More frustration at the daycare yesterday.

@TheHorse (170569)
Walnut Creek, California
January 24, 2023 11:20am CST
I helped Marie out at the daycare for a couple of hours yesterday. Of course, when I got there, my new "girlfriend," Harper, cried and reached out for me to give her a hug. Marie told me to ignore her, as I'd be teaching her to cry if I picked her up. Harper is 9-month-old, perhaps 10-months old by now. I had to listen to the child cry for half-an-hour while I interacted with other children, building stacky towers and such like. Finally the child cried herself out and Marie allowed me to pick her up. She snuggled with me for a few minutes and then crawled around, exploring her environment, and returning to me for reassurance as necessary. We'll see what happens today. If you responded to my earlier post about my frustrations with Marie's philosophy regarding "responding to infant crying," I did respond to your responses earlier this morning. Heck, maybe I'll attach the attachment a handout I use at Diablo Valley College for my students. You wanna see it?
20 people like this
17 responses
@FourWalls (51040)
• United States
24 Jan
That’s the “tough love” route, and I do agree that it’s conditioning (much like my dog conditioned me to give her a treat when she went out). It hurts, though, especially the ears.
5 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Jan
From what I've read, Donal Trump got "tough love" parenting in his early days, with an absent father and a sick mother. And look how he turned out--just fine! Heh.
5 people like this
@FourWalls (51040)
• United States
24 Jan
@TheHorse — well, I also think he was dropped on his head a time or 80…
6 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Jan
@FourWalls Hmm. That could be.
4 people like this
@arunima25 (78849)
• Bangalore, India
24 Jan
I can take this tough love route only with a bit older kids, after 2 years. I can't ignore such young ones crying.
4 people like this
• United States
24 Jan
I agree 100%.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Jan
I don't think ignoring a crying infant is a good thing.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Jan
4 people like this
@vandana7 (93755)
• India
24 Jan
I do. I will check the other post. I believe if you let the child cry, her lungs get enough exercise, and the child will become a great singer. It is a weird notion with no scientific evidence, but I did notice a couple of instances when this came true. That said, it is hard to ignore a child, crying or not.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Jan
One of my primary goals is to teach the children that the world responds to their signals--that they are not helpless.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (93755)
• India
24 Jan
@TheHorse The child could get habituated to doing that...become demanding..
3 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
@vandana7 No, that's not what I've found in my career as a developmental psychologist. Kids who are responded to, but also have appropriate demands placed on them (like cleaning up at clean up time) tend to be self-efficacious and empathetic
2 people like this
@kaylachan (41650)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Jan
Different people, different methods I guess.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
Sigh. Some are research-informed and some are not.
2 people like this
@kaylachan (41650)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
25 Jan
@TheHorse And, you can hope you get the well-researched and well-informed ones.
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@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
@kaylachan When I had to hire ECE educators when I directed a child program in Oakland I took what I could get. None were mean-spirited, though.
2 people like this
@Tina30219 (80576)
• Onaway, Michigan
24 Jan
Poor little one does not look happy at all
3 people like this
@Tina30219 (80576)
• Onaway, Michigan
25 Jan
@TheHorse Ah poor kid
1 person likes this
@Nevena83 (66166)
• Serbia
24 Jan
Babies are very smart. When I cry, there is no one to hug me.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
10h
@Nevena83 But I intend to keep on keeping on.
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
Being an adult sucks sometimes.
2 people like this
@Nevena83 (66166)
• Serbia
17h
@TheHorse I absolutely agree with you.
1 person likes this
@popciclecold (31130)
• United States
24 Jan
I hate you had to hear her cry. But glad she let you comfort her. I tip my hat to you. I hope it gets better, that's a tough break.
3 people like this
• United States
24 Jan
@TheHorse Sure hope it is better.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
24 Jan
We'll see what happens today.
3 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (35646)
• Toccoa, Georgia
24 Jan
I guess I spoiled my kids because I couldn't resist their cries.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
I call it good parenting.
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@LadyDuck (426959)
• Switzerland
25 Jan
Harper will learn soon that crying is not the way to win all the time and she will behave better.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (426959)
• Switzerland
25 Jan
@TheHorse - All Swiss kids should be under stress because parents let them cry. I have the feeling people in your country is A LOT more stressed than people in our country.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (426959)
• Switzerland
25 Jan
@TheHorse She moved to your country I suppose. Come here to see how stressed are the Swiss. You live a too fast life in your country, no more "slow food", the shops and stores opened almost 24 hours 7 days a week. We have lost the pleasure to sit down one day every week with the family and relax.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
@LadyDuck I dated a Swiss gal a few years back. She was "hella" stressed, and maybe a bit loony. But a sample size of one doesn't mean much. There are many reasons to be stressed in this country. The unchecked crime is one of them.
2 people like this
@xander6464 (37030)
• Wapello, Iowa
25 Jan
Marie is right. Picking them up when they cry...Or even worse, giving them food, clothing, shelter or medical care just teaches them to be soft and they'll grow up to be Communists.
2 people like this
@xander6464 (37030)
• Wapello, Iowa
26 Jan
@TheHorse Isn't that what I said? They'll grow up spoiled...Which is the same thing as Communist.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
26 Jan
@xander6464 Same thing. I've read that Communist governments give their subjects everything. Well, maybe not bread and education.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
How could you even suggest such things in jest. Adequate food, shelter, and medical care could turn them into "spoiled" babies.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (69377)
• Marion, Ohio
25 Jan
It might not be a true cry. At that age they are not truly talking yet so only have one way to communicate.
2 people like this
@wolfgirl569 (69377)
• Marion, Ohio
26 Jan
@TheHorse Does she have tears or just a lot of noise?
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
26 Jan
@wolfgirl569 Tears and noise. I think crocodile tears are reserved for those over 18-months or so.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
Does crying when you can't talk yet mean its not a true cry? I haven't heard of that. Though I HAVE seen "crocodile tears" in toddlers.
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (61547)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Jan
I am not for listening to babies cry for more than about fifteen minutes but if someone who had authority to let them cry then I would go by that even though I don't agree with such a thing, Yes, I would like to see the handout,
3 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
Let me see if I can find it!
2 people like this
@aninditasen (12599)
• Raurkela, India
25 Jan
Marie's philosophy isn't going to work for every child. Carrying a crying baby and talking to it calms him/her and makes them feel secure.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
That's my attachment philosophy.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
27 Jan
@aninditasen Most good ECE teachers I've worked with subscribe to it.
1 person likes this
@aninditasen (12599)
• Raurkela, India
27 Jan
@TheHorse That should be the actual philosophy.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (125871)
• Israel
25 Jan
@TheHorse Yes, I would like to see it. Also the crying infant feels comfortable around you. She knows you care and even though you did not pick her up when she stopped she still cared about you.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
She know I care about her. I didn't work yesterday. If she cries today, maybe I'll check in with her and then use "distal" interaction to see if that soothes her (until Marie lets me pick her up).
2 people like this
@Hannihar (125871)
• Israel
26 Jan
@TheHorse Does Marie have kids of her own that she will not let you pick her up when she cries and that she has to cry it all out?
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (149153)
• United States
25 Jan
I never could let my kids "cry it out".
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
I could not either. Unless I was doing taxes.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (142499)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Jan
Conditioning is just that. Many can't handle it so, in many cases, the kid wins out. I think if this is done and people stick to it it doesn't take long to get to the other end of the conditioning. But, if some do and some don't follow the conditioning then it becomes ugly and drawn out.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (142499)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Jan
@TheHorse ......What I am saying is that many parents just pick up the kid and can't let them just cry it out. If they could and could get to the other side then the child has learned a valuable life lesson. But they are too young and the parents are too emotional and loving.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
Not sure what you're saying here.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (115172)
• United States
25 Jan
Sure, I'll look at the handout. Sorry you were unable to pick up Harper until she stopped crying. A little crying is OK; but not for 1/2 hour.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (170569)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jan
I may try "distal" interaction today until I am allowed to pick her up.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (115172)
• United States
26 Jan
@TheHorse What is distal interaction?