Am I A Bad Influence?

United States
November 22, 2008 9:55pm CST
There is a teenager here in town who has been coming to me for a couple years for advice on alot of stuff that she didn't feel comfortable talking to her parents about. I have never given her advice but always advised her that she needed to talk to her parents about these things. She is only 17 and over the summer she came to me and told me that her and a friend were wanting to have a threesome with this guy that they had just met a couple days earlier. Now both these girls were virgins and this guy had them convinced to do it. I talked to both of them and told them that surely this wasn't how they wanted their first times to be, etc. Then this teen started smoking and she kept trying to get me to buy her cigarettes and I refused because I wouldn't want someone buying my children cigarettes or booze, it just isn't right. Now, for some reason her mom has told her to stay away from me because she thinks I'm a bad influence. I don't understand why, I've never done anything but listened to her problems and I told her to talk to her parents. I've tried to keep her out of trouble, I mean honestly I think if it wasn't for me she would probably have been knocked up by now. Do you think I did wrong?
3 people like this
19 responses
• United States
23 Nov 08
this teen probably did something wrong and rather than take responsibility for her actions she told her parents that she'd been asking you for advice. don't take teenagers for granted. they are very smart and know exactly how work people. just let her go and she can do her own thing.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Nov 08
Hi, You just might be right there and i never thought about that . anything to save your own butt ! sucks sometimes !
1 person likes this
@metschica25 (5407)
• United States
23 Nov 08
Aww man ! I think you did your best to help this girl and keep her from making some mistakes and being heart broken . her mom just doesnt want her near you because she is mad that her child goes to you and not her , and that is not right . you were there for her and i think you need to keep being there . that girl seems to have issues and hopefully she will be ok .
• Australia
23 Nov 08
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that everyone seems to be agreeing with you. However, consider for a moment: she has told you these are things she can't discuss with her mother and asked you for advice, you have refused to advise her except to tell her to do what she has already said she is not comfortable doing, and then somehow find that because nobody has advised her she's getting into all sorts of things she probably shouldn't. Have I got that right? Well, you work out from that whether you did the right thing. As for the mother chasing you off, perhaps her daughter has told her lies about you, which might be explained by her feeling resentful that you refused to help her. I certainly would have. Lash
2 people like this
@brian_s (570)
• United States
24 Nov 08
I would suggest that you try not to worry about what the mother said. Sure, that's harder to do than it is to say, but nonetheless I think you should try. It seems like no one wants to take responsibility. In the first place, if a girl is 17, I think she is going to do what she wants to do, no matter who is in charge of her, and she is certainly responsible for here own actions. Secondly, the parents have the responsibility to talk with their children, and to teach them. It sounds like she is not doing that. From what you say, it sounds like you are being a good example to her daughter, and she is just the type of person who needs to project her own guilt on to someone else.
1 person likes this
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
24 Nov 08
The mom of this girl probably misunderstood you in dealing with her daughter. Maybe seeing her smoking which she haven't done before made her thought learned from you. If her daughter can't explain to her mom that she's wrong of accusing you to be a bad influence, then avoid her.
@suzzy3 (8357)
23 Nov 08
I would have had no problem if I had a teenager and you took up the slack,teenagers can be very sneaky if they have amind to be this girl has obviously been stringing her mother along, she sounds very manipulative and plays every body she meets or trys to help her, my advise is stay away and let her live her own life.You have done nothing wrong as far as i can see.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
23 Nov 08
Obviously, you were not a bad influence and her mom has no idea how you help her daughter a lot by spending time and listening to her problems! Don't worry about it and for sure time will come the mother will know that it's a different group of friends who influence her daughter to learn those vices!
1 person likes this
@Keola12 (717)
• United States
23 Nov 08
No, I don't think you did wrong. What you did is what at least I consider to be God's work. There should be more people out there in this world like you, in that you've been nothing but a good role model and a good friend to the girl and a descent humanbeing. That girl's mother is crazy for telling her daughter that you are a bad influence. There's no way you are a bad influence on her or anyone else, when all you did was try to put her on the right path in life. If her mother had any sense at all, she would realize that. All I can say is KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!
@syankee525 (6294)
• United States
23 Nov 08
you done the right thing, but put yourself in her mom place and see what you might do as well. i have lots of teens come to me to talk or advance, but i tell them what is said between stays between us unless i feel thier parnets needs to know something.. some time even we're doing good can be a pain but keep it up like i do.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
no your not!!! if they think you've done something wrong then probably its not telling them(the parents) the problem of their daughter... but com'on your not a Bad Influence at all... they just don't realize how much they have to thank you for being a good mentor to their daughter... :)
1 person likes this
@stella1989 (2274)
• India
23 Nov 08
Oh c'mon.. You're not a bad influence at all. I would have done the same what you did.. But if there was someone else in your place.. she would have told it to that teenager's parents about all her plans.. but Honestly according to me that's really not a good thing to tell the parents know every thing.. Until and unless the situation is not out of hand. I am a teenager too and if I were in that teenager's place I would have wanted you to make me understand things(how..? that's up to you) rather than just letting me do whatever I want. But you can also not control her as if you are her mother.. its hard to handle them.. I mean you can't control them as they are very rebellious but they needs the most care as they can get distracted very easily.. You need to be very manipulative with them .. that's how my brother is.. as I am his younger sister he never behaves like a big brother to me, he just remains friends and advices me in a very friendly manner.. And about the parents not letting her to meet you then.. you really can't do much about it. You can see that parents are also just trying keep their daughter safe. But it hurts to find that some parents think like that about you. But may be its not just you.. may be she is not allowed to meet Anyone..!
@kezabelle (2985)
23 Nov 08
I dont think you did wrong no, but dont be too offended that she has told her to stay away from you. chances are if the mum has realised that her daughter is going off the rails a little she will probably do everything she can to try and get her back on track it might not be she is actually thinking you ARE a bad influence it just might be she dosnt know what else to do just give it some time maybe go and have a word with her and tell her that youve only ever told her to speak to her mum.
1 person likes this
@se7enthbird (8326)
• Philippines
23 Nov 08
there is nothing wrong about you, what is wrong is them. good for you that she is the one who will go there anymore. you know deep down inside you that you are not a bad influence then that is the true. you gave the best you can give now that they are thinking that you are the bad person... though it isnt fair. move on. they dont owe you any explaination. i hope their kid has a good live.
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (35872)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
23 Nov 08
You haven't done anything wrong. The only thing you've done is to advice her to talk to her parents. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't see how someone, who gives a simple advice like to talk to their parents, can be a bad influence on someone. I personally have a hard time believing that.
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Nov 08
I don't think you did anything wrong. I don't know what the girl's mom's problem is, but not to sound rude, it's her job to be an influence. She can't get mad at you because the girl came to you for advice, she should be upset because she's failed as a parent when her daughter has to go to someone else for advice.
1 person likes this
@Thumper11 (662)
• United States
23 Nov 08
unfortunately her mom may be a little bit jealous that she will come to you for advice, but not her... maybe the girl has been telling her mom that you have told her to do stuff that you haven't. sometimes teenagers are like that... they get caught and in trouble and they blame everything on others, even people who tried to help them. just know that you have not contributed and go on with it. the next time she comes to you tell her that you would feel better if you were not involved and maybe you should even call her mom about it... i guess that would depend on how severe the issue is.....
1 person likes this
@spalladino (17923)
• United States
23 Nov 08
No, you didn't do anything wrong but for some reason you are the most likely suspect for the girl's parents. Maybe they're having problems with her and don't know who to blame or maybe she has blamed you for something. The parents might resent the relationship you have with their daughter...you really have no way of knowing unless you know them well enough to talk to them directly. If you do, you're under no obligation to tell them anything this girl has told you in confidence.
1 person likes this
@halynn (1809)
• United States
23 Nov 08
You did the right thing. I think sometimes parents get confused about who is & isn't a good influence on their children bc they're around so many diff kids @ school & wherever else they might be hanging out. It might just be a miscommunication. Maybe u could talk to her parents.
@hellcord (675)
• Romania
23 Nov 08
Now this is VERY important: Can you set me up with some contact info from that dude that convinced 2 virgins to have a threesome with him ? :D I got some moves of my own, but that's just WAY out of my league right now :P