he wouldn't hurt me on purpose.
Though, when you said, he wants to shock me, I felt like that connected with him but in regards to him giving me the silent treatment after the incident. Or he wants to try make me feel bad to deflect that I am the one who is actually hurt. Other than that, I don't really know what else to say.
I just thank you for sharing that with me. I just know he wouldn't hurt me on purpose.
Though, when you said, he wants to shock me, I felt like that connected with him but in regards to him giving me the silent treatment after the incident. Or he wants to try make me feel bad to deflect that I am the one who is actually hurt. Other than that, I don't really know what else to say.1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28512)
•
27 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13
From your description of his actions, it's almost like he wants to shock you. And he needs someone to talk to him, it's not really normal to want to watch things like a pet getting hung by a leash or being dumped or abused. He knows it hurts you, so that's why he is doing it.
Witnessing animal abuse or neglect is extremely hard. If he is seeking out these things online or the news or whatever to pass them to you when he knows they hurt you (they would hurt me, too!) he does need some help.you're reaction to this is normal. You don't like it at all. Emotional abuse is very hard on a person.
1 person likes this
@MrDenata (12194)
• Indonesia
24 Jan 23
I'm so sorry Dani, you dont deserved it. I'm sending you virtual hugs now. Wait, what? You got this treatment for a long time? OMG, i'm so sorry. Yes, ofc we love our family so much, but i dont know your current situation, i hope you can find a way out for your own good, for your mental health. Remember, you can always count on us, talking with us here, like always.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@MrDenata Thank you so very much for reading, commenting, the support and the virtual hugs!
My dad and I are talking now. But he never said sorry. I am sure deep down he is sorry but a verbal sorry would be beneficial.
To answer your question, I don't get this particular treatment every day. He is actually a great dad! I just meant that every now and then for whatever reason, he can get impatient or immature over such small things and without trying to understand he can become emotionally abusive. And I do not like it. He has been this way since I was little and I have a feeling before I was born. The silent treatments etc can last quite a long time and that's what drives me crazy because it's wasting precious time in life.
Thank you for being a good buddy! I appreciate you so much!
1 person likes this
@MrDenata (12194)
• Indonesia
28 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 dont mention it, Dani, we are here for you, like always, i know every dad loves their kids so much, but some of them cant showed it very clear. And again, i'm so sorry, you deserved to be happy, you matters, youre mental health matters.
I'm sending you virtual big hugs and my prayer so you can pass the day and stay strong, because you deserve all the happines in the world and again you matters.
Good Morning from Indonesia, Dani
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17262)
• Mombasa, Kenya
30 Jan 23
Unfortunately what is going through you is not right. But you can never change that situation other than tolerating with it.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
30 Jan 23
@Treborika Thank you for your answer. But I personally don't believe just tolerating it is healthy. I don't wish to be a doormat.
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17262)
• Mombasa, Kenya
30 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 Thanks for explaining yourself to me
1 person likes this
@2ndchances24 (4798)
• Cloverdale, Indiana
11 Apr
MEN, I swear, they have such a bad additude
I deal with the same type of additude from mine
& instead of HIM giving me the silent treatment
I turn the tables on HIM & he HATES IT.
That's so not right of him to keep showing you
things that you don't like watching & then have
the nerve to call you names cause of it, does
he know HE'S the 1 that made you? (Birth)
HE should be reminded that if he hadn't of
made you you wouldn't be in the shape you
are & he has NO RIGHT treating you that way.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
11 Apr
@2ndchances24 That bugs me. It amazes me how people can act a certain way that is actually mental abuse and they be fine with it but can't stand it or find it unfair if it's done to them!
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
13 Apr
@2ndchances24 I imagine you may relate to this but being alone is often better. Can love people and enjoy having them around but real peace is being alone I feel sometimes.
1 person likes this
@2ndchances24 (4798)
• Cloverdale, Indiana
12 Apr
@VivaLaDani13 Yeah I know what you mean there
I know my husband doesn't like it when he pss's me
off & I have to get away from him for a few days.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215428)
• Chile
24 Jan 23
Is it too expensive to rent a room? Do you work?
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215428)
• Chile
27 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 I hope you get a job soon. You will be better by yourself.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@marguicha The price various but I believe the deal here is that you can only rent a place / room if you have had a job for at least 6 months. Or if you are studying. Not sure.
I'm not in danger. I just need my own space for my mental health. I am slowly but surely having things connect in getting a job. Soon as I can get a job, that will be great.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
24 Jan 23
@MALUSE I'm not being abused. For the places you speak of would be for those who are living in danger really. I'm not in physical danger.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215428)
• Chile
24 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 From what you write, you are being abused psychologically. Yor Dad doesn´t neet to hit you in order to abuse you.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@marguicha I know and you are right. I just mean, I wouldn't ever bother a place like a church or anything like that when my dad's behaviour isn't an every day occurrence. There are people out there going through such hell on an every day or weekly basis. I can say I am grateful I'm not suffering like that. This behaviour from my dad is every now and then. It just does my head in. Also because the emotional abuse cause last days or even over a week over something that could have been easily fixed in one minute.
I still believe that the day I can move into a place by myself will be great for me mentally though. To have my own space.
2 people like this
@Shiva49 (26202)
• Singapore
25 Jan 23
I am with you on this, Danielle.
I just switch off news that are about violence and abuse.
I cannot bear to watch it.
They do leave a lasting emotional hurt even if the ending has some positives.
I agree you need a break and better still, more understanding from others.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@Shiva49 I agree. Sometimes some awful news can just stick in our minds and be quite hard to shake it off. Thank you kindly for reading and answering. I hope you're well!
1 person likes this
@sathviksouvik (17948)
•
10 Feb 23
you should leave the house and stay separately
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
10 Feb 23
@sathviksouvik I am grateful that this behaviour isn't all the time but I do agree I would be better with my own space. If I could, I really would.
Thank you kindly for your comment.
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@nela13 I agree with you. I don't get it. He is like me. There have been plenty of occasions where he mentions to me that he saw something sad about animals and wished he never saw it. He is an animal lover like me so you'd think he would just not do this. Plus, I've told him I don't like it. So I don't understand. I couldn't be more clearer to him about my wishes. Thank you kindly for reading.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
27 Jan 23
@Sojourn Thank you very kindly for reading and for your awesome advice. It's the best I can do really. There have been times I get angry and explode over his immaturity while other times I stay in my bedroom and hardly come out and wait for it to pass. But this isn't normal either way.
We are talking now. I just wished he could have said sorry at least.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60355)
• Perth, Australia
29 Jan 23
@Sojourn Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I wish I could agree with you on your very last sentence. There's quite a list on things I'm still waiting on an apology for. I don't really like that. I really appreciated your answers regarding this. You are a clever cookie.
I don't really like that. I really appreciated your answers regarding this. You are a clever cookie. 1 person likes this
@Sojourn (13836)
• India
28 Jan 23
@VivaLaDani13 Male ego is a big thing. It is hard for them to accept their mistakes. But he will eventually do that.
1 person likes this
