She is Back.
By rakski
@rakski (149320)
Philippines
August 10, 2025 8:33pm CST
who is back?
My friend, whom I mentioned here before who had a lot of debts.
She did not message me for a few months and now I received a message from her. She is borrowing money, and you know why, because she needs to pay her debts.
I have not opened her message yet. As much as I would like to help her, I have my own financial responsibilities and commitments to take care of. I’ve learned that lending money, especially to someone already struggling with debts, can sometimes make the situation worse for both parties. I don’t want to damage our friendship, but I also need to protect my stability. I’ll have to think of a way to respond that is honest yet compassionate, perhaps offering advice or moral support instead of financial help.
What will you do in this situation?
20 people like this
19 responses
@AmbiePam (104862)
• United States
11 Aug
I’d find the kindest, but most firm way of telling her you don’t have the money to lend. If she’s a real friend, she’ll understand. But some people will try to get money from you, blaming everyone for not helping, refusing to see they did this to themselves. If you give her money, you best consider it a gift because you will undoubtedly not get it back.
5 people like this
@jefferson126 (3640)
• Shenzhen, China
11 Aug
I don't think a normal ppl would get deep in debt,the person deep in debt may be greedy,wanna seize big money instantly,but finally gain nothing but debt.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (40456)
• Philippines
11 Aug
In such a situation, it’s essential to respond with kindness while maintaining clear boundaries to show your friend you care without leading to misunderstanding. A possible response might be:
“I’m really sorry to hear about your tough time. I wish I could assist financially, but I have commitments I need to manage right now. I truly hope things improve for you soon—if you’d like, I can help think of other options or resources that could lighten the burden.”
This way, you remain honest about your inability to lend money but still extend emotional support and concern. The focus should be on keeping a warm tone, avoiding judgment, and emphasizing empathy instead of a simple refusal.
2 people like this
@rsa101 (40456)
• Philippines
11 Aug
@rakski I understand how hard it can be to turn down a friend in need, but it's important to help her realize that borrowing money to pay off another loan is not a healthy habit. She could end up trapped in a cycle of debt that’s hard to escape.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (154199)
• India
11 Aug
YOu will have to tell her you do not have the money to spare
1 person likes this
@allknowing (154199)
• India
12 Aug
@rakski Yes. Why beat around the bush. In such matters one should be straight She can ask for help by reaching out to the general public I think it is called based platforms.
1 person likes this
@rakski (149320)
• Philippines
12 Aug
@allknowing
yes, I think it is better to be honest and upfront with her
1 person likes this
@annavi23 (6633)
• Philippines
14 Oct
I also have a friend like that. It's been years since we last saw each other. Back then I have helped her financially. But she had balance that never paid back. Then recently, she messaged me asking for money as if like we are always talking to each other or as if she has money from me.
I am done doing those things for her years ago. I won't help her like before. It's better to lose the friendship if that's all she's after. I know that when I would start helping her again, even if it's just few peso she's asking for, I wouldn't let her. Probably because history will repeat itself. She will abuse the helping hand. Just stop.
1 person likes this
@Shivram59 (46052)
• India
11 Aug
I help some of my friends who are really poor and needy. But I don't understand how can a girl who has borrowed so much money is seeking more money.
1 person likes this
@rakski (149320)
• Philippines
13 Aug
@Shivram59 I am guessing from the number of debts she have
1 person likes this
@Mshafeeq (2767)
• Kuwait, Kuwait
11 Aug
Your decision on this matter is completely understandable and you're right too. After a long time she thought of you only just because you can lend her money, she may be in very tough times though but you have to be financially stable too.
1 person likes this
@jefferson126 (3640)
• Shenzhen, China
11 Aug
If ppl intend to lend money out,must make preparation ahead that you are likely lose money.In case it ineed happen,ppl will not get deep hurt.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (166156)
• United States
11 Aug
Anytime you lend money to a friend you should consider it a gift. If you cannot afford to gift money to your friend, you also cannot afford to give it to her. She will have to be content with your good wishes, and any practical advice you have for her.
1 person likes this
@youless (113839)
• Guangzhou, China
11 Aug
This is always a very tough situation. If you think she can return to your debt, then it's OK to lend her some money. If not, it's better not to lend her money. If you really feel embarrassed to it since she is your friend, perhaps you can lend her little money which you won't feel bad even if she doesn't pay you back.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (197917)
• United States
11 Aug
I would tell her you would like to help but your money is ear marked for other things. Wish her luck, and maybe give her the number of a place that loans money.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (38626)
• Toccoa, Georgia
11 Aug
I would be honest and say you can't afford to help pay her debts, of course in a nice way say that.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (90248)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
11 Aug
Be honest with her and let her know you cannot possibly help her with money,
1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (86682)
• United States
11 Aug
Many years ago I was in a similar situation. A friend was seriously in debt, asked to borrow money which I didn't have but gave anyway, and it wound up that what I sacrificed didn't help her problem and in the long run it ruined our friendship.
1 person likes this
@cabuyogty (4469)
• Philippines
11 Aug
I will be contented with I have depending on my life situation. I didn't use to lend and lend money frequently and it's too cruel for me , it makes me anxious everytime I have to think my debt. 
@jefferson126 (3640)
• Shenzhen, China
11 Aug
Don't easily lend money out,especially lend money to a person who is deep in debt.I bet she is unable to repay you on time.
1 person likes this
