When somebody blows you off...

@mommyboo (13207)
United States
September 5, 2008 11:33am CST
.. are you the type to basically just ignore it and walk away, think maybe it didn't really happen, try again (and get blown off again) or confront the person? Does what you decide change if confrontation would hurt a lot of people in the process, even if it would help resolve things for you? What if that person is a parent or a sibling? What if they blew off your spouse?? (just gathering responses, I'll explain later)
3 people like this
14 responses
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
6 Sep 08
Well mommyboo, this is a pretty serious question. It would totally depend on who was doing the blowing off and why. You're talking about a close relative so that would make it rather hard to just ignore and walk away. It would be different if it was a friend or someone that you didn't have to deal with. But a sibling or parent I would say that this is a more serious problem to walk away from. How do you expect to just walk away from that? I know you well enough to know at this point that you are not the type of woman to let something like this just go even if it would require confrontation. You say it will hurt a lot of people. Well it is obviously hurting people already, it's hurting you if I'm getting the drift. Sooner or later the situation is going to get worse and it's going to end up blowing up anyway. Those kind of things only do get worse when allowed to fester and I think you know that too. If you proceed with caution and try to confront the person head on before it really does get out of control maybe you could prevent the situation from getting even worse. Am I reading you right on this mommyboo? You said we were twins and I'm getting that twin vibe again! If you want to talk in private-pm me. Seriously, you know I really feel a certain kind of bond for you. We seem to think alike quite a bit. I'm here for you!
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
6 Sep 08
I'll probably send you a pm later, I called my mom this morning and was kind of poking around to see if she'd said anything yet. I don't know if I'm going to get an answer but I'm trying in a roundabout way rather than say anything myself, since me saying something myself may make it worse. I don't really care what the reason is at this point, I just want to know whatever the problem is. I can't even guarantee I'll fix it, I probably can't, and the person probably knows that, so it may be why we're at this impasse. This is the beauty of a place like this, for every crappy situation, there are people who offer help or a perspective that can make it better. It's so hard to see out from within something but others looking in from the outside get a good view of the big picture.
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
6 Sep 08
BTW I tend to be the sort to confront things because I WANT things out in the open so they can be solved. There is nothing to be gained by hiding something or 'pretending' it isn't a problem, when you do that, then it just gets worse and no amount of bandaids or anything of that nature fixes the root problem.
@34momma (13918)
• United States
5 Sep 08
i can't speak for anyone else, but i need a bit more info. but let me see if i can give you my answer with the info i have. are you asking what if my brother or parent didn't like my husband and kind of ignored them, and acted ask if they were not there. or do you mean what if you asked someone for something and they say yes then kind of blow you off and don't do what they said they would do? if these are the cases then my answer is the same. I would move on. when you pick a spouse and your family doesn't like them yeah it can be a bit much. but that is the person you choice. they are not your family. so if that is how your family feels then that is something they are going to have to deal with. now if you are asking the other question about asking for something and that person blows you off. that says more about them then you, i would move on from it and not even bother confronting them. what would be the point? a person who isn't going to say what they mean and mean what they say, then they are not worth it
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
6 Sep 08
I'll fill you in a little because when I originally posted, I was just trying to get something off my chest and I wasn't very descriptive. I don't think it's a matter of not liking people, I think it's a matter of somebody is holding a grudge of some type for a reason I have no idea of - so I'm in the dark here, I hadn't even seen them in at least 5 years either. Most of the time when someone doesn't LIKE somebody else, they come to this conclusion based on a bunch of factors, not just 'deciding' they don't like somebody based on who they are with or whatever. I guess if that's true that's an extremely immature lousy way of deciding. Example: you have a little brother or sister, you were extremely close while growing up. They even lived with you for awhile, then you moved away, etc etc. For some reason, they got really angry with you for moving away, more than you realized. So now... they don't seem to want to talk to you, and they are also treating your spouse and kids the same way, EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE NEVER MET YOUR SPOUSE AND KIDS BEFORE. Isn't this rude to treat somebody you don't even know like crap just because you can't get over whatever hissy fit you had years ago? Anyway, it's very hurtful to be on the receiving end of something like this, and I can tell you that I wouldn't act that way first toward anybody. I don't see why somebody would think it's okay to do that. You're honestly right that it says more about the other person and you're also right that they probably are not worth it, but it still doesn't make sense and that's what I'm after anymore - an explanation that makes sense because it sure as heck doesn't make sense right now.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13918)
• United States
7 Sep 08
i hear what where you are coming from. but you know what i would just leave it alone. i know it doesn't makes sense. i know it may hurt. but the most important thing is you and your family. what is important is the love and support of your family. yeah it doesn't make sense, but they is a choice they made, and that is a choice they will have to deal and live with. so love them anyway, and go on with your life.
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
6 Sep 08
If or when I have been blown off I usually just ignore it and walk away. What is the point of a confrontation? If they are the type to blow other people off then it won't stop that behavior. I'm pretty sure that everyone has had it happen with a family member, but I don't treat that any differently than if it were someone else. If they blew off my s/o, I'm sure he would handle it in his own way, either with sarcasm or comedy lol.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
6 Sep 08
My spouse wasn't sure at first, and I did ask my sister what the deal was, but there's something going on, and it's 'off' enough that I don't think we're the only ones who have noticed. It's one of those things where other people notice tension even if they don't know why.
• United States
8 Sep 08
i sometimes wonder if it was me imagining it or if they really blew me off.. if i got blew off a 2nd time i just wouldnt bother with the person again.. they will get ahold of me if and when they have time.. no reasoning in wasting your time to keep trying to get together with them.. if it was family it really depends on the situation and what you think is behind it.. if they were blowing off my hubby then screw them!! i wont have that on any circumstances period!
• Kuwait
6 Sep 08
Well more open to ignore it and walk away because its just the trials for you and test how you manage anger and patient at the same time., if you easily got angry then its hard to be other people.
@mickalotz (179)
• South Korea
6 Sep 08
the wise refuse to argue, therefore nobody argues with them...but if someone else starts, then the wise will refuse, and if they keep on...they won't keep on forever because the novelty wears off
@Sam334 (125)
• Singapore
6 Sep 08
To blow someone off, is a very big betrayal. The closer you are, the more you have to clarify things like these... You have to try to make sure that this doesn't happen again, and 1. Explain to them that due to your relationship, you trust that they will not do such things again. 2. Make sure that YOU, YOURSELF, keep YOURSELF clean. There is no point in keeping people around you mum. Communicate with them, and explain that if you want them to speak to you about what you have done wrong or something, before they expose you. Truthfully, it's disappointing when someone you know or care about do this to you, it hurts and it's almost suffocating... a terrible feel definitely. I hope everyone won't have this problem and work to solve this from what I have said... Peace out. Cheers.
@fordham08 (131)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
Actually, it depends on the person, if it's a parent or a family memeber, I just let it pass and don't hold grudges. But if it's other people, it depends on the situation. If I know that I'm on the right side, I will really fight for what I believe. But, if I'm wrong, it's easy to say I'm sorry.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
6 Sep 08
well iam certainly now the type to just get blown off if something bother me i try yo get to the bottom of it.
@mikeysmom (2094)
• United States
6 Sep 08
i am a very friendly and outgoing person so i talk to people and say hi all of the time. but i draw the line at saying hi to people who ignore me or do not respond when i say hello or how are you? that only has to happen once for me and you are off my list. some people are just so unfriendly and unapproachable so i avoid them after the first brush off. as far as family is concerned i usually bite my tongue for a bit on issues like this and then if i just cannot ignore it i find a way to let my feelings be known in due course. it is harder with family because you have to be around them and it is best not to make things so unbearable that you cannot attend family functions without being uncomfortable.
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
5 Sep 08
[i]Hi mommyboo, It varies really...There are times when I prefer to walk out and be alone, think deep and pray! Then wait when I am ready and the other party is also ready for discussions..! but, there are also moment when I will confront right away! It depends on the situation![/i]
@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
I'm easilly get heated. I had a very bad temper that I am trying to curve. But i am trying to control my bad temper. It really suck. Trying to change my attitude.
@dawnald (84156)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Sep 08
Pisses me off but I usually just ignore it and later wish that I had said something.
5 Sep 08
Depends how well I know them. For example, if it's a parent, sibling, good friend, etc, I might let it slide once or twice, but if they kept doing it, or they were really rude about it, I would confront. Not rudely, just sort of say something like 'Er, why are you doing that? It's not very nice.' If it would hurt people, I'd usually just let it go. I mean I'm not the sort of person who would normally get hugely upset about something like that. Though it still depends on the situation, y'know?