Our Planned Florida Trip Makes Me Onery

@porwest (80618)
United States
July 9, 2024 5:32pm CST
We have planned a trip in late August around the 28th, arriving back home on the 3rd of September. It's to Sanford, Florida and is about a roughly 15+ hour drive. It's not the drive that has me in an onery condition. It's not the cost either. The stock market will pay for the trip—gas, hotels, spending, everything. We're driving because I abhor flying and simply refuse to do it. Not that I have any fear of flying. It's a pain in the ass and I simply don't want to do it. It's not that I don't want to go to Florida, even though I prefer the panhandle when we vacation there. We're going to see some friends, which is the reason, and I don't mind their company. It's that this is the fourth trip we will make to see them in about 15+ years and they have never once come up to visit us. So, we make the treks. We spend the higher dollar amounts. We make the effort. We do the driving. We (when I was working) take more time off to do it since it requires four days of driving. This trip, we will stay at their house, so we'll save on hotels that way other than the 2 nights we'll need on the way there and on the way back. They say, "We'd come to visit you, but there's nothing there where you are." Well, okay. Maybe Milwaukee where we lived before was not that exciting, and the St. Louis metro area where we live now isn't either. But, what about us? Aren't we enough to just come and visit us? We'll find things to do. We have a nice backyard. A beautiful deck. A welcoming pool. We have casinos. St. Louis sports many fine dining establishments. My wife gets irritated when I tell her very sternly, "This is the last trip we make to them." Whether or not I win that argument ultimately is to be seen. Whether or not I bring the issue up when we are there is to be seen, but if anyone knows me here well enough, they know I'm not one to really not say exactly what's on my mind, consequences be damned. For me it's the principle of it. It's give and take. To my mind when you visit friends, isn't the company supposed to be the highlight more than the destination? Isn't the company enough to make it worthwhile regardless of where you spend the time? Like I said, this will be trip #4. We've done our part, if you ask me. We've made the effort. Isn't it their turn? And what does it say about our friendship if we're not good enough if the place we spend time is not "up to par?" I don't know. Am I being onery with good reason or am I just being a tool? I'd be very interested to know what your thoughts are about this.
17 people like this
14 responses
@marguicha (218125)
• Chile
9 Jul
When I was going to get married, my mom came to the room where I was getting dressed with my wedding dress and told me that she wanted a TALK with me. I dreaded to have to listen to the ancient talk about bees and flowers and trying not to tell her that I was way past that. But my mother said that I´d get married and have friends. And that was a 2 way thing, like a tennis match. If they invite you, you invite. If you invite, expect them to invite you back. It doesn´t matter if they give you caviar and you only have beans. The important thing is that it is reciprocicated. I never forgot it. And I have few but very good friends. When they are not interested, I stop playing. Bye. No more. Four times is more than what I would accept. I would have dropped them a long time ago. Even I´d be better than them although we don´t see eye to eye in politics.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
10 Jul
Your mother was a wise woman and knew exactly what she was talking about.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (218125)
• Chile
10 Jul
@porwest She, she was. And I was too young then to knew beforehand about what she would talk about.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
10 Jul
@marguicha Did she pass when you were still young?
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (164806)
• United States
10 Jul
There's always something everywhere. There's plenty to do on the way to your place as well. Have a good day.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (164806)
• United States
11 Jul
@porwest The only reasons I could understand would be if they can't afford it or don't like to drive.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
11 Jul
@LindaOHio Yeah. I could see that. Neither of those are issues in this case.
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@porwest (80618)
• United States
10 Jul
Besides, we visit people for the company more than the place we visit, right? Granted, Florida is nice. It adds flavor. But not even one trip to see us? Not even once? Like I said to Judy, even if we were three to one on the trips, I'd probably not have these thoughts at all.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (158718)
• United States
10 Jul
Personally, I think I had rather visit St. Louis than Florida. I really can see your point. Your wife should be used to your ornery self by now.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
10 Jul
On the latter part of your comment, you would think so. lol
@annierose (21154)
• Philippines
10 Jul
Friendship should be about both sides making an effort. Maybe they don't realize how much it would mean to you if they visited. It could help to talk openly with them about how you feel. Hopefully, you can find a way to balance things out and strengthen your friendship.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
10 Jul
Balancing our friendship would require them making at least one damn trip here. lol
1 person likes this
@annierose (21154)
• Philippines
11 Jul
@porwest Maybe sharing how much it would mean to you and adding a bit of that humor will encourage them to make the trip. Friendships are definitely worth the effort!
@LeaPea2417 (36997)
• Toccoa, Georgia
10 Jul
There is no excuse for them not visiting you. That reminds me of one of my Mom's cousins who was always welcome at my Mom's house when she would pass through town during her travels and she would drop by. But, not once has she ever invited my Mom and Dad to visit her. It is tacky and unacceptable.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
11 Jul
It is. For some people there's just no give and take. Only take.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (75975)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
10 Jul
Yup, I totally agree that it is not logical for them not to want to visit you, If you have made the effort then they should make the effort.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
11 Jul
That's how I look at it. Just make the effort. It would be worth a million points to me.
1 person likes this
@kaylachan (62078)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
10 Jul
I was in the same situation. Growing up, my parents sheltered the hell out of me. I had one good childhood friend. And, she was the one who did all the visiting. I had never once been to their house. I didn't start returning the favor until later, when she eventually moved to the same city I did. I can understand how you feel though. If they have good reason for not making the trip, (such as health concerns), then fine. But, because they think where you live is boring....? no. just.... no.
@jstory07 (135490)
• Roseburg, Oregon
9 Jul
You need to visit your friends. It would be nice if they would come visit you to.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
10 Jul
If we're not good enough just to come see us, I don't need them honestly. lol
@1creekgirl (41010)
• United States
10 Jul
I totally understand how you feel. It starts to be a bit of an insult after a while. If the destination is the only reason to visit, tell them to take a plane to Ukraine. I don't know that I'd spend all that time, effort, and money again. As they say, friendship should be a two way street.
@Fleura (29406)
• United Kingdom
9 Jul
I agree with you. When you got to visit friends, you go to spend time with them and it doesn't matter if they live in a really awful place or if you've been there twenty times and done everything twice already. After a while you feel as though you are doing all the running and you wonder if you stopped, would that be it - you'd never see them again because they wouldn't put the effort in?
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (331047)
• Rockingham, Australia
10 Jul
I don't think you're being ornery at all. It doesn't need to be a rigid 'our turn your turn' but they should make the effort from time to time. As you say, it should be give and take, not all take.
1 person likes this
@NJChicaa (117224)
• United States
10 Jul
I guess it all depends on personal relationships. I wouldn't want to go visit someone in the mid-west during the summer when I'm here at the ocean. Visiting my in-laws in the mountains of NC freaked me out.
1 person likes this
@porwest (80618)
• United States
10 Jul
But why on Earth would you rather visit someone in the Midwest in winter when it's godawful cold and snow is on the ground??? To me it's about people, not destinations, when it comes to visiting with friends. When it's with friends, the destination is not as important a consideration as the company is. Just my two cents. And we're only talking about a few days here.
1 person likes this
@Beestring (13822)
• Hong Kong
10 Jul
Friendship is mutual. If I were you, I will honestly tell them how you feel and see how they respond.
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@porwest (80618)
• United States
10 Jul
If I piss them off, I guess it really WILL be the last trip.
1 person likes this
• Cloverdale, Indiana
9 Jul
I'm with you on taking the long trip & what it cost to & from & they don't even think to consider the wear & tare on the vehicle & you to get there. I wouldn't even think to take the trip, cause hubby has family in Fla & they don't even think to call much less visit & we DID have a trip to go B-4 I crashed & landed in the hosp for 6 mons but since I've been home I've come to think God didn't want us to go, so that's why we haven't planed on going, BUT we do have friends in Ky we plan to visit in Sept.
1 person likes this