Passport woes!

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ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER: This, apparently, is an actual letter received by the UK Passport Office. The hoops we have to go just to get a new passport! No wonder he was furious. (NB: I have removed most of the swear words.) Dear Sirs, I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe how is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1988, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date. Do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my pension book. It's on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30 years. It is on my National Health card. My driving licence. My car insurance. On the last eight damn passports I've had. It's on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane over the last 30 years. All those insufferable census forms. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Mary Anne, my father's name is Robert and I'd be absolutely astounded if that WOULD ever change between now and when I die!! I apologise, I'm really peed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bull nonsense! You send the application to my house & then you ask me for my bleeding address!! What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal aholes working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for goodness sakes. I just want to go and park my ar*e on some sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a damn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last people I'd want to tell! Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then We have to find some idiot to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (Bureaucratic morons). Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile if we wanted to? Because we're totally peed off! P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since 1500’s I have served in the military for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the world. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor . WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN` PAKISTAN! Signed An Irate Citizen