Unwanted Sarcasm and/or advice......
By speedy1279
@speedy1279 (2665)
United States
April 14, 2008 6:58am CST
Why do people insist on giving advice or making sarcastic remarks to others when it is not asked for? Just recently I was at the store and my two youngest children where not being on thier best behavior. Normally they are very well behaved in public, but from time to time they aren't. All kids have thier bad days. Well then low and behold the lady behind me says to me "Wait until they become teenagers." Okay whatever was my thinking this time. But this isn't the first time it has happend. When people say this to me, it just really irritates me. I mean, I believe I was a teenager at one point in time and I am pretty sure I can remember what it was like being a teenager and what I put my parents through. It's not like I skipped all those years. Do some people really think that people don't know what it's like to be a teenager? I don't know one sole on this earth that has skipped being a teenager. There was one time that I had this happen to me and I was not having a great day. I turned to the lady and simply said "I was a teenager once, I believe I know what it's like", then I turned around and walked off. Have you ever had this happen to you? I would like to hear from all sides on this.
If this has happened to you. How did you handle it? Does it irritate you?
If you are someone who has said this to someone, please speak up. Why did you say it? Do you really think people forget what it's like to have been a teenager? Why do you have to put your two sense in when it's not asked of you?
If you have never experienced this. If this were to happen to you, how would you react? Would you walk away or say something?
4 people like this
18 responses
@kezabelle (2974)
•
14 Apr 08
Oh yes all the time I mean my children are good but they arent angels lol!
My fav was I was shopping with my eldest I was pregnant fed up grumpy and trying to buy some baby bits, so my eldest started shouting and screaming the women at the check out said "aww look bless is she tired" so I just looked at her and said "no does she look tired she is throwing a tantrum" paid and walked out. never mess with a mum trying to control a screaming child and definatley not a pregnant one lol!
3 people like this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Oh yes! Never ever mess with a woman who is pregnant. Not a very good idea!
1 person likes this
@Tetchie (2932)
• Australia
14 Apr 08
Wow speedy, no doubt you're annoyed at this person. And so be it. Did you think this woman was being judgmental towards you, or trying to be empathetic to you. I've not had kids so I can't put myself in your shoes. But hey, I've seen many parents squirm because of their children's behavior in the supermarket. I'm really sensitive to what other people are feeling and unfortunately I pick it up. Sometimes I just want to say to the parent, thank heavens I don't have to lug my kids around when I do the shopping. Other times I want to pick the kids up off my own trolly and stick then in the meat freezer and take the mother for a coffee to calm her down.
And I remember what it was like to be a teenager, and I am so glad I don't have to be the parent who has to endure pubity to 20.
If it was to happen to me - I'd ask the person to take the kids for an hour so I could have a coffee and cheesecake.
2 people like this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Well with the way her tone of voice was. I would say she was being more judgemental than empathetic to me. For me it's all in the way something is said to me. I am not an unfriendly person. If I had made a comment out loud about my children's behavior and then the lady said something to me. That would have been a whole different story.
So how about that coffee and cheesecake? I could really use some after reading some of the comments on this discussion defending the sarcastic remarks.
@surfette (673)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Take a deep breath here! I don't think that the lady behind you was being sarcastic, she was just making conversation. It sounds like you were a little bit embarrassed that your children were not being their best and someone called attention to it. Everyone remembers what it was like to be a teenager, she was just making small talk.
At least she didn't say, "What a couple of brats". Then you could have your feathers in a "fluffle". Just relax. My response to her comment would have been, "Yes, I'm not looking forward to those teen years either". Then I would have smiled and just continued on my way. You asked, so I'm responding!
2 people like this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
14 Apr 08
By your response I get the feeling that you are one of those people who have said this before. Of course it is embarrasing that my children were not being on thier best behavior, but I disagree that this lady had the right to call my attention to it. I mean, I believe I could see that my children were acting up. Saying "Wait until they are teenager" to me comes off as if I have no clue what it's going to be like. If I had wanted to make small talk to the lady I would have!
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
14 Apr 08
ljegbers, about 90% of the time I just ignore them. Like just the other day. I didn't say anything to the lady, but I did think to myself a few choice words I would have liked to say to her. I think there was only the one time that I responded back to the person and that is only because I was having a very bad day and she just pushed the wrong button with me.
1 person likes this
@revellanotvanella (4033)
• United States
26 Apr 08
speedy, i know what your trying to say and when your exhausted from a long day or running around with kids and just want to get home its more than easy to shoot back with an answer and nobody wants to feel like you cant even parent your own children and often it feels like their comments are suggesting. I know old woman always comment of kids but think they mean well because of course they've been there but some people just come off as sarcastic and you can usually tell its the people that do not have kids. I do not know why people get so uncomfortable with crying babies, or children and I just say, "shes tired" when people start to stare, i think the staring is impolite still I think the notion that a strangers knows whats better for your child than you is insulting and on those days where your tired, its hard. I get stares at the library all the time and I refused to never come back because other people are made a little uncomfortable and reading is my passion and the workers there are very polite and understanding but I have had one guy be smart with me because my daughter was too loud for him (you dont see alot of woman lounging in the back reading newspapers) and then another woman express how 'People need to learn how to watch their kids' because my daughter wondered out of the childrens section of the library and I was right on her but still this woman had to make a real mean comment. I did kind of lose it that day and its like theirs no merit for mistakes--but Im not a perfect mother and much more laid back then alot of them and making mistakes is how Ive learned.
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I never encounter such situation but If this will happen to me, I will not walk out with out saying anything. I may insult her/him, It's none of their business actually and they don't know us, they don't know if that is the regular behavior of the kid or not.I don't also understand why others act like that, they have entirely no control of their mouth and they just don't mind their own business!
2 people like this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Maybe they are thinking they are perfect and they raise a perfect kid! hahhaha or they just want some attention or wanted to be recognize! I wish I will not encounter people like that because I am just very bad if I someone will start to insult or give any bad comments to any of my loved ones!
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
My point exactly!!!! How come "some" of the "older" people can't see how thier remarks are not minding thier own business.
@olivebranch56 (910)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Speedy, I don't think this lady meant any harm, or was trying to butt in. She was actually trying to make you feel better about the situation, thinking you were embarressed by your childrens behavior. She more than likely has children and has been in that same situation and was letting you know she knew how you felt. Just my opinion.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Apr 08
that was just what I was tryin to tell Speedy. when i made that comment to someone they did not take it as an insult at all,they ust smiled and said oh then you know what kids are like." then next time I will keep my mouth shut as these younger womenevidently view all friendly older women as the enemy and feel insulted. that was never my intention at all and I was not judging their parenting skill at all.I was just comiserating with them/but believe me from now on I will not open my yap to these over sensitive young women.
@cortjo73 (6498)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Speedy, I read where some others said that she probably didn't mean to be sarcastic and didn't mean to offend you and that she was probably just making small talk. I have never said that to someone else but, I also don't have kids yet so, I wouldn't be able to infer how they would be as a teenager since each teenager is different. I was pretty well behaved, my sis and bro...not so much.
But, if I were in line behind you and I said anything to you, it would probably have been something to try to make you laugh and make you feel a little bit better while just making small talk. I tend to make small talk a lot. It is just my nature. I don't do it to offend anyone. If someone is struggling and it looks like they are about 2 more incidents away from having a breakdown, I will try to just give them a laugh in the hopes that I snapped them out of a really stressful moment and at least made their day a little brighter if even for 3 minutes.
I really don't think she meant to tick you off. She really was probably just trying to make you laugh in hopes of cheering you up a little as you probably seemed a bit frazzled.
2 people like this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
17 Apr 08
I really don't think she was trying to cheer me up. Because it was the way she said it, the tone in her voice. I know you would never do it to offend anyone, but this lady just seemed like she had an attitude about herself. Or maybe it was just me reading more into it than I should have. Who knows???? I guess next time I will try not to let it get to me so much. It just gets old hearing this same thing over and over again.
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
15 Apr 08
It is very irritating to receive unsolicited advice, more so from strangers. If i had been in your position I would have probably said" Of course all of us were teenagers at some point of time and we can never forget it."
I can never tolerate anyone else's criticism on my child because whatever the foibles are, no one is perfect.The lady who criticized your children must have maintained a discreet silence because it is none of her business and let me tell you, her children would certainly not be paragons of virtue and epitomes of best behavior.
She herself would have had her days.
Old people , are so intolerant and impatient though they are proverbially said to be mercy personified.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I know. Why do strangers feel it is thier right to butt into other people's business? Especially when it comes to parenting. Do they feel that they are superior to others because they are older? I just don't get it. Most of the time my kids are on thier best behavior. But all kids have thier bad days, and that in no way makes it right for others to butt in. I see kids a lot worse than mine in public and the parents having a hard time dealing with them. Do I stick my nose in thier business? NO I don't! I "mind my own business". That was the way I was raised.
@catjane (1036)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Being a teen-ager is quite different than bringing one up! Times change and that's the problem. Most parents think back to when "they were teens" and try to use the same discipline your parents used on you, or you try to relate to your teens based on how you felt as a teen, but you know, hon, it just doesn't work. My son was a great kid, I had no problems with him until he turned 13! It was like I had this alien living with me. Sure, I remembered being a teen, but I don't remember turning in to an alien (although my parents probably remember that!). I think this woman was just trying to warn you, so don't make a big deal of it. You will understand when you get there.
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
I understand that being a teen is a lot different than raising a teen. But when someone says "Wait until they are teenagers." That comes off to me as if I am stupid and have no clue how a teenager is. I might not know what it's like to raise a teen, but I do know what it's like to be a teen because I was one at one point in time. Plus I am not blind. I see the news and I know how teens are these days. When I see the things on tv about teens, I think about my kids and if they were to do that, how would I feel.
@musicman6 (2406)
• United States
27 Apr 08
Oh, yea, speedy, that's one thing I'm good at, is when I get sarcastic remarks thrown at me or my kids, I throw sarcastic remarks right back at 'em, and sometimes worse!
There is nothing worse that I can't stand is a bully or a sarcastic person, and I go out of my way to let them know!
1 person likes this
@musicman6 (2406)
• United States
28 Apr 08
on a personal note: at one time I was like that also!
But, I've always remembered what my First Sergeant told me in the Army, when he put me in charge of the Ammo section! He said, "you are going to have to step on some toes, or you're toes are going to get stepped on", and this has helped me in all aspects of my life!
Maybe this will help you, and I hope it may help anybody else that reads this message!
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Thanks for the great advice. I will definitly have to start using that.
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
28 Apr 08
Wow! Okay so the next time I go to the store and my kids are having a bad day, Could you come with me? LOL! For the most part, I am not one to confront someone. I will walk away ranting to myself about what happened, but I won't confront the person. If caught in the wrong mood, I will confront them. But it takes a lot for me to be pushed that far.
1 person likes this
@Arkadus (895)
• Canada
15 Apr 08
Well as one person gifted with an overabundance of sarcasm... let me give you some advice...
Sorry couldn't help it.
Maybe they're just trying to make small talk. Everyone has their own reasons for what they do. Could just be they thought you looked like you needed some cheering up. Who knows?
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Your real funny Arkadus!!! Normally I don't mind getting advice as long as it doesn't cross the line of "minding ones own business". Yes, they might have been trying to make small talk. But there is a time and place for that, that doesn't reguire butting into other peoples business. I am sorry if I sound outraged but I have heard the phrase "Wait until they are teenagers" one too many times that it just irks me.
@vsraovsr (734)
• India
15 Apr 08
It's human tendency to feel that they are right in certain aspects which sometimes makes them to give unasked advices. Either you can give a befitting reply or ignore them once for all as I strongly believe that no one is perfect in this world and I support you for your reaction in this kind of a situation.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Thank you for your support. I greatly appreciate it! Normally I ignore people like this, but sometimes it is just so hard because it seems like it always happens when I am already having a bad day.
@dangnabit67 (2021)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Ok I work as a cashier and it is very tense and upseting when kids act up where I work. Its hard enough to smile and greet, all day at least a 1000 people. Think of others when your child acts up-take them by the arm and threaten them if that doesnt work take them to the bathroom or outside. They do it for attention.
I'm not trying to tell you what to do only making suggestions.
At least young children have time to be taught right from wrong. As a child ages it gets harder to teach because they will not listen-ah yes the teenager. And I have 2 teens.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Well sometimes when I have had this said to me, it comes across as trying to cheer me up. But this past time, the lady said it in a sarcastic tone. And that just really got to me.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
As I appreciate the suggestions, I clearly stated in my discussion that my kids aren't like this all the time. Just like adults, kids have thier bad days too. On a normal basis, my kids are very well behaved in public. Yes most kids do it for attention, but not all kids do. Anytime my kids have a bad day and are making a scene, I will remove them from the public and take care of it. Except when I am in the middle of checking out of a store, I can't very well leave the area and hold up the line. That would just make the situation that much worse because I would be upsetting other customers by making them wait. Yet still, kids acting up in public is no excuse for others to stick thier nose into other people's business.
1 person likes this
@dangnabit67 (2021)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Are they butting in or trying to ease a little stress from you?
My daughter was acting up one day and I was totally stressed and and this lady starting talking to her the next thing I know I feel better and my daughter is being good. Her smile of understanding my frustration helped me.
1 person likes this
@monishavakil (1019)
• India
14 Apr 08
oh yes it has happened to me and yes it is very un nearving at the same time i try to keeo my cool. yes i have also been a teen ager once but we have never misbehaved. i just feel parents today do not have the time to teach their children the morals we have been taught at our time. no offence to any one. i have faced this issue in stores or on the bus stop. what i try to do is ignore however if i have had a bad day i react and all i say is " gosh havent you been taught any good values." that hurts them the most in the most polite way possible.try to keep your cool dear
2 people like this
@athinapie (1150)
• Philippines
14 Apr 08
well... maybe i'd really let them know what i'm feeling. i mean, i'd be really hurt coz it would reflect yourself as well, right?... i don't have kids yet but imagining this whole scenario is already enough for me to say that there are really a lot of people who are rude and inconsiderate! and unfortunately, we have to deal with these people everyday. just don't stoop down their level... coz it would mean we are just as worse as they are
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
One time I did let the person know how I was feeling. You are right it does reflect ourselves whether people realize that or not. It makes you feel like you are a bad parent, which I am not!!!
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
14 Apr 08
Some people are naturally sarcastic so I probably would have ended up saying the same thing. That comment doesn't sound rude to me. I certainly know that other people have been more rude in public about things that have happened. I've done it myself. If that woman had said that to me, I probably would have shot back something like,"I don't even want to think about what they'll be like during middle school". I just think everyone is different and really don't think about what they say offending people because they don't realize not everyone has the same opinion about things as they do. I on the other hand just do not care about offending people, sometimes things need to be said.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I'm not sure if I would of reacted at all. I think maybe she was just trying to make you feel ok because your child was acting out a little. I don't find it irritable at all. I probably would of smiled or even laughed because it implies that it gets worse when they're teenagers, just like when others say wait until they turn two as in terrible twos.
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
17 Apr 08
You see people use to same the same thing about the terrible twos to me, but it didn't bother me. I guess beacuse even though I was two once before, I don't remember what I was like being two. Where I do remember what it was like to be a teenager. Yes, my kids may not be anything like me when they become teenagers. and I am sure raising teenagers is alot different than being one. But at least being able to remember what it was like to be a teenager does give me some kind of an idea.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
14 Apr 08
I was raised not to make rude comments and that's what this would fall under. I may think it...I have even seen kids lying on the floor kicking and screaming and the parents leaning over them saying "Honey, Mommy will buy it for you" and I'm thinking Lady, your asking for a world of trouble. But no, I wouldn't say anything. I also tend to give the person with the tantrum throwing kid a look that tells them that yes, it's normal and we've all been there at one time or another. :) As for me, I probably would have walked off and not given it a second thought...some ppl weren't raised right.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
1 person likes this
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
twoey68 I am so glad that I am not the only one who feels this way. I am really shocked that people who have actually made these kind of remarks to others have come foward on this discussion. But what really gets me is the fact that they think it is perfectly okay for these kinds of remarks. Weren't these people taught to "mind thier own business". I mean that was one of the first things my parents taught me. They taught me that you mind your own business unless asked.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Apr 08
I am sorry but when people said that to me I just thought that they meant they had had the same thing happen to them when their own kids were little and they were joking that it would be a lot worse when you have teenagers. I dont think that they meant to disrespect you in any way. I looked at that remark more as a break the ice remark sort of sharing problems so to speak. You may have a touchy spot there a nd that is why you took it as a slam of some sort. It did not irritate me at all asI did not take it as butting in or being rude. all in the ear of the receiver I guess. Maybe to you it was just butting in but to a lot of women my age its just a way of trying to connect with a younger person and is not meant as anything else. Don't you ever find yourself wanting to say something to a person who you do not know just to share your own experience? this to me is more like someone who is friendly and likes other people.Are you so isolated that you cannot receive a comment from someone without thinking its just a nosy parker?
@speedy1279 (2665)
• United States
15 Apr 08
Oh I am sure they didn't mean to disrespect me. But I was raised that you "mind your own business unless asked". It wouldn't have bothered me if I had made a comment out loud about how my children were being and then the lady asked if I was having a bad day and then said something to me about waiting until they became teenagers. That would have been totally different. But the fact is I never addressed her regarding my children, so she shouldn't have had any right to give me her two cents worth. When people butt in like that and try to give thier advice when not asked, comes off to me as if I am an inexperienced mother who doesn't know a thing about being a mother. Then they feel that it is thier job since they are "older" to educate me in the world of being a mother.
"Don't you ever find yourself wanting to say something to a person who you do not know just to share your own experience?"
Yes, I have. But I don't because I was raised to "Mind my own business unless asked". That in no way makes me an unfriendly person. In fact I am normally a very friendly person to those who don't try to butt thier noses in other people's business. If you ask anyone who knows me well, they would all tell you that I am a people person who loves to talk.
"Are you so isolated that you cannot receive a comment from someone without thinking its just a nosy parker?"
No I am not isolated! I recieve taking comments very well as long as they don't cross the line into being nosy and minding there own business.
