One, None, No Intention.... childless people weigh in here...

One question - you don't resent other peoples' children, do you? LOL! It sounds like you have like 6 very solid, valid, reasons for not wanting to have kids. The medical reasons on their own are scary enough, I know you're relatively young but nobody wants to worry about having their life at risk. Let me address the cult stuff and whatever your parents did. If I remember right, you're not close to your parents as a result? Sometimes parents make mistakes, some largely fatal ones. What I learned from mine are both good and bad things, there are some choices I have made that are clearly 180 from them, others that are out of appreciation for good things they taught me. For instance, I would never make my kids share rooms because I had to share a room most of my life at home. It was horrible. Personal space is extremely important to me. Growing up we always HAD to sit at the table for meals, no tv, no books, etc. WE don't even own a table and we often watch tv or movies in the bedroom and eat on the bed lol. I went to a private school thru 8th grade, I would never dream of sending my kids to a private school, and I think free interaction is VERY important. My mom however was home most of the time we were awake and not in school, so I do value being home for my kids as a result. I also know you can do anything, I have never felt that there is a glass ceiling as far as equality. I have some friends who feel like you, if you don't have any siblings and never had a desire for a sibling and didn't get to be around many kids, it IS hard to relate. It's also hard to translate what you know into making it work when you do have a kid, these people question their parenting ALL THE TIME. It doesn't necessarily make them bad parents but it does make them nervous parents. Like when my daughter would cry, I'd just pick her up and try a variety of things - as a newborn you can't really tell but you kind of know they might be hungry, need to burp, need a diaper change, or just want some comfort, to be held. One of those always worked and I'd just start at one and continue till she stopped crying. I'm pretty confident though. For someone who really has no idea and isn't confident, a crying baby can be an overwheming assault on their senses lol. It doesn't sound like fear to me, it sounds like you have thought about all the factors and you and your husband are on the same page. I wish other people thought the way you do about the money thing. There are way too many people who are already in the red and shoulnd't have kids and they are HAVING MORE KIDS. Don't they realize they can't afford the kids they have?? It does suck to grow up knowing that you don't have some things you should! I always get irritated when I hear people who go on and on about how someone SHOULD have kids or SHOULDN'T have kids. Obviously if someone wants to, they should be able to take care of themselves independently before they add a kid to the mix, right? It bugs me when someone gets all over somebody for having more kids when those people WANTED more, could afford them etc. At the same time, there are people who make reasonable and educated decisions not to continue their genetics and that is to be respected as well. Some people have careers they built from the ground up. Some people have goals and dreams that don't have room for parenting inbetween. Some people face horrific medical problems, any of those are good reasons. BTW, it's not about God either. For those who believe, I guess 'God' is in control and if God really wanted someone who didn't want kids to have kids, then I guess it would happen, wouldn't it? In my opinion, it is happening already and probably why we are having a population and economic crisis lol. This reminds me a little about how I feel towards working full time again. I've done it, I'm even good at it. Doesn't mean I liked it. I probably will never choose to do it again lol. Doesn't mean I might not have to temporarily someday in the future, or I might consider it part time - also does not mean it's not a great fit for other people. Some experiences are NOT good for some people, no matter how 'good' other people paint it!

haha wasnt talking about YOU!! lol.. dont ya remember me getting crucified here 6 months ago??

Hey i never jumped on you because of it. I support and respect your decision. You just tease me because i want kids.

I have three, two are my step and one is mine - however I consider all of them mine. It's kind of nice to have three and only have to have one pregnancy lol. I don't have grandkids yet, I'm not THAT old, and I do hope it's a couple more years before that happens anyway because even though the oldest kid is 19, doesn't mean she is anywhere near ready to have her own. I am so, SO grateful that I met my husband because if not, there is a distinct chance I might have also been in your shoes, feeling cheated without having had any kids. I really would have been miserable. I don't feel like I need to have 10 though, so I guess I have THAT in my favor.

I agree with you. ANd I have noticed some people like that. It's like they don't expect to find children strolling around the mall the same as they are. They twitch their noses, mumble and move aside like the kids have the plague. Yep, I've seen them.

Agreed, agreed, there are some places where people probably should not bring children. When my daughter is being a pill, I often leave her at home with my son or my husband because I don't want to inflict the world with her pillyness. Unfortunately there are some times such as when my husband is at work and my son is at school and I can't do anything about it, I HAVE to bring her. FORTUNATELY she is not pilly all the time! There are times when she is good during a meeting or somewhere kids are not usually invited, but like any kid, the chances against that are high because kids just don't have the same attention span or understanding that you must be quiet and/or not run around. I mostly directed my confusion at people who have issues just SEEING children, at places like malls and stores and fast food places, as well as FAMILY style restaurants. Obviously it's not a good idea to take a toddler or preschooler to a fancy $50 a plate steak place where you might plan a special date, but to be annoyed with children at a McDonald's or Applebees is in my opinion ridiculous.

Yes my partner has two grown sons. One I have never met but the younger one is a lovely boy. Unfortunately he lives back south like my family so we do not see him and he only calls his dad once a year on his birthday. I have fur kids though. Do they count? I have adjusted to not having any children of my own, I see it as just not being part of this life path. Besides I would not be who I am now if things had been different.

I had trouble finding someone to marry too... at least back when I was in high school. Guys my age were not looking for starting a family, they were all caught up in being a rock star or playing sports or going to college or joining the military, none of those being my idea of a good time. I had always hoped to be a stay at home mom - I am now so this is like my version of winning a lottery. I did work full time for approx 10 years before I met my husband and had my daughter, so I feel like I have a well rounded life. I was also married before so I've experienced marriage without kids, for me it was really sad. A lot of people think it would be fun because we could do things, but my ex didn't really want to do a lot of things, he was a social recluse and I think he resented the fact that I wasn't. Does your partner have any children? Even if they are grown they still count lol. I am lucky that I got pregnant right away, if I hadn't I think we would have been cutting it close because my husband does want to retire before he's 80! In fact he probably hopes to retire by the time he's 65.

Well, I don't necessarily have any problems with those who know better than to have a child if they realize they will struggle both financially and emotionally if they undertake it. There are some people who are clearly not wired to be parents. Anyway, the ones I don't understand are the type who actually seem to hate children and think they should not have to share this earth with them. Those are the people to whom I directed the reminder that someone allowed THEM to grow out of their childhood without removing them lol. People like this have their choice to not have any kids, but they do not have the right to resent and hate OTHER peoples' children simply for being alive. I have a situation where although I have three kids, 2 of them were inherited and they are so much older than the little one that she will experience both having multiple siblings, one sibling, and being an 'only'. We aren't having any more due to already having 3 and no longer being that young lol. I used to think if we even won a lottery or got blessed somehow I would think about more, but the economy is so far down the tubes that even something like that would not be a guarantee of early retirement and having a secure financial future.

Perhaps I am a little selfish because I did want at least ONE of my own. I am adopted and except for my daughter I have no biological relatives that I know. I have no desire to find them either, but the point is I wanted to have at least one lol. There is also a special bond you have with a child you have carried in your own body and raised from the time they were tiny and helpless. I didn't raise my step kids until they were preteen/young teen and that's a lot of time to miss in a child's life. I love your new boots pic, btw!

Now see, that's the part I wanted to miss...the dirty diapers stage and all that throwing up and such

I think a lot of it depends on your experiences to date, both as a kid and as an independent adult, what sorts of friends you have and how they parent, and bottom line what is acceptable to you. My parents were pretty strict with me as a kid so I relate to not wanting kids to run around when they should be sitting, you don't touch and break other people's things, you behave yourself in public and in other people's homes, etc. I do think that people who don't want to be near kids at all should be careful to find a community which is mostly singles, older people, and not near a school, park, community center, or excessively close to a lot of entertainment ie a mall, movie theater, or places where a lot of KIDS choose to visit frequently! While toilet training sounds like a horrible thing to deal with, if you can approach it with a little humor, patience, and the knowledge that no kid goes to college in diapers (a reasonable expectation), and also realize that it's nothing to be forced, just do it when a kid starts to exhibit signs or says they want to, it isn't that bad. I think the frustration comes when a parent and a child collide with expectations, the kid isn't ready or doesn't care, but the parent does. The dinner thing can be solved by remembering that a toddler will only eat about an ice cube size per year, so a two year old may only eat 2-3 ice cubes worth of food at a sitting. And by all means, if they don't, they DON'T need a cookie afterwards lol. My husband didn't have to deal with most of the toilet training, I did it. He does help me enforce the dinner guidelines though! On a bad day, believe me I am praying 'God give me the serenity to accept the things I can't change, courage to change the things I can AND THE STRENGTH TO HIDE THE BODIES OF THE PEOPLE WHO CONTINUALLY SABOTAGE ME!'

I don't mind if someone doesn't want kids, but for them to be nasty or rude to someone who HAS kids, or even worse to be nasty or rude directly to a child because they don't like children, that is unacceptable.

i don't care for it when people are rude or nasty when they don't agree with what you do or your opinions. but those are just the kind of people rather not be around.

There are some parts of my own childhood I am not fond of lol. That doesn't mean I didn't want my own kids. If anything, I figured I'd fix some of those things and get to enjoy some things I didn't when I was young. So far it's working out pretty well.

There are a lot of things that didn't turn out how I expected them to. I figured I'd meet and marry the love of my life when I was young. That didn't happen. I figured I'd never get divorced. That DID happen. I always figured I'd get married before having kids. Instead I met the love of my life AFTER having been married and divorced and I had a baby and THEN we got married. I am also a step parent. I don't live anywhere near the rest of my extended family. I am not pleased a lot with the world around me. Things are scary and people are scarier. The reason why I still chose to bring a child into this world is because I am confident that I can protect her from some of it. Not all of it certainly but enough of it that I am not a literal mess if she's not in my view. I am irked about the way politics are headed and this economy because I guess it means a bad world for all the kids now, but they'll figure it out just like we did when they get older. I just hope that people in the future have more peace and acceptance than unrest and anger.

I have found with only one little one that it is certainly easier on a parent physically. Older kids take more of an emotional toll, younger ones more physical. You also get more time to yourself if you only have one, or if the older ones LIKE to help occupy the little one. I did have a point in time when they would wake her up though, and it irritated me so I'd start saying if they woke the baby, they'd get to WATCH the baby, even if she was crabby. That seemed to put a stop to them waking her up all the time. I couldn't get pregnant for a long time when I was with my ex, I got pregnant right away with my current hubby, so it was not me like I had feared. I was a little younger than you but I still felt like I was starting to be an 'old' mommy lol.

Not having your health is a very big deal, I already know that if I wasn't healthy there are a lot of things I would have no business doing. I hate asking for help and if I were bedridden or sick all the time, I would have to have help, and that would KILL me lol. I always think of the fact that secure loving couples sometimes spend their life savings and retirement trying fertility treatments to have a baby, and some of them never conceive - or by the time they do, they are in their late 30s and the 'miracle baby' sometimes loses a parent before they graduate from college. That makes me sad. Meanwhile you have these people who are 2nd or 3rd generation welfare/foodstamp/aid people who don't work and have six kids when they can't even decently afford to take care of themSELVES. This really bugs me! As a parent and a taxpayer, *I* am paying to raise their family when they shouldn't even HAVE one! Their kids go to school with MY kids and then MY kids feel sorry for them because they don't have coats or don't have lunch money... wtf, I mean it's not MY fault!

I actually would have probably had a kid on my own but it certainly would be nowhere near as nice as this lol. I figure I can always watch additional kids, I have no shortage of friends with kids and they usually appreciate the break if I offer it.

Sounds like you have a plan in place lol. I do want to mention that I am not sure if anybody really is settled and mentally and emotionally ready, you can feel that way and not be, or not feel that way but handle it fine. Kids make a joyous mess of the best laid plans and adults who are made to have children take it in stride. Nothing lasts forever, even childhood lol.

Children are not easy nor inexpensive to raise, for some it becomes a huge sacrifice. It's funny that you say you think people who wanted to become adults quicker as a child might not want kids - I wanted to grow up fast but only in order to be the decisionmaker in my own life and have my own kids lol. I mean I hope my daughter enjoys being a kid, I try to give her all the opportunities I had AND all the opportunities I didn't. I want her to enjoy it, but at the same time I want to help motivate her too so she also enjoys the journey to growing up. I am not in a hurry either way, I like her at any age, even when she is a pill. It took me a long time to have her, so perhaps that is why I am more relaxed about the whole thing.

LOL! I have noticed that some people who either have no siblings or only one sometimes feel like they really want MULTIPLE kids because they feel cheated for being an only or ONLY having a brother or ONLY having a sister. I can also tell you that although in general I like kids, there are a few that I do NOT like, but I can directly tie that to the parents those kids belong to. There are some parenting strategies I do not agree with, and when someone's kid is dragging someone else's kid around by the shirt and that parent isn't even paying attention, I know it is the parenting to blame and not the kid. I mean if MY kid were doing that, you can bet I'd catch her right away and she'd be apologizing!

I believe in pro choice too - as an option for women. I believe with good reasons that people should always have a choice, but I do not believe in it for use as birth control. Birth control in my opinion is something to be used to prevent conception, not something to be used to get 'rid' of a baby. I also agree that we don't live in the time when children can be forced to be seen and not heard, I think such things are bordering on abusive. Children are NOT little adults, they are not that psychologically advanced, they don't have our attention span, our level of understanding, etc. Because I'm a parent, I feel completely justified in telling off those snots who complain, and I would love to tell them that if they feel that way, I should have told their parents to get rid of them before they infected the planet with their sour opinions when they grew up lol.