What do you say? / myLot

United Kingdom

February 1, 2026 3:22am CST

Following on from my last post… What do you say when someone shares their bad news with you? Yesterday a friend (my co-conspirator in the props department!) told me she has breast cancer. What would you say under these circumstances? Obviously I didn’t say ‘Oh my God my friend had that and within 18 months she was dead’. I tried to strike a balance between sympathy at bad news and a positive attitude towards the treatment. But then I wondered afterwards if I appeared to make light of the situation inappropriately? Sometimes I do find saying the ‘right thing’ difficult. I hope I can show my support with messages and visits over the next few weeks. All rights reserved. © Text and image copyright Fleur 2026.

12 people like this

13 responses

Eva James

@wolfgirl569 (131753)

• Marion, Ohio

1 Feb

You never know exactly what to say. Mostly just listening and being there is what helps

2 people like this

Amber

@AmbiePam (116186)

• United States

1 Feb

Well, the important thing is you didn’t act like she was dying. The last thing anyone needs is a case of the dramatics, which is not you anyway. I imagine you handled it appropriately. It’s got to be natural to second guess your words in such an important conversation.

2 people like this

Heather Echola

@GardenGerty (168202)

• United States

1 Feb

A big hug and an "I am here if you need me", or better yet, if you are able to, name a specific thing you can do. "I will drive with you to treatments". " I will listen."

1 person likes this

Fleur

@Fleura (34388)

• United Kingdom

2 Feb

That's a good idea. She has surgery to come first but after that I can offer to take her places.

RasmaSandra

@RasmaSandra (95745)

• Daytona Beach, Florida

1 Feb

That is something you never know how to respond to, Just be supportive and sympathetic toward her,

1 person likes this

Fiacre Banks

@xFiacre (14411)

• Ireland

1 Feb

@fleura It’s hard to know how others are taking the news themselves. When our daughter was born with Down Syndrome people were very dark and somber when I met them and didn’t know what to say because they assumed I was devastated and that what had happened was just awful. However I was just so happy to have another daughter and I was full of joy. It was actually quite a revelation to see the many reactions. Now I just accept that I’m going to put my foot in it when I talk to people and blether on regardless. When one of my parishioners told me her daughter had a child with Down Syndrome I said “Oh that’s lovely” and soon realised that’s not what she wanted to hear.

1 person likes this

Fleur

@Fleura (34388)

• United Kingdom

2 Feb

You're probably right, you can never know what is exactly the right thing. I loved your reaction to the Down Syndrome news. Hopefully your parishioner thought it over later and changed her own opinion

Fiacre Banks

@xFiacre (14411)

• Ireland

2 Feb

@Fleura I visited the daughter of a parishioner once at the behest of her mother because she’d had another miscarriage. During the conversation it became obvious that it hadn’t been a miscarriage at all. She’d been told that the baby had the possibility of having Down Syndrome, so “couldn’t wait to get rid of the monster growing inside me”. She knew about my daughter but still said that to me. Another lady said to me “My mother had one of them wee mongrels and she got seven years out of it”. There’s nothing you can really say to that! The lady really wasn’t all there and didn’t intend any offence. None was taken.

1 person likes this

Fleur

@Fleura (34388)

• United Kingdom

2 Feb

@xFiacre the things people come out with sometimes is just unbelievable!

Traceyjayne

@Traceyjayne (9313)

• United Kingdom

1 Feb

Theres never a right thing to say in these situations as everyone and their relationship with people are different. Sounds to me like you were sympathetic and supportive. I’m sure she will need that more in the coming months.

1 person likes this

May2k8

@May2k8 (19746)

• Indonesia

1 Feb

there is nothing I can say except my condolences.

1 person likes this

Toni

@toniganzon (75499)

• Philippines

1 Feb

If it's family or a close friend, I'd probably just give them a hug. I don't know what to say in such situation too.

1 person likes this

changjiangzhibin89

@changjiangzhibin89 (17184)

• China

1 Feb

If it were me,I would also be at a loss for words of consolation. Sending messages and visits can comfort your friend in a way.

1 person likes this

@DaddyEvil (170548)

• United States

1 Feb

I tell the person I'm sorry they have it and hope everything works out well for them. There is never a "best way" to offer sympathy and support at the same time. It's whatever you think best serves the situation at that time. Simply acknowledge the situation, offer support if you know the person and move on quickly to other matters.

1 person likes this