I am Evaluating My Life

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I have been going down that black hole I go down this time of year. I do a lot of introspection at this time. I am readying myself for a new year. Only 22 days and then it will be 2026. I used to think I was weird because I didn't have a lot of friends. Like I was damaged or something. Then one day I realized something about my feelings and my position in the universe. I'm a people watcher. I like to see what others do in different situations. Few impress me. I even feel sorry for so many of them. I am so much happier being in my room and enjoying my family than I would be going out and maneuvering through the world as it is today. And I have learned this about people, and it's really changed my entire mindset. There is a silent truth that lies beneath the surface. People who walk alone, those with few friends are not broken. They are not missing something. In many cases they carry an inner fire that others don't understand. When you walk alone you discover who you really are. You don't need others to complete you. You become complete in your own right. The fewer hands reached for the more you realize your own strength. Some seek out God while others find what they need inside themselves. So many people struggle and never learn who they are. They hide behind the noise, and in social groups. They feel a comfort of being surrounded by others and being lead where they think they should go -- to meet others' expectations. These types refuse to be shaped by the crowd. They have a soul that values truth more than approval. They have mastered the traits of authenticity, independence, selectivity, and introspection. Sure, I struggle and need other's input at times. I get stressed because I care how others see myself and my kids. There have been several times in my life that I have sought out therapy because I was unsure. But each time I was able to sweep up and get rid of my mind fart and went on my chosen path more assured that that path is the right one for me.