Where's My Gift???

Gifts... - Gifts...
@twoey68 (13662)
United States
December 9, 2008 9:15am CST
With Christmas right around the corner, ppl are trying to get their gift buying done…not an easy task with money the way it is right now. So, most ppl buy for a specific number of ppl and their done. But what about the odd person that suddenly sends you something or drops in with a gift? Are you obligated to return with gift? Do you feel awkward if you don’t? What if you can’t afford another gift? Do you think ppl should only get you gifts if you’ve already agreed on exchanging gifts? I buy for certain ppl every year. If others come by with a gift, I’m happy at getting it but I always feel awkward b/c I didn’t buy them something since their not someone I normally buy for. I end up going out and buying something for them even though I didn’t originally plan to. How would you handle this situation? Do you feel obligated to get a gift? [b]MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! ~~AT PEACE WITHIN~~ **STAND STRONG AND TRUST IN GOD**[/b]
8 people like this
23 responses
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
11 Dec 08
My one friend did that to me. Knowing I have no money and she was like here is your gift I have to run come by later and give me mine. So I went to my desk got out a card and signed it and went to her house later for coffee and gave her. Her gift the card. She alway's did things like that to me like when she cried wolf about her job that she wouldn't have when the kids started scholl I had money then and I bought all there school things. Well, this year she called and said are we buying gifts? I said sure you want a card again?She did laugh. If I can't buy I can't and I had to learn that. Christmas is about giving and not always from the person you think will be doing the giving. Your friend onlydia. Have a blessed day.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
10 Dec 08
If we are invited someplace, we feel bad if there is a new person there and we have not got them anything and they got us something. They do understand that we had no idea that they would have been there. I think the best thing is if one has some extra cash, to put it in an envelope and tell it is for them to buy something, but if you cannot afford to get them anything, they will understand. I do not like the idea that if one can only spend $20 on gifts that the other person who makes more will only give that person $20 gifts even if they can afford $100 ones. I really do not like equal exchanges.
1 person likes this
@kbourgerie (8775)
• United States
9 Dec 08
I don't think gifts should just be given only if they are agreed upon beforehand. Gifts come from the heart. If I can afford to reciprocate, I do, but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. If I can't afford it, well, then I just can't. Perhaps, I'll bake cookies or something like that to give instead of a store bought present.
1 person likes this
@rusty2rusty (6746)
• Defiance, Ohio
13 Dec 08
If I have extra money, I will go out and get that one person who stopped by and gave me a gift I wasn't expecting. If not, they will get a thank you card in th email for such a wonderful gift and what a surprise it was. That way i am still acknowlegding their gift and let them know it was a surprise.
@camomom (7537)
• United States
12 Dec 08
We buyfor specific people and no more then that. If someone shows up unexpectedly with a gift, I don't think that you're obligated to return the favor. They did it because they wanted to, not to get something in return. If I unexpectedly got someone a gift and then they got me something in return, after the fact, I'd feel like they only did it because they felt obligated. I wouldn't feel like they really wanted to get me something.
@deebomb (15347)
• United States
10 Dec 08
A gift is something given voluntarily without payment in return. I don't feel that just because some one gives me a gift that I didn't expect that I should give one back to them. If I do that then how is it a gift? I don't have the money to go and buy something for someone that I didn't expect a gift from so I don't feel guilty for not giving them a gift back. My feeling is that they gave the gift because they wanted to and don't expect something in return.
@magojordan (3256)
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
Same goes with me that I find it awkward to find someone giving me gifts and me giving nothing for them. Although sometimes I don't feel guilty at all because one shouldn't gifts to expect gifts in return right? If they're really sincere they shouldn't be expecting.
• Philippines
10 Dec 08
@winterose (39931)
• Canada
10 Dec 08
the idea of giving a gift is that it comes from the heart, if it is you bought me a gift so I have to buy you one then that is not from the heart, a person who drops in out of the blue with a gift is giving from the heart and is not expecting anything in return, if you have something to give and you want to that is fine but to feel obliged is not necessary.
@oldboy46 (2133)
• Australia
10 Dec 08
Every year my partner and I give gifts to certain people. That obviously includes our children, their partners and our grandchidren plus my partner's mother. When my mother was alive we also got something small for her but she had alzheimers, so it was generally something like chocolate. She had no idea what Chruistmas was and for the last few years of her life, she did not understand she had to take the paper off a gift, let alone find joy in receiving something. We do not give gifts to friends or other family members UNLESS they are spending time with us on Christmas Day. They all understand our circumstances and as others are in similar situations with regard to money (or lack of it), they are happy with the situation. So it works out well for everyone really. Also we do not make a big deal of Christmas with regard to presents but concentrate on birthdays. So under our Christmas tree this year we have a present for my mother-in-law plus one for each of the half a dozen people we know will be having Christmas lunch with us. Also we know 2 couples will call around during the day sometimes so there is a present for them as well. In addition to those specific gifts, we have another dozen which we have wrapped for "just in case" presents. However every year we wrap up some presents which we put under the tree and these are our "just in case" presents. Now these could be some of our homemade jams, preserves, sauce or maybe some of our dehydrated fruit. It could be some little craft thing that my partner has made or embroidered or perhaps a pot of mixed herbs which we have grown. Everyone who comes to our home on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day is given one of these presents, even if we are not expecting them. None of these gifts have been purchased but instead all made by either my partner or myself. Yes it does take time but apart from the food items, we have used materials that would otherwise have been thrown out. That is our answer if someone gives us a gift unexpectedly. It also makes the situation less awkward for everyone concerned and does not cost us a lot of money. So if you have an particular talent you might like to think about the same sort of thing. Good luck and I hope you only receive presents from those people you have already purchased for.
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
10 Dec 08
These are awkward scenarios and you can bet it will happen every Christmas.. I normally keep extra little gifts on hand, they don't cost much but are usually well liked.. I make extra homemade cookies, decorative Christmas one, extra fudge or candies, then I make sure they are all wrapped and ready to go.. If I don't have to give them away as gifts, then we eat them over time.. Or I can find someone else who loves the homemade items and give it to them as an extra gift.. I don't go out and purchase more gifts as our pocketbook is already over taxed, but I will give the gift of food, everyone like that..
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Hey twoey~That is such an uncomfortable thing isn't it? My friends and I don't all exchange gifts so I know which ones that I will be buying gifts for and which ones I don't need to. But, then there is always that one that will change their mind! Of course the you feel obligated too! At least I do! I will tell you my secret and I know that other people do this too! I always get a few of those "extra gifts" or those "just in case gifts". I wrap them up and if someone does decide to give me one I just say "oh thanks, wait I have yours inside". And I go into my room and grab one of those gifts and sign the name on the card and then I'm done! That just saves time and stress! It may not be the best gift, but at least it's something and it's there and sure comes in handy! I bought those gifts today!
@Thoroughrob (11771)
• United States
9 Dec 08
That is so funny, I just opened an email from a friend. They told me they are coming to visit and have a present for all of us. I sure wasn't planning on buying for them. Now I feel I need to.
9 Dec 08
Hi twoey68, Every year I have certain amount of friends I buy presens for and I don't expect presents back from them but they alsways do give me a presents but if someone else give me one tha I am not expecting from them I will thank them and I know they won't expect back anything because they just wanted to give a gift. Tamara
• United States
9 Dec 08
oh man this one is a tough one. this is why i'm not too social at xmas time, haha! i mean my hubby and i haven't even been able to afford presents for each other for the past 3 years or so even....and maybe one good present for our son to open xmas morning...AND we have another child on the way. it's nerve racking, but we are going to make sure our children understand truly what xmas means....BUT we love buying for others, seeing their faces...and we just don't have the means to do that sometimes. but anyone that would give us a surprise gift, knows our situation and wouldn't expect anything in return. however, they would for sure get a very nice thank you card from me, expressing my appreciation....and that may not mean much to someone to just get a thank you back, but it means a lot to me that we are thought of and i would let them know how appreciative we were. i'm not sure i would feel obligated to get a gift, i would have to explain our situation, and if they don't understand, then THEY don't truly take the meaning of xmas seriously.
@lilybug (21182)
• United States
9 Dec 08
I would feel like I needed to give them a gift as well. My gifts for everyone but kids this year are going to be some homemade treats, so I think I will have an extra one just in case it is need. That way I don't have to fumble if I get an unexpected gift.
@walijo2008 (4649)
• United States
9 Dec 08
Well I'm like you, I only have a certain group of people that I usually buy for every year, I thought I was done, but I'm finding myself adding more and more people to my list this year, I still have a few more to get, I guess our family is growing..lol. As for buying something for someone you didn't expect, I don't know what I would do, I haven't been in that situation but I guess I probably would end up buying them something, it might not be nothing real expensive, but I would feel better, yes it would be awkward.
@elitess (5077)
• Ipswich, England
9 Dec 08
Hi there twoey. I also have a bunch of people that i always buy gifts for: my father and mother, my brother and his fiancee and (since last year) my girlfriend, her parents and her grandma. I also take a little something to my grandma but nothing large - just a small chocolate or something. To answer the other question - yes i would feel a bit awkward if i received a gift and i had none to return as a thanks, or had no money to buy one for that person; in my case this is only natural as i am the type of person that likes (if possible) to return a favor 2 times larger :)
@my2boys (821)
• United States
9 Dec 08
I normally buy gifts for the same people every year. Sometimes I buy gifts for people that do not buy gifts for me and I am fine with that. However, this year I had to cut a few people off my list as I could not afford to buy for everyone. I do feel kind of awkward when someone gives me a gift if I havent given them one. I usually go and get them a little somethign afterwards but it is still awkward because they know that you didnt get them something in the first place and you only got them something because they got something for you.
@amanda333 (739)
• France
9 Dec 08
If that happens to me, I would have to go and buy a gift for them...or I'd feel guilty that I'd forgot them in the first place. If I didn't have enough money, I would try and make some thing or look about the house for something of mine I could possibly give