More frustration at the daycare yesterday.
By The Horse
@TheHorse (204976)
Walnut Creek, California
January 24, 2023 11:20am CST
I helped Marie out at the daycare for a couple of hours yesterday. Of course, when I got there, my new "girlfriend," Harper, cried and reached out for me to give her a hug. Marie told me to ignore her, as I'd be teaching her to cry if I picked her up. Harper is 9-month-old, perhaps 10-months old by now.
I had to listen to the child cry for half-an-hour while I interacted with other children, building stacky towers and such like.
Finally the child cried herself out and Marie allowed me to pick her up. She snuggled with me for a few minutes and then crawled around, exploring her environment, and returning to me for reassurance as necessary.
We'll see what happens today. If you responded to my earlier post about my frustrations with Marie's philosophy regarding "responding to infant crying," I did respond to your responses earlier this morning.
Heck, maybe I'll attach the attachment a handout I use at Diablo Valley College for my students. You wanna see it?
20 people like this
17 responses
@FourWalls (61848)
• United States
24 Jan 23
That’s the “tough love” route, and I do agree that it’s conditioning (much like my dog conditioned me to give her a treat when she went out). It hurts, though, especially the ears.
5 people like this
@FourWalls (61848)
• United States
24 Jan 23
@TheHorse — well, I also think he was dropped on his head a time or 80…
6 people like this
@TheHorse (204976)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Jan 23
@FourWalls Hmm. That could be.
4 people like this
@arunima25 (85239)
• Bangalore, India
24 Jan 23
I can take this tough love route only with a bit older kids, after 2 years. I can't ignore such young ones crying.
4 people like this
@vandana7 (98683)
• India
24 Jan 23
I do. I will check the other post. I believe if you let the child cry, her lungs get enough exercise, and the child will become a great singer. It is a weird notion with no scientific evidence, but I did notice a couple of instances when this came true. That said, it is hard to ignore a child, crying or not.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (204976)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan 23
@vandana7 No, that's not what I've found in my career as a developmental psychologist. Kids who are responded to, but also have appropriate demands placed on them (like cleaning up at clean up time) tend to be self-efficacious and empathetic
2 people like this
@kaylachan (57242)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Jan 23
Different people, different methods I guess.
3 people like this
@kaylachan (57242)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
25 Jan 23
@TheHorse And, you can hope you get the well-researched and well-informed ones.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (204976)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan 23
@kaylachan When I had to hire ECE educators when I directed a child program in Oakland I took what I could get. None were mean-spirited, though.
2 people like this
@Tina30219 (81539)
• Onaway, Michigan
24 Jan 23
Poor little one does not look happy at all
3 people like this
@popciclecold (35025)
• United States
24 Jan 23
I hate you had to hear her cry. But glad she let you comfort her. I tip my hat to you. I hope it gets better, that's a tough break.
3 people like this
@popciclecold (35025)
• United States
24 Jan 23
@TheHorse Sure hope it is better.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36371)
• Toccoa, Georgia
24 Jan 23
I guess I spoiled my kids because I couldn't resist their cries.
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (457199)
• Switzerland
25 Jan 23
@TheHorse She moved to your country I suppose. Come here to see how stressed are the Swiss. You live a too fast life in your country, no more "slow food", the shops and stores opened almost 24 hours 7 days a week. We have lost the pleasure to sit down one day every week with the family and relax.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (204976)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan 23
@LadyDuck I dated a Swiss gal a few years back. She was "hella" stressed, and maybe a bit loony. But a sample size of one doesn't mean much. There are many reasons to be stressed in this country. The unchecked crime is one of them.
2 people like this
@xander6464 (40819)
• Wapello, Iowa
25 Jan 23
Marie is right. Picking them up when they cry...Or even worse, giving them food, clothing, shelter or medical care just teaches them to be soft and they'll grow up to be Communists.
2 people like this
@xander6464 (40819)
• Wapello, Iowa
26 Jan 23
@TheHorse Isn't that what I said? They'll grow up spoiled...Which is the same thing as Communist.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (204976)
• Walnut Creek, California
26 Jan 23
@xander6464 Same thing. I've read that Communist governments give their subjects everything. Well, maybe not bread and education.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (94605)
• Marion, Ohio
25 Jan 23
It might not be a true cry. At that age they are not truly talking yet so only have one way to communicate.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (94605)
• Marion, Ohio
26 Jan 23
@TheHorse Does she have tears or just a lot of noise?
2 people like this
@TheHorse (204976)
• Walnut Creek, California
26 Jan 23
@wolfgirl569 Tears and noise. I think crocodile tears are reserved for those over 18-months or so.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (73103)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Jan 23
I am not for listening to babies cry for more than about fifteen minutes but if someone who had authority to let them cry then I would go by that even though I don't agree with such a thing, Yes, I would like to see the handout,
3 people like this
@aninditasen (15720)
• Raurkela, India
25 Jan 23
Marie's philosophy isn't going to work for every child. Carrying a crying baby and talking to it calms him/her and makes them feel secure.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (204976)
• Walnut Creek, California
27 Jan 23
@aninditasen Most good ECE teachers I've worked with subscribe to it.
1 person likes this
@aninditasen (15720)
• Raurkela, India
27 Jan 23
@TheHorse That should be the actual philosophy.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157427)
• United States
25 Jan 23
I never could let my kids "cry it out".
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158485)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Jan 23
Conditioning is just that. Many can't handle it so, in many cases, the kid wins out. I think if this is done and people stick to it it doesn't take long to get to the other end of the conditioning. But, if some do and some don't follow the conditioning then it becomes ugly and drawn out.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (158485)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Jan 23
@TheHorse ......What I am saying is that many parents just pick up the kid and can't let them just cry it out. If they could and could get to the other side then the child has learned a valuable life lesson. But they are too young and the parents are too emotional and loving.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (155294)
• United States
25 Jan 23
Sure, I'll look at the handout. Sorry you were unable to pick up Harper until she stopped crying. A little crying is OK; but not for 1/2 hour.
2 people like this
