lying to your children

United States
November 8, 2007 7:57am CST
Ok so as parents we try and teach our children that lying is wrong and that they shouldn't do it. Yet many turn right around and lie to their children. You tell them that there is a Santa Claus, a Easter Bunny, a Tooth Fairy, and want them to believe in these things, yet you want to tell them lying is bad. Whats with the double standard? If you don't want your child to lie, how about stop lying to them. Lead by example and don't teach them to believe in such lies and maybe they'll grow up to be honest with you later.
9 people like this
18 responses
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
8 Nov 07
"If you don't want your child to lie, how about stop lying to them." As much as I agree with that to an extent sometimes there are times when lying is absolutely necessary just for their own well being....As far as the Santa Claus, Easter Bunny etc thing goes, sure its lying but not in a negative way....They ENJOY believing in those things AND its a great way to encourage creative thinking and sparks their imagination.... I'll admit though that when my son found out Santa wasnt real he was in fact ticked at me for a couple days BECAUSE I had lied to him all those yr BUT he understood after he simmered down WHY I had lied and how much he enjoyed it the yrs he did believe....
2 people like this
• United States
8 Nov 07
I'm sorry but I don't think that lying is at all acceptable, and to teach one to my children isn't acceptable to me either. I don't think that there are any harmless lies or any ok lies. If a parent wants their child to be honest with them then we need to start by being honest with our children.
• United States
8 Nov 07
I taught my kids from the start that they were made up people. I told them about the real person that Santa Claus modled after. I've also told them how the stories of the Easter bunny and the tooth fairy came about. Now with that being said, my kids know that they are make believe and thats ok with them. When they see store Sanata's they know that the person isn't really going to bring them gifts or fly around the world, but they like looking at the elves and talking to him anyway. People don't give kids enough credit. They have great imaginations and knowing the truth gives them a greater oppertunity to play make beleive. To them its like playing dress up or pretending they are super hereos. Its just a game that after its all over they know was just pretend.
@34momma (13918)
• United States
8 Nov 07
it's funny you posted this topic. only because i posted on much like it last year and wow people get pissed when you tell them not to tell their children there is no santa claus!! i don't do christmas but when i did, i never ever told my boys that some white guy was coming to bring them gifts. i never told them to give me your teeth so a lady will fly into your window at nite and take them then leave you money. don't get me wrong, i have not always been honest with my kids. but when i do tell them the non truth it is only to sheild them from the ugly truth of life not to cloud their minds with false images of people that are not real!!!!
• United States
9 Nov 07
I never realized how big of an issue this was with people till now. What gets me are the ones telling me I'm stealing some type of joy from my children. Why, because I'm teaching them the differnce between truth and fitction? I never said they couldn't know about these things I just want them to know that they aren't real. I know dragons aren't real but that doesn't stop me from liking them and having them plastered all over my wall. My daughter knows there are no such thing as faires too but that doesn't stop her from playing fairy princess. It does however give her the understanding that its just pretend. Thats what my point is, having them understand the difference between truth and fiction.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13918)
• United States
9 Nov 07
I know just what you mean. I think it is sad really that people think you are taking something from your children if you don't let them believe straight up lies!!! i mean lies, what is that about. honey you continue to do what you do and the He!! with the rest! cause i am with you! Mothers for the truth!! for some reason people think there is no harm in these supposed harmless lies, but they are very harmful!!!
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13662)
• United States
9 Nov 07
As a toddler, yes my Nephew believed in Santa and such but when he got old enough to ask I told him the truth. I don't believe in lying to children but I also don't see the harm in letting them believe in something when they are too small to know any difference. "COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS" **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Nov 07
I think the thing you try to teach your children is not to lie..about something important. What are parents supposed to say to their 3 year old boy when they ask about Santa Claus? "No, there is no Santa Claus." That's just...not right. You should let your children be children. To rip away a part of their childhood, a part of their imagination and faith would damage them more than "lying" to them. I know what it's like to not go through the process of growing up, to skip a few chapters. I grew up way too fast, now here I am 19 years old and find myself stuck because the growing up process was never found in me, my maturity was forced on my at too young a age. Point is, telling these kids about the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny gives them something to believe in and I think that's something to be respected, not frowned upon. Very good topic.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 Nov 07
Thats funny. I told my children the truth about all of those things at a very very young age. I felt the same as you do about it. Also and especially with Santa Claus, the theme is that if you are "good" you'll get what you want...if not Santa won't be good to you. Well,my girls were very good kids and i would have loved to have gotten them all they wanted. I was a single mom and could not. They had some wealthy friends who were by no means angels but got much more. I could not let them believe that they were bad in comparison just becuz they got less.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
8 Nov 07
I agree with you! My parents lied to me about Santa Clause and I thought I'd never be able to forgive them (But I eventually did!) Kids are always smarter than their parents imagine. As a Parent you can't get away with anything (for long anyway) So the moral of the story is - Always tell the truth to your child! Because if you don't it Will Always Come Back to You!
• United States
8 Nov 07
I completely agree with you. My husband and I decided before our eldest child was born that we were not going to let our children believe in make believe characters such as santa, the tooth fairy, etc.. However, it my not be us lying to them in these ways soeone else is, grandma for example. I can't stand the fact that no matter how hard we try to teach them honesty on these things and many more, oh and teach them reality too, there is always someone they know trying to tell them differently. This is so confusing to small children such as mine; ages 6, 5, 3 and 5 months; it really grinds my gears when people do this, no matter what my huuby and I say to them. Nothing elps when it comes to grandparents in situations like these However, my children are still young enough that they always ask us the truth. So, we have gotten kind of lucky I guess on this matter because they are trusting us and have even gotten to where they are telling their grandma and grandpa that these things are not real. Horray for us?!! I am glad that we are not the only ones i the world that feels this way on this subject. THANKS!!
1 person likes this
@spoiled311 (5502)
• Philippines
8 Nov 07
hi devilsangel! you are so right... we cannot teach something to our kids that we don't know first hand. we can lie probably to our kids when they are young, but sooner or later, they will know what you are up to. hehehe anyway, i would not have to lie about santa anyway, because we don't believe in teaching them about santa claus. we will just give them the love and care not only during christmas but throughout the year. :-)
1 person likes this
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
9 Nov 07
If you start lying o your kids, they will bring those lies in many years. Telling them the truth builds a wonderful personality in them. We should not hide things and lie about something we parents must be open in this life. We have to start saying the truth even it hurts sometimes. But to build their confidence in their self it better to say the truth than live them with lies.
@fanji008 (784)
• China
9 Nov 07
Hi,I really agree with you! It's so correct that parents shouldn't lie to the kids cause they're very young and naive,they'll take what you said as the truth. Some of my friends told me they've also had such problems these days and they could really feel that lies they made could really take a bad influence on the kids.So they don't lie now and tell the kid the true story.I don't think it's good to lie cause later it'll be much more difficult to get rid of this in front of your children and it'll affect your status in your kids' heart. It's better to explain the truth to them,even if they don't understand now,they'll get it as they're growing up. Do you think so?
• China
9 Nov 07
Donnot worry! the world is so curel that we sometimes must lis to our lovers to protect them from any harm. the god belive me that we can da better with our love!
• China
9 Nov 07
donnot worry!the world is so real that we sometimes must lie to our lovers to make them feel life is beautiful. children,i think,will understand our heart in the future. the reality is so curel that we must protet our baby from any harm.and with age grows,they will learn the world and thanks me protecting them. god belive me!we can do better with the love for baby!
• United States
9 Nov 07
I have struggled with this. I have 2 kids that are so excited at the thought that there are magical beings that make holidays so much fun. They get so excited when they see Santa at the mall. I do not agree with lieing at all. So what to do? If I tell my son that Santa is fake it would be so sad for him, plus I am sure he would tell his whole kindergarten class and I would have a lot of upset parents. It is kind of a lose lose situation.
@youless (87167)
• Guangzhou, China
9 Nov 07
Sometimes I have to tell lies to my son. I know it is wrong, but sometimes you just have to do it. Such as I tell him that having a shot won't be hurtful, and the medicines are not bitter etc. Perhaps we have to call it like beautiful lies. As to the lies about Santa Claus and so on, that will be fine. As you know, all of us need to have dreams.
@athellas (12)
• Greece
8 Nov 07
I think the lies you refer to about Santa Claus,Easter Bunny etc are the so-called 'white lies'.They dont hurt anyone and i think they provoke the imagination and the thought process of a child.Sooner or later children realize themselves that all these are just fairy tales and i dont think they resent their parents for telling these things to them. Having sai that,if i had kids i would prefer to take them down a different path.I would avoid mentioning these fairy tales or 'lies' as you call them.I would talk to them about things that are closer to reality...
@bonbon664 (3480)
• Canada
8 Nov 07
I don't think it's lying to them per say. I think it's a completely innocent childhood fantasy. Children have to face so many harsh "realities" in this world today, and I think it's a real shame when kids are'nt allowed to enjoy innocence as long as they can. We all lie, but, there's a difference in the severity and consequence of some lies. If by me telling a little white lie, it makes someone feel better, I'll do it, and I think I am leading by example.
@Stiletto (4597)
8 Nov 07
I see no harm at all in playing along with the whole Santa Claus, Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy thing. Believing in all that stuff and having fun with it is part of the magic of being a child. To be honest I think most children catch on to the fact it's make-believe long before they admit it to their parents. I know my daughter certainly did. As for never lying to children I guess that would be the ideal but sometimes it's better for them not to know the whole truth. Previous respondents have already given good examples of that. There's time enough when they are adults to face the harsh realities of life.
@hyzz1982 (1040)
• China
8 Nov 07
i think people have do so sometimes. for example, you know there is no the white snow, but you say the story to children everyday, there is no match girl indeed, but every children is told about that. i don't think it is matter to tell them this. but in a realism you should say the most honest thing. you will never lie to anyone.