Peace of Mind!

@mummymo (23709)
May 28, 2008 8:01pm CST
Well folks after venting about the horrible night I had with my 14 year old son Niall the other night when he blew up and ran out the house at night I thought I would let you know that there has been a few improvements! First of all I got his school report on Tuesday and it was fantastic as usual! Okay lets get on with the rest - part of the reason I worry so much is that the group of friends he has now I do not know - they are a blur of faces and names I hear him talk of and that is about it, I worried constantly as I had no idea who most of them were , where they lived exactly or how to contact them , never mind having no clue what they were like. The first improvement was that on sunday he wrote down a list of numbers and names of his friends which was a good start as at least if I couldn't find him or there was a problem I can now get in touch with them! The next bit was my mind has been really put at rest as today he bought his 'best' friend home and she is a really lovely, funny and intelligent girl who is not only a loyal friend but also very street wise and able to defend not only herself but all her friends too if they ever need it! lol For months my son has been telling me that his friends aren't in to going to each others houses which worried me hugely and then he brings home a girl I adore! (she is seriously not a girlfriend so please don't get the wrong idea!) She is witty, articulate, confident , stylish and she has attitude! I love attitude and she is the best type of friend I can imagine for my son - he is a different boy around her and she even told him off for the way he acted at the weekend! My 6 year old daughter adores her and she has told me she is definitely coming back to my house to visit! lol Seems I am not judgemental of her dress or make up as some parents are (silly parents , can't they see past goth style to a good heart) and that she feels very relaxed in our house! I am over the moon and I have peace of mind at last! Do/did you know your teenagers friends? Was your house a base for all the friends and did you love having them there? come on and share your teen experiences with me - they don't have to be those of your teenage kids they can be your own if you have something to share xxxx
12 people like this
20 responses
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
29 May 08
Awww the things I have to look forward to when Maddy gets older :) It's so sweet that he can bring his friends home for you to meet. I would want my son to do the same so I know who he was hanging out with at school too. I know our home was a base where all our friends came too. We always bought friends home and our parents liked that too.
3 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
The last year or two where I haven't known his friends really well has just been awful honey! I am sure maddy will be delighted to bring his friends home to you all the time!Teenagers are so much FUN you are going to love it! lol xxx
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 May 08
Mummy this is the best news ever. Truly. I'm so happy for you - especially the fact that you can look beyond the exterior of a person to the beauty within, as you have done with your son's best friend. I was the same way with my kids. I never judged their friends and welcomed everyone. More than once I was voted coolest mom, and more than once my kid's friends didn't believe that I wasn't some 'hot' older sister! LOL My kids would bring their friends home all the time when I was raising them and later would ask me what I thought. I was always honest, but kind, and they listened to me. Often I would see 'this one or that one' dropped from their group, and it was usually one that I had worried would be a problem. At my wedding to the soon to be ex there were more teenagers there who had such a hoot helping me put the wedding together, than there were adults! LOL So you are doing a fine job mummy. I am so proud of you and your son, and understand better your relationship. Hugs!
2 people like this
• United States
29 May 08
rumor has it Sparks that Mo went a bit around the bend and used several colors on her hair, Cute girl all in pink blue and purple streaks ... In her hair... can you imagine such behavior? she was quite the wild child.... but again thats all rumors or so I am told.
3 people like this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
29 May 08
AH! That explains your Cyndi Lauper reference! LOL Well punk on mummymo!!!! Good for her! I knew she was a girl who just wanted to have fun! ROFL
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
Spark honey you are still the hot sister! I used to know all my sons friends but I think he was afraid that he would look uncool if he asked his friends back to the house! lol Now I am quite sure I will get to know more of them! Wish I had had you in my life when I was younger as I know you would have made life seem so much better for me then! I'm not the hot older sister type any more I'm afraid and I am quite sure that part of the reason Niall thought it wouldn't be cool to bring friends home is because of the way my health problems have affected me - don't get me wrong he is very sympathetic and helpful but I am no the same vibrant, fun person I used to be. I am glad that his friend like me can see past outward appearances! Angel I get the Cyndi Lauper reference now - talk about slow! Yeah I had my wild child days and to be honest there are times when I still feel that wild child in there! lol xxx
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
29 May 08
Glad y'll got most settled and like the idea him giving you names and nos. hugs Me my friends hardly came to my house found out later they were scared of my dad? What I was never scared of him he was gruff sometimes but I loved him and saw no reason for them to have been scared of hi,lol My kids friends all came to the house so I knew all of them usualy had a floor full of kids sleeping at night. ANd boy come time to feed them was something eslse but we managed
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
I can imagine trying to feed a bunch of teenagers! lol I feel a lot better about a lot of things now and if he were to be honest I think he does too! xxx
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
30 May 08
good I am so glad!
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 08
I have no teenagers yet lol But growing up my house was a teenager base almost all my friends hung out at my house My mom was great at times ordering 10 pizzas to feed everyone Money wasnt an issue growing up I had a Blessed childhood and teen years! I think its great that you can over look the outer to see the inner of someone I can do the same!
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
Sounds like you had a great time as a child and had great parents too! I would love to be able to afford ordering pizza for everyone but I will happily feed and water them whilst they are here - there is always plenty of food! Seeing who a person is inside no matter who they are on the outside is a very important thing to have in life sweetheart! xxx
@lishiwei (1553)
• China
29 May 08
Oh,it's really have great influnce of it and we all do that though we know that much of the time is wrong!I think it will be very difficult for me to change it.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
All any of us can do is our best my friend and I think we are all capable of change if we feel we need to! xx
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
29 May 08
Hi mummymo! I am really glad to know that everything is turning out well on Niall. It is really difficult to raise teenagers as my Momma used to say. haha..Not that I am really a cause of her headaches but I guess being the only daughter, my parents were constantly worried about me then especially when I have to be away for college. And my brothers didn't help at all in giving my parents some peace because they will always tell stories to my mom on how good girls turned wild and bad! haha..However, my parents trust me because they know my friends and we are all from the same school since our elementary years and our parents know each other and they keep tabs on us all the time. Besides my friends and I are all in the honor circle. Anyway, when I went home one day from my vacation, my Momma was shocked to see my new hairstyle. You see, I had long hair and am wearing bangs and ribbons but when I went home, they saw a different me..I had a shorter hair with all the gels and hairspray on top and was wearing long earrings. Gosh, my father was shocked and my mom brought me to her stylist and had the perm took out. I told my parents, it is nothing. I was just sporting a new look and I guess, it is something that parents are always afraid of..their little girls are growing up! haha..They took that as a sign of going wild and free! However, all was well when they got my grades and was so proud that I was just really experimenting on different hairstyles and clothes. Take Care and God Bless! Celebrate Life!
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
Faith my darling I can never see you causing anyone heartache let alone your parents! I don't mind experimenting with styles and fashions - we all need to be ourselves after all and be what makes us comfortable! Thanks so much for being the loyal and loving friend you always are! xxx
@AICIRT81 (847)
• United States
29 May 08
Growing up, my friends alway hung out at each others houses. Any yes, some of them looked wierd but that was ok. My parents knew my friends parents. My mom tended to be the mom that drive us places so she knew where their homes were. If I was going to hang out at a new persons house, she insisted on having a phone number and address. She made every effort to talk to parents and make sure that they were all on the same page. She was the kind of mom that if she did not personally drop me off there, would make up a dumb reason to call the land line just to make sure that i was really where i said i was going to be. I would get these phone calls... like... I'm going to the grocery store. Is there anything you need me to pick up. Or she would drive by and make sure my bike (or car once i started driving) was there. I HATED IT! At the time I thought that I had the worst mom on the planet. But I completely understand why she did what she did and honestly, i know it kept me out of trouble cuz i knew i would get caught if i ever lied about where i was going to be. I think its great that your son brings his female friends around. i would encourage it. Its even better that your daughter likes her too. Sounds like a keeper to me. I am already an overprotective parent and my son is only a toddler. I am sure he is going to hate me in his teenage years... Oh well. I can only imagion what the world is going to be like for a teen in 2020. Scary!
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
Well my friend I was this type of mother til my health problems started and it became very difficult for me to get around and I had to stop driving! I always have to know where he will be and with whom but it was hard for me to connect the names to the faces of kids I have only met very briefly at school functions! I have never judged people on their appearance (well occasionally i have but been proved wrong) - I have had some wacky phases myself and know that appearance does not show a persons heart or character! I think when our kids are young we are all over protective - we just need to learn to loosen the reins as they grow, it has to be done although it isn't easy! xxx
1 person likes this
@mcat19 (1358)
• United States
29 May 08
I'm so glad things are better. Your son sounds like a good kid. It's good that he gave you a list of his friends' phone numbers and that he brings friends home. When my daughter was a teenager, she always brought friends home.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
He is a good kid mcat and I always used to know all his friends til about the last year or so. It is great getting to know his newer friends now and I look forward to building on that! So glad you always got to know your daughters friends it is so much better isn't it? xxx
1 person likes this
• United States
29 May 08
Oh gosh Mo, your post touched my heart, and I know you know why :))) Tears baby pass the kleenex! Mo Jake gets frustrated with me too. He will ask me if he can spend the night at so and so's and I tell him NO you can not I do not know them. "yes Mom you met him at..." No I do not know his parents. Why do you have to know them... Because it is more important at age 13 then it was 4 years ago that I know the parents. He hates that he has a curfew, he hates that he has to call and check in every three hours. He Hates he hates.... What he hates more than these things he hates is that he gets to go NO WHERE if my rules are not followed. His final report card was all A's one B in phys ED of all things. He is a good kid, and I am determined to keep him on that track. I so felt that outburst between you and your son. Been there done that so many times. But Mo, you are mom and you know when its right. As far as his best friend being a bit of a goth girl.... She is in Cindi Laupers house ! Of course you love her :)))) I am with you in this mothering thing all the way, just as you have been with me. Kiss love ya.... here is your Kleenex back... sorry kind of soggy.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
LOL Angel sweety I need you as my mother mentor I think! I have always been very strict about house rules and he knows if he doesn't follow them he will be stuck here til he does! Wasn't it so much easier when they were younger and you really KNEW all of their friends? So glad to hear about Jakes Report - that is fantastic , I think Niall would have failed PE if he was actually having to do a grade in it , his sister is the energetic one of the two! lol Cyndi Lauper - cause Girls just wanna have fun??? Love you but do I really have to take the soggy kleenex back? Hugs xxxx
1 person likes this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
30 May 08
Our boys are 12 and 13yrs.old and we keep a pretty close eye on them. Since we live in the country in a small place it is much eaiser than i imagine it is in a city or larger town. My thirteen has my cell- phone loaded down with phone no. since school has let out,but at least i do have numbers if he disappears. I don't mind their friends coming here but i am picky (i hate using that word but cant think of a better one) as to where they go, especially to stay overnight. I have no problem with alternative dress styles as long as the kid under the clothes is a good kid. And that is really all that matters isn't it?
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
30 May 08
I bet it helps that they are so close in age - there are 8 years between my son and daughter! I can understand what you mean by being picky about where they stay overnight - I would be the very same way! During the day /early evening my son and his friends hang out in a centre run by a local church - it isn't about church but gives them a safe place to hang out and spend time with their friends and have fun , they also have counsellors there if anyone needs them. As for dress styles - yep I couldn't agree more , it is what is on the inside that counts! xxx
1 person likes this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
30 May 08
I also have 2 daughters the older is 28 and the younger is 26years old ( they are both married with 2 children). So right there i have some place for them to spend time during the summer. I am indeed lucky!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
30 May 08
how fantastic! I thought I had a bit of a gap between my kids! lol It makes a huge difference when they can spend some time away - my sister has 5 grown kids , one 14 year old and 4 foster kids , my 2 love spending some weekends there as well as a week or 2 in the summer holidays! We are both lucky it would seem! xxx
1 person likes this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
5 Jun 08
Hello Doll I know in my heart that our Niall is a wonderful man in the making and is also very special in many ways. I also know that he will find his way and be a great asset to this world. I'm happy for his new friend..sounds a bit like his Mum!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
5 Jun 08
Thanks mom - I want to agree with you so badly but right now he has driven me round the twist again! lol At moments like this I get so upset but I know it will settle - he thinks he is an adult even though he is 15 and acts like a kid! Aaaarrrghh! xxx
1 person likes this
@raydene (9875)
• United States
15 Jun 08
It's all good Sweets You can order extra pudding when he is paying the rest home bills later.. Pay backs are a b*tch! lol xoxoxoxoxoxo
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
10 Jun 08
I have raised 3 girls and one to go so I have dealt much with teens and can really relate to your worries. I always have a list of their friends and phone #s. My house is always open for them to come to. My 14 yr old has quite a diverse selection of friends and i love them all. They all know they are welcome here. When they are here, I know where they are. getting to know the kids that your kids are hanging with is a big help, don't you think?
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
10 Jun 08
I definitely agree sid! I think that my son is at the stage where he wants to think of himself as an adult and is making a stand as such - I am just glad that he has actually started bringing his friends around again! I think part of it is they all make a fuss over his little sister and he wants to keep them to himself! lol xxx
@caramello (4381)
• Australia
5 Jun 08
Well firstly mummymo I see a nice ending to your venting and with good results. Oh I remember these days only too well and having to do it on my own I now pat MYSELF on the back as I see the end results as to how my children have both grown into good adults. My son was around 15 when I found the difficult times starting, friends.....some I did not like too much, but the house was always open for them to come and there were times that I think back now when my son was trying to "find" himself and that took a few years. His schooling although he finished secondary school was not as important to him as his music and there a band was startes and he got great pleasure out of it. My days were spent either going to their "gigs" or taking both to sports. It is not an easy time and if anyone says it is......well that is good! My thought on this is to be there for them as you obviously are and my motto in those days, and maybe still is a little is "be prepared" for anything as it is quite challenging and I was a little picky in those days and sometimes let my children know, regarding their friends. And most times I was right.....as Mothers' usually are!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
6 Jun 08
Sounds like you did a great job Caramello and definitely deserve that pat on the back! There was one friend he had who I took an instant dislike too and was very mistrustful of but he would blow up if he even thought we were thinking any thing bad about her! I felt really bad that i felt that way for no reason but my friends all said if I felt that way there must be something in it and I was proved right when she really hurt him! Be prepared is so right as you never know what is coming next! lol Love the new avatar by the way! xxx
• United States
1 Jun 08
I'm so happy to hear that things are patched up and peaceful at your home. I was so worried when I read your other post about your son. I worried for you as well, because I know how much your family means to you. I'm happy that your son has such a special friend that has helped me find a more enlightened path. And, it's good that you know where he will be, phone numbers, names, etc. That's important stuff for a mom. Isn't it funny how all of us moms (mums) have so much in common, like the worry over our children. Even though we live a world away from each other? Be well, my friend. And, my best wishes for your good health.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
1 Jun 08
Thank you honey - I can't tell you what a relief it was - I used to know all his friends but the whole group of them seem to have grown apart and made new friends over the last few years - I guess it is just their age and access to so many different people at High School! It is very true that we all have the same worries no matter how far apart - it has to be a mum thing! xxx
30 May 08
Aw hun, that must be a huge relief for you and a weight off your mind. I must admit, I knew most of my son's friends when he was a teenager, I had baby sat a lot of them in their younger years LOL. "Goth style" I'm biased hun but almost all the goths I know and have known over the years, are lovely people. I'm glad everything seems to be settling down again for you hun, *hugs*
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
30 May 08
ROFL No offence was meant here honey - I have to say that I have had a few so called 'alternative' style over the years and I was just trying to point out that you cannot judge a person by how they look or what they wear! I used to know all my sons friends til the last few years - I guess when you are at High School you meet a wider range of people and tend to gravitate to thoe you identify with and I am so glad that I have got to know at least this one girl better - wish I could know them all like you did! Hugs xxx
@jer31558 (3683)
• United States
30 May 08
Ours are just coming to those teenage years, but so far we have managed to keep track of who their friends are, and before they go to someone house, we talk with their parents as well. If our house needs to be a hangout for their friends so that we can know who they handout with, then so be it. I had rather have all of them here and know them than to be off somewhere wondering who they are with.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
30 May 08
I used to know all my sons friends til they sort of outgrew each other and made new friends! I would love for all his friends to come round whenever they like although my son worries that it would be too much for me cos of my health problems I have found out! xxx
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
30 May 08
when my son was in his teens he had several good friends 'but mike was always his best friend and he was a good'natured kind hearted kid. but he was gay and that really upset my 'religous Seventh Day Adventist husband, whom I really adored. except for his bigotted approach to anyone gay. but finally hed had to admit that Mike was one wonderful friend to our whole family.He was witty and articulate, and would just do anything for us it was like we had sort of adopted him. he is still my sons best friend and myson is almost fifty and mike is fifty three now.
@mummymo (23709)
30 May 08
Now that is fantastic to know! i am glad that your hubby acknowledged how good a friend Mike is to your son and the whole family! I have very close relative who is a teenager and gay and they have gone through torment as they are Christian too - luckily there are many members of their church who agree with me that God made these people gay and love them just as they are - that has helped them tremendously! I keep thinking you are about the same age as me and then you tell me that you have a 50 year old son! you have a very fresh and youthful outlook on life Hatley! xxx
@gabs8513 (48717)
• United Kingdom
29 May 08
Well Sweetie I am glad it is all sorted Yes my House used to be the meeting Place lol and yes I loved it and it was right up to when I left Their Friends are like my Children lol as they always came to me when they needed to talk or had Problems, I did ask why they did not talk to their Parents and I used to be told they never have time, you always have time even though you work a lot, I felt sorry for them as I know what that is like, I have seen these Children grow into Adults, have Kids, see their relationships break up see them bloom, only one of them so far is married It is just like they are mine lol and each one of them brought their Babies for me to spoil and cuddle when they where born lol I remember one Christmas when they all came to see us, the first Christmas after my Divorce, they where great lol, loud and drunk but great, they all turned out to be good People So there you have it Hugs and Love xxxxx PS Mike has a Job will start a Discussion about it, he starts Monday will give you details on Phone xx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
I have hated not knowing these friends as he has grown away from those I used to know although I still see quite a lot of them! lol I would love for his friends to be like your kids friends are with you - at least we are making steps towards that! A few of his friends have asked me to be their friends on Bebo where they really bare their soul and that touched me - Niall complains cos they send me the luv more than they do to him! lol That is brilliant news - I am dying to hear all about it! Hugs xxx
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
29 May 08
So glad to read this post, Mo. I hope you have gotten some good sleep with your new peace of mind. I know if I was a teenager I would want to hangout at your house, especially since you love attitude. Lol I don't have a teenager just yet, but I so enjoy the playdates with other 2, 3 and 4 year olds, just watching children interact. Funny how even now we can tell the kids who will be the most blessed with attitude in teen years. Lol
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
Sleep still very sketchy but at least I am not tormented by this as I try to nod off! I do love attitude but not cheek or arrogance - unfortunately I am still trying to teach Niall the difference - perhaps his friends will rub off on him! lol I know I had attitude at that age and yep we have known since she was tiny that Niamh will have it too - in fact she already does and when she starts I call her Little Miss 'tude! xxx
@mehale (2200)
• United States
29 May 08
Our two have not hit their teens as of yet, but my stepson last year like to drove us all to drink! We did know his friends, and tried to tell him that they were all drinking too much, but boys will be boys as they say. We all survived it though, and I definitely have much sympathy for you. I know I am not looking forward to going through it with our two youngest in a few more years!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23709)
29 May 08
It is good to know that you got through it mehale! I have a 6 year old daughter and I am DREADING her becoming a teenager as she already thinks she is a teenager now! lol I am glad i only have one more time to go through it - heres hoping all 3 we still have to go through it with are much easier! I wish! xxx