Never Tell 'Em You Were Fired

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Whenever I have gone on a job interview, and I have gone to my fair share of them, I always maintain my sense of humor and am quite candid in my responses. I know. Imagine me being candid. If you close your eyes and really let it sink in, I am sure you could envision it regardless of how much of a stretch that may seem to get there. On one interview, for example, after we discussed the job details, we got into the pay, and she told me about how much the health insurance would be and what the union dues were. "Do you offer discounts on Ramen noodles?" I asked the woman interviewing me. She had this perplexed look. After a moment of silence, I told her, "I ask because based on what you just told me, it's all I'd be able to afford to eat." In that case, I didn't take the job of course. When I worked for Coca-Cola and was being considered for promotion to a supervisory role, the plant manager asked me where I saw myself in five years. "Behind your desk," I told him. And sure. I have been fired from jobs before. Haven't we all been fired from at least one? With the exception of three jobs in my entire life, okay maybe four if we are counting Zipp's Drive Thru which I worked at for four hours, I have been fired from every job I have ever had. Hey, I'm no quitter. That's a positive, right? In one case I literally told the company to fire me. I was in the office with my supervisor and the plant manager, and they were trying to reprimand me for this thing, that thing and the other. I looked at them both and told them, "Your rule is stupid. I refuse to follow it. We can either make this a paid weekly meeting or you can just fire me right now." They fired me. But when it comes to that age old question that tends to come up in interviews about why you left one job or another, I never tell them that I was fired. Instead, I tell them, "There was a mutual agreement arrived at between upper management and myself that it was best for us to part ways." Usually, it goes without any further pressing. Sometimes it is simply met with a smirk. In one case the interviewer asked me to elaborate on my answer. I smiled and said, "I was politely asked to leave the premises, and I nodded and obliged."