Why would a man lie about what he has done to his wife? Why can't he remember?

You husband is obviously mentally ill. You have done nothing wrong and should think highly of yourself. It took a lot of bravery to walk away from that marriage, you're a very strong person and a good mother! Every morning and throughout the day, tell yourself that. Your self-esteem will get better every day when you do that and soon you'll be the confident person that you deserve to be.

Cream, he remembers but he's not willing to take responsibility for what he said and did because he's an abuser. It's never their fault so he will lie to protect his perfect image. Don't let it bother you too much...it's a fault that lies within him and is no reflection on you. BTW, if he is still bugging you to take him back tell him to go to Anger Management counseling for one year and then you'll consider it. He won't go once.

Hi cream, I know when he loves you and care for all of you, he will admit what he has done and aks forgiveness even in front of the judge just to prove to you that he regrets it.. You made the right decision and just wait for the lady who promised to look any program wherein you will qualify!I will pray for you and your kids!

i think the reason why he lies is that its his way of not looking like the bad guy. its his way of not acknowledging the truth. he wants to make u sound and look like the crazy one.

Looks like he is trying to win you back in a strange kind of way. Hey, babe, it all happened in your dreams. I didn't do these things. How could you make up that stuff? I love you so much?... well that sort of thing. I urge you to get in contact with a shelter for abused women. They will help you find work and an appartment. They can even provide you with a temporary place to live if the relative situation doesn't work out that well. It will help you to speak with other women who have been in a similar situation. There are support groups and networks you can utilize. This will help you to regain your self-esteem and take advantage of whatever skills you may have. They will also help protect you and get the financial security you need to rebuild your life. As of now you really should not talk to your husband anymore. He just uses it to demoralize you and to show you how you cannot make it without him.

sorry guys! but guys are really like that. even if you kill them they wont tell you what they did. specially cheating. thats why im separated now for 9 years. my husband cheated on me. thought, ive all the proof he still lie and deny everything.

in most cases,they do remember-they just don't want to admit it, or to confuse you about what you remember yourself.it's another mind game.

cream don't go back to him,he is just using the standard tactics of a wife abuser, wants you to look bad, and him'to look like an innocent lamb. You know all the things he did to you so dont go back. Go talk to someone at a battered womens shelter as they can help you to find a job and an apartment, them you will feel much better in your own place with your kids. You owe it to your kids to stay away from him,and do not go back. You may be scared but you now do know what he has' tried to do to you.You do have self esteem as you showed that' by getting the hell away from him.You do have things that you are good at. depend on yourself, you are somebody,you are unique' you are cream, tell yourself, yell it I am somebody, I like myself, I love myself. I am Cream. mean it and act as though you know its true, this works as I have used it.Also try your church for help on work and an apartment.

Ahhh.....the honeymoon stage presented by the abuser. Cream, check and see if there is a program that is available for women who have been abused. If there is, go to the meetings that they have and you will learn the different stages that the abuser goes through. I know that denial is one of them and the honeymoon stage is another. You have said that he denies what he has done or just flat out doesn't remember. That's a bunch of hooey!! Honeymooning involves sweet talk and promises that it will never happen again and telling you that he loves you so much and all kinds of stuff. Oh yeah, and making promises that he will change. Do not fall for those tactics. I've been there and gone through that myself and hope I don't ever have to again. For your self esteem, get mental health counseling. There will be a lot of issues you will have to deal with and you will learn ways to get yourself back. Oh, before I forget, keep a log (journal) of any kind of contact, direct or indirect, that he makes. That way, if something comes up, you will have reference to what was said or done on which date/time. What you are going through will take time; for example: getting housing assistance, getting a job, getting an apartment, getting a divorce, getting help for your kids, getting help for yourself, getting the kids back in school, etc. Just be patient. I know that this is very overwhelming for you. Deal with one thing at a time. Make a list, if you have to, of the things you need to do. Then as you accomplish one, check it off the list. Go to the next and do the same. If you have a few things left on the list, put the rest of them on a new list for the next day. All of us here who have been responding to your discussions are in your corner. Don't forget that. Even though I don't know you personally, I understand what you are going through and I'm pulling for you.

It will take a long time to build up your self esteem after some one like your husband has destroyed it. Be strong and know that you are worthy of having a good life and being treated with respect. Be strong and know that there are things you will be great at and some things you will not be great at, know that it is okay to not be great at all things and that You are still a person worthy of love and respect. You will feel very good after you get your own place and it will give you a feeling of being in control of your life. Right now you are probably feeling like you have no control over your life and it makes you scared you have made the wrong choice. You have made the right choice and I know it is scary right now. Just know that it will take small steps to get your life back and be on your own. Each small step is getting you back in control of your life. Take each step with pride and know that you are taking an active role in taking charge of your life. Stay strong girl it will take some time but remember Rome wasn't built in a day.

Cream there is a standard structure to abusive relationships. They are all the same. They all follow the same pattern. There may be deviations to how they manifest, however they all have the same pattern. Never forget this no matter how difficult it is. No matter how scared you are. No matter how lonely you are sometimes. This is the pattern that abusive relationships follow: Honeymoon: He will woo you. Entice you with loving words and promises to improve his behavior. He will be on his best behavior. He will say to you whatever it is you most want to hear, whether this is promises to get counseling or improve finances. He will buy you gifts. He will talk to family and friends about his love for you and send them to talk to you. He will talk to your minister. He will do or say anything to cause you to question your decision. For the first few weeks or even months after you finally give in and return to him he will stay on his best behavior. This is the honeymoon period. Escalation: Emotional withdrawal begins. Fault finding is usually started. He will begin to find problems in your behavior. Whether is in how you care for the children, cook a meal, or clean the house he will begin to find fault. He will start to stay away from home as well causing you to question his whereabouts and the marital foundation. If you question him this will cause arguments during which he will blame you for his "distance". Whatever type of emotional abuse you endured the first time will escalate. He is angry and you will start to feel it now. This is the Escalation Period. Blast: If you are still in the relationship the escalation is over and you are now in all out blast whatever anger he has is full throttle. If there was physical abuse previously it is in full force now. If there wasn't previously physcial abuse it might start this time. If physical abuse manifests for the first time you will have a new escalation period for the physical abuse as he will need to test the waters, test your tolerance for abuse, test your acceptance of the new escalation. With each incident of physical abuse the cycle will restart; honeymoon, escalation, blast. With each cycle it will get worse. This is the Blast Period. It never gets better Cream. It never changes. Abusers will always be abusers. You can only change yourself. You can only help yourself and your children. You can't change him and you can't help him. I know, believe me, I know this is hard right now. You are alone with your children and you didn't want this for you or them. You are living with relatives and feel lost and lonely. It will get better, I promise you it will. He has diminished you in your own eyes. He has demolished your self-esteem. You are not what he said you were, you have to start somewhere so start there; start by reminding yourself that HE DOES NOT DEFINE YOU. You are not what he has made you. He is not worthy of you! To answer your question; he can remember. He knows exactly what he has done. He simply doesn't believe that what he has done is wrong. He sees nothing abhorent in what he had done. He sees nothing henious in treating another human being, most especially his wife in the way he has treated you. He knows, he remembers. He simply doesn't care that he has done harm. He is thinking only of himself. He is considering only his own wants, his own desires, his own comfort, and his own needs. He knows and he remembers. He simply does not care. The first step to your own recovery from this monsterous A$$hole is to stop caring what he thinks or how he acts. The second step to your own recovery is to seek aid for dependent children. Get everything you deserve. Get money from him so that you can live decently. Don't ask him get the state to help you.

I feel for your situation and I hope things get better. I hope that you can gain some encouragement soon to make the right move and the right choices. It is probably not easy to live with an abuser let alone someone who is scaring you psychologically. For you and your children's sake, I wish you well and find a way out. There should be some resources out there for you. Good Luck!

You are doing the right thing getting away from him. It will take time to get back on your feet. I know living with realitives can be hard but you should be thankful you have them and they are willing to help you through this hard time in your life. Just take one day at a time and make a plan on how you want your life to be then start making the steps to make it happen.

It is torture to force a husband to remember. We men tend to forget while you women always remember. Peace.

Marriage comes with such unexpected sides cream-try to rediscover your self and remember, this life is short-you coud waste away all your years pining-that will be sad wont it? So my start to live your marriage affresh-build rapport and push his hurting side under carpet and move on!

It is quite natural for your husband to lie upon what he has done. Believe me, he is simply pretending to be forgetful. We are your witness. You have depicted recent happenings which have compelled you to move away. There was no option. We know you took a big risk but we all will congratulate you for your courageous decision as staying there could have resulted in more damage for you and your children. I think finding an apartment is difficult but not impossible. I have my friends who had similar problem few months back it took him sometime but somehow he manged to get one. What about rental accommodation? I may sound stupid but that's also an alternative, I believe. Also never give up hope. Contact Welfare organizations and expedite the matter with the Court. You deserve and need compensation and your husband will have to pay this. I believe this will also be good for him as it will help him to compensate for the offense he has done.

Some men do this and play mind games. They say they didn't do something when they know they did. They don't want to get into worse trouble because they know what they are doing and it's wrong. I had a husband like this. He even said one time that you never ever admit to anything you do wrong and never do it in front of anyone, always be alone when you do something so there is no one to attest to what you do. I was totally caught off guard when he said this to someone in my presents. But that's the way he was to. He never did anything to me around anyone else. We were always alone. And he would say he didn't do anything. It's their way of getting away with what they do. And being able to do it again and again or worse. If they get away with somethings they do worse. Stay away from your husband , get a paper for him to not know where you are and for him to stay away from you. My daughter did that with her first husband. The judge ordered that no one in the state or government agencies can tell him where her and their son is because they are in danger of him. If he gets to see the children make sure it's supervised visits and that none happen at your place. Also that you are not the one supervising. Let someone else do this, even if it has to be DCS. Or someone from the courts. He is a manipulative man and he is dangerous for you and maybe your children too. Do what you need to and get the papers for him to stay away. and don't worry about him or his mindful things. Think about you and the children and what you need.

Your children will actually suffer for your decision but what can we do? There are things that we really have to accept, some things are really bulls and we can't keep those things from happening.

Maybe cos some men are arrogant and have a ego problem that they lie. I think you should leave too, men like that are just no good. I know that. And I hope you get your own apartment, it will be good for you!

well i know it is hard when you love some one and have kids with them. but personally my husband has done that too says he doesnt remember what he has done and started lieing about everything. he would be very rude and destroyed my self esteem as well. once i filed a divorce and left town with my kids he sure remembered. he cant stop telling me how sorry he is he cries all the time. it is still hard for me at times but i want my marriage to work and so does he. he knows that i am not puting up with it any more and he has to try and prove he wants us to work because i am not doing it any more and neither should you. if your husband really wants you back and wants your marriage to work he will find a way to remember what you want to know.