Women's Life in the Victorian Era ~ How Women Got Around the Strict Social Codes of Courtship

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Every aspect of romance and courtship was carefully choreographed with strict rituals. These had to followed to the letter for a woman's reputation was at stake. Introductions between two people were made by family members or mutual acquaintances. This was done to assure that both parties were socially suitable. Young women were always chaperoned; they could go nowhere alone. They could go nowhere alone or be with a man alone. Older family members or trusted family friends were always present to prevent any scandalous behavior. There were no public displays of affection allowed and the conversation topics were usually be polite with no gossip or personal discussions. Women could not call their boyfriends by their first name until they were engaged. Reputation and following social rules to the letter was all important. But, where there is a will there is a way, and women soon devised secret codes they could use to communicate their feelings. They utilized flowers and fans to do this. These items were something women of that time period received and used so it was not out of the ordinary. They were used to reveal affection or rejection without using overt speech to communicate. For instance, red roses meant deep devotion and the yellow carnation meant disdain, rejection. A closed fan held over the heart could communicate deep affection. By slowly opening the fan she was asking her suitor to wait for her. A handkerchief dropped or waving one could signal interest or farewell. Couple exchanged these coded gestures using popular floral dictionaries and etiquette guides popular during that time. These were called floriography and were used to conduct complex courtships within the strict social boundaries of the day.