Why Am I Wrong For Trying To Do The Right Thing?

@ellie333 (21020)
March 14, 2008 11:10pm CST
My daughters friend was staying over tonight and that was fine by me but at 3.30 this morning she had a bad call from her ex boyfriend and decided she wanted to leave the house to go home, however she doesn't live in our town and on Monday night a 19 year old was raped in the early hours so I stopped her from going for her own safety, told her she was being emotionasl right now to go back to sleep and get a train home in the morning (sorry these are 16 year olds)now my daughter is making me the baddie for stopping her walking out the door when all I am doing is thinking about her safety. I said she could leave providing someone came to collect her from the door and even asked for her parents number that she wouldn't give. So now I'm feeling a wee bit peeved about the situation as I was actually hoping for some sleep which obviously isn't going to happen now and believe me this is the last sleepover this one of mine is having. How would you handle this situation and do you think I'm being out of order of doing the correct responsible adult thing even though I'm getting grief for it? Ellie :(
11 people like this
42 responses
@Hatley (164354)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Mar 08
You were certainly not out of order for doing what had to be done. no way would I have let a sixteen year old go traipsing off by herself at three hirty in the morning.she was in an emotional state as it was and it would just not have been safe for her.If her people were to come and pick her up that would have been one thing, but not going off alonelate at night in thedar thatwould be asking for trouble. I do not see any other way you could have handled it in that the girl would not give you her parents phone number.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21020)
15 Mar 08
Hi Thanks for your support on this. There was no way I was gonna let her go but believe me until I get an apology from my daughter she will not be having another sleepover. They all work up fine. I did get a thank you for letting her stay from the girl and a sorry I caused upset. They just don't realise do they the danger they put themselves in at that age. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
16 Mar 08
First, you are responsible for minors at your house. Second, 16 years old shouldn't walk alone after 10 PM and in some parts of town, after dark. Third, you shouldn't have any minor at home during the night if you don't have her/his parents phone number. Last, you could end up in jail if you let her go....who knows what can happen. Your daughter has to learn how to be responsible for others. In this case, you react the right way. Don't let her daughter make you guilty, because she is guilty by introducing her friend to your house.
@ellie333 (21020)
16 Mar 08
Its difficult in UK as these 16 year old work for themselves and in some cases even have their own bedsits away from their parents so too ask for a parents number once they over 16 you'd be looked at as if you were mad anyway. The main thing is that this girl is safe as I didn't let her go and I was actually thanked in the morning. Thanks for yor thoughts on this one, appreciated. Ellie :D
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
16 Mar 08
In USA minor is up to 21. Isn't in UK up to 18?
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
17 Mar 08
Similar here. They can get married at 16 in some states, but they are minor till 21... They can be in the Army at 18, but can not buy drink till 21 or enter nightclub....
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
15 Mar 08
Let me assure you that you had done the right thing. Try and explain to you daughter who is like those rash and hot headed teens who only see things on the surface without a hoot what may happen to them. Having said that I believe you do understand that youths today are just hard headed and they won't learn till they get the lesson the hard way. In that sense, I would rather that you let them be. As for the sleepover I suggest you carry on having it, as it will keep your daughter with you at home. Don't be peeved and grieved.
@ellie333 (21020)
15 Mar 08
Thank you for the reassurance Skysuccess. I know I done what was right and they see it diferently and the girl is safe which is and was my main priority. I have always welcomed both my daughters friends into my home, it gives me chance to get to know them and what type of people they are associating with and also like you say they are safe together in a home away from other youths who may cause trouble for them and I can also monitor what is going on. She will have to be punished in some way for her attitude towards me, but I will allow a sleepover again, but not for a while yet as I think she needs to apologise to me. She has got to realise that I am human and have feelings too eh! Ellie :D
• Singapore
16 Mar 08
You deserve a pat on the back. I cannot help but agreed with what you have said and done. I really hope that she had realized her mistake and what a great mother you had been for her.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
16 Mar 08
Ah thanks Skysuccess, I appreciate it. Ellie :D
@bronie123 (4589)
• United States
17 Mar 08
You did the right thing and one day she will see that (hopefully) She could have gotten hurt or been killed thats crazy i could understand if she lived close to you or something dang
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
17 Mar 08
Thank you for your support on this. Yes I know I did the right thing and she was kept safe, but teenagers don't always see that what you are doing is for their good not becasue you are trying to be nasty and emotional teenage girls are even worse eh!Ellie :D
@bronie123 (4589)
• United States
18 Mar 08
oh i know i feel terrible for some of the things i put mu mom through ugh !!!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Mar 08
Teenagers are rough. Thank goodness for responsible adults like you -- willing to say whoa when called for. I can understand your position on no more sleepovers because of this incident. You're not wrong, ellie. I agree with what you did and I imagine her parents are glad you didn't let her walk out.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
16 Mar 08
Oh bless Joyce, thank you so much, being a parent isn't the easiest job in the world and it is a lifetime career, one you can't resign from and I appreciate your support. My main priority was keeping this girl safe, which I managed to achieve. I may not be too popular but I did what needed to be done. Sorry I have to do this using your first line Teenagers are rough But parents are tough But parents always know when to say Enough is enough! Thought you were tipsy and going to bed early anyways LOL Big Hugs Ellie :D
• United States
17 Mar 08
I responded after tipsy had been slept off.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2482)
• United States
16 Mar 08
i think that you most definitely did the right thing. there is to much that goes on during the middle of the night and something could have happened to that child had you let her leave. God bless
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
16 Mar 08
Thank you for your confirmation of me making the right decision. Didn't make me popular but at least the girl stayed until morning and was safe eh! Ellie :D
• United States
17 Mar 08
that's good that she stayed. i'm glad i could help in any way that i did.
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
16 Mar 08
You certainly did the right thing by not letting the young woman go out at 3:30 in the am. Kids this age are notorious for doing stupid thing. In all probability she was going to meet the ex-boy friend. Been there, done that.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
16 Mar 08
Thank you, her safety was my main concern and she remained at my house and safe until the morning, I may not have been liked for it but both her and my daughter will understand that I done it for the right reasons eventually eh! Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
16 Mar 08
Our job as parents is not to do every thing that our kids want. Not every thing we do for their own good will they like. They will get over it mine did.
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@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
15 Mar 08
As a parent, you are doing the responsible thing in stopping your daughter's friend from going home in the middle of the night. Even though you are not her mother, she is staying over at your place, so it is natural that you feel a certain responsibility for her well-being and safety. If you did allow her to go off and something should happen to her on her way home, you will feel guilty about your actions. So for her sake and yours, you have certainly made the proper decision and advised her against leaving. I would have done the same if I were in your shoes. You should try and contact her parents, let them know about this situation and explaining to them why you made the decisions in the interest of their daughter's safety. I'm confident they will support you and even appreciate you for what you have done.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
15 Mar 08
Both girls work together at the same computer company and she wouldn't give me her parents number to contact, but she remained here safe until the morning and she did thank me and apologise for any upset caused before she left. I don't think my daughter will be having a sleepover for a while now but will make sure I have numbers next time of any friends staying. The main thing is that she stayed til morning and was safe. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this one. Ellie :D
@lexus54 (3576)
• Singapore
17 Mar 08
I'm glad to hear that things turned out fine. Youngsters and teens often act on impulse, and only think later about the consequences. When they come to their senses, they will realize and appreciate the good intentions of the adults who have their interest at heart. It would be a good idea to have the home or parent's contact for any of your daughter's friends who sleep over. You never know what can happen, even within your home or elsewhere. In times of any emergency, the contact number will prove to be useful and critical.
• Australia
15 Mar 08
Absolutely not! This girl is 16 years old and she was in your charge. If anything were to happen to her if she would have left, you would have been blamed because people always look for someone to blame when bad things happen. Honestly, if that was my daughter giving me grief, her butt would be punished and she would not be able to hang with that girl anymore. To me, this girl just sounds like trouble all around. Not to mention a bad influence....
@ellie333 (21020)
15 Mar 08
At least the girl is safe even if I'm not too popular at the moment, I have never experienced this before with any sleep overs with either daughters friends before and this was the first time this particular girl had been round so guess you right there. My daughter certainly won't be having sleepovers for a while and no friends round for the rest of the weekend, not even to visit. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
• Australia
17 Mar 08
I can't say I blame you lol...
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
15 Mar 08
No you are NOT out of line at all. You are being smart. 16 yr. old's are not known for liking "rules". I would have done the same thing. Not only was her safety an issue but also the wrath of her parents. They would have probably been furious at you had you let her go. My older daughter who is 21 has a friend that drinks quite a bit. She has learned that if she is drinking and if I am around, I will take her keys and she is here for the nite. I don't care if her drinking was done prior to coming here or if she brought it with her....she is not leaving my home drunk and getting in a car. We have had a few battles on that one as she has a little girl that she needs to get home to. My take on it is that she should stay sober then . I think I'm doing her little girl a favor too by keeping her mom safe. oh...when my girl was 16...i too, ended the sleepovers. 16 yr old collective minds can come up with so many things to do....none of which we'd approve. I never got sleep when she had friends over.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
15 Mar 08
I should correct...I did not stop sleep overs all together but I did learn to allow them only when I was willing to be up half the night.
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@ellie333 (21020)
15 Mar 08
Thank you for your support on this. I know what I did was right and like you say they do not like rules of any sort at that age. Good for you for taking her car keys away from her, I would also do this too so on a scale of 1 to 10 for being popular at those moments I guess we get a low score eh! LOL I suppose I should prepare myself for more sleepless nights when she is eventually allowed another. Kids eh! Ellie :D
@a1intnet (249)
• Mauritius
15 Mar 08
How could you even think you were wrong on this one??? The world is such a dangerous place for all kids at the moment - let alone an emotional 16 years old all on her own! Would her parents have let her go out at that time of the morning? I doubt it - that's probably why she wouldn't give you their number! Just think what might have happened if you had let her go! Hat's off to you for keeping her inside and safe!
@ellie333 (21020)
15 Mar 08
Oh no I didn't feel I was wrong for doing this at all, but was made to feel I was by my daughter who said mum, let her go can't you see you are upsetting her more, but I didn't budge I just stood at the door and said no go back to sleep and leave in the morning or get your parents to collect you but you are not going out the door at this time of night and definately not on your own. I was thanked for it this morning. Kids eh! Ellie :D
@a1intnet (249)
• Mauritius
16 Mar 08
Ahhh - 16 year old emotional dramas!!
1 person likes this
@bintil (86)
• Indonesia
2 Apr 08
i think you're doing the right thing, if theres a child staying overnight at our house , like it or not its our responsible. i think what you should do is giving your daughter an explanation how important this thing is, and what you did was only to protect your family and also her friends. we will never know whats going on out there.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
2 Apr 08
Thanks you for your support, I do think my daughter and her friend now realise that I did this for their own safety and by upsetting them at least I kept them safe eh! Ellie :D
@Dasari100 (3803)
• Anantapur, India
2 Apr 08
you thought in very good way because if the conditions are not supporting us we need to tell which one is good or bad then they came to know so you did a great as a mother.
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@ellie333 (21020)
2 Apr 08
Thank you Dasari100, I try my best to be a good mum but no rule book on this and I am only human, the main thing is I managed to keep this girl safe by not letting her go out at that time of night eh! Ellie :D
@Dasari100 (3803)
• Anantapur, India
28 Mar 08
Hi nice to see you here and thanks for giving me reply well i can give you more replays to you.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
30 Mar 08
Hi Dasari100, nice to see you here too. Ellie :D
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
18 Mar 08
You definately did the right thing, so don't be too upset by it. Your daughter's friends parents knew she was there right? You can't let her leave. I think I probably would have offered to call the girl's parents and if they said it was ok to leave let her leave, but I'm sure the girl wouldn't have liked that!
@ellie333 (21020)
18 Mar 08
Thanks the main thing was that she was kept safe until morning. Yes her father did know where she was but I didn't have number and she wouldn't give it at the 3.30am episode so I just made her stay until the morning. Ellie :D
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
18 Mar 08
Your Daughter is not fair to you and she needs to realize that What if you would have let her Friend go and something would have happened to her what would your Daughter have done then?? She needs to see the Danger out there specially for Girls I do hope that she has come round to your Way of thinking by now
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
18 Mar 08
Teenagers are never fair are they especially to their parents. She does now realise but she was defending her friend because he friend was upsetting more because I wouldn't let her leave and even though my daughter knows I'm right she won't admit it eh! Main thing though is that the girl remained safe here until the morning! Thanks for your support. Ellie :D
• Netherlands
18 Mar 08
I think you are perfectally right for doing what you did even if there were no recent crimes happening. This is a dangerous world and young girls rarely understand this notion as they feel that it won't happen to them. Not only were you being concerned for her well-being you were being a responsible adult. Had you simply let her go and something DID happen to her. You can bet her mom would be up on you so quick about it because she is a minor and in your care. She could pass the blame onto you. Not only that but it would be terrible for something to happen to her anyway. I think you did the right thing and even so a 16 year old already thinks they know everything so you of course will catch crap about it from your kid and her friend.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
18 Mar 08
Thank you sirensansmile, I appreciate your support on this. I know I did the right thing but at the time I was so frustrated as they couldn't see it and made me feel like a baddie, but teenagers never seem to understand that when you do these things it is for thier own good and like you say they don't see (or don't want to) see the dangers either. The main thing is that I kept the girl safe til morning. Ellie :D
@littleowl (7157)
18 Mar 08
hi ellie good to have you back i think you did exactly the right thing in not letting your daughters friend go home in the early hours-if put in the same position myself i would of re-acted the same way-you never know what could happen and her parents probably would of thought you being irresponsible if you had let her go-don't feel as if you are the baddie cos your not far from it-you did what is right and don't think any different blessed be littleowl
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
18 Mar 08
Hi Littleowl, Thank you. I know I did the right thing and yes it made me a unpopular at the time but the girls safety was my main concern even if they did think I was being the baddie eh! Tha main thing she is safe and I would want another parent to do that for my daughter if she was in that situation. All was ok by morning except my daughter being in a bit of a strop, but thats teenage girls for you eh! Ellie :D
@queenofarms (1665)
• United States
17 Mar 08
I would have done the exact same thing. She became your responsibilty when you allowed her to spend the night. If she was my daughter spending the night, I would have appreciated you not letting her leave.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
17 Mar 08
Thank you queenofarms, appreciated, because I too would have wanted another parent to step in if it had been my daughter. Teenagers just don't see the dangers out there do they, especially when they are emotional too. Ellie :D
@winterose (39916)
• Canada
17 Mar 08
who is the adult in the house you or your daughter, you would be irresponsible if you didn't stop her and imagine if something happened to her while in your charge, you would have the law on your tail in a wink of an eye
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21020)
17 Mar 08
I am of course, but teenage girls tend to think they know it all at that age. The main thing was the girl was kept safe even if I was unpopular with them at the time. Ellie :D