I just realized! Noone knows me!

United States
July 21, 2008 2:28pm CST
Have you ever noticed that you get the worst advice from Mylot newcomers? Have you noticed that new Mylot members treat you differently (even disrespectfully) more so than other Mylot friends who have known you for awhile? In the past this has bothered me. Sometimes it feels as if the person is being rude or disrespectful of me or my life. Just now, I realized that they're not. It's just that they don't know me, yet! They haven't taken time to read the thousands of previous discussions I've posted or the many responses. So they feel no obligation to use care with their words. It's the old case of post and run! Well, it's all there, laid out in printed form for the world to read. My life is not much of a secret. It's harder to give advice to someone when you don't know anything about their life. It's easy to make assumptions about people or even be rude and call them names when you haven't taken time to get to know that person. My advice to anyone just joining would be to read five or ten discussions (from any one member) before responding to them. That way you can get to know a little bit about them. You may find that the person is not suitable as a friend. Or, you might just discover a new soul mate!
13 people like this
29 responses
• United States
21 Jul 08
People should not be rude. I think you are right some time it is hard to give advice on here when you do not know the person or situation. Some times it is hard to answer and you need more information and instead of asking they just post! I am sorry if someone hurt your feels.
@Barb42 (4216)
• United States
21 Jul 08
BeautyQueen, I've been here probably 7 weeks, and I don't know you either. I have seen you around and read a few of your comments. But you know, no matter how new a person is or even how long a person has been on mylot, it shouldn't give them the right to say rude things to a person or call them names. I have noticed some who seemed to not have been here long (smaller number of posts - although that isn't always the case to say they are new) do say things, at times, that seemed a little awkward to me, speaking to someone who probably knew the ropes around here much more than they did. I've also noticed it's hard to tell anyone anything that prefers 'not to hear you'. Had that happen to me yesterday in a discussion that I figured the person had done exactly what I thought they did (as did others responding), yet this person vowed they knew what they were doing, and continued to down a company I've been with years and never had a problem with. Nothing would change their mind or make them realize perhaps, after hearing several responses, they were in the wrong. I'm off to read about you and get to know you because I love posting and I love mylot!
• United States
22 Jul 08
I'm happy to hear your words! The bad apples on Mylot are definitely the exception. And as you say not everyone is willing to listen. And that does make me wonder why they are asking all the questions! If a person asks a question or asks for advice they need to be willing to listen! Even if the advice is not what they wanted to hear. The person posting can do their part to be polite! I'm all for politeness. Best wishes on posting Beauty Queen
2 people like this
@Barb42 (4216)
• United States
22 Jul 08
Beauty Queen, I've been down that very path on my blog. People can be so mean and rude. But, on my blog, I have the option of allowing their comment or not. Here, you have no control over what the people say. But it does give you insight into how mature a person really is.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
I will try the blog idea! Often when I have something to say it comes out all at one time with no EDIT button. It's from my heart. On a blog I can simply go back later and revise my thoughts even after publication. Not here!
1 person likes this
@cyberfluf (5005)
• Netherlands
21 Jul 08
I agree that you shouldn't respond if you haven't the time or do not want to put the time into reading long discussion posts; at least you can try to give a decent and well overthought answer on the current topic. It would be great if we took the time to read more on peoples posts to make sure who we are dealing with, on the other hand it seems impossible to do this with everyone and anyone and that's why I only do so with people who write various topics I like; people like you . There is a difference between mylot newbies and people who last longer, I was different when I joined and didn't know mylot well but I know I allways try to be as respectfull as possible. Now that I'm around longer I still care about that a lot but make sure I'm not trampled along the way and say what I like and think. It does look like there are more moneydiggers coming around these days then people who enjoy posting. Sure it's nice to earn something on mylot but to much people think this is one of those get-rich-easy formulas which it isn't because you won't get rich but luckily you won't get scammed either! .
• United States
21 Jul 08
You're a sweetie! You were always polite even when you were new to the site. And I didn't mean to accuse all newcomers of being rude. There are some who are rude. They post quickly and run away without thought for how their words will be taken. Or, they assume a lot of bad things about the person posting the discussion and make assumptions that lead to harsh words and hurt feelings. They act as if they are immune and can say anything no matter how brusque. But if they stick around for awhile they will see that Mylot is a big community, more like a family. Getting paid is secondary and does happen when a person gets involved! Thanks for reading my posts. You're right about everything you said! It's always nice to talk to you at my various discussions. Be well. Have a lovely day!
3 people like this
@cyberfluf (5005)
• Netherlands
21 Jul 08
I love reading your discussions, whenever I see a little penguin I know there is a topic out there that will make my day. Happy posting and thanks for all the sweet words .
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jul 08
2 people like this
@Wyldrose (1216)
• United States
21 Jul 08
Well I'm new and I don't know a soul on here but I try to be respectful and answer posts that I am interested in. I have a couple friends on here but that's it. I am not here just for the money, I am here to make friends too. I love meeting new people and getting to know them..but, seems to me on here that nobody is really that interested in the newbies and just stick with the friends they have, which is ok, but sometimes makes it a little harder for those of us who are trying. Anyway, nice to meet ya and hopefully people on here won't be so rude or disrespectful. Have a nice day. :)
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Welcome to Mylot! You're doing the right thing by jumping in feet first! Mylot is a really big pool of cultures and personalities. I'm sure you will find a niche group that feels right. Till then, keep posting and have fun! Best of luck on Mylot.
@Wyldrose (1216)
• United States
22 Jul 08
Thank you! I appreciate your saying that. :)
@Humbug25 (12551)
21 Jul 08
Hi there beautyqueen26 As you can see I am a newcomer to mylot and would never intensionally disrespect anyone who, like yourself, have clearly been using this site for some considerable time. I in fact look up to people like yourself to help me through the problems I may encounter. I must admit that I am guilty of not reading mylotters previous discussions prior to responding but shall take your advice and try and do so in the future. Cheers
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Thank you for saying so! I'm sure not all newcomers mean harm! There are a handful that do make the site less than pleasant. I'm always more than happy to give advice or tips on posting on Mylot. Best wishes! And welcome to Mylot.
2 people like this
@Humbug25 (12551)
22 Jul 08
Thank you and I might just call upon you should I need to!! Thanks
• United States
21 Jul 08
I do not think that most people are trying to come off rude. Don't get me wrong there are always them few who are gone to be rude no matter what. The ones where they have to put other people down to make themselves feel better. I would say that I Think a lot of the new comers may come off wrong because they may not read the whole discussion or past discussions that may be linked to the current discussion. They get so caught up in the money making part of it in the beginning that they just answer to answer without really knowing what they are saying. So that they will see how much that made the next day. I also believe that sometimes it may just be miscommunication. I have found myself at guilt with this one a few times. Sometimes when we are thinking about our response in our head it does not come across rude. But than after you post your response and read it you realize that it does sound a little harsh.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Actually, you have a good point. And I had not considered either issue. Maybe the newcomer does not mean disrespect but has not read the entire discussion (or has misunderstood) so they are responding to only part of what has been posted. And that does make sense cause sometimes the responses do reflect. I will have to consider this from now on. Thank you for your response! Very insightful and intelligent.
2 people like this
@baileycows (3669)
• United States
21 Jul 08
I havent really noticed. I think I tend to be more rude to the new people. It seems like the last month the new people post some of the craziest discussions. I dont even know why I reply but I guess it just irks me. I am usually more respectful to people who have more post b/c they have been here longer and probably have a better idea of what is going on than me. There is alot to learn from someone with 6K posts.
2 people like this
• United States
21 Jul 08
hmmm i don't understand why people that are new would be rude. they should be respectful of everyone whether they know you or not. sorry you have experienced the negative ones. hope it doesn't continue.
2 people like this
@jerzgirl (8030)
• Gloucester City, New Jersey
21 Jul 08
Interesting - I am MORE careful with people I don't know than I am with people who have gotten to know me (whether I should or shouldn't is a different discussion, I think). I figure once people get to know me, they know where I'm coming from and know that I can say what I think and that it doesn't change how I feel about them, even if I don't like what they're saying or disagree with it. But, until I get to know them and them me, I am more careful about how I word things (usually - there are exceptions as with all things in life). I might slip up once in a while, but I try to "attack the statements and not the person" if I have to disagree. That may change if I receive a personal attack in response, either to my comment or to my discussion. I feel less obligation to be civil in those situations, although I try to be initially. I know I've responded to you before, I think when you responded to one of my discussions, but can't recall which. I hope it wasn't me who "went off" on you - I don't recall it being that kind of conversation, but there have been so many, I only remember that it was relatively recently. I apologize if anything I said came across less than respectfully (without seeing it to recall, I just don't know). This discussion makes me think of a Toby Keith song I get a real charge out of "How do you like me now?" [i]"How do you like me now? How do you like me now, Now that I'm on my way? Do you still think I'm crazy Standin' here today?"[/i] www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOkhqxaKqVs The song is a response to a girl who used to disrespect him in high school and thought he just wasn't good enough for her - now that he's famous and she's divorced, how does she like him now? That's the first thing I thought of. Hope you like it!
• United States
22 Jul 08
No way! Totally not you. You're cool. Always like your discussions and responses. Lately I've been guilty of not responding to too many other discussions. I will have to carve out some time soon for that. Maybe this weekend. Actually if you must know, it was on the broom discussion (housewife heck was the title) from last week. Someone totally ripped into me over a silly broken broom. You know, as in, how could your broom break and was trashing me. And then they recruited another person to do a little bashing as well. The whole discussion was meant to be tongue in cheek and sort of funny. But that one thing made it weird and embarrassing. And I could tell the person making the comments was new. They have no idea that I post lots after midnight so I'm not able to run out of the house and buy a new broom on a whim! And considering my spouse is at work at that time, too! And I would have to get a babysitter for my daughter cause she can't be in the house alone! Anyway, you see what I mean. A newcomer would not have read my previous posts and would not know any of this stuff about me! I wish they had read before assuming bad stuff about me. That's all I was saying. It wasn't about you or anyone on my friend's list. I promise! Wasn't trying to accuse my friends of this. Just opening up the forum for anyone who needed to talk about this situation. Sometimes people just need a place to vent their frustrations. Thanks for your comments.
@jerzgirl (8030)
• Gloucester City, New Jersey
22 Jul 08
Thanks. I wondered (didn't worry overly, but did wonder) because I've had a distinct and noticeable drop-off of comments and responses to anything I write. I'm not saying everyone on my list should read everything I write and respond or anything - heck, I can't do that with them either. But, it was like site-wide, my responses were being skipped by the discussion starter when they were commenting, and it just felt like "did I do something wrong somewhere?" So, when you started this, it crossed my mind that maybe I had said something that wasn't taken well because I knew I had commented on something of yours (still have no idea what). I've seen people take the simplest things to heart and you just never know. I didn't see your broom discussion (but will be looking for it now), so I was unaware of that situation. I can tell with all the cross comments and who mentions who, etc, which people know one another. Plus, your numbers are such that most would have to be blind to not know something about you (although I confess, I haven't seen your started discussions that I can recall until now, but have seen your responses and comments.) And, most of the time, one can tell playful sarcasm apart from serious concern. Exceptions exist, but the majority of the time, it's not difficult. When I was new, I tried to tread lightly because I didn't know yet what was up, so I had to get a feel for it before I felt comfortable with comebacks, etc. But, thanks for the reassurances. Now, it's off to discover your discussions. I owe you that - shoulda been there long before now!! Oh, and who DOESN'T break a broom? Not that mine would get broken actually doing housework - mine broke when I used it to get snow and ice off my car!!
• United States
22 Jul 08
Oh you're kidding? Snow and ice! Well, mine broke over the silliest thing. I have stone tile floors (or at least I think they're stone) and I have trouble mopping them. I struggled for two years with a mop and it would just slosh the water around and make a big mess. But then I found that I could use my broom and literally mop the water out the door and my floors have been immaculate and spotless since! Well, you might say, how would that contribute to a broken broom? And I'm glad you almost asked. Well, turns out the water was getting up into the handle at the top where the broom connects to the metal pole. And yep! The thing literally rusted off. And the worst part was that I couldn't just stick another broom handle in there cause part of the old handle had broken off clean! And part is still stuck in there. So for me, it was a minor big deal. And I guess some people thought I should have kept the whole event to myself. As if posting about a broom is not relevant! Hey! I'm the woman that posted about tooty fruity toothpaste! And dish detergent. You gotta know I'm pulling these topics from my real life. Thanks for stopping by and checking out my other discussions too. I'll be sure to put your discussions on my regular rounds. Feel free to drop me a pm if you have new discussions that I miss. I won't mind! Chat with you later Beauty Queen
• United States
22 Jul 08
You know, when I go onto a new site, I try to get to know people and, as you said, read a few posts from particular people, just to see what they are about. I mean, really, there is no reason to be out and out rude to anyone. And, I think that I would probably be inclined to be really nice to veteran mylotters than to be rude and post rude comments. I might need their help with something, then where would I be, if I had been rude? I think people take the fact that we can't see each other, we don't really know who is on the other side of that moniter, to be mean and ugly and think they can get away with it.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Ooooh, sorry! That last sentence is really poorly constructed. I hope you get the point.*S*
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Jul 08
yes bohemian heart you do make a valid point some people take advantage of being on the other side of the monitor to say mean and ugly things they would never think of saying to our faces, and thats a shame. we should all act like adults and have respect for ourselves and each other.
• United States
22 Jul 08
Thank you Hatley and Bohemian Heart! That is what I was hoping would come across. I wish that I had used those words cause they describe exactly how I was feeling. I want everyone to know that we are all real people behind these avatars. And when a new person takes time to read our previous posts they can see that we have hearts and have real lives with families. We are not just abstract things. "If you cut us, do we not bleed?" That is what I would say to anyone, whether newbie or veteran poster on Mylot. Take a moment before you post a rant or huff around and say mean things. Cause you are saying those mean things to a real live human being and that person is going to be hurt! I couldn't have said it any better than what you said. Thank you both for your kind and intelligent comments and for understanding what I meant to say. My best to both of you!
@Rosekitty (19438)
• San Marcos, Texas
22 Jul 08
Hi Beauty.. I try to post to your discussions cause you are always bringing up things i can relate to and you have always been very kind to me..recently you've been very complimentary to me about my answers and that made me feel so good!Now where's my Gold star? At School if i got treated like this thats what i would get! Huggs
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Jul 08
hi rosekitty if I had a gold star I would send it to you as you and beauty both make great discussions that I enjoy answering
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Hi Rose Kitty and Hatley! Both of you make me so happy! I blushed over your comments. I am so happy to call both of you my friends and I can't help but gush and say kind things. Good deeds and kind words should be rewarded. And so I'll always speak highly of you. I will shout it from the rooftops! Oh, wait! It's almost midnight. Well, maybe tomorrow! My best to both of you. Beauty Queen
1 person likes this
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
21 Jul 08
I get these same tyoe of people myself that answer my discussions. Some of them leave very rude answers. Then there are those that have just left one word. Like either yes or no. On discussions I have started that ask questions. it can get frusstrationg in here at times.That is a very good idea to read a person discussions before adding them. I do always check out there profile to get a idea of the kind of person that they are.
• United States
22 Jul 08
I know you do! And you always have very valuable advice! I wish Mylot had a forum etiquette guide for newbies so that they would know how to interact. I don't mean the TOS or rules, but some nice suggestions on how to post to make friends and earn money!
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
22 Jul 08
Yeah or have rules about it that they have to check and agree before signing on. I love reading your discussions. They are always really nice and you do give great tips also.
@KrauseHome (35517)
• United States
21 Jul 08
Some definate good thoughts on here my friend. I do agree so heartily as well in here, and all other things in life. How can you earn a Friend than to be a Friend, and if you choose to be annoying all of the time, you may not have so many friends in life yourself. I feel a lot of times, you can gain some great insight in here from people. Just depends on which ones choose to be True to themselves as well.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
Very well said! And I do appreciate your words! You can tell a lot of things about a person by reading the posts. Doesn't take much time. Just a few minutes. And then you know whether or not they are suitable as friends. Most members who stick around for awhile do get around to reading multiple posts by the same person. Thanks for your comments. It's always nice when you drop by! Be well. Have a lovely evening.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
21 Jul 08
That is really good advise. I know that we have not been friends for very long and I just jumped into one of your discussions without knowing much about you. I added you because you always respond to another friends discussions and I always liked what you had to say. But now that I have learned more about you I do know more as to what to respond with.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
And you had such great advice for me concerning my daughter on my other discussion. And I am very grateful and appreciative for your advice! Thanks for sharing your day with me.
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
21 Jul 08
You certainly have a way with words, my girl! Very well put! I have only been here a year...still feel like a newbie, but, I do find there is a generation out there, that seems to be devoid of "good manners!" I guess we just have to toughen up! It does tweek me tho, cheers to you!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
I thought I was the only one who noticed them! I thought for awhile it was just my imagination. On the lighter side it is easier to give advice to someone when you know a little bit about them and their life! I'm happy you dropped by! Thanks for your comments!
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
21 Jul 08
In some cases I think that the new responders here have no right to respond in a bad manner and with so few words. Most of the people here, in fact, all of the people here are at an age where childish responses should be nay. I do have to agree that it would be very nice if before they responded they got to know a little bit about our own discussions and the way you respond and act towards other members. Hopefully this would have them under our wings so to speak so that we can teach them (even if not directly) that the best way to make friends and money is to be respective. I really appreciate and love reading your own discussions and I hope that you give your opinion when needed. I hope that you have a very wonderfully lovely day!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
You always have the right words to say! And I hope that I did not offend anyone with my comments. I was not talking about my close friends on Mylot. I think we've all been hit by the random poster who is rude or insensitive. Of course, I'm not talking about everyone who is new. There is a difference between new and rude. Just some newbies have been rude and you know what I'm talking about. They don't know any of us, so why should they use kid gloves when responding! I wouldn't think a person would have to read a lot of posts. But if they are new and planning to post rude comments or assumptions, then maybe they could read some past posts so that they could become more familiar with a person's situation. This is what I do! I read several back posts (for each member) and am always happily surprised at the wonderful information found about a person. To me, it helps in the introductory process so that I know who I'm dealing with. And it helps me give better advice. It's not hard! I'm happy that you were able to post your opinions and share your day with me. Always a pleasure to speak with you.
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
22 Jul 08
That's like me and my twenty years in shipping. No one wants to know anything about those twenty years. Its as if they were twenty days in this company. Where I work are some of the most unappreciative and sour bingheads you could ever meet. I really don't like them. So I know how you feel. People as a rule don't show respect these days - no where at all ! You just have to continue and use your experience to your best advantage.
• United States
22 Jul 08
Great post! Since I am very new here I have already found out that some have a game plan going here at myLot. They ask to be your friend in hopes that you will respond to their posts and then... never bother to treat you the same way. To me, that shows that people use people. Thanks for bringing up these issues in your discussion. There are a lot of people out there that really don't care about whos feelings they hurt as long as no one hurts theirs!
1 person likes this
@greenline (14864)
• Canada
21 Jul 08
Hello Beautyqueen. Yes, your advice is an excellent one. Some may be rude, but some may be just new to myLot and still needs experience in communicating with myLot members. They need time to get to know people from different parts of the world. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jul 08
some people join things just to be disruptive. you find it anywhere,really.some of the boards i was on previously required a sponsor of an older member to vouch for them for that reason or they didn't let them join.
• United States
22 Jul 08
That's a pretty smart idea! I can see why some forums are having to do that. If the new member messes up, the senior member/sponsor would be in hot water too!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jul 08
yup.self policing,pretty much.