Smooth or Creepy?

It takes the choice away from the woman on whether or not she wants her private info given or not. I'd be pretty upset and freaked out too.

Hi, Cinderella. That's really interesting that this same situation happened to you! I don't understand it either why he couldn't have just asked you for your number, but at least you knew him from work. They say it's really hard for work relationships to last because of that common interest, which is work...in your case, there weren't any other interests or likenesses to keep you together, so it sounds like it was for the best that you split up. I really like your response because what better opinion to receive than from someone this actually happened to! I agree with Pam also because women really should have privacy. I'd be one to change my phone number too. Thanks for sharing!

i dont understand why youd wind up dating someone for a few weeks that you so affectionately refer to as being a dweeb when you first met him.. o.O

I guess that is another form of stalking. If there had been cell phones available when I was in high school, I can think of some people who would have tried this. They stalked me anyway, but back then it was not considered so bad.

Not only is it a bad idea in the first place, but stalking really is dangerous! I'd hate to be the victim. I had a coworker several years ago that kind of stalked me because I was young and what he considered "available" for a dating relationship, marriage, etc., but I'd have none of it. He'd keep hinting at things, hitting on me, and things like that for the year that I worked there. It was so long ago, though, that it wasn't considered harrassment like it is now. Had it happened nowadays, he wouldn't work there anymore. By today's standards, I completely agree with your response. You can never be too careful. Thanks for the additional comment, Gerty. It's a scary thought that people can get away with something like this so easily.

Yes, it almost certainly is.

I do the same thing...it's so much easier for one person to give another their number and the other person call them so they'll have the other number. It's much easier than both exchanging 10-digit-long numbers and wasting time. (LOL) The guy in this scenario, however, wouldn't be an exception for me either. Blocking him from the phone or changing phone numbers is a great alternative from being stalking. Great answer. Thanks!

You're right. He really did have a great opportunity to start a nice conversation with the girl instead of, "Can I borrow your phone?" C'mon now...I think guys can do much better than that! I'll give 'em a little more credit than that. (LOL) I think he should've sucked it up, swallowed his nerves, and asked her to a table or something like that so he could get to know her or at least give her the chance to say no. Great response - thanks!

Oh, I agree with you completely. It’s not just kind of stalker behavior, it could also be considered harassment, which if I know my info enough is extremely punishable especially at places such as work. It wasn’t a big thing in the past, but now it’s become a really serious issue. The only difference between this scenario and harassment in the workplace is just that it’s at two different locations. I think it should be punished the same way. Officials have a responsibility to take care of situations like this to make sure they don’t happen again, especially if the woman feels threatened. Whether she did or not, it’s still not right. It’s also stealing because he didn’t give her the right to choose whether or not he had her number, which is her possession and private property. Wow, the list could go on and on. I couldn’t agree with you more, though. I like how you put another twist on the scenario with him starting a conversation with her while he asks for her number while she agrees and invites him to call his own cell. “Invites” is the key word here because it’s her will to choose being exercised. You’re more than welcome for the heads up. Not only did I want to see what myLotters had to say about this subject, I also wanted everyone to be aware that there are still plenty of creeps are out there. I sure hope I didn’t give morons any ideas, though! (LOL) Thanks for your valuable response. It’s great to hear from you. Your response is right on, Faerie! (By the way, with just her number and a little pocket change he could’ve looked up anything about her online. Scary thought!)

Sneaky is a very good word for this situation too. Sure, he might see his act as clever, but to a girl it'll probably be completely the opposite!

Wow, very well put. (LOL) I agree with that. They're really sneaky, but geez, if the guy is going to go that far over the edge to get a date with some random girl, he might as well just put himself on the line to either ask her for her number in person or ask for a date. If he's too scared to ask her in person, I think he's a bit of a coward. So what if he's rejected for any of that? That just means he should either try harder or move on. It sounds like he's too scared to be rejected in person, so in case she rejects him at least it'll be over the phone. That's what it sounds like to me.

He may be worried about being rejected in person, but I call it very sneaky.

Yes, this has happened before. I didn't know of a specific incident when I posted this discussion, but if you read the first response to this discussion it actually did happen to someone! It's very scary, and I know I'd get my number changed. Of course, I wouldn't be as nice to him as you were with giving him money for the pay phone. I'd probably tell him to take a hike and never bother talking to me again. Probably sounds rude, but you can never be too careful nowadays! Thanks for your great response.

Yes, you're probably right, but we can never be too careful. What might've seemed like a harmless yet random phone call could've turned into a huge background check on the poor girl that wasn't thinking when she lent him her phone. He probably wasn't up to anything dangerous. He just wanted a dinner date or the possibility of having a serious relationship. In this case, however, I'd say he needs to talk to her in person! Thanks for your valuable response, Deb!

well, ya gotta understand, I had 2 guys try and pick me up and carry me to their car once, I did my best to beat the s... stuffing out of them - considering I am only 5' tall and at that time weighed about 115. I did make them drop me and leave me alone. Guys and trust don't set easily for me.

Wow, I can most definitely understand why! He'd have to be some special guy to sweep you off your feet. That's so not cool, but appreciate you sharing your experiences. Take care!

Thanks for you short but sweet answer. (LOL) No explanation needed, I suppose, because I think everyone else did a pretty good discussion of why this is so creepy! Ugh. Sometimes I wish guys were even more insane for their own good. (LOL) Thanks for participating.

I had not heard from you all day was wondering if you were too busy at work. :) thanks for the great compliment. I enjoy reading your responses too. have a great day.

It’s great to know that other myLotters notice when I’m not as active as I should be here. (LOL) It’s good to know when you’re missed! I’m usually not to terribly busy at work, so I usually have the chance to pop in now and then to check up on things, and if not as often as I like, for sure on my lunch break. I guess I’m a nerd as I’m usually on the computer for what I consider a break rather than stepping away from my desk. Why not earn money on my lunch break? (LOL) Anyhow, I appreciate your concern as well as you response and comment on this discussion. It’s kind of an odd one, but I have to say that I was really curious as to how everyone would react to it. I haven’t been disappointed! Thanks again and take care! I’ll be around as I just got hooked up for high-speed Internet at home. We’re so spoiled nowadays, aren’t we? (LOL)

Wow, that is pretty cheesy! (LOL) Thanks for the good laugh. At least the guy borrowing her cell phone to call his own and get her number takes a little bit of thought and consideration before the plan is carried out. I agree with you, though. Poor girl doesn't have a chance to reject him with this method! What a shame...how silly guys can be and how oblivious we women can be! (LOL) I know one thing that I won't fall for this trick. Of course, I wouldn't be at a bar in the first place, but still. Thanks for your response! I like your answer and your input. It's always great and interesting to read what you have to say!

Yes he could. Most home telephones have caller ID, and most cell phones show a name with the number. Mine does, for instance. "Doe, Jane 555-555-5555" All he'd have to do is look up her name online, cross-reference her number and city, and he'd have her. Definitely creepy!

I guess that's what makes it so hard...you've never talked or seen each other before, so judging how each person would react is really difficult to predict ahead of time. If it worked and you got a relationship out of it, then obviously it's a good thing! I'm glad I could give you some good ideas for the future. (LOL) Thanks for your honest response.

I don't see harm in it either as long as he's willing to do whatever she asks. If he doesn't, then he could be charged with stalking and harassment. It's a fine line between smooth and just plain scary. It's great to have your input on the matter. Thanks!

I think if he were to approach you again after the fact (and after trying to call you), calling the cops would be ok to do since he already spoke with you on two previous occasions (both of which were forced and obviously against your will). It would be considered harrassment among other things, so the officials would more than likely do something about it. Good for you. Thanks for your response!

It's definitely a good thing that the cops would have an obligation and duty to do something about it. It makes us women feel a little more safe out there. I'm sure the police might get a good laugh out of it, but if it's the law then they have to abide by it. Thanks again. You are too sweet.

Yeah thats true because it would be considered harrassment among other offenses,so the cops would be duty bound to do something about it,and he could always be considered a stalker,since it would seem like he was stalking her,since he kept approaching her,and he called her,you are more than welcome for the response,and I was more than happy to respond to you,and I hope if I respond to peoples discussions they will respond to mine,have a great day my friend,good luck in your life,and Happy Posting.

Ok, I guess I agree with you to a point. (LOL) If he wasn’t a little smooth, she wouldn’t have given him her cell phone to borrow. Obviously, she wasn’t thinking smart by letting him do that in the first place. That’s a very good response coming from a man’s perspective. Thanks. (LOL)

I love what you said, “If he is really interested in me he can approach me directly and try to win my friendship first.” I feel the exact same way. Why should this guy be a mystery? If he’s really seeking a relationship versus a one-night stand, he’ll get up the guts to ask the girl out in person. I appreciate your insight and really like your response. Thanks!

This is a great response from a guy's perspective because a lot of girls would be turned off by what this guy did. I agree with you because I think face-to-face and in person is the most sincere way to win a girl’s affection; not by chance over the phone because he pretty much stole her number since without her knowledge or consent. Thanks for a great response. It’s a relief there are still guys like you out there. (LOL) Good answer.

Oh yeah! I never thought of it for a movie, but you're right...that'd be pretty nifty. (LOL) They've probably done something like that before. The only thing is, you never know how a person in real life would act picking up a phone call like that the day after. If you had something like this in a movie, hopefully all of the actions and reactions would be accurate and life-like. (LOL) I probably thought a little too deep on that one! Thanks for your awesome response. It's something I obviously never thought about before until now. Take care!

I know exactly what you mean. It makes a girl feel really good when a guy notices her and then kind of goes out of his way to make her feel special, and in this particular scenario, by trying to get in touch with her. However, with all the freaks out there it’d be a little on the strange side almost like a stalker. It really could go either way, but I caught your drift and really like your response. I’d want him to at least try to talk to me in person instead too. I don’t think I’d turn him away or be rude to him as long as he tried rather than going about it all secretive. Thanks!