How You Handle When You Miss Someone So Much?

Philippines
November 9, 2008 5:44am CST
I feel so alone and depressed this few days now. I miss someone i love so much. But he is far from me and it is very impossible to be with him again for some reason. we communicate everyday but i feel its not enough to lessen the feeling of being lonely. I just miss his hugs, his cares, his smiles, his laughs and everything. I miss those moments when we eat together, doing things together. Did you ever feel the way i feel now? How you handle this kind of situation? what did you do to help yourself cheer up instead of crying all alone inside your room? Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It will help alot...
12 people like this
38 responses
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
I know your pain. It's really tough to be in a long-distance relationship, ain't it? I know how you feel, because I'm in one too. How long have you been with the guy? Anyhow, there's a lot of things we do to keep ourselves closer regardless the distance: 1. Communication - We try to keep ourselves up-to-date on what's happening to each. We talk on a day-to-day basis if time permits. We also make it a point that topics wouldn't be too routine. We also try our best to make the experience closer rather than farther away. How? a. We talk as if we're just going to see each other later. We say 'see you later' or 'I'll wait for you to come home soon' those sorts of words. I think he does appreciate that we do that, it's less stressful and he tells me that it feels as if he's coming home to me tonight. So it's a great way to start his day and mine as well. b. We try and do things together. Yeah, it may be quite funny for most, but we do. Lets take the sample of eating. We eat at the same time, and then share what our meals were and how we did cook it. Sharing recipes etc. It's actually great. c. If there are new movies then we'd watch it with friends then we'd talk about it afterwards. Of course, we do this toward going to sleep. We don't talk when we're with other people's company, it's considered rude. d. We'd do plans. Like vacation somewhere. The simple wishful thinkings that we may or may not do. The sharing part is just great! 2. Technological Mediums - We used varied types of communication mediums to keep the relationship strong and fun. We use the following: a. Internet - We usually just chat once in a while, whenever we feel that there's a lot of time we could spare and talk to each other faster online. Plus share a youtube moment or so. Share files and photos too. Plus not to mention webcams. b. Cellphones/Mobile - Both our cellphones are 3G capable, thus we take video calls. It's fun because you get to see your love while talking to them. Though it's pretty much more expensive because there are no promotions covering them. 3. Gifts - Nothing beats the feeling of surprise gifts that come our way. It's fun and it's the thoughtfulness that counts. It doesn't need to be expensive, it's the thought that truly counts. 4. Songs - We share each other songs. Songs that each other likes, though of course we don't always like the same song. But whenever I hear the song that he likes, it somehow makes me remember him and know that there's heart beating for me somewhere like my heart is beating for him. There's a lot of creative ways to keep the person closer than you think, even if he's far. As for what I do when I miss the guy, I do the following: a. I tell him. There's no better way to relieve yourself of the trouble of missing the person so much than to let it all out to him. Plus of course, always keep in mind, and remind him too, that someday both will see each other again. Then carry on the plan. b. I keep myself busy. I work hard, and motivate myself that I'm doing this to be with him sooner or later. It's best to have personal plans too, goals that would help both to be together. You can't just sit and wait for the guy to do everything. You got to have priorities too. I'm sure he'd appreciate that too. c. Stop focusing too much on him. I try not to give too much attention on the feeling of missing the guy. It's not good to build your world around someone. It causes stress and frustration on your part and his as well. I had a friend before. She had a long-distance relationship too. They guy was far and they never met each other yet. They were virtually linked and they had different countries and time zones. The guy was involved in the real estate business, on the other hand, the girl was not employed. She stayed online and waiting for him the whole day in her house. We, together with her other friends and family, would advise her to get a job. But she insisted that the guy would rather that she stay home so that when it's time to talk, they'd have more time. Well, to make things short, they ended up choking each other. The girl would be frustrated and furious each time the guy was late going online yes, they did have specific time schedules to talk. And whenever it was time to sleep for the guy, the girl would be angry because she felt that time was too short. Of course,the guy would need to sleep to work, right?! Jealousy came, she was jealous to everyone and anyone who talked to the guy. She felt that anyone can take her man! She was basically building her world around the guy, and thought that she'd die if he left. Well, they did fall apart. The guy couldn't take her demands and felt like she was wringing his neck. The moral of the story: Too much of everything is bad for you. So there you go. Try to retain your circle of friends and do activities apart from the guy. It's quite a nice way to have more things to talk about and share with your man when you do talk. Variety is important in a relationship, because if you both have nothing to talk about, then that is the start of problems. Don't cry all alone inside your room. That's the worst thing you could possibly do. It won't help the situation and it would only cause your man to be stressed out knowing that you're sad and he can't do anything about it. Instead, be happy, do everything you want to do, the world isn't revolving around your man. Don't worry, you'll soon have more time together and if you believe it, it's going to last forever. Good luck!
2 people like this
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
Thanks for the suggestion.I bet it would help me a lot.I'll tell you more of my story if I have the time.Hope you're open.
1 person likes this
@firefire (15)
• China
10 Nov 08
same to you,now i miss a man,everyday i am waiting for his message,i don't know what i do,how do...
2 people like this
@sheine (14)
10 Nov 08
hmm..try to make yourself busy, & explore new experiences or new place , new people that might gives you a positive outlook...hehe...try to eat an ice cream..i hope it will comforts you at least...
2 people like this
@arrow91 (48)
• Canada
10 Nov 08
I remember this. What I did was that I kept myself distracted as much as possible, and not alone. Even my choice of music helped. I remember that Sunday night, before school, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't wait to get myself distracted from those thoughts. The faces of my friends would be there to keep my mind onto the good, and away from those thoughts. Out of my three all-nighters that I tried to pull before then, it was my first successful all-nighter, and it was unintentional too. Eventually, just laying in bed trying to sleep, being tormented by those thoughts was just unacceptable. I went on my computer, and from there, I kept myself busy with just anyone I could find online.
2 people like this
• United States
10 Nov 08
if there is nothing that can be done about the distance between you two then i would just go on with my daily routine and try to keep myself busy so that i wont have time to sit and think about him.if there is something that can be done then do it.oh and one thing my godfather used to tell me whenever i would be crying my eyes out was to go take a hot bath and cry everything out while you are in there and then after you bathe and let the water out all the tears you cried will go down the drain and you wont have any left to cry about.
2 people like this
• India
10 Nov 08
Hi there! The best thing you need to do is get yourself busy in some other stuffs. I nearly spend nearly 15 hours alone everyday. But i practiced myself being alone. Life is a mystery, it goes in its own way and we can't change it.
2 people like this
@harivanam (122)
9 Nov 08
Hi dear, well it is very ver difficult to manage ourself when we are missing someone whom we love sooo much.Frankl telling,I never missed some one in that level till now and iam fortunate in this as whom ever i love are always close to me.I thank to god who helped me to be happ till now in this regard.But, over coming this type offeelings ma be possible when we have their videos and audio's with us which are so special for us and most imoportant in life as well.And sharing the most unforgettable moments with them in phone and now a days technology is too fast we can have a video chat/conference with any one. I hope by applying all these methods for some extent we can overcome the feeling of missing them and feel better.Thanx for an opportunity as ou have given me a chance to write some best words under a best discussion.Happy My lotting..
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
Try not to be alone at this point in time. your being alone is the one that makes you feel more miserable. I think if you have a friend or a family to lean on try to focus your attention to him more than they guy that is not there to fill your emotional needs.
• India
10 Nov 08
The best thing would be to keep yourself busy.
2 people like this
@Vivianh (331)
• China
10 Nov 08
Yes,keep yourself busy,you need time to get used
2 people like this
@patgalca (14131)
• Orangeville, Ontario
10 Nov 08
Unfortunately, you can't keep yourself busy 24 hours a day!
2 people like this
@DEVONECO (144)
• United States
10 Nov 08
Let me be very realistic and not make your situation worse by saying too many emotional things. I have been through this many times over - leaving behind someone you love for a job requirement or a long distance relationship due to a change of location. Through all these experiences there's one very important lesson you learn ...... Is there true commitment in your relationship or was there just infatuation in the first place? You mention "Love" - which to me is no longer a word of expression anymore - but a great emotion that has true meaning only when its supported by commitment. You must remember that sometimes although you may not be alone you may still feel "lonely" - and at other times you maybe alone but not feel lonely at all because at the back of your mind and in your heart your true love lingers and you know someday soon you and him are going to be together. If for any reason you may feel negative about this situation or you are trying to seek companionship with someone else to overcome your "loneliness", then you may not have had true commitment to this relationship at all. I am going through this situation right now because she had to answer a call of duty by her country and has been deployed for some time now. In the meantime, I am proud to say that since I have realized that I've finally found true love in this "soul-mate" that I had waited my whole life to "discover", I am able to wait for her to return after her tour of duty, because I have true commitment to this relationship. The daily communication also helps a lot to overcome the lonely feeling. But most importantly, we believe, trust and care for each other. Having her always on my mind helps me stay positively for her. Since the day she left, I have a piece of paper beside my computer with a chart I have drawn with all the days until she returns and I keep on ticking off each day so that count down the days until we are together again.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
I do the calendar method too.But it hurts me to know that we can be together after a month or two since days go by so slowly because he's not around.What hurts me most is that when he left,it was ur 22nd monthsary.I doubt if he'd return before Christmas since it's hard to book a ticket going back since it's peak season.What would kill me more if he doesn't return by our anniverary.How can you say "happy anniversary" if you're both longing for each other and sad because the missing part of you is not there?[em]cry[/cry]
1 person likes this
@DEVONECO (144)
• United States
11 Nov 08
We have had to forego our birthdays and anniversary so far - and next will be Thaksgiving, Christmas and the New Year!!!!!! Seems like a lot right???????????/ No - considering all the great times we anticipate in our future together - soon, the wait and the sacrifice is worthwhile.
@messageme (2821)
• United States
10 Nov 08
I have been there before. I don't think I cried in my room, but I missed someone very very much. I don't think the missing goes away untill you actually get to see that person again. I wish you the best and hope you get to see him soon.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
I agree with that.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (13788)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 08
Yeah, I felt that before. I was separated with my husband (well, he was still my boyfriend last time) when he studied overseas for more than 3 years. Sometimes, you just can't control yourself but keep crying. Well, I was lucky that I have friends around me, and Internet was accompanying me during that period. I chatted with my friends a lot, surfing net, and try to hang out with friends more often. As I understand it's just a short term separation, if we can overcome this, then we'll stay together forever. I always did the 'countdown' thingy, counting how many days left until the day we can finally be together. It's hard when you two are separated, but believe me, after this period, you'll appreciate each other more. We are now married and staying together happily. Sometimes I still remember those days when we separated, and I still can feel the sadness, but it's sweet though. It's a kind of memory that will always be in your heart.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
I hope me and my boyfriend can end up like you and your husband.But the reason why he left was because his parents took him away and he left against his own will.Please pray for us.Both of us are feeling sad because of the distance.I know it still takes time before we can be together again.I don't even know when he's coming back and neither does he.But I do wish that he'll be home before December.I'll miss him for Christmas if he doesn't and I'll miss him for new year because that is our anniversary.Please.We need prayers.
1 person likes this
@moneymaya (901)
• India
13 Nov 08
hey friend I have really simpathy with you , I have don't such condition because I dont' have such a love one , in this matter I think you are lucky guy, I don't have any sugestion but due to simpathy I have comments on its you are really lucky guy because nowa days its very difficult to find such a true friend and its greate to hear that you have such a true friend ...
1 person likes this
@dandan07 (1908)
• China
13 Nov 08
I will try to keep in touch with them, using the phonecall, the net or the letter. Now it is much easier to communicate with friends, we have many ways to keep in touch with them. I hope when I miss someone, they will miss me too.
@candysky (855)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 08
well, friends... I always have the same feeling like you... my dear also very far from me... because we are long distance relationship, so i really feel lonely.... I really miss him although we chat all the time when we are free... but still feel not enough... i need him be with me... i want he be there when i shopping... seeing things, can ask his opinion, can hug him and many more.... i don't have any other idea beside crying... but normally my dear will try to conform me when i was down and crying.... Let's cheer up... Have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@jordan04n (463)
• United States
11 Nov 08
It is true that on one can think about 2 things at the same time. SO get busy and stay busy. Flood yourself with people.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Nov 08
hi girl. you didn't say why he had to leave. but I was in that same situation one time. my husband had to serve his country. (militry)I did have children tho. and it keeps you perty busy. I was working an eight hour shift. and money was tight. so I got another job eight hours also I was beat. but I slept four hours a day. the rest I spent with my children. on the week ends. one day was set aside for my kids. I'd put a few loads of washen out and we would get ready for the movies.to the store for candy bars pop a little pop corn.load the car.to have a good time with my kids. and to keep them. from felling my loss. I also painted the bath room, made kitchen curtins, planted flowers, thinking all along how proud he will be to see what all I have acomplished. and I tryed to make it a better place for us to live when he came home.sometimes it's just the little things that makes a house a home.and if you have love between you two. you have a head start on a home. (good luck kid) if he's keeping in touch the lines are open. you just keep the home fires burning.
@umart13 (841)
• Ireland
10 Nov 08
Hello Gwapako_28, Yes this feeling I know well, especially at this time of year, when it gets cold and dark and you cannot escape into nature with a warm sun, or mingle with the happy people in the city. It's depressing and you are left missing your loved-one even more. There is one saving grace however and that is ow things have changed. For example it is cheaper to fly to meet your other half than it would have been 10 years ago. International phone calls are also cheaper and then there is Skype and Webcams, and messenger services, so you can be as close as possible, without actually being there. All the best. Umart
@patgalca (14131)
• Orangeville, Ontario
10 Nov 08
This summer we went to my husband's hometown for a family reunion. The girls and I flew down in advance because DH was working until July 31st and the girls wanted to be back home for soccer for August 6th. We flew down a few days before my husband. He called every day. But then we flew home before him and he stayed another week. I missed him like crazy and he is so busy socializing while he is down there he doesn't call every day. In fact he went down a second time on Labour Day Weekend for an annual Festival. He was asked to perform at several events throughout the weekend and they had dances at night. I knew he was dancing with other women (though he informed me they were his sisters, sister-in-law, sister-in-law's sister, etc. all married). On the Saturday night I went to bed at around 8pm. I just couldn't function I was so depressed. I knew where he was and what he was doing - drinking and dancing with other women. It was heart-wrenching for me. I just lay in bed for a couple of hours looking at the clock and thinking about him. I felt like such a loser. Don't get me wrong; I trust my husband won't cheat on me. But should I trust other women? LOL! It's painful to think of him dancing with someone other than me. He didn't call every day. It hurt like he** and I'm not sure I want to go through that again. I missed all those little things about him too - his hugs, his smiles, his laughter, his kisses. I tried to comfort myself by watching a video of him every night before I went to bed but I think that just made me feel worse. The girls and I try and keep busy when he is away (we send him down by himself every summer because the girls and I feel out of place and don't really enjoy ourselves). I have told him I would feel better if he would at least call me every day but he doesn't. So I know how you feel. I wish I knew how to get through these times. ((((HUGS to you))))
1 person likes this
@aprilten (1977)
• Philippines
10 Nov 08
The best thing to do in this situation is to go out and have fun with your friends. If you will just stay and sulk in your room the more you will miss him. You can also try something new. Have a new hobby or try enrolling yourself in some short term course of a new skill that you can learn. I'm sure that trying something new will take your mind off missing your guy at least for awhile.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Nov 08
This is a problem for many people. I think you have to have confidence in yourself, your partner, and your relationship such that even when you are a part you can feel confidant that you are still together in some way. "A one link chain, touching one yet holding two, what am I?" - Answer: A wedding ring. Words from a song that seems interesting because it addresses a similar sentiment. [i]Hello... Can you hear me Am I getting through to you Hello... Is it late there Is there laughter on the line Are you sure youre there alone Cuz im Trying to explain Somethings wrong You just dont sound the same Why dont you Why dont you Go outside Go outside Kiss the rain Whenever you need me Kiss the rain Whenever Im gone too long If your lips feel lonely and thirsty Kiss the rain And wait for the dawn Keep in mind Were under the same sky And the nights As empty for me as for you If you feel You cant wait till morning Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Hello... Do you miss me I hear you say you do But not the way Im missing you Whats new Hows the weather Is it stormy where you are You sound so close but it feels like youre so far Oh would it mean anything If you knew What Im left imagining In my mind My mind Would you go Would you go Kiss the rain As you fall Over me Think of me Think of me Think of me Only me Kiss the rain Whenever you need me Kiss the rain Whenever Im gone too long If your lips Feel hungry and tempted Kiss the rain And wait for the dawn Keep in mind Were under the same sky And the nights As empty for me as for you If you feel you cant wait till morning Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain Kiss the rain (kiss the rain) (kiss the rain) (kiss the rain) Hello... Can you hear me Can you hear me Can you hear me [/i]
1 person likes this